Join us in this uplifting episode as we chat with Laurie Moser, the inspirational founder of “Staying Active Health & Wellness.” Laurie is a dedicated advocate for moms with teens facing mental health challenges, and she brings a wealth of knowledge from her seven years of experience in the fitness industry. As a mother who has navigated similar challenges, Laurie understands the importance of self-care and community support.
Meet Laurie Moser:- Founder of Staying Active Health & Wellness
- Advocate for moms with teens facing mental health challenges
- Offers online courses and a group support program
- Passionate about providing self-care tools and creating supportive communities for moms
Laurie's mission is to equip mothers with the tools to care for themselves and foster connections with others. Through her online courses and group support programs, she helps moms prioritize their well-being while navigating the complexities of raising teenagers with mental health challenges.
Connect with Laurie Moser:- Website: Staying Active Health & Wellness -https://www.stayingactive.ca/
- Instagram: @stayingactivelaurie - https://www.instagram.com/stayingactivelaurie/
- Facebook Group: Moms Supporting Teen Mental Health Together - https://www.facebook.com/groups/momssupportingteenmentalhealthtogether
Resources Mentioned:- Summit: "Tools for Moms with Teens" (August 12-25)
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to reach out to the 988 crisis hotline. Whether you call, text, or chat, a counselor is ready to help. Let’s break the stigma and normalize seeking help. Remember, it’s OK not to be OK—make sure you're talking to someone.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
- Find A Helpline: https://findahelpline.com
Stay Connected with G-Rex and Dirty Skittles:- Official Website: Goes On In Our Heads -https://www.goesoninourheads.net
- Facebook: Stay updated on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/shltthatgoesoninourheads
- Instagram: Follow us on Instagram -https://www.instagram.com/grex_and_dirtyskittles/
Participate & Support:- Newsletter: Join us for exclusive content, giveaways, and updates here -https://sh-t-that-goes-on-in-our-heads.ck.page/profile
- Merchandise: Support us with unique merchandise from Customized Girl -https://www.customizedgirl.com/s/Sh1tthatgoesoninourheads
- Donate: Support us here -https://donate.stripe.com/8wM4hy4js24y9b26oo
Engagement & Advertising Opportunities:- Advertise: Promote your products here -https://www.passionfroot.me/goesoninourheads
Acknowledgments:- Audio Editing: By NJz Audio for top-notch sound quality.
Subscribe, Rate, and Review!Remember to subscribe for more inspiring stories and valuable insights. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. If you’re listening elsewhere and want to leave a review, visit our website at goesoninourheads.net. Your feedback is important to us.
By weaving Laurie's story with these essential resources and opportunities for engagement, this episode is informative and heartfelt, providing valuable support to our listeners.
#MentalHealthMatters #ParentingTips #SelfCare #TeenMentalHealth #SupportForParents #OvercomingStigma
#MentalWellness #Journaling #NatureTherapy #MentalHealthSummit #COVID19Challenges #NormalizeMentalHealth
#CommunitySupport #ToolsForMoms #BreakTheStigma #MentalHealthPodcast #STGOIOH #Grex #DirtySkittles #GrexandDirtySkittles
00:00:00
Music.
00:00:07
Hey there, listeners. Welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads,
00:00:11
the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health.
00:00:15
That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles, and alongside my amazing co-host,
00:00:19
G-Rex, we're here to share real stories and tips from our incredible guests.
00:00:23
Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health,
00:00:28
offering practical advice and heartfelt support.
00:00:31
Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma
00:00:35
and build community of understanding and compassion.
00:00:38
Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads.
00:00:43
Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads.
00:00:49
Today, we have an amazing guest, Lori, and my amazing co-host,
00:00:54
Dirty Skittles. Welcome, Lori.
00:00:57
Thank you. I am so excited to be here. It is such a privilege to be able to
00:01:03
have this conversation with you both.
00:01:04
Thank you. So excited for this. I am too.
00:01:08
Where are you right now, Lori? Where are you located?
00:01:11
I'm actually in Canada. And like I was talking with G-Rex, I am fortunate that I'm near.
00:01:18
I'm not sure if you both have heard of Banff, Canmore.
00:01:22
So Banff is just beautiful.
00:01:26
I would say world-class national park. So where I am right now,
00:01:30
I'm about a half hour from it.
00:01:32
So just some of the best hiking, skiing, mountains.
00:01:36
So I'm very fortunate that I'm able to be close to a place where I can get outside
00:01:43
because getting outside for me is the ultimate for my mental health. It really is.
00:01:49
Yeah, you know, I keep hearing that. Get outside, touch grass, go for a walk. Yeah.
00:01:56
Watch the squirrels eat from your
00:01:59
video recorded bird feeder yeah do
00:02:02
do all of that that's so cool i can
00:02:06
get one of those bird feeders i didn't know until you told me
00:02:08
about that that there's ones that actually have like i've
00:02:11
had bird feeders but not ones with cameras so how cool yeah it's a camera and
00:02:17
it also identifies a bird uh via ai really cool but i'm going to tell you that
00:02:25
about 87% of the time it's wrong because they don't do it by geographic.
00:02:31
But if there's any people out there that are really into like looking at birds
00:02:36
and things, there's a really good app from Cornell called Merlin.
00:02:41
I'll put it in our show notes because what you can do is you can record the
00:02:47
bird sounds and it comes back and tells you what that bird is and it's based on your location. Okay.
00:02:53
Well that's so cool because i i love
00:02:56
birds and the old i always laugh my kids make fun of me they're
00:02:58
like when you're older mom you're kind of and
00:03:01
and this is in their words you're going to become one of those
00:03:04
senior nerds that join the bird watching groups
00:03:07
like damn straight i am yeah what is it about i mean my sister-in-law we're
00:03:13
just talking about this and she told me about that app too g-rex and i was like
00:03:18
what is it we all enter a bird era i think because Because my goal is to have a pet crow.
