Joe’s Mental Health Reckoning: Trauma, Anxiety & Recovery

[00:00:06] Hey there listeners, welcome to Shit That Goes Under Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, you Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests. Each episode we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] So tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads. I'm here today with my awesome co-host, Dirty Skittles. And today we have an amazing guest, Jo. Welcome to the show, Jo. Welcome, Jo. Thank you. I'm honored to be here. Aww. That's nice. I think the honor is all ours. We get to meet you.

[00:01:04] For me, first time meeting you, I get to learn more about what makes Jo. I know. I'm like, I always, I never know how to just segue into. So tell me about yourself. I'm just genuinely curious. Who is Jo? Oh, gosh, I'm not sure you guys even want to know that. Well, I am really just a lowly little high school principal. I've done a lot of work in trauma and working with young people.

[00:01:29] I've been in education for 27 years and all of them have been spent in alternative education. So detention centers, residential treatment centers, therapeutic day schools. You know, those are, I think, kids that are struggling are my kind of kid because that's the kind of kid I was. That's the way I grew up. And, you know, I wrote a book about it and stuff called Calming Young Minds. I'm actually working on my second edition to it right now. I've finished most of the research stuff.

[00:01:55] So now it's just the writing time, which I feel like anybody who saw me in real life would be like, that guy probably can't spell, let alone write a book. But I can't, you know. Is that? Yeah, that's just a little bit about me in a nutshell, I guess. I'm sure you guys will dig deeper, which I welcome and I'm excited. Okay, first thoughts off the bat. I was probably one of the kids you would have dealt with. I mean, not in real life, but I was the bad kid. I was not bad. I was a troublemaker. I got bored a lot.

[00:02:24] Child of trauma. I mean, there was a lot to unpack in high school. Little dirty skittles. But is that what I guess led you into taking this path of helping others? Is that you were you came from that same sort of upbringing? Kind of. Yeah, it's an interesting story. And I'll tell you just a quick little bit of it. I. So when I got out of the military, I was I got I married my wife, who's still somehow, you know, she's obviously not mentally fit because she's still with me.

[00:02:54] But I decided to go to college. She kind of was like, you know, what are you going to do with your life? And so I decided to go to Illinois State University. We're up in them on my T-shirt today. Go ISU Redbirds. And she worked at a place called the baby fold and was like, you know, you can get a part time job there. And what that was at the time, it was a residential treatment center. And so I went in and I worked with these kids in college and I thought, these are my people like the I get these kids. That was me. I was oppositional defiant. I was, you know, had a behavior disorder, ADHD.

[00:03:24] They were younger, so they hadn't peaked like me. You know, they hadn't had the great opportunity to spend many nights in jail yet. So I was hoping to keep them from that because that's no fun. And I actually switched majors and was like, I'm going to be a special ed teacher because I want to work with these kids. And so that's what I did. And oddly enough, just this summer, probably three months ago, I was offered a position to be the principal at the baby fold. Wow. And I thought, oh, my God, coming home like you guys inspired me to do what I do.

[00:03:53] I still reference them all the time and different trainings I do and different, you know, speaking engagements that I do. So I thought, my man, I'm doing it. So I'm back and blooming to normal the great metropolis in Illinois and back at the baby fold where I cut my teeth and learned and so excited to be back there. So, yeah, that definitely was one of the inspirations that I'd never worked with kids like that before. I just, you know, I was one, but I never worked with them.

[00:04:20] And then so getting an opportunity to work with them totally changed the trajectory of what I would do with my life. I don't know what I would have done otherwise. God knows where I am now. Yeah, possibly. Divine intervention. It happens to the best of us. You know, I like, like dirty skittles. I was probably one of those kids, you know, but I was also an extrovert and an empath. And, you know, I was the life of the party. But at the same time, I had zero desire to be in school because it was boring.

[00:04:50] Yeah. And didn't have the tools. And we didn't have the tools. The teachers and the principals didn't have the tools to manage us because, you know, I've been out of school. I graduated high school in 82, like 100,000 years ago. Yeah. Back in the 1900s. It kind of feels like that. Yeah. No, I was just, I was the bad kid.

