Bipolar Disorder and Crisis Management: Joe's Story of Survival and Insight

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Perfect yay yay i did

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i did it right this time i know we hit

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the button we did not forget to hit record that's a

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good thing wonderful i know i know how are you joe awesome we ready everybody

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got drinks i got drinks i i in their potty break yeah i have my my drink in

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a cup so i don't get shamed anymore we match we match but let me go grab a drink Let me curl the wig.

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Okay. All right. We match. We match.

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The boys will be so proud that we're using their mugs. I made sure to keep it

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clean so that I could use it today. Cat, get out of my way.

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That cat, man. What's the cat's name? We need to know.

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The only thing I can't control is my cat.

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What's the cat's name, Joe? Calypso. Calypso. Calypso. I have two of them.

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Two of them. And the other one is named Joby. Joey? Calypso is kind of a multicolored mass.

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Yeah, we have eight. Eight cats. I'm allergic to every single one of them. Wow. Yeah.

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Zyrtec D and I are best friends.

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Music.

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Three two two one welcome

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back to another episode of shit that goes

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on our heads i'm g-rex with my awesome partner

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dirty skittles and today we have an amazing guest

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joe hey joe welcome thank you

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for having me i'm so excited to hear your story

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joe I'm excited to tell my story

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a little bit nervous because I've never

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told my story before except to professionals and to other people in the mental

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ward we are far from we're far from professionals far from probably closer to

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the people in the mental ward okay well at least I'm in I'm in a good company then yes,

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we can guarantee you a good company yes Yes.

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Don't be nervous. It's like we're just a group of humans talking,

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sharing our stories. That's right.

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Where do you want to start, Joe? Where should we begin?

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Well, it begins in 2008.

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That's not when I was born or anything. That's just when my...

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Because I was going to say, if you were born in 2008, then you're young.

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Yeah, no. My mental health journey started in 2008, and I was diagnosed bipolar.

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And that story is rather interesting because of what happened and what occurred.

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It was just came on me kind of suddenly.

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I found myself calling 911 and threatening the president of the United States.

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And I would not recommend this to people to do. Not a thing to do.

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But you will get quick service by the police department. I lived in a 12-story

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secured building at the time.

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And they were at my door in under a minute.

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Not wanting to be let in the security door downstairs, but actually at my door in under a minute.

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Yeah, it was very quick.

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And the cops came in and talked to me for a few minutes, probably about, oh, 15 minutes or so.

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And then they took me to the hospital and checked me into the metal ward,

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into the lockdown facility.

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I was there for three days, and the doctor who was treating me didn't even realize

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the Secret Service were going to come talk to me or anything.

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And I said, oh, no, they'll be talking to me.

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Sure enough, within that three days, about two and a half days into it,

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the Secret Service showed up to talk to me and figure out why I did that and,

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you know, what was going on.

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Probably talked to me for about another 10 or 15 minutes or so with a bunch

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of other people in the room that I didn't realize were in the room.

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I mean, I, I realized there are a bunch of people in there and probably about

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10 people or so observing, observing this meeting.

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And it was, yeah, that's what I, I realized that I was really in the shit.

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You know, and had to do kind of some fast talking to to kind of get myself out

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of this shit a little bit.

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I mean, what do you what do you say? Yeah. Like, were you scared?

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I would have been scared shitless.

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Not really. Not really. I kind of knew what was going to happen.

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I wasn't really that nervous or anything about, you know, talking to the Secret

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Service or anything. And I want to say that they're a bunch of very nice guys.

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At least the one I talked to, he was very nice and friendly and non-confrontational.

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And, you know, it was just an interview.

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He just wanted to find out who I was and more about me and, you know,

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why I started the president.

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Yeah, then they let me go. My mom picked me up.

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And everything was

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good and then maybe a

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month and a half later i ended up

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in the mental ward again which i

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can't really talk about too much as far as what happened and stuff all i can

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really say is i had to i guess medical advice check myself out of the mental

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ward because Because they gave me too much medication.

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So I had to do that for my own safety.

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And kind of made me afraid of the mental ward. After that, to where I didn't want to go back.

