Bold Moves: Heather's Journey from Security to Dream Pursuit

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Did you decorate this year in your life

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oh yeah absolutely no i waited until

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new year's actually january 2nd okay

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and i put away the tree and all that but very cool i'm pretty lazy when it comes

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to cleaning up after the holidays yeah it always goes by like the cleanup for

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me goes so fast the setup takes forever but i think we waited till after the

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new year's it was probably like like that weekend after or something.

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And then we finally took a step down and I got so sad. I was like,

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oh, I love Christmas. Is that your favorite holiday is Christmas?

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It is. We decorated, this doesn't sound crazy, but we decorated our home the

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day after Halloween. Yeah, I remember. I was there.

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I was like, it brings me joy. Like who says I have to wait? Right.

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If it brings you joy, it's the holiday season. It's, you know,

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not specific. It's timing. So, yeah, I agree.

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Music.

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Three two one welcome back to another episode of shit that goes on in our heads

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i'm dirty Dirty Skittles and I'm G-Rex.

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Oh my bad. You're bad. Let's do it again. One last time. One last time. We got this. Ready?

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Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of shit that goes on in our heads.

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I'm G-Rex. I'm Dirty Skittles.

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Now we're keeping this because it's beautiful and authentic. Okay.

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And we are joined today by our guest. Do you want to give a little intro?

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Heather, so excited.

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Heather, I have to start off by telling you something that I was like,

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I have to tell her. I have to tell her. So I got COVID.

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Long story short, I was in quarantine and every like, I mean,

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I felt like shit like the first couple of days.

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And the only thing that made me feel better was like, no matter how bad I felt,

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I was like, I'm going to take a hot shower and I'm going to do my skincare.

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And I use your products. And it literally was like, I feel so much better.

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I can go lay down and be like moisturized and clean and just felt great.

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So I had to tell you thank you that's

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so wonderful yeah don't make me cry right now it was like it was it was more

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than like obviously just good skin care right like it was comforting like I

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was like like it felt good to take care of myself in that way and I've been

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using it since it came in and I tried to get my husband to use it I'm like just put this on a little.

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So yeah I was like I gotta tell her yeah thank you so much I love the body butter

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well because you know winter up you know up north here in upstate new york it's brutal on us

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and so i i haven't lathered on like heaven

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fucking heaven i think that helps i'm so glad it's working for you yeah it's

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really good stuff and i thought like when it first came in i'm like oh man i

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hope i like it because if i don't like it what am i gonna do but like i literally

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love it like i'm not even i'm not even saying that like just to be nice like

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i actually really love it so it kind of of drives into our first topic,

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which is for those that are listening, Heather does have a skincare line.

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I highly recommend. It's gentle.

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I did not strip my skin. Like I have sensitive skin on my face.

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So it's been really great. How did you get into that, Heather?

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Well, gosh, as a kid, as a little girl, I loved anything, beauty, skincare.

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I would take avocados and mash them up and, you know, make my mom put it on her face.

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And so I, after it was in between college, I went to cosmetology school and just went from there.

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There. After I was done with cosmetology school, I did get into makeup artistry

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for many years and working for lines such as Clinique and Estee Lauder.

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And I worked for Clarins and I loved it, but it really wasn't, it was retail.

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It was your working holidays and you're standing all day and It wasn't my thing.

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So then I left retail and started a career in HR management,

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which is absolutely completely 360, hopefully not even in the realm of beauty.

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But I excelled in that. And I was in that career for 12 years.

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And yet it just wasn't enough. It wasn't me.

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So I left my career in 2013 and went back to school and studied cosmetic chemistry

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and formulation and natural formulation and started creating just batches of skincare.

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And it took several years, but in 2017, Heather Grace Skincare was born.

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Yes, we love it. Love.

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Yeah. I mean, how was that? Like, were you scared to step away from that HR world and try?

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Because I'm imagining it was a passion throughout, even though you went to that

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side of the career and then kind of coming back. Was it scary?

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So scary not knowing, you know, how I'm going to support myself,

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not taking a paycheck, not having an actual paycheck every two weeks is scary.

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I mean, it was terrifying to me, but luckily had support from my family and friends.

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And I just persevered. I just went for it. I cried a ton and wanted to pull my hair out.

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And I've also had a lot of fun. And it's just something that I am so passionate about.

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So I can't quit.

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It's just, it's ingrained in me now. yeah yeah

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just hearing you talk about the not having

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the steady income in the beginning like oh that makes me nervous like

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I can't imagine taking the plunge but like also how rewarding right to like

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do something you're passionate about and have such a great outcome like yeah

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that's awesome thank you it's been a challenge because I didn't have investors

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or a lot of upfront working capital.

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So it's basically, I've put everything in what I've made.

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And I just continue to do that and continue to work on advertising and marketing.

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Because everybody that tries it actually does love the product.

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Like you said, you guys love it. It's a good product.

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So I'm just putting myself out there as much as I can. And it's fun. It is a lot of fun. Yeah.

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What's the biggest lesson you've learned so far with having your own business?