00:03:25
I call it a pet mostly. But I want crows to bring me little trinkets.
00:03:29
I am all about the birds.
00:03:32
Me too. And the crows are incredibly smart. Those like the crows and the magpies.
00:03:37
Oh my goodness. Those birds are smart.
00:03:40
See, we all hit a bird era. We did.
00:03:43
And you know what? Because birds are calming, right? If you're high stress or
00:03:48
you're in a really depressed state, just looking at them makes you,
00:03:55
I don't know, it gives me a sense of calm.
00:03:58
And same with hummingbirds. I love hummingbirds. I love them.
00:04:03
Oh, they're so beautiful. And they're just flawless.
00:04:09
That's the coolest thing. I know. I'm waving my hands and nobody can see I'm
00:04:14
a hummingbird. My arms don't move that fast, they're short, okay?
00:04:18
So I was going to be like, Well, Laurie, as much as we all love birds,
00:04:25
I am looking forward to hearing your story.
00:04:28
I took some notes and as I was reading, I thought, wow, you have somebody,
00:04:36
like I'm going to be able to speak to somebody who's dedicated their life to helping others, right?
00:04:40
Like, I feel like that's kind of where you started. Yeah.
00:04:43
And then I read a little bit about your personal transition into helping yourself.
00:04:48
So can you give our listeners just a little background on how you were helping
00:04:52
others? How did you start in that field?
00:04:55
Yeah, it's one of those interesting stories. I mean, so many of your guests you've had on that.
00:05:02
It was certainly a path that I never intended.
00:05:06
I was a stay-at-home mom. I actually was a legal assistant for many years,
00:05:11
then had four kids. So I was a stay-at-home mom for many years,
00:05:14
loved being a stay-at-home mom.
00:05:16
Got my fitness certification when I had my four because I just needed to do
00:05:20
something else. Loved teaching fitness.
00:05:23
I taught mainly people with Parkinson's, chronic injuries and disabilities, older adults.
00:05:29
So I loved teaching those people.
00:05:31
And I think through teaching, I realized the importance of social connection.
00:05:37
Like that was a lot of the reason that people came to those classes is was the social connection.
00:05:42
So I think even then I realized how important that was.
00:05:46
And then COVID, like with all of us, everything upside down.
00:05:51
And so when COVID was happening, that was when I had a daughter that was going
00:05:56
through some mental health challenges that reached a crisis at that point.
00:06:01
So it was COVID. There was all
00:06:03
the lockdowns happening. and like with everybody, it was hard to get help.
00:06:08
And it was a horrible time. It was the worst year of my life and my family's life.
00:06:15
And I just, I remember the day when it kind of.
00:06:19
Reached the crisis point of me. I like, it's one of those moments.
00:06:24
I always remember clearly sitting on the bed, just kind of rocking back and
00:06:28
forth, just feeling so helpless and hopeless and alone.
00:06:34
And I thought, what, like, what do I do? How do I fit? And that was it.
00:06:40
I wanted somebody to fix my daughter.
00:06:42
I wanted someone just to give me the tip,
00:06:46
the tool, the strategy, strategy some doctor the
00:06:49
prescription something that was going to
00:06:52
fix her right so I I thought that was
00:06:55
the solution I just needed somebody to fix her but I I think even sitting there
00:07:00
on my bed I realized okay that wasn't going to happen nobody was going to come
00:07:05
in and fix her and I also realized that like our relationship was so distant
00:07:12
at that time I didn't feel any connection with her.
00:07:15
Any interactions that we had were me resulting in reacting and being angry and upset.
00:07:22
And then she would react the same way.
00:07:25
And I realized that in order to start to be the mom that I wanted to be for
00:07:30
her again, I had to start showing up in a completely different way and feeling
00:07:34
which I was so, which is so understandable.
00:07:37
So I so understand and sympathize with moms that that are in this,
00:07:40
you feel because you make everything about what's going on, understandably with
00:07:45
your child, especially when they're in a crisis.
00:07:48
So, and I had three other kids, so I felt so exhausted, overwhelmed,
00:07:53
and resentful. Like, I...
00:07:55
Being honest, I felt resentful that all of my time and energy was going into helping my daughter.
00:08:01
And I realized that if I wanted to help her and start connecting with her again
00:08:05
and have a relationship with her, I had to start looking after myself and feeling
00:08:10
overwhelmed and exhausted and burned out was not going to achieve this for me.
00:08:13
I really realized that cliche saying that you have to put on your own oxygen
00:08:19
mask first and you really, really do.
00:08:22
So I think even then, And even though it wasn't at a conscious level,
00:08:27
I knew I had to start caring for myself.
00:08:29
So I just started. So I started with journaling. I just started with,
00:08:33
I think I had all these negative, really dark thoughts going on in my head.
00:08:38
So I just started with journaling and I started every day, just five minutes.
00:08:42
That was all I can manage at that time.
00:08:44
So I started five minutes of journaling every day and slowly I noticed it started
00:08:49
to make, I always felt better. Like after I journaled, I felt better.
00:08:53
I felt like this weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
00:08:56
And then I built from there.
00:08:58
So that's kind of how my self-care practice started with the big realization
00:09:03
that, oh, I actually had to start to care for myself. And it wasn't selfish.
00:09:10
It was the opposite. said that by caring for myself, I then had the energy and
00:09:16
state of mind to show up and care for her and my other family members.
00:09:21
So that's kind of how my, that's kind of how my journey started.
