Mental Health Tools: Susie's Tips on Therapy, Boundaries, and Crisis Intervention

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Hi all, G-Rex here. Just wanted to let you know that this is part two of Susie's story.

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I hope you enjoy it and thanks for coming back. Bye.

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Music.

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And if it does ever get to a point where it is like getting to be too much and

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I feel like I'm going to have what some might consider my breakdown. I don't cry a lot.

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I'm not a person who cries a lot, unless it's a movie where an animal dies and

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then I'm bawling my face off. But you're so innocent. Yeah.

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Like why? So in that instance, like if I need a good cry, I need to let out

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some emotions, maybe I've held in for too long or something,

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then we do our good shower cry where no one sees us.

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I'm not feeling great afterwards and then

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i move on or i talk to a therapist but

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i mean you know yeah that's just yeah yes yeah

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for me that's obvious yeah yeah

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i wonder if you like think when you're crying in the shower like oh like do

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you start analyzing yourself like oh this has got to be related to that and

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like you become your own therapist every time so i do a lot of self-reflecting

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because it is something that works best for me.

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When I met with a therapist quite a couple of years ago, she was like,

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whenever you have that inner critic in your head that's saying whatever,

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or you get to that point where you're

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crying, look at that moment and ask yourself, how can I reframe this?

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So for example, if at work, someone really upset me for some reason,

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I got to look at, okay, what is it about this moment that's making me upset?

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Oh, well, it's reminding me of maybe something that happened in my own personal

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life. And so that might be why I'm upset.

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One time I was talking to someone who was like, talking about hurting their neighbor's dog.

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And I was so angry and upset about it. And I'm like, why am I angry and upset about it?

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Oh, because I love dogs.

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Dogs over people. That's just how I I feel.

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I was angry with him that it made me upset and I had to reframe. Okay. Why am I upset?

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What's happening? Oh. And then I check in with myself.

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Yeah. And that was a huge tool for me when I went to therapy.

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It was the same thing was checking in because I had, I thought I was always

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very grounded in who I was and I was very probably emotionally attached, right?

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Like I knew what was happening to me and I could analyze that and kind of be

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okay with it, but not really knowing why something was triggering me that I had to learn that.

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And once I was able to learn that and really dive to the underneath,

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like, What is it about this thing that is upsetting me?

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It was huge. It was such a huge tool. And for me, I have to practice that almost

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every single day or I'll lose sight of it.

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So I have to make the efforts. Why is this upsetting me?

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I really dive into it. When I talk with callers on the crisis line,

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depending on what level they're at in our call, I always try to introduce a safety plan.

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And establishing our triggers in our mornings is the number one thing we talk about.

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And I might spend way too long of a time period talking about that.

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But to me, it's like when we determine exactly what it is that is making us

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feel whatever way you're feeling in that moment.

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Now we can figure out, okay, how do we meet that when that experience happens again?

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And what tool do we need to use in order to move forward?

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And I think that's one of the things that I appreciate the most about that job,

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this job, my job is creating that plan with someone because they don't necessarily

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look at those things for themselves.

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And when they have to sit with it, that's when they're like,

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oh, gosh, I didn't know chewing red gum would lead to me having a mental breakdown.

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But I remember it from my childhood. you know something so

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simple that yeah it's like the smell of

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cinnamon makes me think of this because of this big

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red gum i'm not a weird one but listen i've heard everything yeah but it's true

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and that's such a huge they can take that with them after that call every day

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you can use that and you become to learn and maybe hopefully one day wisen up

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to some of your triggers and

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know how you're going to react or be able to control it.

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So yeah, it's very important to recognize those things. And it does sometimes

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take an outside person to help you see it.

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Yeah, 100%. Because when I had my breakdown, nobody knew.

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Nobody. I was perfectly fine on the outside. In the inside, not so much.

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But, you know, the thing that I learned, and, you know, I'm a big proponent

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for it right now, is I wasn't taking care of myself.

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I was so busy taking care of everybody else's shit that I didn't take care of myself.

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Like, self-care and self-love, it's no joke.

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You have to take care of yourself. And as a true empath, that was very hard

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for me because, you know, I had been in customer service for years.

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You know, my customers were always come first. I would jump through hoops for

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them. But when it came to taking care of my own shit, no.

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But the biggest thing I did learn through therapy is boundaries, right?

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Like now, if it smells like drama, don't fucking come near me because you need

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a big old can of black spray paint.

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Oh, no. I can't see it now. We're good. I love that.