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Oh boy, being flexible, learning how to roll with the tides because one day

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you are just, you are ready to go.

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You think, you know, you're getting there and then you get knocked down.

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It's so just rolling with the tides and learning that not to take myself too

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seriously and listening to others advice as well.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that your career like Like, did HR help you kind

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of deal with some of that, though?

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Because, you know, we all know human resources is not the funnest job in the world.

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Yeah, I truly believe that it helped me. It helped me see ins and outs of businesses.

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So it helped me form my ethic.

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And it helped me realize, you know, what it takes to have a business.

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But I also come from a long line of entrepreneurs. My dad's an entrepreneur

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and my sisters are entrepreneurs.

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So I definitely have that kind of ingrained in me. Yeah. Are you comfortable

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talking about personal life apart from business?

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I'm curious, like mental health wise, right? This is just me selfishly asking

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you because like I've always kind of toyed around with doing what I call my

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passion project, but I'm a person that is incredibly anxious.

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I am afraid to fail and that fear will

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literally cripple me to not do anything which I know is not good I get it I

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know my therapist what she would say right now but in that is there can you

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relate to that at all like if for me if my personal life is not going well then

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I can't excel anywhere else where did you have any struggles on the personal life front.

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My struggles actually started when I was a kid. Kids can be cruel.

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And me having lots of freckles, I was made fun of a lot for my skin.

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And I would cry. I'm so extremely sensitive.

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I am very empathetic. And to the point where I remember one time,

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kids were stepping on ants on purpose at school and I started crying because

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I was sad that they were killing ants at school.

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So I've always been just very sensitive

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and so I would cry then I would be

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made fun of crying so you know it just it was like

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a an internal battle of dealing with

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my own insecurities and depression because that runs in my family and so yeah

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I that's where I really struggled by the time I got to junior high I started

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wearing a ton of makeup to cover up my freckles and thinking that That would help and lessen dating.

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And it actually kind of made it worse in some ways because then I was made fun

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of for wearing too much makeup.

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So... And I've always battled with depression.

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It's just something that I have on both my mom and my dad's side.

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So I've had to learn to...

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Self-love. I've had to learn to love myself and to understand that it's okay

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if you're not feeling happy all the time, because nobody is happy all the time. Right. Yeah.

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So I'm not sure if I completely answered your question. I sort of went all the way.

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Yeah, no, I think that's actually interesting because your passion essentially

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was part of something you were battling with.

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I mean, like, I think when I think of like skincare and self-love and stuff

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like those kind of correlate, Like if I'm like I mentioned, I was sick,

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I wasn't feeling well, but being able to set aside time to take care of myself

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in that way, I associate it with my appearance and my skin and stuff.

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So I just think that's interesting how the two kind of correlate like the teasing on freckles,

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but there's something there that was able to bring a passion towards skincare

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and kind of makeup and that all aligning is very interesting to me. Thank you. Yes.

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Like I said, it was always something that I thought about when I was a little

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kid and I had to grow up and didn't think that, you know, following my dream

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was viable for me when it's come full circle.

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So it really is. and what I want

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to with my business it's not just skin care what I

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want to help other women and

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men is to feel good in their own skin because you

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can use all the skin care in the world to

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try and make yourself feel better but if you are not

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looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing beauty

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there then that's inside also just really help food what you eat what you drink

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really does help your skin on the outside as well yeah they really come within

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when did that change for you like when were you able to look at yourself and embrace your freckles.

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I was in my early 20s. I think that's when I started reading some self-help books.

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And I think once you're in your mid-20s, your brain sort of is more developed.

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And I was able to handle some of the depression a little bit better and exercise.

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And I just kind of came into my own more.

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And that's not to say I don't battle with depression now.

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There's been bout where it's just been... I have no idea. It's like a chemical

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in my, it just, the serotonin, it just depletes.

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And so it still happens from time to time. But in my 20s is when I started coming

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into myself and learning that I am a good person and take care of myself.

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I know that I feel a lot better on the inside. And it shows on the outside.

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Yeah. So what do you do today to kind of get out of your head when you get into

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those like depressive states?

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Mm-hmm. So I started back in April. I've always been pretty active.

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But back in April, I started a training program. My trainer's in London, so it's all online.

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And I do a lot of weightlifting. So I work out about four to five days a week.

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And that is, I mean, it's a life changing experience when you can really get

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into the gym or get outside.

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But whatever it is, it is exercise. That's.

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What helped me keep me level yeah

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keeps you level because you're you know

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you're only focusing on that one thing right it actually makes your brain stop

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long enough so that like you don't drop a weight on your fluid or you don't

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fall off the treadmill yeah believe me i get it yes yes you do have to concentrate

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that's for sure especially if you're starting to do heavier weights so that That is one.

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The other is I meditate every single day.

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Every morning, I have an app that I use, and I meditate every day and set my

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intention for every single day.

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And I also write in a manifestation planner every day.

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So I'm keeping myself on track by doing these healthy habits that won't set

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me into a depression or won't get me off track from reaching my goal.