[00:05:16] I wasn't, you know what it is now as an adult, I can look back and understand I was just angry. Like I was just an angry kid. And so I would skip class all the time. I was never really like bullying of others, but I just got into all kinds of bad things. I don't know how I graduated, if I'm being honest. Couldn't remember half of it because I was just out and about hated listening to teachers. Didn't really like the principal.

[00:05:43] I remember running away from the principal skipping class one time and she like yelled my name over the microphone because she knew it was me. I was going to get in trouble either way, but just the, you know, wanting to act out the whole anarchy of it all was what drove me to stay in, I guess. So, yeah. What, how does it feel being full circle now? Cutting your teeth there and now you're back. It's kind of interesting.

[00:06:11] It's crazy that there's people that I worked with, you know, 20, 20 years ago, 25 years ago that are still there. So it was kind of coming home to a couple of old friends and that's comforting to see, you know, that they're still there and they're still doing the good work. And, and so that was, I guess, a nice warm welcome to, to see some of those people. And now I get to work with them every day again.

[00:06:32] And, and, you know, we're all different because, you know, back then we were in our twenties and I was already married and had kids, but none of them, you know, a lot of them were still single and running around. And some of them married each other, which is fantastic because I remember them dating at the time. And so it's been kind of interesting to see, you know, how all of us kids turned out that we're just a bunch of kids running around working with a bunch of littler kids.

[00:06:55] And now we're all in our fifties and, you know, have to act professional and do things the right way. So it's been interesting. Is it still just as gratifying to be in this line of work now being a principal? Yeah, I think so. And I get to do more. So I'm not like, well, I guess a lot of principals claim they're like this now, but they, I don't think that's true. So I don't really spend any time in my office. Like I'm in the classrooms with the kids all day.

[00:07:23] I like to come in a couple hours early and if I have paperwork and all that nonsense to do, I do it then. And the rest of the time I'm on the floor, I'm in the trenches. I'm in the hallways, in the classrooms, taking kids on breaks, participating in PE the best I can at my age. But you know, I like to be around. I didn't get into education to be in an office all day. So, and it helps, you know, you get to know those kids on a personal level. And that's the biggest thing is getting to know them and not to be scary as, oh, the principal. No, don't even worry about that. That's not even a thing.

[00:07:53] You know, like at the end of the day, I signed papers, but I'm just another one of your teachers that gets to be in all the classes. What's the hardest part of this role for you? I think the hardest part in any like supervisory or leadership role is working with the adults, like the kids. I know what the kids are bringing to the table. You know, they're with us for a reason. Their school sent them to our school very, you know, openly about all the things that they need.

[00:08:22] And so, you know, we know what to expect there. But yeah, adults can be the most difficult thing. You know, people not wanting to do things or not getting along or, you know, that's probably the hardest part is. And that's, you know, not just the staff that I work with, but parents can be kind of difficult at times, too. But, you know, that's the overall, that's probably the hardest part of this. Supervising adults is kind of hard.

[00:08:45] And do you think that like over the last 20 years of you doing this kind of work, what the kids are going through, is it been, I don't even know how to phrase it. Do you think that it's more difficult now to get through to the kids than it was 20 years ago? No, I don't think so. I think that, you know, our approaches have changed really for the better.

[00:09:11] I think that I've always believed that, you know, taking a trauma-informed and therapeutic approach is the way things should be done. I kind of sit back and chuckle now that that's the new thing. Oh, we should build relationships and, you know, have a trauma-informed approach and, you know, deal with these kids therapeutically. And I'm like, we should have always been doing that.

[00:09:39] I was trying to do that 20 years ago and you guys were looking at me like I was some softie and I was crazy because I wanted to have a conversation with a kid rather than yell at them. So, yeah, I don't think that the kids are more difficult to reach, to be honest. I think they deal with a lot more, you know, as much as we all love like social media and all this access to the Internet and the World Wide Web and all that.

[00:10:00] It is, you know, when I was 15, there was nobody threatening to beat me up or making fun of the way I looked from like another country or state. Like it was the kids that had to face me every day. And if they wanted to run their mouth, then we could deal with that, you know, but now like you can get bullied from Hong Kong, you know? Yeah. Kids will make fun of you from Egypt. And that's so I think it's the social media is really difficult and they bully each other at school.

