From Burnout to Balance: Asha’s Mental Health Journey

[00:00:06] Hey there, listeners. Welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health.

[00:00:13] That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, G-Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests.

[00:00:21] Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support.

[00:00:28] Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads.

[00:00:44] Three, two, one.

[00:00:47] Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads.

[00:00:50] And today we have our amazing guest, Asha. Welcome, Asha. How are you today?

[00:00:56] Thank you. I'm doing great. How are you?

[00:00:58] We are fantastic. It is a fall morning up here. I woke up to 38.

[00:01:04] Oh, look, it's a whole 10 degrees warmer now.

[00:01:07] I don't know what the temp is outside here, but it is fall. The leaves are changing color.

[00:01:12] We discovered we have a pumpkin vine growing.

[00:01:15] I don't know how that happened.

[00:01:17] But we have one.

[00:01:19] So I'm really excited about that. And I got to feed my crows.

[00:01:22] That's what I did this morning.

[00:01:24] How was your morning, Asha?

[00:01:26] It's been a slow morning. I think I got out of bed right before this call.

[00:01:32] Late night, late morning.

[00:01:34] Oh, well, hopefully a good late night.

[00:01:37] Yeah, just hanging with friends. It was good.

[00:01:39] Oh, that's nice. Where are you located?

[00:01:41] I'm in New York.

[00:01:42] Okay. Okay. So Eastern. Got it.

[00:01:45] Nice.

[00:01:45] Did you do anything fun? Like, do you guys do game nights or just hang out?

[00:01:49] Yeah. Normally we try to get together with friends over food, but last night it was friends in town for one of their daughter's birthdays.

[00:01:57] And so it was a bar meet up after another party bar meet up.

[00:02:02] It was a lot.

[00:02:04] More than I'm used to.

[00:02:06] Nice.

[00:02:07] I love that.

[00:02:08] But it was good. It was good times.

[00:02:12] I love that. And you're not far from me. You're in the city, right?

[00:02:15] Yeah.

[00:02:16] Yeah. You're about four hours from us.

[00:02:19] Okay.

[00:02:20] Like when we come to the city now, we fly because I don't want to drive.

[00:02:24] It's a 38 minute flight.

[00:02:25] We fly into Newark and then just Uber into the city.

[00:02:28] I want to drive down, like, especially in the winter, but we'll be in the city in December for a couple of days because that's how I get my inner kid going.

[00:02:37] And because I like to go see the tree, I get to go see the pretty lights, I get to go, you know, eat out because I live in a farm country.

[00:02:46] And like, we don't have a really good selection of restaurants here, but I go to the city to eat.

[00:02:54] I think people come into play for many reasons that this, the annual tree lighting will be happening in about a month.

[00:03:02] So when you get here, it'll be a lot of visitors, a lot of tourists in, you know, December.

[00:03:07] So yeah, it's going to be a busy season very soon.

[00:03:11] It's so pretty. It's like an annual trip that we do.

[00:03:14] We've done every year since we moved up here.

[00:03:16] So this will be our fourth year of doing it.

[00:03:19] So I'm excited.

[00:03:21] 38 minute flight. That's awesome.

[00:03:23] Yeah.

[00:03:24] How long of a drive is it?

[00:03:25] Out of curiosity.

[00:03:26] It's a four hour drive.

[00:03:28] If it's snowing, it's like a six hour drive.

[00:03:31] So I don't want to do it.

[00:03:33] Okay.

[00:03:34] Because I will spend the $300 to get on a plane and fly into the city.

[00:03:39] So yeah, yeah, I will take 38 minutes over four hours.

[00:03:43] Thank you.

[00:03:45] Thank you.

[00:03:46] More time to enjoy, you know?

[00:03:47] Yeah.

[00:03:49] Yeah.

[00:03:49] And you know, Uber loves us.

[00:03:51] So it's all good.

[00:03:52] Yeah, that's true.

[00:03:52] I was like, wait, you Uber?

