Laughter, Loss and Lessons: Season 11 Mental Health Wrap-Up

[00:00:06] Hey there, listeners. Welcome to Shit That Goes Under Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, G-Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests. Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Welcome back to a season-ender episode. Shit that goes on in our heads. I'm Dirty Skittles. And I'm joined by, with my co-host, G-Rex. G-Rex. See, this lines up with somebody saying, are they DJs? Yes, we are. No, I'm just kidding. They're DJs.

[00:01:05] The podcast of, like, DJs of mental wellness. Yes. That sounds really cool. Can you imagine us playing, like, at a high school prom? Yeah. Boom. Boom. Do you have imposter syndrome? Boom. Boom. Fuck anxiety. Fuck it. Well, you know what it is. It feels good to let loose on a season-ender and not have a... We can just be silly.

[00:01:33] We can be silly like we used to be when I would call you all those mornings ago, be like bawling and crying and laughing all at the same time. I know. But we've grown so much since then. And every season of this episode, this podcast, literally is a new chapter. It feels like we learned so much still in 11 seasons. We're still learning shit.

[00:02:00] We're still... Like, every episode so far, I've learned something new in every single episode. And, like, all our guests have been super incredible and super gracious. And it's just an honor to be able to talk to them and, like, learn from them. Because I was looking back at, like, episodes from, like, season one. And a lot of what the information that we would give out, those websites are now gone.

[00:02:28] So, like, every time we have a guest on, they're giving new tips, new tricks, new websites that, you know, that information is still valid and valuable to them. And I think that's the awesome part of this is that people are getting the help they need. I... Yeah. I have not gone back to listen to season one. But I do remember in the younger years, in our baby stage, we talked a lot about what we thought would be helpful.

[00:02:57] Like, stuff that we learned from our own personal journeys. And we just hoped that would resonate with people. But as the seasons continue to go on and we talk to new people, it's so wild to me how there's themes that literally will carry on. It feels like every time we record a season, there seems to be, like, this standout theme. And it's never repeated. Like, it's every season is something different and it taps into, like... Spoiler alert, we're already recording another season.

[00:03:25] But I feel like the one that we're recording now is tapping into your journey with writing your book and, like, what that has meant for you and all of that. And this past season that we did, we seem to keep touching on, like, individuals who had to set boundaries for themselves in all different ways. And I feel like we started that with our season opener, Bonnie. Oh, yeah. Bonnie. I loved Bonnie. And it's funny. She's coming back sometime next year just to kind of revisit.

[00:03:55] But, like, she was a people pleaser. She had to learn how to set firm boundaries, kind of like I did. That was the first thing I learned in therapy is, like, how to set a boundary. Like, if you're not setting those now, please do. Don't wait until you're 59 and a half to think about it. Yeah. And even though it's hard and maybe even scary, it is so much more liberating after you do it. Especially when it comes to, like, toxic relationships.

[00:04:25] If it's a friendship, a loved one, family, whatever. But knowing what you're worth and, like, your value as a person is what we, at least what I took away from Bonnie's episode, was, like, wow, our independence matters. And if somebody is not helping us become a better person, it's okay even more so to set that boundary. You got to protect yourself. Protect yourself.

[00:04:50] And not just boundaries with yourself, but, like, boundaries around work and standing up for yourself. And the power of no. Yeah. That is such a great, like, that is such a great power. And the sooner you learn it in your work life, the better off you will be. Right? Right. Like, it is not rocket science. They don't own you. It's hard. It's hard, but they do not own you. They may think they do, but they do not own you. Yeah.

[00:05:19] And I think it goes back to knowing what you're worth. Knowing who you are as a person. Not being somebody for something or someone else. Be you. Be you. And then we had Pearl. And man, what a heart-wrenching in a lot of ways. And, like, I've never thought of, like, divorcing anybody in my life. Right?

[00:05:44] There have been some people that have crossed that line, but I would never, like, divorce them. I might, like, snooze them for 30 days on social media or, like, unfollow them. But I would, I don't think I could completely take them out of my life. Yeah. But talk about, like, again, that theme of boundaries. She wrote an obituary for somebody. Like, what a final way to say goodbye. Yeah. Goodbye. And everything she did after her son passed away.