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Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's the way to be healthy for yourself,

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right? Mental health, it's practicing how to take care of yourself.

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Absolutely. And people always say like, oh, we got to create boundaries, right?

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And that's one thing that I think a lot of people are very unfamiliar with.

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What does it mean to create a boundary?

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And something that I've had to express to a lot of callers is when you're establishing a boundary,

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it cannot look like a request it right be oh if you keep blowing up my phone

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after 10 p.m then i'm not going to talk to you okay that sounds like a request yeah.

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Because you're saying if you keep blowing up my phone after 10 p.m you're not

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going to talk to me well but you'll talk to me tomorrow so like okay then it

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sounds like yes whereas setting a boundary Boundary is if you text me after 10 p.m.,

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I'm going to block your phone number and we will not be in contact anymore.

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So you can talk to me until 10 p.m., but after 10 p.m., I don't want to hear from you.

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And if you keep crossing that boundary, then I'm going to have to block you

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and we can't be friends anymore.

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That is a boundary that's establishing what it is I expect from you.

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And if you cross it, this is the repercussion of you crossing that boundary.

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And I try to help call or see if it's probably not the greatest example,

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but it's the only one I can think of at the moment.

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Yeah, no, I had to learn it. And I think I always like knew what a boundary was. Right.

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But one of the hardest and also literally one of my breaking like my aha moments

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in therapy was setting a boundary with a very close family member who I was.

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I don't want to say if I was afraid to set a boundary with them.

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I just grew up thinking it was never possible.

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So here I am as an adult realizing I need to do this for me because it's a non-negotiable.

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If I don't set this boundary, whatever it is, whenever this thing comes up,

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I'm going to be incredibly uncomfortable and depressed about it.

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So I knew, okay, you got to do this.

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Set it up, had the conversation, stood firm,

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was all like, you know like shaky and

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nervous but I set the boundary and they

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they respected it they tried it

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once they tried to break through they all just want to try it once and I was

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like sorry like I didn't even know more conversation yeah right but I remember

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having the very initial conversation setting the boundary hanging up the call

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my husband came into the room he's like are are you okay? Because he knew it

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was going to be really difficult.

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And just feeling like I could breathe. I was like, oh my gosh,

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the weight of the world just getting lifted off.

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And that's when I realized it's important to set boundaries.

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Because if you are making yourself uncomfortable to benefit somebody else's bullshit...

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You don't have to you like I had the option the ability and the choice to do

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that and I did it and it was like huge absolutely I'm like oh yeah he's got

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to do it yeah and I think a lot of people think that they can just set a boundary

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about anything and some boundaries are very silly,

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yeah like some are just silly like if we are friends in a group and all of us are friends together.

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And then two friends decide to not like each other.

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And they're like, well, if you invite this person, I'm not coming.

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That's my boundary. That's silly.

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I'm going to invite whoever I want. And if you don't want to come,

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okay then, but you're not going to put that on me. That is silly.

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That's on my boundary. That's your boundary. You just don't have to come.

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That's fine. But you're not going to get an ultimatum between people.

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Okay. right right ultimatums and boundaries yeah like there's a huge difference there.

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Exactly exactly it's so funny it's so true though like for me like my boundaries are like,

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if it smells like drama like i just

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i don't want it anymore you know i'm at

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that age where i went from 59

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to 60 i mean the minute i turned 60 i was like i

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don't fucking care anymore more okay because i don't but

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my advice to you guys is like don't wait until

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you're 60 to get there right do

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it in your what your 20s your 30s your

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40s your 50s right it's very freeing though extremely freeing and i i find that

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i sleep better that i connect better with people and i just don't let that outside

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shit tell me how to live my life.

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And for me, that is the most perfect thing ever because I just feel better.

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I feel better on the inside.

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Yeah, I still go to therapy twice a week, but damn, I feel good.

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And I'm thankful to be alive. So thankful to be alive.

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Yeah. And I think that knowing that you're

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a person who benefited from utilizing

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988 helps spread so

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much more confidence to others that it is a safe space to call and talk to someone

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because there's so many people out there that don't have anyone or don't think

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they have anyone or they don't want to burden other people with their problems because

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they recognize everyone has problems.

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And knowing that there's one person who benefited from 988, from calling,

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and it has in ways bettered your life, changed your life.

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You're still here to this day. You're still working through things on a regular basis.

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That should be an empowerment to so many more people to utilize that resource.

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It's a good starting point.