[00:03:53] And then I'm like, yeah, like, I guess that makes sense.

[00:03:55] I've never been to New York City.

[00:03:57] So I don't know.

[00:03:58] Oh, where are you located?

[00:04:01] I'm in Georgia.

[00:04:02] What part?

[00:04:04] Marietta.

[00:04:05] Okay.

[00:04:05] Yeah.

[00:04:05] I go to Georgia every now and again.

[00:04:07] We have family in Decatur and Lithonia.

[00:04:10] Okay, cool.

[00:04:11] Yeah.

[00:04:12] Nice.

[00:04:13] Maybe I'll have to make my way to New York City and see tree lighting.

[00:04:17] That sounds nice.

[00:04:18] Is the whole city all like lights and decorated?

[00:04:20] Oh my God.

[00:04:21] Yes.

[00:04:22] And beautiful.

[00:04:23] I mean, come anytime.

[00:04:24] New York always has something going on.

[00:04:25] I always tell people the best, the next best time to come to New York is in the summer.

[00:04:30] New York has the best summer events.

[00:04:33] Yeah.

[00:04:33] Free Shakespeare in the Park, live concerts with legendary artists, jazz festivals, food festivals

[00:04:41] from around the world.

[00:04:42] Like it's the best time also to come into New York.

[00:04:44] Summers in New York are the greatest.

[00:04:47] Very cool.

[00:04:48] And Nugget would love the Bronx Zoo.

[00:04:51] Love.

[00:04:51] Okay.

[00:04:52] Yeah.

[00:04:54] Yeah.

[00:04:55] I'm going to, I'm going to figure that out for you.

[00:04:57] I'm just going to become your next travel agent.

[00:04:59] There you go.

[00:05:00] So Asha, were you, did you grow up in New York?

[00:05:03] So I actually grew up in New York and Maryland.

[00:05:06] I was actually thinking about that when G-Rex was talking about a four hour trip from where

[00:05:11] I lived to Maryland, where my mom is.

[00:05:12] So I went to school.

[00:05:14] I went to private school in Maryland.

[00:05:15] Then I came back home to New York to start college.

[00:05:18] Okay.

[00:05:19] What did you go to college for?

[00:05:20] Uh, initially I went to college to study human services and I wanted to, before that, become

[00:05:27] a registered nurse.

[00:05:28] So I was actually accepted into Pace University's nursing program.

[00:05:33] And then about two years in, I changed my major to human services and I graduated, you know,

[00:05:38] with my class, my incoming class and got my degree in human services.

[00:05:43] And then I proceeded to go to graduate school for social work at Fordham University.

[00:05:48] And I just kept on going.

[00:05:50] I went back and got a certificate in cycle analysis.

[00:05:54] I'm not sure how many people who listen to your show know about cycle analysis, but

[00:05:58] after graduating with my social work degree and getting my master's in that, I took a

[00:06:03] little tiny break and then I went back and got the object relations certificate in cycle

[00:06:09] analytic cycle analysis.

[00:06:11] Um, and just kept going and going.

[00:06:14] And now I have a certificate in spiritual and life coaching.

[00:06:17] And so I do a lot of life coaching work in addition to psychotherapy in my private practice.

[00:06:22] Wow.

[00:06:23] I love your LinkedIn posts.

[00:06:26] I follow you all the time.

[00:06:27] You make my heart smile.

[00:06:29] So I just wanted to say you're doing good work.

[00:06:32] Thank you so much.

[00:06:34] Same here.

[00:06:34] I need to follow you on LinkedIn.

[00:06:36] I'm missing out, man.

[00:06:37] Yeah.

[00:06:38] D-Rex posts some great information, all the great awards you guys have been getting and

[00:06:44] same, same here.

[00:06:46] My hats off to you too.

[00:06:47] It's kind of surreal.

[00:06:49] It's very humbling, but very surreal at the same time.