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Yeah you're taking care of the inside and the outside yeah very

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cool very cool yeah for me once I first got

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out of therapy I just remember I don't

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even I still don't even really know how to like verbalize it but

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I remember finally feeling like I could go to the gym and like oh I can actually

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stick to this and like you know make this a part of my of just taking care of

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myself And I think before that and being depressed and battling with all the

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stuff that I was battling.

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My mental health and my physical health, they co-align, right?

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So like if I was feeling like shit inside, I was treating my body like shit on the outside.

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So I remember that being a turning point for me where I was like, wow, I could do this now.

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And it's not a chore. And it's something that does help, you know?

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It's amazing how everything's all connected

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our skin our brains our skins are largest organ i

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always go back to the skincare part but our skin is our

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largest organ and so we need to feed

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that and everything's connected your gut all your organs your brain there is

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a huge brain gut connection so if you are eating horrible and you're not what's

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the right word for it you're you're not nourishing your gut properly,

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it affects your brain. So, and that's.

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All I see is people that are really depressed and unhealthy.

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It's their food. It's their habits. And so it is important to create healthy

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habits in your life, even if you just start with one at a time.

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What does it take? Like 28 days to create a habit.

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So just do one thing for 28 days, whether it's 10-minute meditation in the morning.

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Going for a 10-minute walk even, just sitting with yourself and your thoughts and jotting down ideas.

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Is just one thing to start

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and then you can add something else to it and continue

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on from there yeah i remember that actually coming

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up with my therapist because i can be

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a bit of an extremist so meaning like oh

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i'm gonna do this 30-day challenge and i'm not only gonna go to

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the gym for 30 days but i'll also change my diet for 30

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days and like change everything right for

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30 days and it's overwhelming it was unrealistic

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to make that be a healthy choice

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for myself so yeah I remember her saying you know start

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with one thing yeah and do that for 30 black and white you know that it's not

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all or nothing and I've struggled with that myself thinking you know I'm gonna

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okay I'm gonna do it and then two days later I'm back to where I was so yeah

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usually It's easy to just make one little steps at a time,

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you know, and it's okay if you are taking those steps and then you fall back.

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You know, that's okay. Every moment is an opportunity to pick yourself up and start again.

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Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Like with me, I can't meditate.

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I've tried for years. So now what I do is I take 20 minutes and just sit with

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my thoughts and journal.

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Right. And I get so much out of that.

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I've also had a tiny bit of insomnia lately. lately so i now take a pad of paper

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with me upstairs i get my best ideas from like 2 a.m to 4 a.m don't ask me why.

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That's what I do. And it's helping. Right. Because when I had my breakdown,

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I couldn't find my voice.

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Couldn't find my voice. I couldn't find my footing. And now I'm a year into my recovery.

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And God, I feel so much better because now I can sit down and I can like I can't

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really verbalize what I'm thinking. But if I can get it down on paper,

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at least it's not in my head anymore.

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And I think that's a really healthy way to deal with the shit that goes on our heads, right?

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Because sometimes we don't have somebody to talk to.

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And they may not have those resources, but it takes 10 minutes to write stuff down.

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Because once it's on paper, you don't really have to think about it anymore

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because it's someplace else.

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Yeah. Well, you know, and that is actually a form of meditation, what you're doing.

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You know, just sitting with your thoughts and writing. That's your meditation. that

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that is so incredibly healthy and powerful that

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you do that because it really does make a difference i

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mean some days it's not really like creative writing some days

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it's just a bunch of words like fuck and i'm

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like okay now i feel better okay like because i can't really

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say what i want to say on the phone so i'm just going to write this word down

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like 15 times okay we're good yeah well it that makes sense you know getting

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that shit out yeah when i do my meditations I think breathing in this light or breathing in...

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And my favorite color is obviously pink magenta.

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So it's a rose gold, magenta-y, crystal-y light that I breathe in that is clearing up all the crap.

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And I actually visualize it coming out as gray, squiggles, question marks, exclamation point.

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It's like getting all that out. So whether you're doing that or you're actually

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writing down, you know, fuck, get out.

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Yeah, that's funny you say that. I, sometimes if I can't sleep at night because

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my brain is racing on like something stupid I said that day or like a meeting

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that's coming up in the week, I will visualize inhaling like all clean air and

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then blowing out all the bullshit.

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And like, I try to like, as I'm blowing out to like think of

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everything that's pissing me off and then promise that I won't think about

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it with the next breath and I'll keep doing it until

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I'm like okay I'm like relaxed I'm calm I can try to get some sleep hyperventilated

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one of the two just but you know what else is going on ladies is something where

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I mean I don't know about you too but I'm in perimenopause so 3 a.m.

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Is my witching hour and I am up and that's when you know I have well the night

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sweats and all that but that's what my best idea is too so yeah Oh,

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I get that insomnia and waking up in the middle of the night. Oh, no.

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Something I guess I have to look forward to.

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Oh, my God. Yeah. I went directly into menopause. So I had a hysterectomy in 2007.

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Oh, wow.