[00:10:30] You know, they go home from school and they bully each other on the Internet. Then they come to school and then they tattle, you know, so and so bullied me. And you tell them like, well, block them, you know, cut them off. You can do that. You can like I can't do that. That's not OK. And like, well, them being mean to you is not OK either. And so it's just such a it's just different, I think. But I don't think it's gotten any harder to get through to kids. I think they still just want to be cared for. They want to be safe. They want somebody to, you know, take care of them and meet their needs and listen to them. They want to be heard.

[00:10:59] Yeah, I think for me, I'm thankful we didn't have social media when I was growing up and that, you know, I didn't have phones because, you know, we had to come up with things to do on our own. I think we were more creative, more into like self-play and things like that. And I think that today just with social media, I don't know. Do you guys remember back in the day when they were eating Tide Pods? Did either one of you ever think to do that?

[00:11:27] I did not ever think to do that. OK, or like the cinnamon challenges or things like that. I think it's just really harmful to kids. Plus, all the other things are going on in their life. Like, especially if they're having problems at home or problems with a sibling or maybe it's the area of town that they live in.

[00:11:47] And I think that's why your schools and your programs are so vitally needed everywhere, not just in the big cities, but like even in rural, you know, rural America, like where I live. So. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think there's there will never not be a need. You know, our goal always is as people who work with, you know, special needs kids is to work ourselves out of a job to finally get to where, you know, we helped them all. But that just never happens.

[00:12:18] There's always going to be a need. And I think really, I think we're getting better at it, to be honest. I'm glad there was no Internet because there's not a lot of photo evidence of all my nefarious activities. So thank God there's no film or video or, you know, right. Unless it wasn't unless it was documented, it's there's no proof of it. So there's nine million things that people don't know about. They just know about, you know, the ones that I got. Right. Are you open to talking about like younger Joe?

[00:12:47] You and your younger years? Yeah, that doesn't it doesn't bother me. How did you I don't know what got you? What drove you to be a troublemaker? And I'm saying that because I don't know what else to say, but. No, that's what I was. Well, I grew up in a, you know, I had a single mom and two sisters and we grew up in a lot of years. And, you know, low income housing. And so there was a lot of adversity, but also diversity in the areas that I lived in and grew up. And then I had a very abusive and cruel stepfather.

[00:13:17] He was very physically abusive. He shot at me once, just not a very pleasant person. And so it 16, I decided that, you know, I wasn't going to let him beat me up anymore. So I fought back and then I was asked to leave the house. So that was emancipated because I was violent and aggressive. And I thought I got aggressive once after being, you know, knocked around for years. But okay, I see I'm the problem.

[00:13:42] But so I moved out and you can't really put a 16 year old, 17 year old kid out in an apartment. You know, I mean, I lived in my truck for a little while, but I eventually got an apartment. I had a couple of jobs and stuff, but that's not really the right age to be just saying, go live on your own. Because, you know, I wasn't the best at following the rules already. And now that I got to make my own that my there was none. I mean, don't murder. Don't hurt people was like the biggest one. But other than that, you can do all the things you want, run around as much you want.

[00:14:12] And that's what I did. And the only thing I think that kept me, you know, my teachers couldn't stand me. I had so many of them that would like your white trash and you're never going to amount to anything. You know, they people weren't very therapeutic back in the 80s and 90s. And but I had I played sports. It was a great outlet for my aggression. So especially football, I learned that you could hit somebody as hard as you want. And it was like, okay. In fact, it was encouraged. I was like, wow, so I can just get away with just hurting people. Like, well, we don't want to hurt them, but that happens. I'm like, cool. I want to.

[00:14:42] But, you know, so I had coaches that would come and get me up and be like, dude, you got to be at school because if you're not at school, then you can't practice and you can't practice, you can't play. So that helped me maintain my C minus average and show up just enough to play sports. But like between seasons. Yeah, I was totally truant. I'm not going, what about a good? Why would I go to school? There's no practice. But yeah, so I got arrested a lot for, you know, minor in consumption, all kinds of different, you know, no felonies. Otherwise I wouldn't be a principal.