[00:06:52] So like you could have gotten a ton of awards in a short amount of time.

[00:06:56] Like a lot of the closure is really amazing.

[00:06:58] In 30 days, we won two, two awards.

[00:07:02] We won the people's choice podcast awards for best health podcast.

[00:07:06] And then a week ago, we won the women in podcasting best mental health podcast for 2024.

[00:07:12] And if you'd asked us if this was in our wheelhouse, never, because we started the podcast kind of as a joke.

[00:07:20] Mm hmm.

[00:07:21] Totally as a joke.

[00:07:22] I still don't think people are listening.

[00:07:23] I don't know what's happening.

[00:07:26] Protecting myself.

[00:07:28] Denying anything is going on.

[00:07:30] What was the joke?

[00:07:31] It was just...

[00:07:33] It was just...

[00:07:34] It was...

[00:07:34] So the podcast that happened came out of a really dark place for me.

[00:07:38] So I had my own mental health breakdown on Christmas Day of 2022.

[00:07:42] And I called Dirty Skittles like every day after that happened.

[00:07:46] And at the time she was my manager, I use that term so loosely because I retired like three months later, four months later.

[00:07:54] Yeah, exactly.

[00:07:54] And we would just talk about the most irreverent stuff.

[00:07:58] And so one day she called me and we were laughing about something for like 40 minutes.

[00:08:03] And she's like, hey, let's do a podcast.

[00:08:04] And I'm like, yeah, let's do it.

[00:08:06] And that was literally a month to the day that we dropped our first episode.

[00:08:09] And that was on February 14th, 2023.

[00:08:13] And I chose that day because in 1997, I buried my mom on Valentine's Day.

[00:08:18] And I really hated that day.

[00:08:20] And so I wanted to change the trajectory of the day.

[00:08:22] And as I was going through my own healing, I thought, man, this is going to be great.

[00:08:26] So within like two months, I was going live.

[00:08:30] We had 10,000 downloads.

[00:08:32] Oh, my gosh.

[00:08:34] Yeah.

[00:08:34] And now we are about 180,000 downloads from a million downloads.

[00:08:41] Wild.

[00:08:43] And that's just last year you started.

[00:08:45] Yep.

[00:08:47] Yep.

[00:08:47] Crazy.

[00:08:48] And this is in turn over 60 countries.

[00:08:49] So, you know, our mission has always been to change those conversations around mental health and, you know, open people's eyes and ears to what's going on around them.

[00:09:00] Yeah.

[00:09:00] And giving voice to people's stories that don't often get told, but will help somebody else that's going through something similar.

[00:09:07] Well, obviously it's resonating with people.

[00:09:09] Congratulations.

[00:09:10] It's great.

[00:09:11] It's the craziest thing ever.

[00:09:12] Like, we laugh about it now.

[00:09:17] Yeah.

[00:09:17] But like, for me, it's changed the way that I look at life.

[00:09:22] And we use these recordings because it's free therapy for us too.

[00:09:27] I mean, I still go to therapy at least once a month, sometimes twice.

[00:09:31] But we now have 90 new friends that we never knew we would have.

[00:09:35] Mm-hmm.

[00:09:36] I have more self-help books than I ever thought I would have.

[00:09:39] Right.

[00:09:40] And I'm about half a chapter away from finishing my book.

[00:09:44] So, you know, it's great.

[00:09:48] And I get to do this with my best friend.

[00:09:50] Oh, yeah.

[00:09:52] It's been wild.

[00:09:53] It's been a while, right?

[00:09:53] But I don't know.

[00:09:56] It's helpful sometimes, I think, just to talk about what you're going through and to hear

[00:10:01] that you're not alone.

[00:10:02] So, you know, some of our stories are resonating with people who were like, oh, I never been

[00:10:07] able to put like words to that feeling or that emotion and now hearing somebody else in

[00:10:11] a similar story or even just completely different but similar emotions, I think is what resonates

[00:10:16] the most with everyone.