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It was horrible. My wife was like, who the fuck are you? Because I was a little

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bitch. I didn't have any hormones. I had everything removed.

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But I still have some menopause issues, right? And I had opted out of hormones

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just because of all the risks.

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And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to find some plant-based something or

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another to make this go away.

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So I do plant-based. But the other thing that we have going on here is that,

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you know, I live in the upper northeast.

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And it's cold outside. side so you know the wife has the wife has the house

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and feeling like we're still in south florida my bedroom is upstairs i swear

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to god it is so hot in that room it is not even funny so oh yeah you will like

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either find me laying on the bathroom floor it's a style,

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or i will slip on a pair of shoes and you'll stand outside for a couple minutes.

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Doing your own form of cold one hey you know what i guess i'm not doing it in a pond Nope.

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Nope. Not going to happen. Just laying in the snow.

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We had snow. Naked snow angels. Oh, that's right. You know what?

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Mother Nature is on crash.

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She doesn't know what season we're in. We just had fake spring for three days.

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How is the weather in your area?

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Upstate New York, it's stupid today. Today, the weather is, it's 51 and it's going to snow on Monday.

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Oh, wow. Yeah, it's dumb. Wow.

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I have no idea what it's like outside so I need like California to you know

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piss mother nature off again so that like by the time she gets over here she's

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like I'm done listen here's all the rest of the snow that I have,

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I'm just going to chill out here for about three days, stop like five feet of

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snow, and then I'm going to move on.

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What I do is I miss that a little bit because winter is my downtime, right?

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It's my time to recharge and kind of just cleanse my body and my brain.

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I didn't do that so much last year.

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This year I really am. And I'm really thinking about and being very intentional

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about taking care of myself.

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The problem for me is that I did not take care of myself.

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I'm a true empath. path so i took on everybody else's crap but i didn't take

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my take care of me so i'm big proponent for self-love self-care and setting

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some serious fucking boundaries like if it smells like drama now we have a big

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old black pan can of spray paint and it's like listen i can't see you now.

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Yes well boundaries that is massive that is hugely important if you're not setting

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those those boundaries, people will walk all over you. And I completely get that.

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Yeah, that is one issue I've struggled with as well as some boundaries and that

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confrontation, I tend to just backpedal and okay, you know, I'm just gonna go

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over here and you be you, I'm just gonna go over here.

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But you know, it's because I haven't set my boundaries.

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So what are some of the things you are doing to set your boundaries?

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I would like to some tips on that too. So one of the things I do is I think

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about, you know, what is the ask? Does it benefit me?

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Is it going to piss me off? Is it going to help them?

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If it comes to the point of where it's going to piss me off, I completely walk away.

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I will disengage 100% because knowing me, like the old me would be,

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okay, let me jump in here and try and fix this.

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The new me is like, I'm 60 fucking years old. I am not doing this anymore.

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Right? I, you get to a point in your life where it's just not that important anymore.

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And it happens on all levels of every relationship. And I think the other thing

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that helps is if you step away from the situation, right?

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Maybe put yourself in their shoes and try and figure out where they're coming from.

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If it's good intentioned, I'll give it like five minutes of my time.

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But if it's like something that I don't need to be involved in,

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I steer completely away from it. The other thing that helped too is like I used

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to, like if I got pissed off about something, I would stew on it for two, three days.

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Now I give it 20 minutes, you know, and then move on to plan B.

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And that's been really helpful because I'm not sitting with it anymore.

00:24:39
And I do a lot more writing now, a lot more writing than I've probably done in the last 20 years.

00:24:45
You know, you have to think about what is good for you. Is this going to help

00:24:49
you? Great. You know, join the drama.

00:24:52
Is this going to piss you off? maybe walk away if

00:24:55
you have like a middle ground though like at least

00:24:59
give it some attention but if it's not if it feels like

00:25:02
it's going to drown you walk away you had

00:25:06
to have your ex have you had to have conversations and like

00:25:08
let somebody know like hey this is as far

00:25:11
as i'm going to go with this and yeah and it's hard

00:25:15
right like so before the mental breakdown i

00:25:18
would like stew on on it and you know jump in

00:25:22
and try and fix it but since you know since I've been in therapy for a year

00:25:26
now I and it's just happened a couple weeks ago they were trying to drag me

00:25:32
in and I'm like you know I feel really bad for you but I really need to step

00:25:35
away from the situation and they understood good for you you know wow good for

00:25:39
you I to me that I'm going to call that growth.

00:25:42
Yeah. I mean, since I've known you, oh my gosh. Yeah.

00:25:46
That's great. It's growth. And you know, it's being a little vulnerable too, right?

00:25:51
Like I'm a people pleaser, you know, I'm an empath, but I've worked so hard

00:25:58
to get where I am now. Like I don't want to go backwards.

00:26:02
And the way I look at it is if you don't fucking like me now,

00:26:05
I don't fucking care. I'm 60.

00:26:07
I worked really hard to get to this level.