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Mental health journey 100 and you

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know like the whole mission of the podcast is to

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really normalize how we talk about mental health because if we just start sharing

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our stories and our journeys then somebody doesn't feel so terrified and lonely

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in their own journey right they may not have act they may feel so uncomfortable

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picking up their phone and talking to somebody

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just listen to the podcast because we've had so many awesome guests on that

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have shared their journeys and given us some tips and tricks and tools and things

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that we would have never thought about.

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And maybe even if we'd call the crisis line, right, we may not have gotten that information.

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But like, I will tell you, life really is worth living.

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And life on this side of depression is a thousand times better than it was on the other side.

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Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that people have this fear behind reaching

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out to any crisis outline, whether it's 988 or any of the other ones that are

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out there, because there's so many.

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But they have this fear that if they call and they say, I'm feeling suicidal,

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or they say, I think I want to kill myself, or they say, I just cut myself,

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any of these kinds of things, right?

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That immediately somebody is

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going to show up on their doorstep and take them to the mental hospital.

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And I'm not going to speak for all of the other crisis hotlines out there because I can't, obviously.

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I don't know what they do. But for the one that I am passionate about,

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90 Day, I can say for certainty, that's not something we want to do.

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That's not something we're going to try to do.

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What we're going to try to do is see what helps you in that moment.

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And if that's talking, we're going to talk. But if you agree that you need help, then guess what?

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We're going to find you that help. And if that means we need to send someone

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to you, then we will find some way of doing that.

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There are so many states and cities now that are utilizing mobile crisis units.

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And with a 988 database, we can ask you some information, not all of it,

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but some information. and we can say, okay, this mobile crisis unit is in an area near you.

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They come to your house. They'll talk with you. That doesn't mean they're going

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to take you to the hospital.

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That just means someone's going to physically come to your house and try to help you in that moment.

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If you decide you want to go to the hospital, then they will help you with that.

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But just because you call does not mean it's going to end with you in a hospital.

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Little yeah it's good to know there's options for

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them there are anybody falls there are and i can

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tell you seriously because of 988 it gave me the voice you guys helped me get

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my voice back so i could at least tell my wife what was going on because she

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had no idea none dirty skittles didn't know my my friends didn't know nobody knew.

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But it gave me a voice. The very next day, I was in therapy.

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And then I started sharing my journey on social media.

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Because I didn't want people to feel as fucking terrified as I felt myself.

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Yeah. Right? And then I would call and talk to Dirty Skittles every day. And we would laugh.

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So my healer truly was going to therapy and laughing.

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I feel you on the laughing part. That's the only way I get through every single day.

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If we would have recorded some of those earlier conversations, they

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were so good so good i am a

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person who like as many times a day as i can say

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that's what she said i will yes so i

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i can never get the timing right i never get it right

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i'm like is it now is it now and then i'll say it oh i

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am so like on it like if i say something

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and you missed the moment where you could set it to me i'm

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gonna be like that's what she said i'm gonna

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do it to my own itself because you missed your moment and my

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son he's 16 and so he does the same thing

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like he's spot on with it so if we're not laughing

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all day like what is I mean what is happening like

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laughter is literally some of the absolute best

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medicine in the whole world and

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I think that people often kind of

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forget that like when they are so super depressed they

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actually don't have that ability to like laugh because they

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have no emotion they have no feeling like they're just like

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like in a zombie state and I

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have on many occasions when I'm talking with callers I'll be like okay what

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things do you find joy in oh nothing okay well do you like comedy do you like

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laughing I don't know okay well how do you feel about maybe pulling up YouTube and watching.

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Insert comedian, right?

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Or how do you feel about turning on The Office? Because obviously, I love it.

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Or something like that, like giving yourself permission to watch something that's

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funny and then laugh a little or things like that.

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And sometimes people take my ideas and sometimes they don't.

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But on the moments where they do and they have that moment to just laugh,

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Or if we're in conversation and I'm talking to them and maybe I randomly said

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something that I didn't realize was going to be funny, but they thought it was funny.

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And by the end of it, we're both laughing and we're having this silly banter

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back and forth. And they're like, wow, I feel so much better.

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I'm like, I'm going to see laughter. Yeah.

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Laughing is so much better than crying. Laughing. It just, it opens up so much

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within you and just increases your serotonin and your endorphins.

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And I'm telling you, there's times that Tony Skittles and I talk and man, we are friends.

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Just we're people we can just laugh at our own pain

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is what she means oh i do that to myself

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regularly so i feel that some of my care

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about my own self like sometimes makes people uncomfortable when i'm laughing

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about my own tragedies right that i'm like in this never-ending story of my

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you know self like is just depleting and i just like my body is deteriorating

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like i make the and they make people so uncomfortable i'm like oh dang you don't get it.