[00:10:18] Mm-hmm.

[00:10:19] Absolutely.

[00:10:20] Congratulations again.

[00:10:20] This is awesome.

[00:10:21] Thanks.

[00:10:23] So back to you, Hasha.

[00:10:25] My curiosity, this is I think part of how this podcast became the joke that it is because

[00:10:31] I'm always just, I'm just a curious natured person.

[00:10:34] So you mentioned your schooling.

[00:10:36] Were you always, because you started off going into nursing and then at some point you

[00:10:40] made a change.

[00:10:41] What caused that change to occur?

[00:10:43] Like what was it about what you were doing that you wanted to change and go into another

[00:10:47] direction?

[00:10:49] It was pretty simple.

[00:10:50] I was over working and getting results.

[00:10:55] I wasn't happy with.

[00:10:56] I wasn't satisfied with how everything was unfolding.

[00:10:59] I was what we would now call at that time a high achieving student.

[00:11:04] I was a student and I was used to not necessarily having to excel very hard to do really well

[00:11:11] in school.

[00:11:11] And I found myself having to study all day after classes in the evening with study groups

[00:11:19] late at night and was just barely passing my classes and my exams.

[00:11:25] And nursing, people underestimate nurses.

[00:11:28] We put a lot of emphasis on doctors and their care, but nurses do just about as much of the

[00:11:34] work and know as much information as MDs.

[00:11:38] And those clinicals are really difficult.

[00:11:41] And I had already made it into what we call your practicum.

[00:11:44] So I was already in a nursing home doing treatment with clients.

[00:11:48] And it was a lot of work that I thought I would enjoy more than I did.

[00:11:54] And I wasn't the only person.

[00:11:56] We were a class of a lot of miserable students that were really unhappy with just the program.

[00:12:03] You know, not to say that Pace University's nursing program didn't put a lot of emphasis on producing

[00:12:10] great students because they do have a stellar program for nursing.

[00:12:14] But it was just really challenging and we had really challenging patients.

[00:12:18] And you think, you know, if you go back to that time, we were like 19 and 20 years old.

[00:12:24] We were super young doing hands-on care and then studying about the body and, you know,

[00:12:30] doing physiology and that was just one segment of our work.

[00:12:35] We still had all the other classes that were not related to nursing,

[00:12:38] our core classes that we still had to do well in.

[00:12:41] And I was very unsatisfied.

[00:12:43] Thankfully, my parents were very supportive.

[00:12:46] I didn't know that they would support this idea because Pace University is not a cheap college.

[00:12:52] The institution, you know, has a lot to offer, but it costs quite a bit as well to stay there.

[00:12:57] And my parents were like, listen, if you're not happy, do something else.

[00:13:02] And I was really impressed and in awe to say the least of that response.

[00:13:09] And thankfully, I had a really good friend who was already in the human services program.

[00:13:15] She raved about the professor who was also the guidance counselor, but the, I can't think of the term right now,

[00:13:22] but the person who runs the department.

[00:13:25] And she said, you know, I think you should just take class or two and see how it goes.

[00:13:28] I did that.

[00:13:29] I passed with flying colors.

[00:13:31] It was super easy.

[00:13:32] And all of my core classes transferred over and I became a human services student.

[00:13:38] And that was probably the best path for me.

[00:13:41] And it wasn't that different.

[00:13:43] It's still in the helping industry, a lot less pay, you know, as a social worker, it's different now as a therapist.

[00:13:49] But, you know, going into social work never had me think about, you know, what the trajectory would be for my life moving forward.

[00:13:57] I just thought it was interesting and it tied some of my other courses into what I was doing.

[00:14:03] I learned a lot really quickly.

[00:14:05] It was very applicable.

[00:14:06] I love the study of people.

[00:14:08] So it fit my personality and I stuck with it and just kept going.

[00:14:14] And as I got into the field and started doing other kinds of self-discovery work, I got into psychoanalysis myself.