[00:06:14] Yeah. And that she, she took all that pain and turned it into purpose. And she's helping elevate women now. And I think that's really awesome. Yeah, man. Why not? Why not help each other out? Honestly. Honestly. It's not hard. It's not hard. It's not hard. You know what? Lift each other up. Because the world's already trying to, like, crush us anyway. Yeah.

[00:06:40] It, a simple act of kindness, finding your joy, and, like, doing the things that make you happy. Yeah. Are gonna make the crappy days seem a little bit better. But also just, like, being mindful of, like, everybody has a story. Mm-hmm. I feel like we continue to learn that, too, in every season we record. Everybody has a story. You never know what it really is. So it doesn't cost anything to be nice to people. No. Nothing. Yeah. Absolutely. You don't have to go out of your way. Just be a nice fucking human being, for Christ's sakes. Yeah.

[00:07:10] It costs you absolutely nothing to be nice. Nothing. And then Val came back. Again. I love the Val came back. And she really talked about her OCD. Yes. And those intrusive thoughts. Because, you know what? We all get them. Yes. I remember feeling guilty during this one because I was like, oh. So it wasn't nice to mess with a younger, like, when I was younger with a family member who has OCD tendencies, let's say. I thought it was funny just to fuck with her whole world.

[00:07:39] But, you know, it's not. Guys, going back to what I just said, it costs nothing to be nice to people. It costs nothing to be nice. But it was during that episode that I thought, damn, if I had OCD, my office would be so much cleaner. I know. In my room. But it's never going to happen. Yeah. I mean, I like chaos. And it works for me. Yeah. Not for everybody else in the house, but it works for me. Yeah.

[00:08:05] I think, honestly, something that I feel like I'm starting to learn with this stuff, too, is like, like OCD to me, what you just said, it means I have a clean office. But I didn't realize the other side of it, like the intrusive thoughts that she has to battle all the time. So I remember like that being a very eye opening conversation for me because I'm like, oh, there's something else going on there. Right.

[00:08:27] It's not just the way that my cousin had to line up all the cushions and like everything on the couch or something happening behind the scenes. So I really did appreciate her being vulnerable and sharing that with us. Because you were a little dick when you're a kid and you're like, well, let me fuck with them. Yeah. Dick skittles. That sounded really wrong. I don't know. You don't know where I come up with this shit, man. I don't know where you come with it.

[00:08:54] But the other thing that I really thought about, too, is a lot of the treatment that goes into that. Right. And all the medications and things that sometimes doctors don't get right. And having doctors talk to other doctors to make things, make sure that things aren't conflicting and you're not making it worse. So. Yeah. And then we had a nope coach. Which was all about boundaries. And that girl. Oh, my God. I love Suzanne. I loved her. She was amazing.

[00:09:24] Like she made setting boundaries like a priority. Yeah. I loved her. Like a skill you learn. And the more you use it, the better you get at it. And some of us might get a little better at saying no than others. But it's not selfish. It honestly is not. It's not. And like, I love it that she uses the word fuck as much as I do. It's like, it's a sentence enhancer. A sentence enhancer.

[00:09:53] I like that. It is. It's a sentence enhancer. It's natural. But you know, she really reinforced that saying no is not rude. It's super powerful. And I, every now and then I need to keep remembering my boundaries. It's a muscle you have to work out. Yeah. Yeah. You can't, you're never, I guess I'm learning with like, like a mental health and boundaries

[00:10:18] and these themes that carry through our seasons that it's not like, you're not fixed. You know what I mean? Like you have to work at it and reminding yourself that you're worth it and that you're fighting for you and saying no, especially if it's not like, especially when it is to something that is not what you want to fucking do or it's not going to help you out. There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing.

[00:10:43] And then we had Stephanie and oh my God, this was such a good episode talking about fear of dogs and just like rational versus irrational fears. Like my fear of heights. I am 62 years old or going to be 62. And yet I still am afraid of fucking heights. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, we got to both be vulnerable. My fear of deep dark water and whales.

[00:11:10] It's out there now for anybody who listens to that episode to know I've been teased about it my whole life because it was seen as an irrational fear. Like when are you ever going to be confronted by a giant whale in deep dark water? And to that I say to those motherfuckers, it's because I don't put myself in those situations. It's not an irrational fear. I remember that episode and when we went to New York City and we did that immersive experience and the blue whale came out of the wall. I was.