00:09:25
Are you, is it okay to ask questions? Are you comfortable answering questions about your daughter?
00:09:31
100%. Okay. How old was she? So she was 16.
00:09:36
So that's the thing is we all know those teen years are so hard anyways.
00:09:41
So she was 16 at the time. There was COVID going on.
00:09:45
And so I think the culmination of normal teenage years and then being 16 and
00:09:51
having some mental to help challenges and it just, it had reached the peak. So yeah.
00:09:58
Yeah. Yeah. I, I, uh, totally could relate to being in my teens, right?
00:10:04
Like for me, 13 was the worst. Like it was the hardest year.
00:10:09
I don't, I don't know what it is about 13, but that was why I asked. I was very curious.
00:10:14
Age-wise. Yeah. Those are really hard.
00:10:17
They're such hard years, I think. And it was the transition. we
00:10:20
start in canada we start high school in grade 10 so
00:10:23
i think that was some of it to transitioning to a
00:10:26
new stage right so out of junior high which junior
00:10:29
high was challenging but then going into a new school and i think that that
00:10:35
was that was a little bit too and yeah and you know also just the hormones remember
00:10:40
remember our hormones in our teen years they were horrible i i know that i was
00:10:46
where I was not the best kid, okay?
00:10:49
My teen years were hard too, but I think a lot of it, you know,
00:10:52
was hormones and external factors and, you know, just being a normal kid.
00:10:57
But then you heighten that with, you know, having a mental illness or having mental problems.
00:11:04
It makes it even harder, right? You know, hats off to you that you realize that
00:11:09
and that you realize that you needed to take care of yourself before you could
00:11:12
really take care of your daughter.
00:11:14
Yeah yeah yeah was there
00:11:17
any I'm trying to put myself in your in your
00:11:20
shoes so COVID hits everybody everything's on lockdown your home you're seeing
00:11:25
you know your 16 year old daughter struggling was there any sort of I guess
00:11:29
red flags or or things that you thought to yourself what's that about or how
00:11:34
did you notice or was she just honest and just told you.
00:11:38
No, I mean, I think I look back now and I do see some kind of,
00:11:42
I mean, I think now, and this is what I tell moms too, is what I have to work
00:11:48
on right now is having self-compassion for myself, knowing I did the best that I could at that time.
00:11:53
Because it's so easy, 20 hindsight, so easy to look back now and think,
00:11:58
oh, okay, there was actually some red flags.
00:12:00
I should have, the old should, right?
00:12:02
I should have done this. I should have said that.
00:12:05
But I think, like I know now, Now, I did the best with what I could at that time.
00:12:10
Yes, there was some red flags, for sure.
00:12:14
We saw some red flags. And there was one incident where, I mean,
00:12:20
I look at this as the universe kind of.
00:12:24
Helping me out huge there because there was
00:12:26
one incident that was really a red flag
00:12:29
that behavior that was something we not that
00:12:33
she had not done and this was a huge red
00:12:36
flag and I it was one of those red flags that
00:12:39
because we did act on it as for parents I believe it
00:12:42
probably saved at that time her
00:12:45
life actually so that would be a
00:12:48
message to me for mom's parents too that
00:12:51
if you are noticing red flags so things that they aren't
00:12:54
normally doing yeah net yeah don't
00:12:58
don't don't let it go act on it yeah
00:13:01
yeah no that's huge and I mean kudos to
00:13:05
you for having that moment of clarity and seeing
00:13:08
that you had to step in and there was something that wasn't
00:13:11
quite you know what you had expected right so
00:13:14
you stepped in on it so I mean and not only that
00:13:17
so I'm putting putting myself there right where you're you're
00:13:20
stepping in you're acting on something that is you know
00:13:22
a cause of concern but also realizing that you were already almost sounding
00:13:30
like it almost sounds like you're already at your wits end and you needed to
00:13:33
take a second to work on yourself so that you could show up the right way for
00:13:38
that yes and that's also when I think like the
00:13:42
9988 number that we have now, right?
00:13:45
That wasn't in Canada to my knowledge at that time. It is now.
00:13:50
But like that kind of help, it's absolutely life-changing and life-saving because
00:13:56
in that moment when you're going through a crisis, you are not,
00:14:00
at least I wasn't, you are not thinking rationally and clearly.
00:14:04
So to be able to know, I always recommend to moms actually to actually have
00:14:10
a crisis plan And like where it can be as simple as one sheet with a few paragraphs
00:14:15
on, okay, or sentences on,
00:14:19
if I need help right away, who can I call?
00:14:22
Is there a friend, a family member, a hotline number, a therapist,
00:14:26
who can I call right away?
00:14:28
Because when something like that happens, you need somebody,
00:14:31
some resource, some number that you can call instantly because it was way too
00:14:36
much for me to handle on my own.
00:14:38
I would not have been able to handle that on my own. My husband would not have
00:14:41
been able to handle that on my own. We needed help.
00:14:44
And thank goodness for those numbers that you can call right away.
00:14:48
And those people that are able to help because really, they are angels.
00:14:53
They are like savers. They really are.
00:14:55
They really are. You know, I thank God every day that that compassionate and
00:15:01
helpful woman on the other end of the line, when I called 988,
00:15:05
she literally talked me off the ledge.
00:15:09
Literally. she was so kind and so compassionate and.
00:15:15
Like I said, I'm so thankful. So, so very thankful.
00:15:19
Yeah, I know. Yeah, they're absolute angels, the people I just want to give
00:15:24
a shout out to the people that do those jobs.
00:15:26
Because I can only imagine how stressful
00:15:28
it is doing a job like that and emotionally and mentally draining.