[00:14:20] And I started meeting some really interesting people who were seasoned clinicians, started talking to them about clinical work as a private practitioner and found that fascinating and set my eyes on that.

[00:14:32] And then I actually started my private practice 10 years ago as a consultant while I was still working, you know, for someone else's company.

[00:14:39] But eight years ago, I went into full time self-employment within my business.

[00:14:45] Wow.

[00:14:48] How long were you in social work for?

[00:14:51] Four years.

[00:14:52] So I had a three year program, but I graduated in 2004, but I started the program in 2000.

[00:15:00] So I walked on February 1st of 2004 was the actual official graduation date.

[00:15:06] But I went to Fordham University from 2000 to 2003 and did a part time in the beginning while I worked in the field.

[00:15:14] And then the last year I went full time.

[00:15:18] And I know nothing of this stuff, so I'm sorry if this is a silly question, but is that a normal path for folks that are in social work to go into like a psychoanalysis type role?

[00:15:27] No, not necessarily.

[00:15:29] It's generally encouraged that you do get your master's because in order to be a clinician, you have to have a license, which means you need your undergraduate, your master's degree and then a license.

[00:15:40] But I think at the time that I was in school, I was in a very interesting time of life when social work was evolving.

[00:15:49] So when I was in school for human services in the 90s, in the late 90s, I didn't know any social workers.

[00:15:57] I only started knowing social workers when I entered graduate school that I met people from different universities and institutions that were nearby.

[00:16:04] And there were a lot of older students that were in class with me.

[00:16:08] I was, you know, super young.

[00:16:10] I was in my early 20s entering grad school and I was in school with people who were working professionals in their 30s, 40s and up.

[00:16:18] And people were in advanced programs.

[00:16:21] So people like colleagues, let's say that I would work with in the future, were going to their jobs Monday through Friday and then going to school all day on Saturday, but using their job as well for their clinical hours so that they could graduate within two years.

[00:16:35] And that fast track, as they call it, would get you your certificate within two years and then you could sit for your licensure exam before you graduated.

[00:16:44] Actually, that last semester before you received your diploma, you could sit for the licensure exam and come out with your diploma and your license at the same time.

[00:16:52] I happened to be in the graduate program my second year when the governor of New York terminated the policy for people to do both because people were actually graduating or they, let's say, were walking during their ceremony without their diploma and passing the licensure exam.

[00:17:15] And you cannot have a license without your diploma.

[00:17:20] So there were all these graduating, quote unquote, classmates that were not doing well.

[00:17:26] And some people had to actually take the exam more than once.

[00:17:30] But there were many people who became licensed without a master's degree.

[00:17:34] So the governor of New York at that time said, I think it was 2002 would be the last graduating class that could do that.

[00:17:41] And so you absolutely had to complete a number of hours.

[00:17:44] And at that time, it was about 60 credits in classwork and 3000 touch hours with the client.

[00:17:53] Right. And so that was a lot of time.

[00:17:56] It's since decreased to about twenty five hundred or two thousand hours now.

[00:18:00] And so I finished my program in about three years because I went part time the first year, two year and a half and then full time the last year or two.

[00:18:08] So that was a little bit of an easier route for me to take while I worked in the field and took my time and went to class on Saturday.

[00:18:15] So that that's how I got my degree.

[00:18:17] But people usually would do it at the same kind of thing, work full time, which is.

[00:18:21] That's hard.

[00:18:21] And I got my master's working full time and it was hard.

[00:18:27] It was really hard.

[00:18:28] It took a lot out of me.

[00:18:29] And but, you know, I'm glad I have it.

[00:18:31] Do I use it?

[00:18:32] Probably not as much as I could, but it's all good.

[00:18:36] But I do have a question.

[00:18:37] So based on like everything you did in your past, how does that like the word I'm looking for?

[00:18:44] How's it?

[00:18:46] Trans.

[00:18:46] Trans.