[00:11:38] And I filmed it in like slow motion. I didn't send that to you because I knew that would end you. And I did not want to end you. I mean, I would have laughed about it a tiny bit. And I thought, oh shit, you're an asshole. This is why we're friends. But I do recognize and as a parent, I don't want my son to pick up my fears. Right. So like knock on wood, it hasn't happened yet.

[00:12:05] But if ever he was like had a real passion for whales and he was like, mom, we got to go and see all these whales. I probably would do it because I don't want him to know. Or I don't want him to fear. That's what it is. I don't mind if he knows that I'm afraid of whales, but I don't want him to pick up my fear. You know what I mean? I do.

[00:12:25] But I loved how she talked to us about working with dogs and approaching dogs and things that people need to remember and all the work she's done with both kids and adults to overcome that fear. And I thought that was really cool. And just her approach made it really like helpful. And even in my like when I think about me being afraid of heights, like I could approach some of that fear with some of the things that she taught us.

[00:12:51] And no, I'm not getting on a fucking ladder anytime soon to get back on the roof. Yeah, you shouldn't do it. You have nothing to prove. I have nothing to prove. Fuck those ladders. Fuck those ladders. And then we had Linda, who I'm going to call my crystal sister. She is your crystal sister. This had such a warm energy to her and welcoming and vibrant. And I don't know, it just felt like a hug. You know what I mean?

[00:13:21] Talking to her felt like we were getting a nice warm hug. It did. I was on her podcast and prior to her being on ours. And she was she's just real and like just has a good soul. And she's been through some shit. Like she lost her son to alcoholism. Yeah. She battled cancer. She survived COVID. And she's been sober for nine years.

[00:13:46] Like, fuck man, she's been through some shit, but she still ends up showing up every single day. Yeah. She was so positive. Yeah. Yeah. Thinking like, man, you've really gone through it, especially as a parent losing a child and still to remain and be so positive. Yeah. It blew me away. That's like, to me, strength. Yeah. That was like total strength. And like, she was funny, too. I remember laughing a lot during that episode.

[00:14:14] And before we always like chit chat before we start recording. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, oh, let's get up on Gretchen Day. Okay. I'm all in. Whatever. And then we had Yalda. Yes. Oh, my God. Like a topic we had never talked about. And that's postpartum psychosis and like what she went through and the strength that she had to. Strength she had to find so she could get take care of herself and take care of her son.

[00:14:44] Yeah. The line that we have here. I love you so much. I fought to get better that she says to her son. It's I remember sitting across from her and hearing her story. And. As I could relate, I could really, and I think when you're a new mom or just a mom. And I don't know if it's safe to say everybody kind of gets to a moment where I think you hit a breaking point. And.

[00:15:13] Being able to hear that conversation happen and like somebody share that moment of their life with us, for me was very refreshing because nobody really talks about it. Like nobody talks about being a mom and struggling with those thoughts that she shared. So. Love that she was talking about it and she and with the strength and the way she did it was amazing. Yeah.

[00:15:40] And I love how she advocates fiercely for maternal mental health. Yeah. Because. There's. There's a lot of talk about mental health, but not like maternal mental health or. Yeah. I don't. And I don't know if there's mental health issues that happen with like men. I don't know if there's a postpartum for men. I mean, I'd be interested to find that out. I don't know. But like she was just so passionate about it and she was very vulnerable with us.

[00:16:08] And I really appreciated her coming on and like sharing that with us. Yeah. No, I mean, now I am curious. Is there postpartum for men? It's such like almost like taboo, I think, for people to acknowledge being a parent may not be all like beautiful and wonderful at first. Like you may have these very strong adverse emotions. And I love that she's advocating for talking about it.

[00:16:43] And then we had Amy and Amy's dad was a dick. I'm just going to say that. I'm sorry, Amy, but your dad was a dick. It's like, yeah, I mean, it's not great for the people that raise you and love you to tell you when you're not or to tell you that you're not worth it or to be fucking mean. Like some comments as a parent.

[00:17:07] You need to understand that could have negative effects for long, long after they've grown up. Yeah. Like, be nice to your kids. Okay. Be mindful of the words you use because that shit haunts you for the rest of your life. Yeah. And if you're I mean, if you are a parent, yeah, nobody's perfect. So maybe like go and get help if you are dealing with your own shit so that you don't transfer that onto your kids.