00:15:32
But I want those people to know you are all, you are lifesavers.
00:15:38
Like you are changing people's lives.
00:15:40
And they are just, they're so needed. They are so needed.
00:15:45
And especially in that moment it's it's
00:15:48
okay it's knowing as as as
00:15:51
a parent i can get help i don't have
00:15:54
to do this by myself i don't have to suffer but i don't
00:15:57
have to suffer in silence because i didn't like at that moment i
00:16:00
didn't know what to do at all so having someone who can
00:16:03
help you actually calm down i
00:16:06
found me all the different say okay like
00:16:09
calm down and here here's what we can do and just hearing that helping my nervous
00:16:15
system calm down because at that time like I was completely in my sympathetic
00:16:19
like I was in fight flight or freeze mode so I wasn't thinking rationally at
00:16:23
all so having someone else to help you calm down made all the difference.
00:16:29
I like that idea of having what I'm going to call my safety plan right like
00:16:35
what where to turn when I'm in that moment of fight, flight, or freeze.
00:16:39
And I like the idea of developing one either with my son or for my son, where he also has it too.
00:16:47
Because I think if I would have had that resource when I was going through my
00:16:52
tough time as a teen, I'm just like, I just, it would have been amazing, right?
00:16:57
But when you don't know where to turn and you're not necessarily,
00:17:00
for me, I wasn't comfortable to go to my parents.
00:17:02
So like to have that resource is huge.
00:17:07
Yeah, huge. I agree. You know, and it's a boomer. You know, we didn't have any of that stuff.
00:17:13
You know, when we were kids, we didn't talk about mental health.
00:17:16
And even into my adulthood, I didn't. Because, you know, we were taught not to talk about it.
00:17:21
You like shove that down until there's absolutely no place else for it to go.
00:17:27
And then you wake up on Christmas Day and you're like, I am completely done.
00:17:32
Just completely done. But, you know, I think the other thing for you, too,
00:17:37
is, you know, because this all happened during COVID, when we didn't have a
00:17:42
lot going on because everything was closed down, I think that having that stillness,
00:17:47
maybe having that stillness around you.
00:17:50
Gave you that moment of clarity because, you know, when we get really busy and
00:17:54
stuff, we don't take that time.
00:17:56
I think that we need to have, and COVID, I'm just going to say COVID did suck,
00:18:01
but it also did some good things too, right?
00:18:04
So like in your case, it gave you that stillness because nobody could go out
00:18:09
and do anything to get that moment of clarity. Yeah, I agree completely.
00:18:16
Like, I mean, I think it's so easy what we have all about.
00:18:19
It's so easy to distract ourselves to not feel those negative or scary emotions
00:18:25
that are normal feelings and emotions and they're there for a reason.
00:18:29
But it's so easy to busy ourselves, right? So that we don't have to feel those
00:18:34
things. So that is one of the blessings of COVID.
00:18:37
And I actually see that when When COVID happened, it actually was a blessing
00:18:42
in a lot of ways in that we were able, we, because we were forced to,
00:18:47
we had to address these things because we had so much more time.
00:18:51
So even me being able to sit on my bed that morning, if it wasn't in the time
00:18:57
of COVID, I would have been doing something else.
00:18:59
Like I would have been out doing my teaching, which I had normally been doing at that time that day.
00:19:04
I would have been doing so many other things, distracting myself.
00:19:08
So because I was at home and had to sit with these things and deal with them, I agree.
00:19:15
It was actually a real blessing in forcing me to be able, I had to deal with these things.
00:19:22
So yeah, I agree.
00:19:25
That's cool though, that you were able to do it, you know,
00:19:29
because I don't know, I
00:19:31
don't know how many people would be able to just
00:19:34
put their best foot forward and take care of themselves first to
00:19:37
then help the other and not give up right how
00:19:41
are you doing today you've been journaling and you've noticed that it's helping
00:19:45
are you continuing on along that path self-care yeah actually what I've noticed
00:19:51
from like I said I start and that's always what I recommend to moms because
00:19:55
I think we hear self-care it's a buzzword right and a lot of times we think.
00:20:01
It's got to be, or it's a massage, a pedicure, or going to the gym for one hour.
00:20:06
And yes, those things are all great. And if you do those things and are able
00:20:10
to do those things and want to, that's fantastic.
00:20:12
But that self-care is so much more. Self-care can be sitting,
00:20:16
like right now I have greenery outside me and mountains and trees.
00:20:21
So self-care for me can be sitting for five minutes and focusing and enjoying that view.
00:20:27
It can be enjoying a cup of coffee. It can be taking a walk for five minutes.
00:20:32
It can be connecting with other people like this, sending a friend a text.
00:20:37
So self-care is so much. I think that's what I started. I started to understand
00:20:42
what self-care actually meant.
00:20:43
And I actually tell moms, always start small because I think it's so easy to get overwhelmed.
00:20:48
So if you don't have a practice, just start with one thing and start with five
00:20:51
minutes because we all have five minutes.
00:20:53
We can all spend five minutes on something. thing. So if it's journaling,
00:20:58
if it's breathing exercises, if it's moving your body, pick one thing that resonates with you.
00:21:03
So I think what happened is I started with the journaling, noticed a difference,
00:21:07
and then I started adding on movement.
00:21:09
Then I started adding on breathing movement or breathing exercises.
00:21:13
Because what I have found with breathing exercises.
00:21:17
There is just nothing that instantly helps to
00:21:20
calm your nervous system than focusing on
00:21:24
some breathing and I and I do do meditation also
00:21:28
but I find if nobody has ever meditated sometimes
00:21:31
that can be really intimidating whereas breathing exercises
00:21:34
to tell someone for one minute focus on breathing I like a four seven eight
00:21:39
and count if everybody could do that because we all have to breathe right so
00:21:44
why not learn how to do it to help regulate your nervous system and when When
00:21:48
you count, it takes your mind off stuff.