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Did you find that like when you were put in the mental ward,

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that they weren't really talking to you so much, but they were pushing more meds towards you?

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It was both. You know, there was a lot of talk, there's a lot of groups,

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you know, that's the mental ward, there's a lot of groups and stuff like that,

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that you can participate in or not.

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It's purely voluntary and it's up to you. The meds are also voluntary.

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So they say, unless you get, you know, combative or something,

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and then, you know, they can restrain you and do what they have to do to make you not so combative.

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Luckily, I was never that way in the mental ward, so I never got that treatment.

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And as far as the overdose goes, I don't know if it was just a mistake or nobody

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caught it or whatever, but yeah, it was not a good scene. seen.

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And then I ended up in the mental ward again, probably a year or so later,

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maybe two years later, something like that.

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I still had this definitely fear of the mental ward, but I realized I need these people.

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You know, I have a mental illness and it took me a good, probably six to nine

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months to a year to a year and a half to kind of come to terms with the,

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whole mental illness and deciding I had an issue which is a bipolar one with psychosis so.

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I have oh go ahead I was

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like I have so many questions Joe so if at any point I

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ask you something that you're like I don't want to talk about that just feel

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free to stop me yeah go ahead so throughout

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your life before you got your diagnosis was

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this a pattern where you would have these i guess

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episodes if that's the right word well i uh it's funny you mentioned that because

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i i had another run-in with a president before i threatened the president i

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I actually cussed out Bill Clinton to his face back in 95 on the street.

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And so I would say there's been kind of half-cocked, to say the least.

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So my mouth gets me in trouble.

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I just figured it was just another one of my times of my mouth getting me in

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trouble and, you know, having to dig out of it with the whole strategy of the president.

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I didn't think anything of being bipolar or anything, but that's the diagnosis they gave me.

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So that's the diagnosis I had to accept and go on medication and stuff,

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which is always a fun thing to do and get dialed in on and stuff.

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And luckily, I got dialed in pretty early, so I didn't have too much of a rollercoaster

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ride with the medications.

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They did a little bit, not too bad, and pretty good psychologists,

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psychiatrists that knew what they were doing and gave me the right cocktail.

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That's, that's good. So in those moments, like when you're staring at,

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like you mentioned Bill Clinton and you're saying what you're saying,

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are you present in that moment?

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Like, do you, or do you like think back like, oh shit, what did I just do?

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Oh, I'm, I'm fully present in the moment. And it's not till later.

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I'm like, what the fuck did i just

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do you know but that's far

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after the fact and it's funny because even even now i'm learning from that situation

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so i do try to learn from these situations that that i find myself in even if

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it's hey don't do that again hey wait you did it again what are you doing you know.

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So it's like why do you keep doing the things you do i don't know it's interesting just the way,

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the brain works and processes stuff that we

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learn from from really the the failures more

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than we do the success of our lives that's

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true i mean it's hard right to look back on like

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something that wasn't a success yeah yeah

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yeah it took me a long time to to

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keep to that point i'm finally there though and looking

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at my failures and thinking you know what

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a wonderful thing that was yeah i

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mean but it is right so i guess

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when what was the breaking

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point for you where you realized okay i i do

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need to to take my mental health like what that

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diagnosis is into consideration it was

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it was probably not too long after coming out of the mental war the third time

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or fourth time something like that where i you know that's when the people in

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the mental war just told me hey you're sick and you need to get better and this

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is where you get better You know, them telling me that really,

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really kind of eased my mind.

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I don't know why, but it just did. And I think I needed to hear that to ease

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my mind and be able to deal with everything I was going through or have been going through.

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My mom passed away in the beginning of all this happening.

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So I was dealing with that as well.

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So that was very difficult. She died rather suddenly.

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And that was also a very, kind of made my paranoia go through the roof a little

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bit, just because of what happened and everything.

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Yeah, that sounds really hard. When I go delusional, I tend to think I work for the government.

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Yeah, we're stuff like that. So I tend to be investigated by the government

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or think I'm being investigated by the government.