[00:17:33] And just remember, like the things my mom used to say, if you don't have anything nice to say, maybe don't say it. Yeah. You know, internalize that. Just not say it. You can internalize it. You can think in your head, but like use your inside voice, not your outside voice when you're talking to your kids. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to check back in with her because that was the episode where we talked about like her love of gardening and building a community.

[00:18:03] And I still think that it's so brave of her to feel like based on what her father said as a child that she wasn't. She doesn't know her worth. Right. But she's out here like recording a podcast and putting herself out there. And so to me, I find that so beautiful that like something that you're insecure about or unsure of and you're literally putting yourself out there and like the most public way ever and killing it, like doing such an amazing job.

[00:18:33] Oh, doing all the things. And then we had Austin and I loved Austin. Oh, my God. Yeah. Such a nice. Yeah. Nice guy. Super soft spoken. It got me in the feels. It hit me. It hit me in the heart. It hit me in places I didn't think that it would hit me. And yeah, I'm a sensitive girl. Y'all may not realize it, but I am still pretty sensitive. I wear my heart on my sleeve. A little soft.

[00:19:03] Okay. I'm the Stay Puft girl. I know. You're the sweet, soft marshmallow. Sweet, soft marshmallow. Yeah. But like the things that he had to do as a 10 year old, right? Yeah. He had to. Being the man of the house. Become the man of the house. He was given a choice in his life. The fork, right? Like one side of the fork was go and do drugs and be with his friends or he turned to the church. Yeah. And you know, that saved him.

[00:19:32] Right. He was able to like figure out like what his trauma was and building his resilience. And now he's helping like thousands of kids deal with addiction. And wow. Like talking about taking kids under your arms and like really making sure they're okay. Yeah. To be there for them the way he would have, the way he could have benefited as a child, having somebody there for him.

[00:20:00] So you say it all the time where they, what is it? You're like, you take your trauma and you turn it into purpose or. Yeah. You have this thing that you say and it's so true. Like it didn't stop him. It didn't cripple him. It didn't, it didn't have the effect that one would expect. He's literally turning it around. He is. And like he has his morning rituals, his biggest struggle and still is now surrendering control. And trusting the moment.

[00:20:29] I still have that. Like. It's gotta be hard. I know. I can hope this works out. I'm going to do it. And I hope it will work out. Yeah. I need to do that better. I need to practice that. I need to exercise that muscle a little bit more. Do you? Okay. Yeah. Good luck with that. We'll check in next season under. Next season. And then we had Elise and she was our last episode for season 11. Goddamn. I can't believe it's season 11. Man. She was so awesome.

[00:21:00] Yeah. She was a clinical therapist, decided to go out on her own and she launched a podcast, wrote a book. She's like everybody else working on setting boundaries. Because I'm telling you, it is a lifelong challenge. It is not something you do once and walk away from. Yes. Totally. And the highway. I remember talking about, I was like, look, if my friends want me to go anywhere and I got to take the highway to get there, I'm fucking not doing it. I'm not doing it.

[00:21:29] I'm not getting like, and it's fine. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with me. Okay. Nothing. Nothing at all. I did love her theme song though. Yeah. Girls just want to have fun. And because like when we, yeah, when we talked to her, she was in Disneyland, Disney World. Yeah. Living the best, living her best life. It was right in the middle of, I think, Passover that she was there. So she had like all her little Passover food.

[00:21:55] She was just chatting with us on, and it was just such a great conversation. But remind us a lot about nature and just. Reclaiming our joy. Finding our joy. Because, as we said before, the world is on fire. It is. It is. And I look forward to the day where we record a season ender or an episode when we talk about man, wasn't it crazy how bad it was? But look at us now. It's so great. Yeah.

[00:22:23] I mean, I'm like so proud of us though. Here we are doing our season 11 ender. I got the craziest. Uh oh. Review of our podcast. Oh. And it was from Big V. And I was like. Say it. Say it. Girl is still listening to this podcast. And like, I was, it warmed my heart. And like, every time we hear from a different guest or somebody who writes a comment on our

[00:22:51] social media posts, we thank all of you. Mm-hmm. And as much therapy as this is for you guys and that you're getting something out of it, we get so much more. Yeah. We do. We do 100%. We do. And like, Dirty Skittles and I are still best friends. I still call her every day. Yeah. Well. Yeah. Every day because things get in the way. Like, jobs. But when we do get, when we do get to talk to each other, we still laugh. Literally.