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Didn't make to me didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

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Meanwhile you told you rex and i were dying laughing we're like oh this is great

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i'm like i just gotta find my people who are on my deranged humor level okay

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right right right literally it's all right i'm driving the short bus to hell

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so you know it's all good back there with you don't worry yeah and i'll counsel

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all of you while we're there it's Yeah,

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I'm going to serve margaritas and maybe like some THC soda and,

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you know, whatever you need, you know, it's going to be an enjoyable ride.

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That's the only way I'll be running is if it's after a margarita bus. Heck yeah. Right. Yeah.

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I ain't running because I'm going to die.

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I'd have to wear a bra. No, we're not running. That's like the worst.

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It is. Every part of my day is not doing that anymore. Right. Exactly.

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Yeah. Yeah. This has been great, Susie. I love this conversation.

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I love your story. I love what you're doing.

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I thank you for just even pursuing this line of work and being there for people

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that you may never meet ever, but just being there when they need you the most

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is awesome. So thank you for what you do.

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Well, I would say like, it's my pleasure, but that's so weird.

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Just Chick-fil-A is in my head 24-7. Right.

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I feel like that's the way you're supposed to end that when somebody's like you.

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But I love I genuinely do like

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love the work that I do and I know that sounds nuts

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because how could you love doing that

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but I genuinely love that moment

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where when I'm connecting with a caller who

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is at their worst whatever moment that looks like for them

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right and at the end of it we've

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established they're going to be safe for the rest of that day

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doesn't have to be forever just today in

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this moment after our conversation today you're going to be okay we'll worry

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about tomorrow when tomorrow comes right that moment is just like i feel so

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grateful that i got to be a part of that person's one day journey into the next

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steps and i just love my job.

00:21:05
Yes. So Susie, I do have one question.

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So if any of our listeners are interested in working in like a crisis center,

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what would like be their like first steps?

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Sure. So obviously to, you know, figure out what is available in your state.

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So like the state that I live in, we are one of the top four largest 988 centers in the whole country.

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In the state that I live in, we service about 80% of the state.

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So we're the fourth largest in the nation, 80% of just our state.

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So we get a lot of calls. So what I would recommend is seeing what counseling

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or crisis counseling centers or hotlines or whatever is available in your state.

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So if you want to work for like 988, for example, you would go to the 988lifeline.org,

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I think is the one. Yeah, that's what it is.

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988lifeline.org. Yes, 988lifeline.org. And then you would click on a tab that

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says become a part of 988 or volunteer or something of that nature.

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And then drop down to find your state.

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And then it will tell you all of the different facilities that 988 works with.

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With so like there are different organizations that 988 affiliates themselves

00:22:34
with that organization and so you're working together for whatever that state looks like.

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If that makes sense. So then you would see what openings they have,

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and then you could apply.

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Now, as a 988 crisis counselor in my state, like I said, you have to have a bachelor's degree.

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I'm not saying it's like that everywhere. You might not. And it is a paid position.

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So it's not a volunteer position.

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You do get paid to do that job.

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So I think sometimes that's important for people to know because when they call,

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they think we just are volunteers and we don't care.

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But no we 100 care like this

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is our job i oh my

00:23:18
god i love this thank you thank you thank you suzy oh

00:23:21
this is such a good question you're more than welcome

00:23:24
to ask questions about the line what anything you want like if i can tell you

00:23:27
i will tell you if i can't i'll let you know but if you have more questions

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i'm happy to try to answer them i don't have any i mean this just this has been

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just a beautiful episode yeah it's a beautiful like i'm just in awe i'm in awe Yeah, me too.

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I genuinely thank you for what you do because that's, it's not,

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I cannot, I would imagine it's not easy to do this. No, it's definitely not easy.

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And I will say this, like there have been times when people have called and

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they have had maybe a negative experience, right?

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With the person that they were talking to.

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And what I can say to that is if you call and you don't like the voice you're

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talking to, you don't like the fact that it might be male versus female.

00:24:12
You don't like the energy that they're bringing.

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There are a couple of things I would recommend. Number one, feel the vibe out

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of who you're talking to, right?

00:24:22
Number two, you don't have to give us any identifying information about yourself at all whatsoever.

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Number three, we're going to ask you direct questions when you call.

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We want to know, are you feeling suicidal today?

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Have you done anything to harm yourself? And have you ever in the past tried to kill yourself?