00:26:12
Like I'm in the next level of the game and so

00:26:15
for like the next 10 years we're going to stay at this level and then

00:26:17
by the time I get to 70 you know who knows what

00:26:20
happens but I'm proud of where I'm at now and

00:26:24
being super vulnerable and you know living my

00:26:28
my living truly living my best life yeah amazing

00:26:32
yeah when I think about boundaries that

00:26:35
was the first thing I was thinking of is like why is it so hard sometimes

00:26:38
and I think it is because you're being vulnerable like you're

00:26:41
being honest with your emotions and how far you can or

00:26:44
how deep you can get involved with it so i think that's

00:26:47
huge that you're able to say hey i feel bad for

00:26:50
you but i can't help you know and

00:26:53
i think you know for our mental health we need to do that right sometimes we

00:26:57
just need to walk away and as hard as it is i mean you don't drop all communication

00:27:03
but you walk away from that situation that conversation because some conversations

00:27:09
just don't need to be be at.

00:27:11
Silence is golden sometimes. Yeah.

00:27:14
Write that shit down. If you don't want to talk about it, write it down.

00:27:19
Maybe don't send that email, but write it down.

00:27:23
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Where have you struggled with it?

00:27:28
Do you think setting boundaries? How's it been for you?

00:27:32
You know, mostly with my family, you know, I'm, I am a people pleaser as well.

00:27:39
So I want to make sure that everybody's

00:27:42
happy all the time. I think that's where I've struggled with it.

00:27:45
Wanting to say yes all the time to everyone. Yes, I can do that. Yes, I will be be there.

00:27:50
And then realizing that I'm not giving myself enough time to,

00:27:54
or I'm not giving myself enough time.

00:27:59
Like I said, but I, you know, then I feel stretched and then I feel bad for

00:28:04
having to cancel or I feel bad for having them to say no.

00:28:08
And it just makes me feel bad all the,

00:28:11
even been all over the place so there's been

00:28:14
a couple times recently where I have

00:28:18
said no and it was okay and I

00:28:22
thought to myself well that was a lot easier actually

00:28:25
said no I'm overstressed right now I cannot come

00:28:28
to this dinner so and that was okay I mean

00:28:31
it's so yes I just need to continually do that in my personal life mostly yeah

00:28:37
I'm gonna tell you Heather the more you do it the easier easier it gets really

00:28:42
the more you say no the easier it gets and just remember no is a complete sentence

00:28:47
right so like you don't need to offer them any explanation if you tell somebody no,

00:28:52
you the reasons within you like and they may press you for that but you know

00:28:58
if you're gonna be like me don't go into it be like nope i just can't do it

00:29:04
and i don't have to give you a reason right you don't pay my bills you don't

00:29:08
pay you know you don't feed me,

00:29:10
but you know I value my personal time a whole lot more now than I ever did mm-hmm.

00:29:18
That's something I think I struggle with. Like, I wouldn't say yes to everything,

00:29:23
but I want to do everything for like my family and be there for everyone and my friends.

00:29:30
And you kind of overextend and like, and then it becomes like the complete opposite

00:29:35
where finally I'm overwhelmed and I just can't do it. And so then I say no to everything.

00:29:41
So it's like the two extremes of like- The two extremes, yeah.

00:29:45
I balance. You get resentment. resentment resentment for

00:29:49
the other person you know but communication is

00:29:52
key i mean it's hard enough to communicate in

00:29:55
person let alone you know over social media over email over phone you know just

00:30:01
all these different avenues it's really hard to convey your message even in

00:30:08
face-to-face you know without the other with the other person understanding

00:30:12
completely and you know they're They're not right mind readers.

00:30:15
So you've got to communicate what you've got.

00:30:18
And if it's no, I can't do that, then you ladies are right.

00:30:23
It's just, it's not that bad. It just is.

00:30:27
Yeah. Any tricks, G-Rex, for learning a balance?

00:30:31
Maybe I can take from your wisdom as well.

00:30:36
Okay. So for balance for me is making sure I take care of myself first,

00:30:40
right? My self-love and my self-care are way more important to me than relationships or doing things.

00:30:48
So when you feel like you're going to get overstretched, think about how is

00:30:53
this going to benefit me?

00:30:54
Am I going to give something away for myself to go do this?

00:30:59
Or am I taking away from something else that really needs my attention?

00:31:05
Attention so think about like that self-love or that self-care part of it right

00:31:10
because part of that is what it's doing to your head because we all have these

00:31:14
freaking conversations in our head all the time like if i do this and i do this you know,

00:31:21
For me, sometimes I have to write down what those decisions are, right?

00:31:25
And then I walk away from it for about 20 minutes and I come back and I'm like,

00:31:29
okay, I have this choice and this choice.

00:31:31
And then I just see how it makes me feel, right?

00:31:34
Like if I say no to this, how's that going to make me feel? If I say no to this,

00:31:37
how's that going to make me feel?

00:31:39
And the more I do that, the better I feel about saying no.

00:31:45
Because I'm a little selfish now. I didn't ever think that I would be,

00:31:48
but I'm selfish when it comes to my time. and taking care of me.