[00:18:47] How did you get to where you are now and what you're doing and do you what you're doing now?

[00:18:52] Is it something you love?

[00:18:55] I can start with the latter first.

[00:18:56] Yes.

[00:18:57] I absolutely love what I do for a living.

[00:18:59] I think the reason I love it so much is that I remembered what it was like when I didn't love what I do.

[00:19:06] I remember what it was like when I was working for other people's companies and not my own.

[00:19:11] And there was a rigidity to it that I hated.

[00:19:16] I think social work is so beautiful because you get to be creative and you get to critically think and you get to investigate.

[00:19:25] You get to access so many parts of your brain.

[00:19:28] And when you work for other people's companies, especially companies that are dependent on reimbursement through insurance companies or federal grants,

[00:19:36] there's a rigidity to that type of work and there's a machinery in the way they want you to work.

[00:19:42] So you have to push out numbers and see lots of people and try to make things look really neat on paper when people's lives are messy.

[00:19:52] They're not neat.

[00:19:53] And you can't be in a box to help people whose lives are outside of a box.

[00:20:00] And it became really unsatisfying.

[00:20:02] And I experienced burnout a couple of times really early in my career and thought this was not the field for me.

[00:20:07] And I couldn't do this long term.

[00:20:09] And that's when I started to look at doing private practice.

[00:20:12] So, yeah, everything that I've done up to this point, including nursing, has helped me because I eventually started interfacing with nurses and doctors when I became a home care social worker.

[00:20:23] And that was beautiful because it still allowed me to use those clinical skills that I learned in nursing and to stay on top of some of the things that I was trained in.

[00:20:33] I was seeing people who had multiple medical conditions, but I've had a beautiful career doing lots of incredible things.

[00:20:41] And that's one of the great benefits of having gone into this industry is that it's so diverse.

[00:20:46] I've worked in school settings.

[00:20:48] I've worked as an independent contractor.

[00:20:51] I've been a caseworker.

[00:20:53] I've been in private practice now for these last eight years.

[00:20:59] And I wouldn't go back.

[00:21:00] I think this has been the career for me.

[00:21:02] And I get to set my own hours.

[00:21:04] And I get to select my own clients.

[00:21:07] And I get to use social media to promote my work and to be on podcasts like this.

[00:21:13] And now I also get to, you know, earn the kind of income that I want to earn as a therapist and as a coach and as a consultant.

[00:21:20] So, yeah, this is absolutely the career for me.

[00:21:22] And I think this makes sense when I look back over the last 25 years of my career.

[00:21:27] You mentioned burnout.

[00:21:28] And I'm very curious when that was going on with you.

[00:21:31] How did it present?

[00:21:32] Like, what did it look like for you?

[00:21:34] It actually felt it was a felt experience.

[00:21:38] So, I felt fatigued a lot.

[00:21:42] I had a lot of apathy for the work that I was doing.

[00:21:47] I was irritated by the whole structure, the capitalism that I worked under.

[00:21:54] I found myself dreading going to work.

[00:21:58] You know, those lived experiences you can feel in your body.

[00:22:03] Like this pulling up of your weight to get out of the bed.

[00:22:07] To pull yourself out of your house.

[00:22:10] To have to walk to the subway.

[00:22:13] And to talk to people.

[00:22:14] It felt very exhausting.

[00:22:16] No matter how much sleep I got or how much time, you know, I could come into work later.

[00:22:22] When I worked in a really awesome community clinic and we had incredible hours where I could go to work at 10 in the morning and get off at 6 in the evening.

[00:22:30] I could, you know, walk home from work to my apartment.

[00:22:33] I could take the bus and, you know, stroll to my office.

[00:22:37] And it was still this very, like, tangible feeling of never getting enough sleep or rest.

[00:22:44] And it was exhausting.

[00:22:45] And I experienced that twice pretty close together.

[00:22:50] And I didn't know that's what it was.

[00:22:52] I just thought I was extremely tired.