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It's one of those investigations you wouldn't know is happening.

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So like one of those super secret operations.

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Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. So it's kind of interesting and something I had to always

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keep in the back of my mind that is the man watching me.

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And even now, you know, giving this interview, you know, talking around things

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and, you know, not giving you the full, complete story because I don't,

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you know, I don't feel comfortable.

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Yeah. That's fine. So, Joe, I do have a question.

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I mean, do you kind of wish that your diagnosis had come earlier on in life?

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Or were you comfortable with the diagnosis when it was given to you?

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I think I would have dealt with it a little bit better maybe if it was earlier in life, maybe.

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No, actually, I'm happy with when it happened.

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And a lot of bipolar diagnosis happened later in life.

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A lot of them happened around the age of between 25 and 32.

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And I was like 24 at the time.

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That's crazy. 25. so since your diagnosis and understanding that you have this bipolar disorder.

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Diagnosis, I guess. I hate to say the word so many times, but since that has

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happened, what tools and treatment, what does that look like for you on a day-to-day basis?

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I have a psychologist.

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I talk to him every couple of months to kind of check in and see how things

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are going, make sure I'm taking my meds and make sure I'm stable on my meds and that kind of thing.

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And i have a psychiatrist i meet with them every three to six months it's been

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about over six months now and i'm stabilized on my meds when i come out of the

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metal ward i i meet with them,

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a little bit more often like on a monthly basis or in the case of a psychiatrist

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on a couple month basis so yeah it's it gets to be pretty you know pretty routine after a while wow,

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once you get into the swing of things, then it can get dialed in.

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But it's really that dialed-in process that takes so much time.

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And some people never get dialed in, and they're always on the slippery slope.

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Some people are like me, and I've been stable for, or fairly stable for five years plus.

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Yeah. So when you say dialed in, is it learning to be self-aware?

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What is dialed in? Dialed in with your medication. And then there is the self-awareness

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part of it, realizing what triggers are.

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Like for me, I had to stop reading governmental books for a few years before

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I could go back to reading that kind of stuff.

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I had to stop reading military fiction stuff too for the same reason.

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And stress. I had to really watch my stress level and lower my stress level.

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So I would say that's probably the number one thing is to lower your stress

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level, because that's what triggers most people is a lot of stress.

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And how do you manage your stress these days? Sorry, J.R.D. Skittles.

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That's exactly what I was going to ask. So we're on the same page.

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Well, I do meditate, and that helps out quite a bit.

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I don't formally meditate anymore. I did meditate every day for about 30 to

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45 minutes a day for a while, a number of years.

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But now I do more of a subconscious meditation.

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So when I find myself getting stressed or whatever,

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I just try to get calm and focus myself into my breathing and just

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relapse and if that

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doesn't work then i have to take medication which i haven't had to do in a long

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time because i'm unable to control it most of the time with through through

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meditation and just kind of controlling my thoughts and you know realizing what

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they are and and not not let them

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run away with themselves,

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but the bipolar, I, you know, you just, your mind is constantly running things.

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And, you know, for me, it's different, different scenarios of walking down the

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street or, you know, interactions and, and, you know, hotel restaurants or something,

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or, you know, I don't know.

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I weird run, I run weird scenarios through my head sometimes,

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Sometimes, sometimes it's just to keep it occupied so it doesn't focus on one thing.

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And how has this affected your work life?

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Have you had like any problems like with your going to work or was lashing out

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at like coworkers or anything like that? Yeah, I did.

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And I was volunteering at a place and I had a mental breakdown and they let me come back.

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But then they hired somebody else, you know, kind of pushed me out,

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which was okay. I understand.

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Why they did it. So I would say it has affected me.

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I haven't really worked since then. And that's been since 2008.

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I'm on Social Security most of the time. I get on Social Security.

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So that's how I support myself.

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Trying to be a professional speaker, that's what I'm trying to do now.

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So we shall see how that goes.

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Is your plan to continue to share your story through your professional speaking?

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No, I want to do a situational awareness talks.

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I want to talk about situational awareness and being more situationally aware

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and through my experiences in life.