00:31:52
I'm still an empath. I will be for the rest of my life.

00:31:56
But I also want to be happy. And I spent a year in therapy going twice a week,

00:32:03
so that I could find that happiness, right?

00:32:05
And I, you know, there was that glimmer, that dirty skills and I talked about,

00:32:09
you know, on Christmas day, there was that glimmer that things were going to

00:32:12
get better and they have like a hundred thousand times better.

00:32:16
Now we have a successful podcast.

00:32:18
I'm working my dream job. I get to, you know, I get to talk to my best friend

00:32:24
almost every single day.

00:32:25
We may not record every day, but we get to laugh about stupid shit. We check in. We check in.

00:32:31
My wife and I are in a really good spot. And I get to see what that glimmer

00:32:37
was, right? And, you know, there is hope.

00:32:40
And, you know, I'm a firm believer in therapy and self-love,

00:32:44
self-care, and setting those boundaries.

00:32:45
And, you know, I wish that I'd figured that out 20 years ago and things might

00:32:51
have turned out a little bit different.

00:32:52
But I went through all that shit and came out on the other side.

00:32:56
And I think I'm a better person because of it.

00:32:58
Because I'm a little bit more, I'm not harsh. I'm just, you know, more assertive.

00:33:04
Self-assertive, right? But I still can't do conflict, though.

00:33:09
So conflict drives me crazy. I have a weird question.

00:33:13
How did you both figure out how to take care of yourself? You know,

00:33:18
like what would make you happy?

00:33:21
How did you figure it out? Was it just trial and error, trying new things?

00:33:25
Like going to the gym, for example, was just like, hey, let me try this and see if it works or...

00:33:30
Yeah, that's actually a really good question because as T-Rex was saying,

00:33:33
she's therapy is what really helped her. And for me, talk therapy has not been extremely beneficial.

00:33:41
It has been self-discovery. So for me, I started reading some self-help books

00:33:47
when I was in my 20s and trying the little tips and tricks that were in those books.

00:33:54
And then you're exactly right.

00:33:57
Like exercise. I started going to the gym and realizing how I felt after that.

00:34:02
And then realizing seeing the difference when

00:34:05
I didn't go to the gym to where two of

00:34:08
the days I do go to the gym so I think

00:34:11
a lot of it is just trial and error and for me

00:34:14
reading is huge I like to read and so that I just absorb the knowledge from

00:34:22
reading books and taking those tips and applying them to myself and seeing if

00:34:27
they work but I think over the past 10 years or so I'm I'm 47 now.

00:34:32
So in the past, yeah, about 10 years, I have learned to let go a lot of some

00:34:40
ink because what we tend to do is overthink.

00:34:44
So I'll have a whole scenario going on in my head about a conversation.

00:34:50
And in reality, that person probably wasn't even thinking of that.

00:34:55
You know, I'm thinking to myself, oh my gosh, okay, this person,

00:34:59
you know, did I say this wrong? Did I not do this right?

00:35:02
Did I sound stupid? Did you know? And when it comes down to it,

00:35:05
they're thinking about their own stuff. They're not worried about you.

00:35:07
So that's kind of helped me a lot to know that I'm okay.

00:35:11
Because you know what, we all have our baggage. We all have our,

00:35:15
you know, thoughts in our head.

00:35:16
And we think what it's like, how many 100 thoughts a day or something. I'm not sure. Yeah.

00:35:23
So you know, there's a lot of shit that goes on up there. Literally.

00:35:27
So yeah, trial and error, going back to what makes you better trial and error.

00:35:31
And for me, I have found that exercise is my biggest therapy,

00:35:35
my manifestation planner, and meditation.

00:35:38
Those are what keeps me grounded.

00:35:40
Yeah. And so for me, it's writing.

00:35:43
I've also been doing a little tapping therapy too.

00:35:46
And on top of my in-person, well, it's not in-person, I do it over Zoom.

00:35:51
But tapping helps getting out in nature. It's a little harder to do in the wintertime,

00:35:57
but I will at least go outside for like, even if it's for a minute.

00:36:00
It just to take in that fresh air right the

00:36:04
other thing is being a little bit more open

00:36:07
about where i'm at and not holding that in because

00:36:10
holding that stuff in is so detrimental to you it's detrimental to your health

00:36:15
not just your mental health but your physical health right like my stomach has

00:36:20
never felt better oh it's fantastic like i i found my voice and it's funny my wife's like,

00:36:28
you know, once you found your voice, you just don't shut the fuck up anymore.

00:36:30
And I'm like, okay, fair enough.

00:36:33
But I find that it's better that I talk about it, right?

00:36:36
Let out those feelings and not let it sit around and manifest in my head and

00:36:40
my stomach and just being patient with myself.

00:36:43
You know, I think that's really important is that we need to be very patient with ourselves.