00:21:51
Like I will count in my head still four seconds in, hold seven, eight seconds out.
00:21:57
Cause then it gives your mind something to focus on.
00:21:59
And even right before this interview, I'm like, okay, I'm going to be on with
00:22:04
G-Rex and Dirty Skittle. They're so awesome.
00:22:08
I'm nervous. So I want to add some value so I could feel my heart being just racing.
00:22:14
So even a couple of minutes before, I just spent two minutes and it just instantly
00:22:19
helped to calm my nervous system.
00:22:21
So I have now a one morning actually self-care routine.
00:22:27
And like I said, I started very, I did not start out with one hour.
00:22:31
I started with five minutes, but it just, I saw the difference it made in my quality of life.
00:22:37
So it's now one hour and I have teenagers.
00:22:40
So nobody's up early in the morning. I do this at the house to myself.
00:22:46
Like it's quiet. I hear the birds, we have the robins now. I love the robins.
00:22:50
So I hear the birds outside.
00:22:51
It's kind of, for me, it's a magical time because it's my time.
00:22:56
It's my time. What I tell moms, what it does for me.
00:23:00
It equips me to handle the day so much better. So all the challenges,
00:23:04
crap, stress, it comes up because it does.
00:23:07
I just am able to handle it so much better now.
00:23:10
And with my kids, I'm not near as reactive and I just have a better state of
00:23:16
mind. And I'm more calm now.
00:23:18
So it's made all the difference in how I show up.
00:23:21
And so how I parent my kids, because if I show up more calm.
00:23:25
They're going to mirror my energy and they're going to be more calm.
00:23:29
Mom you know it's completely so I I tell moms that even though it was the darkest time of my life,
00:23:37
I look at it now is actually such a blessing because
00:23:41
I wouldn't be here right now with you both sharing
00:23:44
this I wouldn't be on the path I'm on if that hadn't happened
00:23:47
and it's made me a better person and
00:23:50
a better parent so it I
00:23:53
see it now as such a blessing yeah
00:23:57
and how's your daughter her she's
00:24:00
at so she's will be 20 years old right
00:24:03
now and I always say as of now because things
00:24:06
are day-to-day as we all know things are always
00:24:09
changing things are always changing and evolving but as of
00:24:12
now she's actually going to school in a whole nother country she goes she's
00:24:18
in her university she goes to Belgium which is unbelievable so she picked this
00:24:25
on her own and did all the work to get there by herself.
00:24:30
And is in a whole nother country going to university.
00:24:33
And my heart just swells because I couldn't be happier for her.
00:24:37
And I just want to let listeners know that that is something.
00:24:41
I say even two years ago when she was still in high school, it's one of those
00:24:46
things that I never, never in a million years.
00:24:50
And if someone had said that would happen, I probably would have been upset
00:24:54
sad because I would have thought that was so in the realm of impossibilities.
00:24:58
So I just want to give hope that things can always get better.
00:25:03
They always can get better.
00:25:05
Yeah that's the message that that
00:25:08
really is and life can change and
00:25:12
and the now isn't permanent completely yeah
00:25:15
and i also think you know just living for this that moment right living for
00:25:20
the moment not not looking back towards the past you know keep moving forward
00:25:25
but live live for like that moment like this morning you know before we recorded
00:25:30
i went out and i took a walk outside And I looked at my roses and,
00:25:34
you know, all my, everything that's in my greenhouse and the stuff I have growing on my porch.
00:25:40
And I just had a sense of calm.
00:25:42
I go outside to recenter myself because during the winter months,
00:25:46
I am not going outside here because it's cold and snowing. And I have to put
00:25:51
on more than one layer of clothes.
00:25:53
But like this morning, I could go out in my flip-flops and I could stand on the grass.
00:25:57
And I'm also a huge proponent for journaling.
00:26:00
So when I, you know, the day after Christmas, I went to, I started going to
00:26:07
therapy and I started, you know, sharing my whole story, my whole journey on social media, right?
00:26:13
Because I didn't want people to feel as alone and terrified as I did in my own journey.
00:26:20
But I also found that like writing, you know, and I would, I was like,
00:26:24
you know, I would start with like five minutes.
00:26:26
I'm up to about an hour and a half of writing nowadays. of
00:26:29
days because I'm trying to finish my book you know
00:26:33
I had that first part written and that last part
00:26:35
written it's that meant that middle trauma bound trying
00:26:40
to get out of my you know trying to get the shit out of my head and so I found
00:26:46
that writing is it's just so helpful because you get it out of here out of the
00:26:51
top of your head and onto a piece of paper and you can use it to go back and
00:26:54
reflect on and kind of figure out,
00:26:57
you know, man, what are some next steps I can do?
00:26:59
You know, God, why was I such a jerk to my wife?
00:27:02
You know, things like that, because it's not just moms and kids. It's adults.
00:27:07
It's coworkers. It's the whole world, right? Like, we just need to take that minute.
00:27:14
Just write it down. If you can't write it down, like, transcribe into your phone.
00:27:18
Send yourself a recorded message,
00:27:20
because I kind of do that before sometimes when I wake up at night.
00:27:24
I used to take a pad of paper, but now it requires me to put my glasses on if I'm going to write.
00:27:30
It's just easier to turn the phone on. But I'll go back and listen to those
00:27:33
messages in the morning and be like, what the fuck was I talking about?
00:27:38
But it comes back as stuff that was really important.
00:27:42
Because I had the calmness around me to have that conscious thought.