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And we ask these because we need to know what direction we're going to take

00:24:47
this conversation, how we plan to help you or navigate the conversation,

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because we want to make sure that we're giving you what you need in that moment.

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And by knowing those answers, we can help you better.

00:25:01
So when you call and you answer those questions,

00:25:04
whether it was yes and yes that does

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not mean we have anything to identify you

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so you're not going to send someone out to you just because you said yes right

00:25:14
so if you are not feeling the vibe you can politely say hey listen i'm gonna

00:25:20
call back in and talk to someone else and get you can hang up you can call right

00:25:25
back in you don't even have to politely say it you can just be like click.

00:25:30
Yeah you don't have to say anything I mean like

00:25:33
if you are not enjoying the the the

00:25:36
flow of the conversation the only reason why I say

00:25:39
like say that you're hanging up is because that counselor might get real worried

00:25:44
about you and they might be like oh no is this something that like I should

00:25:49
be worried about this person right because that is a thing we do when people

00:25:54
hang up we do worry Worry a little bit, right?

00:25:57
Be saying like, hey, not feeling this. I'll let you go. Hang up. It's fine.

00:26:02
Then you can call in and talk to someone else. You can a dozen times and get,

00:26:07
you know, different people.

00:26:08
You don't have to just talk to that one person. So if the vibe is not feeling

00:26:12
good or you're having a negative experience, call back in and talk to someone else.

00:26:17
It might be a better experience that time.

00:26:21
And it's okay. okay and and i

00:26:24
was just gonna say the crisis line it's not just

00:26:26
for people who feel suicidal it's for any type of like mental crisis that you're

00:26:33
going through if they will help you 100 you're talking to somebody that has

00:26:40
been there done that fucking so thankful for that

00:26:44
opportunity because I'm here.

00:26:47
Absolutely. And it's such an amazing resource.

00:26:51
And for any of our listeners that are in Canada, you can use that same phone number, 988.

00:26:59
And then if you are outside of the country, I saw this on Grey's Anatomy the other night.

00:27:06
There is a, you can contact findahelpline.org and they will find,

00:27:14
you can use that to find somebody within your own country to get help.

00:27:18
Yes. And we also, for people who don't like to talk, you can also text or you

00:27:25
can chat like on a computer with someone as well.

00:27:28
And that way, I mean, that conversation sometimes is a really long one because

00:27:33
it's hard to flow when you're texting seeing or typing, but it's still an option for you.

00:27:39
And if there's parents out there with kids, please recommend this resource to your children.

00:27:49
I don't want to scare people, but I've spoken to dozens of young adults.

00:27:55
The youngest one I ever spoke to was nine.

00:27:58
So just because you're not seeing

00:28:01
it doesn't mean they're not feeling it and giving them

00:28:04
a free resource that they can call and talk to

00:28:07
whenever they need is so beneficial to

00:28:10
them and for the people that call and prank the line it's rude don't do it thank

00:28:15
you amen yeah thank you thank you thank you thank you so much i i just i love

00:28:23
everything about you you're such great energy oh my head a little bigger thank you.

00:28:29
You know that's how it works thank you

00:28:32
I appreciate it so much yeah and congrats on

00:28:35
graduating again yeah so awesome I am so

00:28:38
excited I have an interview next weekend for the master's program that I applied

00:28:43
for and I'm really hoping that they accept me because I'm really looking forward

00:28:48
to being able to pursue this further I have a lot of hopes and dreams inside

00:28:54
of my head on what I would like to do in my future.

00:28:57
So I'm hoping we get there. But until then, I'm so grateful for working for this line.

00:29:03
Episode two, and I recorded that ending and I sent it to all my coworkers and I was like, be prepared.

00:29:10
Because we take so many calls like my center in a 24-hour period usually takes

00:29:16
over 700 calls yeah well in a 24-hour time span so i was like y'all be prepared because i'm gonna be,

00:29:25
you just put it out there on a huge platform yeah i'm so glad that they did that because

00:29:31
that means so many more people now

00:29:34
know about the line i've listened

00:29:37
to even artists at the end of their set or

00:29:41
in the middle of their set talk about 988 so like the word is getting out there

00:29:46
and if people think that they might want to do this work please apply we need

00:29:51
you just as much as you need us okay amen amen all right nice thank you thank you thank you so much

00:30:00
for listening to this episode i'm g-rex and i'm dirty skittles don't forget

00:30:05
to subscribe rate and review this podcast we'd love to listen to your feedback

00:30:10
we can't do this without you guys.

00:30:15
Music.