00:36:48
We're learning, right? We learn every single day and learning what in,

00:36:53
you know, particular situations, like do I write this

00:36:55
shit down do I confront them like if I have

00:36:58
to confront somebody I'm going to sit down and write about it first before

00:37:02
I verbally do it because I

00:37:05
want to make sure that the right words come out and not

00:37:08
the I'm 60 and I don't fucking care what you think because sometimes

00:37:12
that is not the best approach you know not the

00:37:15
anchor not the instant emotional right part

00:37:18
of it you know you want yeah showing grace giving

00:37:21
grace is so important not just

00:37:24
to everyone else but to yourself i think you know if

00:37:27
i just i have a tattoo on my arm it says show grace i love that i like that

00:37:32
yeah my mom and i got the tattoos together she has the same one and that's i

00:37:39
was named after my great-grandmother grace my middle name heather grace and

00:37:43
she was the epitome of of showing grace.

00:37:46
She was raising seven children in the Depression era.

00:37:49
And with little extra that she had, she would give to people,

00:37:54
food, shelter, clothing. So that was just...

00:37:58
Part of who she was just very kind. And it's funny, my mom and I will talk and

00:38:03
she talks about how she's pretty cynical.

00:38:05
She can be, she is, has no filter whatsoever.

00:38:09
And there's so many times where she'll just say something. I remember being

00:38:14
a little kid and just being like, so embarrassed. Did you really just say that?

00:38:17
And she's still done. And she feels that I take after my great grandmother because

00:38:22
I don't have that cynical side in me like she does.

00:38:26
But I feel like we We also ground each other, you know, when it comes down to

00:38:30
it. She's like, yeah, I take it out.

00:38:33
But yeah, but showing grace to yourself, you cannot survive.

00:38:37
You cannot help anybody else unless you show yourself grace. Just like the airplane.

00:38:42
You know, when the oxygen mask comes down, you put it on first before you can

00:38:47
help anybody else. So, yeah. Yeah.

00:38:50
It sounds like, J-Rex, that's what you're doing. It is now. But prior to the

00:38:54
breakdown, no. No, everybody else would get a face mask and then I'd be like,

00:38:58
okay, I need a little pop of air.

00:38:59
You sacrificed yourself. I sacrificed myself. And I refuse to do that anymore.

00:39:03
Life is way too important. It's full of so many cool things and so many cool experiences.

00:39:10
And, you know, like I said, I'm living my best life right now. I'm really fortunate.

00:39:16
I love that. I have two random questions. Oh, God.

00:39:20
Rex, you kind of know what they are. I know I like to throw in like the inside

00:39:24
the actor studio questions.

00:39:25
And it might be related to what we were just talking about. But Heather,

00:39:29
if you could go back to an earlier version of yourself and give advice, how old would you be?

00:39:36
How old is the younger version? And what would you say? Oh, gosh.

00:39:40
I would say there's a couple different stages in my life that I would do that. I would say that...

00:39:48
Six-year-old, seven-year-old girl that is just so insecure and so depressed

00:39:54
all the time and fearful, I would look at her, I'd give her a big hug,

00:39:58
and I would tell her that she is beautiful.

00:40:01
She is going to grow up and be successful.

00:40:04
To my teenage self, I would pretty much do the same thing, but I would probably

00:40:09
kick my butt a little bit because I was a terror.

00:40:13
I would tell myself to you know study

00:40:16
a little harder in school and you know don't take such

00:40:19
a hard path when you're an adult you know I

00:40:22
think that I was extremely insecure back

00:40:25
then too so I would tell myself you know you're gonna grow up

00:40:28
and you're gonna you're gonna see things differently and

00:40:32
you're going to be successful so stop

00:40:36
worrying so much about where you're at this moment in

00:40:39
time you're not going to stay there yeah you

00:40:42
know i love that i know you've answered this

00:40:45
before g-rex but has your answer changed at all it

00:40:47
has a little bit so like i would go

00:40:50
back to my 20s and tell myself to take

00:40:53
the path less traveled right and have

00:40:56
be a little bit more wanderlust and try

00:41:00
different experiences and then like in

00:41:03
my 40s i would have told myself to set

00:41:06
up some serious boundaries right because by that

00:41:10
time people were walking all the hell over me and I

00:41:13
let them so boundaries are a.

00:41:16
Big thing but the travel part too yeah and

00:41:20
then the second question I have is what change

00:41:24
or maybe habit have you implemented in

00:41:27
your life that has been the biggest reward oh yeah

00:41:33
I think I go back

00:41:37
to meditation I really believe that meditation and

00:41:41
it's always guided I have this app there's meditation and hypnosis so it just

00:41:46
puts suggestions into your subconscious mind and I think that has been the best

00:41:52
self-care act that I could do for myself because I am actually seeing the changes.

00:41:59
Oh, good. I'm from manifesting what I want. I am seeing the changes. I'm seeing the growth.

00:42:04
I mean, and I look back at when I was in my late 20s and early 30s and sitting

00:42:11
in my office, HR office, and just dreaming about having a business,

00:42:16
dreaming about starting a skincare brand,

00:42:19
and also thinking to myself, oh, I could never do that.

00:42:22
But then here I am.

00:42:25
Yeah, you know, I think that I started manifesting all that without even knowing it years ago.