00:27:47
And that's when I get my most conscious thoughts is, you know,
00:27:50
after one or two in the morning.
00:27:53
Is that funny? And I've heard so many moms say, no, I don't know what it is
00:27:57
about one or two in the morning.
00:27:59
We'll wake up with all these thoughts. And I love what you said about,
00:28:03
I love direct what you said about what journaling does.
00:28:07
And there's, and what I always said, there is no one right way to journal.
00:28:11
There are so many ways to journal. You can use prompts.
00:28:14
You can use like there's journals that have all guided prompts.
00:28:17
You can do the gratitude journal, or you could just brain dump.
00:28:21
And what I have found, like you mentioned, the biggest gift and what I have
00:28:26
learned from journaling and takeaway and lesson is it just helps to get that
00:28:29
rumination that goes on and on and on in the head. And usually it's negative, right?
00:28:35
It stops that. It helps. It's kind of like brain walk, kind of a brain dump, right?
00:28:41
Of those thoughts going on and on in your head. And it gets them out of your head and onto paper.
00:28:46
And there's something so cathartic and therapeutic about doing that.
00:28:49
And like you said, I've gone back and looked at that and it's given me unbelievable
00:28:54
perspective and understanding of where I've been able to look and say.
00:28:59
Oh, that's why I did that.
00:29:01
And that's how I saw that at this time.
00:29:04
And just a huge reflection process,
00:29:06
which if we can reflect and gain that self-awareness, that's everything.
00:29:12
It really is. So I think journaling is so powerful for that.
00:29:15
And like you also mentioned, sleep can be an issue you for
00:29:18
so many of us especially for moms that
00:29:21
they're going through crises with their teens so I say
00:29:24
I have a journal by my bedside table my eyesight
00:29:27
is okay for now so I will get up and I will yes I will take my pen and I will
00:29:35
bring down whatever thought is keeping me up at one or two in the morning and
00:29:40
I can go back to sleep like there is just something about getting that out of
00:29:44
your head and onto paper.
00:29:45
It's like my subconscious said, no, okay, we can let this go. It's there.
00:29:50
It's on paper. So in the morning you can address it.
00:29:54
And it's just so, it's such a powerful tool. It really is. It's so powerful.
00:30:00
What a way to be able to measure your growth, right?
00:30:04
Like you mentioned being able to go back and read something and be like,
00:30:07
oh, is that really how I felt or thought in that moment, realizing that you
00:30:11
have come so far from there.
00:30:13
And I don't know, I think that's why I'm talking like a journal.
00:30:16
I need to journal. That would be great. I'm going to do the one by my bedside because that's me.
00:30:21
I'm laying there like thinking of a hundred different things instead of going to sleep. So.
00:30:26
Yeah. It's so funny because when we talk about the journal, right?
00:30:30
So I, over like the last six or seven months, my eyesight has changed and I
00:30:35
find that now I really do need my, my glasses to write.
00:30:38
So I would be writing right without my glasses on. And I go back to read it
00:30:42
the next morning. I'm like, what the hell did I just write?
00:30:45
Cause like, I couldn't read it. Right. Like I'm like, did I become a doctor
00:30:49
overnight and not be able to read my, read these notes?
00:30:51
So that's why I turn to the phone because I can go back and listen to it and
00:30:56
then actually like transcribe that information out.
00:30:58
So it's something I can, can reflect on. And you're right, Charlie.
00:31:02
I mean, dirty skills, whatever your name is today.
00:31:07
It is a huge, like a reflection point because I can go back to the journals.
00:31:11
I started writing on January 1st, 2023
00:31:15
to the journals that that i've been you know
00:31:17
writing to date and i i see so
00:31:20
much growth and i can see why i how and
00:31:24
why i reacted the way i did at the time and
00:31:27
better ways i could do it now right it's just therapy for me has been a life
00:31:33
changer yeah so do you do you do that again do you journal g-rex That's every
00:31:43
single day now, like since 2023,
00:31:47
you mentioned every day? Every day.
00:31:49
Every day. Yep. I do it right before I go to bed because I try doing it in the
00:31:54
morning, but in the mornings, I've got so much going on already in my head thinking
00:31:58
about what has to happen during the day.
00:32:01
And I try to do it after work and that didn't work either. So then I reverted
00:32:06
back to doing it an hour before I go to sleep.
00:32:09
Because it's like you said, it's just a brain dump, right? Everything that happened
00:32:14
that day, like, I just want to get this on paper.
00:32:16
And I'm sure that when I was a kid, I probably wrote in a diary.
00:32:20
I don't remember. Both my parents are gone, so I can't go back and ask them.
00:32:24
But it's very cathartic for me, right?
00:32:27
Like, it's me and a piece of paper, and I get to say whatever I want to about
00:32:32
whoever in my life. Yeah.
00:32:35
And it means for me no confrontation because the other part of my healing was
00:32:40
setting up some serious boundaries, right?
00:32:43
So part of my boundary is if it sounds like drama, it don't get to come to the box anymore.
00:32:48
But it does make it to a piece of paper where I can go back and deal with it
00:32:52
later on. But it's not here.
00:32:54
Yeah. Not taking up space.
00:32:57
Yeah. I think that's so important that you're getting it out of,
00:33:01
like you said, it's not here in your head. You're getting it out of your head.
00:33:04
And I actually love that. Like, I journal in the morning and right before bed.
00:33:08
And for the same reasons you do, I love it before bed. because we all have so
00:33:13
much crap on our to-do list, right?
00:33:16
Stuff we didn't get done, stuff we want to get done, stuff we're anxious about.