[00:15:11] I did get to a point where I was facing felonies and I went in front of a judge and this will kind of show my age. I don't know if you guys remember the boxing referee Mills Lane. He was a judge in Reno, Nevada, which is where I was from. And no way I got, I went in front of him and he said, damn it, son. It's like the third time you've been in front of me. And he said, you seem like a bright kid. I'm going to give you an option. You can either go to prison because I'm sick of this or you can join the military because

[00:15:39] he was a Marine veteran and was big into the military. And so I looked at my court appointed attorney and was like, I should probably go join the military. So I did. And that was kind of an interesting journey. But yeah, that was my way of staying out of prison. And then also, you know, once you get in the military, you can't really leave like you're there. They got you. And so they whipped me into shape and taught me how to be more organized. And, you know, my brain caught up because I matured and become a little bit more emotionally

[00:16:08] stable and got away from the town and the people and the family and just sort of really never looked back. Man. Okay. So you go to the military and then what happens? I spent four years there. I enjoyed it. I always tell people it was the best and worst job I ever had. I loved the camaraderie. Like I loved working with the teams and the people. The hours sucked. I mean, you work when, especially when you're out at sea, you know, you work like a 12 to 16 hour day, seven days a week, but what else you can do? You're on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the ocean.

[00:16:38] So yeah, when I got out, I'd met my wife. I've actually known my wife since we were like 10 years old. She's her stepbrother was one of my best friends growing up. So she spent like divorce kit, you know, every other Christmas and a month out of the summer at her dad's house. And so I knew her from when we were younger. Yeah. I started dating her right before I got out and then moved right in with her when I got out. Cause that was easier than actually trying to find an apartment.

[00:17:03] And yeah, that's, we got married shortly after, and then she encouraged me to go to college. And here I am all these years later doing things that I probably never would have dreamt as a kid that I would be doing. I would have thought I would be, my goal was to just die by the time I was 30. So I laughed and I was like, I felt like it was the wrong time to laugh, but I get what, what that means. So, but now you're writing books. So you're on your second book. Tell, can you tell us about the first book? What got you into that other?

[00:17:32] Was there like a driving force to put it down? Yeah, there was. So I started developing trainings, working with a couple people when I lived, when I worked in residential in Phoenix, Arizona. And just because I thought nobody's training people on how to really deescalate kids therapeutically. Like they tend to leave out that whole trauma thing and they don't talk about any of their diagnoses and stuff or what they are or how they work or why that makes them see the world

[00:18:01] through a different lens. You know, we also failed to talk about brain development. Like we have all these expectations for kids whose brains aren't developed enough for them to do the things we're asking them. And then we get mad they can't do it. And I thought somebody's got to start telling people about this. So I just, I started developing trainings and then started going to, you know, I got invited to a couple of conferences to speak. And so I was at a national conference in Las Vegas, which was coming home, but Reno and Vegas are very different. But I did a presentation and one of the guys who was like, you know, one of the big

[00:18:30] keynote speakers there was in my presentation and afterwards came up with like, dude, that was the most informative, best session I've sat in the whole time I've been here. And I was like, well, thanks. You know, I am, I can keep a room going for, but he said, where can I buy, where can I buy your book yet? And I was like, and he goes, how do you not have a book, but you're speaking at national conferences? And I was like, I don't know. They just asked me to come.

[00:18:55] And he goes, he was like, well, at the end of your training, you had a list of eight different trainings you provide. And I was like, yeah. He goes, why don't you just take five and put them in a book format and then you'll have a book. And I was like, oh, why not take all eight? And he goes, cause later on you'll want to write another one. That's what happens. You'll have to write a second one. And I was like, oh, so I did. I came home from that training and spent a bunch of time going, you know, getting my slides

[00:19:24] and converting them into the word document and then adding and filling in narratives and short stories and things like that to, to make it flow better and doing some additional research to get, you know, more sound data to put in there. Just things like that. And then there you go. I wrote it and put it out there and got it on the market. And I think 30 people have bought it. I mean, I know one of my new teachers that I work with bought it. So I was like, thanks.

[00:19:53] That's that'll put. So Joe, what kind of advice do you have for parents? Right. That have a kid just, you know, you, me and dirty skittles, you know, we were living our best life, but not in the, you know, not in the eyes of the school, but what can parents do to help? Because I think that's where they struggle because they don't know what to do.