[00:23:20] And it's that laughter that really sets the tone for the day. I had you buckled over earlier today. Wait, that doesn't sound right. No, you did have me buckled over. I was dying. I had tears in my eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Look at us. I mean, and like a lot of things happen. Like, I have the first draft of my book done now. Yeah, I know. I'm. Your growth is wild. It's. I'm, I'm really proud of myself. You should be. That I was able to do something. Try to do that.

[00:23:51] And like, my business is going good. Mm-hmm. Like, I never thought at 61 this would be what I was doing. Yeah. Wasn't in the wheelhouse. No, but you know. Because you literally went from not saying anything about what you were struggling with to saying it on a microphone and writing it down in a fucking book that you're going to have out there for anybody to pick up and read. Right. So like, that's huge. And not just that, like I've been on over 30 podcasts.

[00:24:18] And every time I guest on somebody else's podcast, they just thank me for being an incredible guest and sharing my journey. And I couldn't do this with anybody else but you. Oh, thanks, man. Because we feed off of each other so well. Even your fucked up questions. Listen, Linda. I'm not going to change them. The last ones. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to think about it. If I can come up with two new good ones. Maybe I'll slide them in.

[00:24:45] Once you go back out to inside the actor's studio and go find more questions. Yeah, those are some good ones. Yeah. And like, I've been working on a whole bunch of new stuff for the podcast. Like we've decided that anytime we have a two parter, the second part is going to come out that same week. I'm doing flip books for each season now, starting with season 11. Just give some information about what we talked about, any resources, some journal prompts,

[00:25:15] things to like, you know, help you keep engaged because it is something tangible. Yeah. The problem that we have now is a lot of like resources that we recommended in even season one or season five are gone now. So these are good, reliable resources that people can use. And it's just like we're still having fun. Yeah.

[00:25:40] So what do our listeners get to look forward to in terms of audio for next season? Wow. Let me tell you. Hold please. Well, while she's pulling that up, I will let you all know. It would be helpful if you tell us if there's like a guest you want to hear again, or new guests that maybe we don't know about. Let us know. Yeah.

[00:26:04] And one thing that we were thinking about is doing an episode of ask us a question. Yeah. Ask us anything. Ask us anything. You can go out to our website. You can leave us a voicemail. And we would love to talk about it on the podcast. Yeah. We do our season enders at the end of each season and we can bring that up during our season ender. Yeah. But we have like some really amazing guests coming up for season 12. So we have Kate.

[00:26:34] She was on last year and she's talking about her new venture with her heart and soul. And then we had Marie who talked to us about her, her grief because she had lost her husband. And we have Richard who's coming on. He is, he's another podcaster out there. Funniest conversation I think we've ever had with anybody. He's just, he is no holds barred. He's a recovering drug addict.

[00:27:02] And then we had Tim who is a high school football coach. Who's just really trying to make sure that men are taking care of their mental health. That's a good one. And then we had. All our secrets away. Don't give all our secrets away. I will. And then we had Emily. We talked about her experience as a suicide attempt survivor at the ripe old age of 19. Yeah. And then we had Susan. Susan. And Susan is amazing.

[00:27:30] Just telling her story about her father and it was such a great season coming up. So I'm, I'm excited for all those fun things. Yeah. And like, I just want to keep hearing from you guys. Like if there's something you want us to talk about, let us know. Yeah, we're open. I'm on social media all day, every day. God bless. Posting a lot out onto LinkedIn. Companies are really starting to take notice of employees' mental health, which warms my heart.

[00:27:59] And I just want you all to just keep taking care of yourself. Be kind. Find your joy. Be kind to each other. Find something to be, to laugh at and be grateful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Perfectly said. Beautiful. So we'll see you guys next season. Thank you for everything you do. Thanks for listening. Yeah. And we'll be here. We'll be here all day, every day. Hi, all.

[00:28:28] Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone. I'm Dirty Skittles.