00:33:20
So what I find, and this has complete, so I find also for moms that are struggling
00:33:25
with sleep, which is so many of us, not just moms, everybody,
00:33:28
like that's a big problem we have is sleep.
00:33:30
But that's done for me for my sleep. My sleep quality has changed from really
00:33:35
poor to pretty unbelievable most nights. night.
00:33:39
And I think a huge reason is the journaling before bed.
00:33:43
So instead of that little to-do list going on in my head or when I'm trying to fall asleep, right?
00:33:47
I take a sheet of paper and write down stuff that's bugging me,
00:33:51
stuff that's upsetting me, stuff I got to do, stuff I didn't get done.
00:33:54
Like I brained up everything.
00:33:56
And I think that has been such a powerful practice for allowing in my mind to
00:34:02
kind of feel settled and think, okay, we can sleep now.
00:34:06
It's okay. okay so I love that well thank
00:34:10
you Lori I mean I'm good on my questions you were
00:34:13
actually I've had like written down a bunch and
00:34:16
as you were you were answering all the ones that I thought of I think
00:34:19
your story is incredible it's super insightful and something that I hope to
00:34:24
never forget as I raise my child just to make sure that they have what they
00:34:28
need and that I'm I'm present but also in the way I need to be so taking care
00:34:33
of myself I think this this has been super helpful to hear your story and thank
00:34:37
you for being vulnerable with us.
00:34:39
Yeah, thank you so much. I do have a question for you.
00:34:43
So for today, what are you going to do for self-care and self-love?
00:34:48
Great question. So today, actually, I'm going to, because like I said,
00:34:53
we're fortunately, we're fortunate we live near the mountains.
00:34:56
So I'm going to go on a hike. We have a dog, she's 13 years old.
00:35:02
So she, I mean, and it's, it's amazing because when she knows she's going to
00:35:07
go outside, going to walk on a hike, it's like she becomes a puppy again.
00:35:11
I call it her youth elixir because she has a red bandana.
00:35:15
We bring out this red bandana when she going, when she's going on a mountain hike.
00:35:19
So as soon as you bring out this bandana, she acts like a puppy again.
00:35:23
So it's so exciting for us to see this too.
00:35:26
So bringing her out and going on a hike with the and I love it because it's
00:35:30
a way to connect with the family.
00:35:33
So we have two teens that we have our older two that are not living with us
00:35:37
anymore, but we have two teens, 17 and a 12 year old. So almost team that are living with us still.
00:35:42
So it's a way to get everybody out of the house. and there's just something
00:35:47
about being in nature because if people want to be silent the whole time they
00:35:51
can be silent if they want to talk they can talk and so that I have found completely.
00:35:58
Recharges me so being out in nature is something does completely recharges me
00:36:03
and I come back and feel re-energized and like we mentioned about the animals
00:36:10
just seeing the like seeing the squirrels seeing the birds.
00:36:13
I just, I, I, I love it all. And when I think back, I remember times of,
00:36:18
yeah, when I was a kid, I was always out in nature and loved it.
00:36:22
So for me, it was always a way to really connect with myself and one of the
00:36:28
best ways for me to practice self-care for myself.
00:36:30
So that's what I'm going to do today. That makes me so happy. So happy.
00:36:35
So I'm actually going to the turntables on Dirty Skittles this time,
00:36:39
and I'm going to ask one of her favorite questions.
00:36:43
It's actually for both of you. So, Lori, what is your favorite word? Dirty Skittles.
00:36:50
My favorite word. I think my favorite word right now actually is progress.
00:36:56
Because the reason that word right now is such a big deal for me is like I mentioned earlier,
00:37:03
I think what I'm working on right now is having because I've learned so much
00:37:06
more in the last two years from so many amazing experts and courses I've taken seminars, books,
00:37:13
and workshops about how to become a better parent.
00:37:17
So, which is absolutely amazing because I have changed my parenting and how
00:37:21
I relate with my kids and everybody.
00:37:23
And at the same time, it's so easy to go back and do all that.
00:37:27
Oh my, I failed at how I handled that.
00:37:31
I probably starved my daughter because of what I did back then.
00:37:34
So it's so easy to beat myself up. So having self-compassion for myself is huge and thinking progress.
00:37:41
Look at the progress that I have made as a parent and as a human being in the last two years.
00:37:46
So like Mel Robbins, have you both heard of Mel Robbins?
00:37:50
High five yourself. So I actually do try to high five myself when I use the
00:37:55
word progress in the mirror, when I'm feeling down and think,
00:37:58
look at the progress you've made in the last few years, Lori.
00:38:01
And I look at the progress my daughter has made in the last few years.
00:38:05
So progress for me is so huge because I think we get, we're so,
00:38:10
most of us are so hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up for all the the things,
00:38:14
all the shoulds, all the shoulds we should have done or should be doing and
00:38:18
our to-do list that we didn't get done.
00:38:21
And I have everybody one day, you did something to be proud of yourself for.
00:38:27
You did something you could be grateful for, something that you can look at
00:38:31
yourself for and say, I made progress.
00:38:34
I'm making progress. I am making progress. So progress is my I love that.
00:38:40
I love that. Okay. Dirty Skittles. So what's your favorite word?
00:38:45
What is my favorite word? That is a good question.
00:38:49
I will probably say one word I say a lot is grace, which I know Bizzle,
00:38:54
my husband's listening, is probably going to be like, oh, here she goes.
00:38:58
Grace, because to me, I think part, what I have to continue to work on every
00:39:04
day is giving myself grace because I try to be a perfectionist in certain things
00:39:09
that are outside of my control.
00:39:11
So learning to just give myself grace, I can't control everything and for every
00:39:17
outcome. And I have to understand that if I'm putting my best foot forward, that that's okay.