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Because I haven't been situationally aware in the past.

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It's gotten me into trouble.

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I can totally understand that.

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Yeah, I think we all could take that lesson from you, Joe.

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Yeah, Joe, let us know when you do that, because I don't ever want to go back

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and revisit the day that I stood up in the middle of the office and told everybody

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they were a bunch of fuckers.

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Yeah. Because it really did happen. I think Dirty Skittles was there the day that that happened.

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It was. I heard about it. You heard about it, yeah. I didn't actually hear you,

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but I heard about it. It was not my most professional moment.

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No, I can imagine not.

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So joe what what so far has been the hardest lesson to learn through your journey.

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Well when to keep my mouth shut oh i'm

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still learning it because my mouth

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just likes to speak and my brain doesn't want

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it to that sometimes i

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try to speak think twice and speak once but

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usually it's let's speak

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twice and only think once so so

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if you

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could imagine somebody taking your same journey what

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would what advice would you give to them i would

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say be more aware of

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the underlying situation not the

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not the not the uh

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top of the situation but what's what's below the situation what's the underlying

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what's the underpinnings of the situation that what are you to learn from it

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yeah i get that yeah so do i because you know We've all been there.

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Yeah. I mean, I can't imagine totally.

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So I apologize if my questions are so like off the wall, right?

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But I just, I can't imagine...

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Going through something like that, you've shared with us, right?

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Like I'm, I'm very curious about it, but I don't know how much to ask.

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Like, I'm like in that moment when you're doing, you know, you're yelling or

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threatening president, is it very real to you? Right.

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Like you're, you're acting out of a real emotion that's happening.

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Like, is it a reality that you're living in that you believe?

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Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I, I remember most of what happened,

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you know, at least the highlights so my friends

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remember more but yeah

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it was it was real and and in

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a moment i kind of

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at one point was like what did you

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just do but then i just went back to la so yeah it

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has been hard it's really you know

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i probably realized subconsciously something's going on you know

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yeah it's just trying to turn it to me oh

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yeah yeah i'm like

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a control freak right especially with myself so i can't imagine where like how

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i would react in that scenario like i feel like if you are in that moment and

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it's it's real for you like it makes sense to to react a certain way you know

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but yeah in retrospect and in hindsight looking back that it has to be difficult,

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you know, to see the difference.

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Yeah, for sure. Like, you know, we all say that hindsight is 20-20,

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but like when you can't even catch yourself in that moment, right?

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Because we all do it. We all speak before we think.

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But when you've caught yourself on the other side of that, like,

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I hope you don't like continually beat yourself up, right? because that doesn't help either.

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No, and I did for a while, but you have to get over that eventually and move forward.

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And I think it's so interesting. So many individuals that we get to talk to

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when we ask like, what are you doing? What tools are you using?

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Meditation. I find that so fascinating. I'm like,

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I should maybe try to meditate take is everybody says meditation

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yeah it's not it's not easy

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to start but once you get into it it's it it just starts to flow and you know

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even and just start with five minutes a day and then you know the next week

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moving up to seven minutes a day and then you know nine minutes and then 11 and,

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you know, go up to 15 minutes and, you know, do that for maybe a week or two.

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I can't even get past three minutes. Well, if that's all you can do.

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I have a little bit of ADHD.

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I'm like, oh, like a squirrel. But Russell Simmons...

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Has a couple of books on meditation. He's the guy that did the deaf comedy jam

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back in the 90s. I remember.

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And he said, I used to meditate at 7 in the morning, every morning across the

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street from the World Trade Center when they were constructing the Freedom Tower.

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And he said, if I could do that, anybody can meditate anywhere.

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I can imagine. Man. So I have one last question.

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You had mentioned earlier on that you had to stop reading certain books and

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watching certain movies or documentaries.

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Have you had to learn to set like any personal boundaries with individuals?