[00:20:21] I think that we get caught up in this idea that I'm the adult and you're the child. And really what we're dealing with is two humans. We're dealing with two human beings. And so, I mean, get to know your kid, get to know them. You know, they still should listen to what you say. Like you don't get to lose that authority. But, you know, as a parent, you spend more time with them than anybody. Get to know them, talk with them. You know, if you think that the world is perfect, you're like, well, my kid doesn't

[00:20:48] have any trauma and they just kind of are a little snot sometimes. And they're a C student and, you know, well, what's going on? There might be reasons that they're a C student. There might be reasons that they're a little snot. Sometimes to have a conversation with them, sit down, figure it out, talk to them, build that relationship, build that trust. You know, kids want that, that connection. And the thing is, you know, I've been cursed to have to see so many horrific parents and the things that they've done to children.

[00:21:18] And what makes me crazy every time is that they still love their parents. No matter what their parents have done to them, they still love them. So if you haven't done anything to your kid, man, they already love you. They love you endlessly. Build a relationship with them, talk with them, go eat with them, get involved in whatever, you know, activities or games that they do, you know, don't bug them and they're going to push away because, you know, that's what they do. But it'll mean something and it'll work.

[00:21:45] How do you take care of yourself when you're having to see that sort of stuff happen? I think developing like a healthy disconnect is, you know, I have to leave work at work because I, you know, I am a parent and a husband and so there's all kinds of, in fact, that's one of the new chapters I'm adding to the book I'm putting in is, and I hate the word self-care. I feel like it just, I mean, it is what it is. In fact, I've used it a thousand times.

[00:22:14] But you know, I can't think of many other ways to describe it. Taking care of yourself is self-care. But I think having some disconnect, being able to leave work at work and, you know, just come home and think about what's going on in your life. Having friends to vent to. I think having a wife who worked in this world for a long time. So somebody who, you know, when you come home and you say you got, you know, somebody spit in your face three times or,

[00:22:38] you know, hocked a loogie on you or purposely tried to blow their snot on you or tried to pee on you or, you know, hit you with a hockey stick or beat you with a, you know, try to hit you with a shovel or something, you know, then they know they're like, oh yeah, that's like Wednesday. Wow. So I think that helps is having somebody that you can vent to. Also, one of my good friends, a really good buddy of mine for the last couple of years, he's a truancy officer.

[00:23:04] So it's, you know, I can vent to him as well and he can totally be like, oh yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I think having that disconnect and then finding healthy things. I just started working out about a year ago, not because I am a super fan of like being in great shape, but the doctors told me that I was fat and had diabetes and I needed to get shape. And I was like, you couldn't put that more gently. That's literally what I was like. And he said, well, okay, what's that mean? He goes, well, you can either lose weight and get in shape or die. I guess it's up to you.

[00:23:33] And I was like, well, I don't mind if I die, but I feel like other people might. So, but yeah, so now I work out a little bit and begrudgingly that's actually helped, you know, releases endorphins and all that good stuff. And I feel better and I feel, you know, like I'm a little bit younger, but yeah, damn exercise. But yeah, so that I do that, you know, and on occasion, you know, I have a few seltzer beers.

[00:23:59] That's the life, you know, nothing too much because then I don't feel good, but you know, yeah. And I have a couple of friends that are therapists that I've met through this world. So every once in a while they get a call and they remind me that I'm not okay. And I then try to work on it. I had a doctor put it nicer when, when I got pregnant with my son, he was trying to tell me like, you know, don't eat a lot. Right. Cause you're already fat.

[00:24:27] But he said, you have an excess reserve of nutrients. That's how he worded it. I text my husband immediately. And I was like, this is the nicest way anybody's ever said I was fat. Excess reserve of nutrients. So you don't really need that many more. I would have kicked him. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. I don't know what you're talking about. It was the funniest shit to me. I was like, what a sweetheart. Yeah. I got lucky. I got an old military doctor. Okay.

[00:24:55] I was like, just give it to me straight. Tell me whatever, you know, cause I didn't even have a doctor forever. I had to go get a fitness that were like a physical for work. Yeah. And so I had this old crotchety nurse and she's well, you're 50. We should check you for diabetes. I'm like, what? Why? Like, look at me. I'm like the picture of fitness over here. You know? So she did. And she goes, Ooh, this doesn't look good. We're going to have to do blood samples. And I was like, man, why don't your job was not to do any of that.