[00:22:55] But I did have an inkling that it had something to do with compassion.

[00:23:01] I felt like it had a lot to do with the correlation between how much I was pouring out and how little I was actually pouring back into myself.

[00:23:10] And, you know, back then, no one talked about it.

[00:23:13] Back then being the 2010s, nobody used terms like self-care.

[00:23:18] People didn't talk about self-development books.

[00:23:20] And it was just this is what you do.

[00:23:23] And if you want to be good at your job, you work really hard.

[00:23:27] You know, the experiential work is where you learn a lot more than you do in the textbook theories and practice.

[00:23:34] But it was really tough mentally because people didn't talk to you about burnout because that wasn't a thing back then.

[00:23:41] Right.

[00:23:42] How did you handle it?

[00:23:43] Like, how did you get through that?

[00:23:44] I would sleep a lot.

[00:23:46] I would come home from work.

[00:23:48] Again, this is I'm in my 20s at this time and I would come home from work and I would sleep a lot and I would lay on the couch a lot.

[00:23:58] And I was probably also feeling a little depressed and, you know, eat crappy food.

[00:24:02] And I wasn't a person.

[00:24:05] I'm very driven by learning.

[00:24:09] Which is a trauma response to, by the way.

[00:24:12] And I wouldn't spend a lot of time with my friends.

[00:24:15] You know, my 20-something friends were traveling.

[00:24:17] They were hanging out.

[00:24:18] They were going to bars after work.

[00:24:20] They had meat up.

[00:24:21] I wasn't doing it.

[00:24:21] I wasn't interested in that kind of thing.

[00:24:24] Like, I would go on vacations alone.

[00:24:25] That was my thing.

[00:24:26] I used to travel in the summer and I would take advantage of my, you know, PTO from time to time.

[00:24:32] But even that was a misfortune because my managers didn't even encourage it.

[00:24:39] No one ever said, oh, you look really tired.

[00:24:41] Maybe you should take a day off.

[00:24:42] No one ever brought it.

[00:24:44] I used to go to jobs where I would lose my vacation days because that's how much I worked.

[00:24:49] And they wouldn't roll over at the time.

[00:24:51] That, you know, I was working in this industry.

[00:24:54] And I would just keep working.

[00:24:56] And sometimes I actually consulted on the side.

[00:24:58] I was like really driven by performance.

[00:25:01] And it was just something I had to work through until I started to discover through my own self-exploration reading what burnout was.

[00:25:10] And it was only after the second experience that I knew in hindsight that's what I had gone through.

[00:25:16] So it was sometimes changing jobs.

[00:25:18] That was one of the things I've done.

[00:25:20] Sometimes it was going on vacations and realizing, oh, this feels different.

[00:25:28] This feels good to me.

[00:25:29] Maybe I need to do a little bit more of finding what I'm, you know, fulfilling in other parts of my life.

[00:25:34] So then I started to speak to friends and see people and go out of town and visit my loved ones.

[00:25:41] And that broke up some of that monotony.

[00:25:43] Yeah.

[00:25:44] But I think initially for the first few years where I was burned out, it was just like being in a tunnel and not really understanding what's happening to me.

[00:25:54] Yeah.

[00:25:54] What would you say to others that are out there that might be feeling those types of emotions?

[00:25:58] Like words of advice or maybe best next steps for them?

[00:26:03] I mean, thank goodness we have the internet and social media and all of these experts and lay people who have had these experiences that talk about it.

[00:26:13] Because those lived experiences that are also shared experiences help people through it to know, oh, yeah, I have those same feelings that you're experiencing.

[00:26:21] I do have dread.

[00:26:22] I do get the Sunday scaries.

[00:26:24] I do, you know, love what I do, but feel really, you know, indifferent about doing it.

[00:26:29] It's not the work that I'm doing.

[00:26:31] You know, I think talking about it, hearing these stories, being on podcasts like this is one of the best ways you can expose people to what their experiences are.