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Not really because i don't have any personal boundaries myself i'm i'm a pretty,

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free-willing individual so i don't i don't really set boundaries for myself and i want to,

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experience everything there is experience in life

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i would just say i don't watch

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as much tv anymore more that's really the

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only boundary i've set for myself i don't

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saturate myself with the governmental stuff anymore i'll

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i'll read it here and there but i won't

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uh read it back to back yeah yeah um

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makes sense i'd say that's probably about the only thing i've done and watch

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my stress level other than that yeah do the cats help with your stress level

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except for like when they're being little assholes because cats are little assholes

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yeah they are but they're lovable little assholes,

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yeah thank god they can't talk back right but they do have like claws that will

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like scratch your eyes out yes they do.

00:26:45
Calypso and Joby right Calypso and Joby plus Calypso and Joby,

00:26:51
you got any other questions to your ex no I am good so Jack or Joe,

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sorry, I saw the K and I was like, Joe, is there anything that you want to leave

00:27:01
our listeners with? Like what...

00:27:04
What message do you want to put out there for anybody listening and who could relate to your story?

00:27:10
I just want to say, whatever happens in the mental ward, just let it happen.

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Unless there is something seriously wrong, they're trying to overdose you or

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whatever, then you need to self-advocate for yourself.

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But you really need to let them do their work.

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And go to the groups and get what you should out of them and,

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you know, come back a better person because there will be one day that they

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unlock that won't let you out so you can be ready for it,

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because it's a big, bad world out here and, you know, being behind that locked

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door is just a sizzle end, you know? Wow.

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It's a controlled environment.

00:28:01
Yeah. You're told what to do. You're told when to eat, you're told when to,

00:28:05
you know, when to take care of ones.

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And, well, I would hear you're not. And you have to do that all on your own or go help for someone.

00:28:17
And luckily, I've had, you know, both, both from helping myself and help from people around me.

00:28:25
Yeah, I was just going to ask, do you have a really good support system around you now? I do.

00:28:31
It's pretty good. I have, you know, some of this, you know, not as good as it

00:28:37
could be, but, you know, I could stabilize that a little bit better.

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But it's for what it is. Yeah, it's good.

00:28:46
Yeah. We'll need to check in with you later as your journey progresses.

00:28:50
I don't want to lose touch with you. I want to know. Yeah, I want to know more. What happens next.

00:28:55
And I hope that you do do the public speaking. Yeah. Can you sign us up?

00:28:59
Because we can tell you what not to do.

00:29:02
Yeah. don't say fuckers don't don't stand up in the middle of your office and

00:29:07
call everybody a bunch of fuckers because you immediately regret it yeah it's true.

00:29:15
No but i mean on a serious note yeah i want to i want to check back in with

00:29:19
you i feel like the more we get to meet people and they and we get to hear everyone's stories,

00:29:25
we invest yeah we become part of our family and

00:29:29
and we want to see the success

00:29:32
right so like we want to hear what happens next

00:29:35
and for sure we'll we'll need to check back in yeah you're

00:29:37
number 56 of the people that we that are new to us so okay now you're part of

00:29:43
the family well i'm 56 on the list great i was like what is that such a high

00:29:50
priority i love it well i was counting back the number of episodes.

00:29:54
We're at like episode number 58 now.

00:29:57
Like a couple of people we interviewed, we knew.

00:30:01
Oh, that's true. That's true. We did have family and friends.

00:30:04
Yeah, for a while. Yeah. It was comfort there. It was comfort.

00:30:08
Now we've broadened our horizons.

00:30:10
Yeah. Well, thank you, Joe. I appreciate you sharing your story.

00:30:14
Honestly. Yeah, I do too. I'm sorry if I asked anything that was weird or... Oh, not at all.

00:30:19
I appreciate you. Not at all. I had four stepdads as a kid, so there's pretty

00:30:23
much nothing I want to talk about. My mom was a nurse, so,

00:30:28
there's nothing we should talk about in my family.

00:30:34
Nothing sacred. No, nothing. Nothing at all.

00:30:42
Oh, Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. Hi, y'all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex.

00:30:50
And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast.

00:30:55
We'd love to listen to your feedback.

00:30:58
We can't do this without you guys.

00:31:02
It's okay to be not okay.

00:31:04
Music.