[00:25:24] Like you were just supposed to see if my reflexes worked and weigh me and measure me. But thank goodness she was a thorough gal and she figured it out. But then I had to get like an actual doctor. I haven't had a doctor ever. People are like, Oh, my doctor. And I'm like, I've never had my doctor. She suggested a guy and she said he could be a little bit blunt. He's an old military guy. And I was like, that's right up my alley. And yeah, he was. So you went from nurse ratchet to the very blunt doctor. That's perfect. I did.

[00:25:54] And they both shared the same message that I should probably change the way I do. That's funny. I love it how they call us fat bastards, but not really fat bastards in that context. I'm like, okay, thank you. Yes, I get it. I need to lose a little weight. Yeah. But I'll remind them like, you know, I have kids that remind me of that every day. I can't tell you how many times I get called short, fat, old, fatty, cubby, chunky, you know, but I have.

[00:26:23] I don't need a professional telling me like I've got. I've got a hundred kids. I deal with every day that when they get mad, they remind me of all my physical flaws. They let me know that they're there. I have two questions.

[00:26:47] If you could go back in time to a younger version of Joe and give younger version some advice, what would you say? And how old are you when you go back? I have actually thought about this a lot. People will ask me sometimes, don't you wish you could change the past? Like when I go into detail about some of the things that I've been through and I'm like, no, because it was the perfect puzzle. It was everything that I needed to be who I am today. Taking one little element out of that could completely change the trajectory.

[00:27:16] But I have thought if I went back and talked to probably 17 year old me, I wouldn't tell them I was future me, but I definitely would tell them, I promise you it gets better. It's not always like this. It gets better. There are good people out there and you will come across those people. You will cross paths with some amazing people and it will get better. I promise you, because I think that 17, 18 year old me needed to hear that. We really, that kid just wanted to die like that.

[00:27:45] That was a big, you know, thing on joining the military. But then I joined the Navy where you don't really get shot at. But, you know, I was like, I don't care if they blow me up or whatever. I'm fine with that. That way I get out of here and it's an honorable death and I'm not going to make anybody sad because I hurt myself. So, yeah, I think just remind my young me that you'll be all right. You'll be OK. Someday you might even own a car. Yeah. That's important, though, because I think in the darkest times, it's hard to remember that.

[00:28:13] That it can get better and that moment can be temporary and you can move past or through it, I should say. But OK, next question. What has been the hardest lesson you've had to learn in your life so far? Oh, gosh, I've learned so many and I always choose the hard way. Yeah, I can't learn the easy way. That just seems to, you know, I need a scar or some bruises to remind me that. Oh, yeah.

[00:28:41] I would think the hardest lesson is that I still work on today is that it's never about me. It's about the people that I work with. And that goes with adults, too, you know, and my daughter is now a teacher. And so she will, you know, share things at work that frustrate her. And I immediately want to tell her a story about me. Oh, well, back when I was teaching. But I have to remind myself, it's not about you. Who cares back when you were teaching? What she's looking for is to be heard.

[00:29:08] And then I ask, you know, do you want some advice on or a tip or something? You know, so I think just reminding myself that, you know, you don't have to solve people's problems. That's not your job. And you just need to be a good listener. And it's never about you. And unless they ask you, you know, for something, it's fine to just be quiet. So because I can't shut up. I mean, if you guys are learning now, you're like, God, taking the whole show. So, no, we love this. This is what we look forward to.

[00:29:36] This is what we look forward to. And so that kind of goes into my questions. If your anxiety had a theme song, what is it and why? Oh, that's a good question. If my anxiety had a theme song, I think it would be probably, I'm trying to think of the 21 Pilots, Heathens, would be my theme song.

[00:30:01] And I think that's because when I look back to how I grew up and maybe some of the people that I grew up with, that was kind of a, I think a lot of people were like, don't go around them. But also a lot of people were like, you should go around them. If you want to have fun, go around those guys. But yeah, we definitely were not viewed as the, you know, Mickey Mouse Club for sure. But I think that that would be my anxiety. It would be my angst. And yeah, that's a good question.

[00:30:31] I'm going to think about that later. I'm asking that question to my friend tonight. Okay, please do because I, and I want their answer. So my other couple of questions are, what's your favorite word? Oh, gosh. I mean, internally or externally? We want both now. Internally, I probably say mother effer a thousand times a day and not two people. Just about things like, you know, yeah.