00:39:24
And that is all I can really do. And I should just be graceful.
00:39:29
I love that. Okay, so now I have the flip side of that question.
00:39:34
So Lori, what is your least favorite word?
00:39:40
My least favorite word right now. Good question.
00:39:45
Kind of that almost that I guess
00:39:48
bro mentality kind of
00:39:52
um go after it you gotta go
00:39:54
get it really the hustle okay that's it the hustle
00:39:58
go after that hustle I I understand where
00:40:01
it comes from that if you have a passion or
00:40:04
something you want to work what you want to work on and you
00:40:07
have to pay the bills and work your nine-to-five job do your side
00:40:10
hustle on the job but I think it gets for
00:40:12
me anyways I don't like the mentality around of it of go go go go all the time
00:40:21
right you always got to be productive you always got to be working so hard so
00:40:25
and something about that word hustle kind of gets my I don't like it.
00:40:32
I love that Dirty Skittles what's your least favorite word I mean my least favorite
00:40:38
word I I feel like we've like touched on it once upon a time is wasp.
00:40:41
Just because I don't like the way it sounds, wasps. I especially have plural wasps.
00:40:47
Oh, I don't like it. And then you got like moist. Nobody wants to hear the word moist.
00:40:53
But for no other reason other than it's icky.
00:40:57
So did you get stung by wasps at some point? Yeah, I have.
00:41:02
I just, it's the SP at the end of the word. It's literally just the sound.
00:41:07
I'm going to call you on Monday morning.
00:41:11
Yeah, I'm like sensitive to sounds and the SP at the end of that word.
00:41:16
It's like nails on a chalkboard.
00:41:18
What about you, Jurex? So my favorite word in the world is love because it encompasses
00:41:25
so much of what I've gone through because I had to learn how to love myself again.
00:41:31
And I had to learn how to love life again. And I had to learn...
00:41:38
How to feel again, right? And so love reminds me of my wife.
00:41:42
It reminds me of my friends. It reminds me of everything that I worked really
00:41:46
hard to accomplish in the last 18 months.
00:41:49
And I love myself. I can honestly say I did not love myself on Christmas day, but I love myself now.
00:41:57
And I love where I've come from and how I've grown over this time.
00:42:04
And so my least favorite word, it starts
00:42:07
with a c it has four letters and it ends in
00:42:10
the t that is the worst word ever it
00:42:14
is okay just a horrible and if anybody ever calls me that name i am not talking
00:42:21
to you ever again okay horrible horrible word it's horrible like there are other
00:42:27
choice words you can use you do not need to use that word but lord the other
00:42:32
thing i wanted to ask you about is you have a
00:42:34
symposium coming up for parents, right?
00:42:37
Yes. Yeah. I have a summit. It's called Tools for Moms with Teens.
00:42:43
Navigate your teen's mental health challenges with confidence,
00:42:46
clarity, and effective communication while also caring for yourself.
00:42:49
And the reason, so it's, I have 31 expert speakers now.
00:42:54
So they're parenting coaches, coaches for teens,
00:42:57
some doctors mental health experts and
00:43:01
the blood this has just been the most
00:43:04
unbelievable experience because I have learned so much
00:43:07
like selfishly I have learned so much from interviewing these experts so why
00:43:13
I did this is I want most like how I felt in that time hope right if they listen
00:43:18
to this and come away with one tip tool strategy resource that gives them hope
00:43:24
and for them to to feel like they are not alone.
00:43:27
There is so many moms, parents that are going through this and so many people
00:43:32
that can help you and want to help you.
00:43:33
So that's why I did this. I want moms to feel hope, support that they're not
00:43:38
alone, that there's so many and more and more and more all the time resources and tools.
00:43:42
So it's August 12th to the 25th will be my online, the online mindset and sign up for free.
00:43:50
Two expert talks will be released a day for the, for the full two weeks. Wow. That's awesome.
00:43:57
That's so awesome. I will make sure I get that information in the show notes for our listeners.
00:44:02
And I'm so excited. Thank you so much, Lori.
00:44:06
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming on your, your tips and tricks will help so many moms.
00:44:12
Even moms that don't have like kids with mental health issues,
00:44:16
you know, just moms in general.
00:44:17
They're all overwhelmed. I agree. I agree. And thank you so much, both of you.
00:44:23
Dirty Skittles and G-Rex for what you do.
00:44:26
Because I can honestly say your podcast and the information you're providing
00:44:30
and the guests that you have on, you're changing lives.
00:44:34
You really are. What you're doing with this podcast is you're bringing a sense with humor that I love.
00:44:39
You're bringing a sense of normalcy to mental health
00:44:42
and all the different like there is not one way
00:44:45
to address your mental health or get help there's so many different modalities
00:44:50
so you are providing so much unbelievable resources and help for all those different
00:44:55
modalities that people can try and just bringing a sense of normalcy to be able
00:45:00
to talk about it and I just have to share They're with you both. I thought of you both.
00:45:05
My older daughter, who's dating a guy now, she said one of the,
00:45:10
I didn't know this expression because I'm not young and cool in that way, but a green flag.
00:45:14
I guess that means something really good, a green flag. And she was telling me a green flag.
00:45:19
So he's 22, is that he goes for therapy.
00:45:24
And I thought how unbelievable if young people, especially young men can actually
00:45:29
normalize that and start to talk that like that is, It's a great thing.
00:45:34
So your podcast is doing that. So thank you both. Thank you for having me.
00:45:39
Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Lori.
00:45:43
Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex.
00:45:47
And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast.
00:45:52
We'd love to listen to your feedback.
00:45:55
We can't do this without you guys.
00:45:59
Music.