00:42:31
So when I found meditation, and I've been doing it now for, you know, several years,

00:42:37
really see the changes every single year, you know, and I've noticed that I

00:42:42
am not as, I don't get as depressed as I used to, of course,

00:42:46
that's exercise as well. But,

00:42:48
When you manifest, when you meditate to the life that you want and you start

00:42:52
seeing those changes, that's the hugest reward for me.

00:42:56
I love that. What about you, Jurex? Writing.

00:42:59
I think that just starting, you know, putting a pen to the paper or even just

00:43:04
writing on a laptop, right?

00:43:06
I'm able to get a lot of stuff out. Things like I've wanted to tell people for

00:43:10
years, but you know what?

00:43:12
It doesn't deserve the time for me to actually have that conversation with them.

00:43:15
I just rather get it on paper so it's out of my head. that's been life-changing

00:43:19
for me because i'm in the process of you know i'm writing a book about my journey

00:43:24
right i got this first part of the book written the last part of the book written

00:43:28
it's that middle section because that's that was a hard time right but man it's been so therapeutic,

00:43:35
it really has i wonder if you could make some comedy out of some of your writings

00:43:42
too yeah okay like if you don't like if you don't like the word fuck don't read

00:43:47
the book yeah I'm just going to say one chapter is just called fuck.

00:43:55
And it's probably going to be the middle part. Yeah.

00:43:59
It's fitting. So fitting. I love this. I love getting to hear your story and you're inspiring me to.

00:44:07
Put myself first find out what makes me happy and not be

00:44:10
so scared to do a passion project and yeah

00:44:13
you should and you know there's a fear of the

00:44:16
imposter you know if you're like i at first i thought to myself like i didn't

00:44:21
study cosmetic chemistry in school you know i mean i did afterwards but you

00:44:25
know i don't have a degree in chemistry but it's totally different and it's

00:44:30
totally okay there's a lot of formulators out there that don't have that you

00:44:34
know extensive extensive background.

00:44:35
But what I do have is that drive. And I do, it's a constant learning.

00:44:40
I'm always taking courses. I'm always, I'm part of what's called chemist corner.

00:44:46
So any course that they come out with, I'm on it. I'm like, I need to learn more.

00:44:51
It took me a while to think, am I, you know, am I good enough for this?

00:44:56
Yeah. You know? And yes, I absolutely am. I'm doing it.

00:45:03
I have a lab. I'm doing it. I'm creating products.

00:45:06
Every single product that I have, I've formulated myself.

00:45:10
That is so cool. Damn good. Yeah, a damn good product.

00:45:14
But I do have to say, Dirty Skills, is that I am really proud of you too.

00:45:18
Because, you know, like over the last year, you become, you know,

00:45:21
you did let your, you know, your shade come down and you did You did expose yourself to the world.

00:45:27
And I couldn't do this podcast without you.

00:45:30
I really couldn't. But we used to laugh about some of the worst things ever.

00:45:36
But we are also helping a ton of people, right? And they get to learn by everybody's

00:45:41
journeys. And I've learned from yours.

00:45:44
And Heather, thank you for sharing yours. But you...

00:45:50
Your growth in the last year has been immense. And so I'm super, super proud of you.

00:45:55
Well, thank you. It's nice that you said that. Look at me. Now you're going to go cry.

00:46:01
That's right. So Heather, where can our listeners go find your products?

00:46:05
Where can they learn more about you?

00:46:07
They can learn more about me through heathergraceskincare.com. That is my website.

00:46:14
And then also on Instagram, it's heathergraceskincare.

00:46:17
Hey, can you let us know? What's the app you're using for your meditation?

00:46:21
Okay, I literally, that was my last question.

00:46:25
For my meditation. Yeah, it's called HypnoCloud.

00:46:29
HypnoCloud, I'm writing it down. Yeah, HypnoCloud, let me look it up.

00:46:32
Yeah, so it's called, it's H-Y-P-N-O-C-L-O-U-D, all one word, HypnoCloud.

00:46:39
And it's pretty incredible. I gotta say, the woman's voice on it is very soothing too.

00:46:43
So I really do go deep into myself and I love it.

00:46:47
But there's so many different genres on there to from, you know,

00:46:51
less alcohol, eating better, exercise, manifesting well, you know,

00:46:57
manifesting your intuition, even dream.

00:47:00
I'm so going to get that app. So going to get that app.

00:47:05
Yeah, it's pretty amazing. Gosh. You know, I could definitely go on all day.

00:47:10
I have many stories to share.

00:47:14
So maybe maybe another time we can. Yeah. And we have you back.

00:47:17
I know yeah i know thank you so much this

00:47:20
has been awesome and inspiring and i appreciate you

00:47:23
being vulnerable and sharing your side of skincare with us okay hi y'all thank

00:47:28
you so much for listening to this episode i'm g-rex and i'm dirty skittles don't

00:47:33
forget to subscribe rate and review this podcast we'd love to listen to your

00:47:38
feedback we can't do this without you guys,

00:47:43
it's okay to be not okay.

00:47:46
Music.