[00:31:01] Externally, I would probably say, gosh, I use the word, like it's more of a phrase, like, what can I do? Is probably what I say a lot. Because anytime a student is struggling or even an adult is struggling, the first thing I was asking is, what do you need for me? What can I do for you right now? What do you need? And sometimes it's simple and sometimes, you know, for kids, it can be impossible. I just want to go to Disneyland. But yeah, we're in Bloomington, Illinois, so that's not going to, probably not going to happen.

[00:31:31] And what's your least favorite word? Oh, it's a hard one. You can give me both the internal and external version of that too, so. Internally, I will always dislike no, just because I'm oppositionally defiant. And like when you say don't do that, there is such a big part of me that's, I may do that like directly. Like as soon as we're done having this conversation, I may go do that.

[00:32:01] So yeah, internally, definitely. Externally, I think that I wouldn't say it's a word, it's a tone. I don't like to hear people yell at people. I think that's the worst form of communication. If you are at the point where you're screaming, first of all, there's a lot that goes on in your brain and chemical changes and what part of your brain now is functioning your body. So you've switched to a different part of your brain, which is irrational and doesn't process language and things like that. So two people yelling at each other is basically two dumb people who have run out of solutions.

[00:32:30] And so, and I'm not saying they're dumb because their IQs are low. I'm saying that's what happens. Your brain, the angrier you get, the dumber you get. There's a billion science articles out there that prove this. And so I think when people scream at each other, it's just, okay, we've run out of words. We've run out of ability to problem solve. Now we're just trying to punch each other with, you know, insult. So yeah. Yeah. Kind of a long answer. And I don't know if it was the right answer, but I'm sticking with it. I'm gonna go with it.

[00:32:58] There's never a wrong answer ever. So how can our listeners find you? I've, you know, I'm on Facebook and I'm on, you know, all the social medias. I do not have a Twitter anymore. Although X, Twitter, X, whatever. Yeah. I did get rid of that. I'm sure it's still floating out there. It's just dead. I don't use it. I've got a website. I'm on LinkedIn, things like that. They could buy my book at Amazon. It's just calming young minds by Joseph S McQueen. I went with the official name on that.

[00:33:27] I thought it might make me sound smarter. You know, I read somewhere that if you use your middle initial, it makes you sound more official. So I was like, I'm throwing that out there. I'm gonna use that, drop that. You should have just used bad ass. I wanted to, but it's a book for teachers and sometimes they get sad, but maybe in my next book, I'll just, I'll say Joseph Badass McQueen. I'd love that. See how that goes. My editor might not like that. Might be like, we have to drop that. Yeah. Back to the S.

[00:33:57] You could say, you could say bad S McQueen. And then that's the way around it. Yeah. We all know what it means. Yeah. Just leave it as an Easter egg in the book. Like, you know what? You have to like thumb through 42 pages before you find the word badass. I may, because I'm not, I haven't written it all yet. So I still have a lot to write. I'm, I may sneak that in there. When you do, just let me know what page is on so I can say, Hey, I'm the one that came up with that idea.

[00:34:28] Joe, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming on. I, we really were just so honored to have you here. Yeah. This is awesome. Oh, thank you guys. I, anytime you run out of people, I'm always down. You can see that it's hard to shut me up and you guys are fun. So it's really the honor of mine. And I hope you guys win those awards. I wish you guys the best. I hope you blow up. And I've been telling everybody at work about you. So, you know, that might help that. That'll pick you up about 20 people.

[00:34:56] Maybe that's for all those listeners are coming in from Illinois. It's kind of crazy, but I just want to say thank you for the work you're doing out there, because we need more adults like you that are caring and want to help these kids because they truly are the next generation. And, you know, there's so many great kids out there that are just come from some really broken homes that just need your guidance. And so thank you for doing what you do. Yeah. No, it's, it's a, it's an honor to get to do it.

[00:35:26] And it's fun to be honest. I have a lot. I get paid to have fun a lot. There's days where I'm like, I can't believe they're paying me to play basketball with a bunch of nine year olds right now. This is crazy. That's cool. Dirty Sandals, your next job. There you go. Maybe I'll have to learn how to play basketball though. I don't. Can't be that hard, right? We're always hiring. If you want to move to Illinois, we're always hiring. There we have it. If that sounds fun, people should apply. Next. That sounds awesome.

[00:35:56] Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone. We'll see you next time. Bye.