[00:26:41] And I would say take those days off that you need.

[00:26:45] One of the greatest gifts that I've been able to support my clients in through the past couple of years is helping people take leaves of absence from work.

[00:26:53] I know a lot of employers don't want that information spread, but that's one of the benefits of having had this experience myself.

[00:27:02] So I recognize it in other people.

[00:27:04] And I've had about 15 or 16 clients in the past three years that have taken leaves of absence for the first time in their careers after 10 plus years working and not taking a break from work,

[00:27:18] over excelling at their job, spending way too many hours thinking about the job.

[00:27:22] And that's been one of the biggest gifts to myself in return that having gone through this.

[00:27:29] It's meaningful now because I can help other people to identify it.

[00:27:32] So take those days off, look into PTO, paid time off, look into leaves of absence if you can, short-term disability.

[00:27:41] You know, those things are invisible wounds that a lot of times people don't see.

[00:27:46] They don't see how your brain is ruminating about 100 million things that you did a day ago.

[00:27:52] They are not seeing you at home, miserable, sitting on your couch, Netflixing and chilling.

[00:27:58] And they're not seeing, you know, that you're using food to cope with the stress.

[00:28:01] So those kinds of ways of living through the experience I think is important for people to start sharing.

[00:28:07] I also want to encourage more clinical people, therapists as well as physicians, to start asking more probing questions.

[00:28:16] Start asking people about, you know, what is your life like outside of work?

[00:28:20] What do you do for fun?

[00:28:21] You know, who's at home with you to talk to about your day?

[00:28:26] Where do you go for respite?

[00:28:28] You know, start asking more probing questions.

[00:28:31] And people can then be nurtured into exploring some more deep level work for themselves to come to their own determination about what they need.

[00:28:40] And this topic couldn't come at a better time.

[00:28:46] I was literally just talking to G-Rex about this maybe yesterday.

[00:28:50] I don't remember the day's blend.

[00:28:52] But I was telling her, I'm like, you know, I feel like some employers, yeah, right?

[00:28:57] They definitely don't encourage leave of absence or it's like not talked about because they want you there doing the work.

[00:29:05] And it's so much so that at times you can't even find information from your employer on how to go about that.

[00:29:15] And you really got to dig.

[00:29:18] It ain't even in the handbook.

[00:29:20] You've got to dig for what does that look like?

[00:29:25] Because like you said, it's something that not everybody can see.

[00:29:29] So it's not, you know, like I've gotten into an accident physically.

[00:29:33] There's something on me that is obvious where I know I have to go to the doctor to get it looked at.

[00:29:38] Right.

[00:29:38] But when it's mental health and it is burnout or depression and, you know, work is oh so consuming.

[00:29:47] And, you know, I need a break.

[00:29:50] And you can't even find information from your employer on like, could I qualify for something like this?

[00:29:57] Right.

[00:29:58] So you have to really get out there and try to find that information.

[00:30:02] You have to dig.

[00:30:04] And like, you know, I use ChatGPT sometimes when I need to find information, right?

[00:30:09] Like I'll do a Google search and I am not happy with my results.

[00:30:12] So yes, I will go back out to ChatGPT because, you know, it's a whole bunch of information, right?

[00:30:17] And it circles back to me in about 30 seconds and I can disseminate the important stuff, right?

[00:30:23] Not the fluff.

[00:30:24] But I feel bad for people that are in situations like that.

[00:30:28] I mean, I've been in a situation similar to that probably about 25 years ago and I did end up taking leave, right?

[00:30:36] But it was so hard to dig in and try and find that information.

[00:30:41] For somebody who's my age, right?

[00:30:43] Because I'm in my early 60s.

[00:30:45] You know, we've always been taught, you know, shove that down as far as it can go.

[00:30:50] You're just going to put on a big happy face and you're just going to go to work and you're going to suck it up.

[00:30:55] Well, that's all well and good until you can't suck it up anymore, right?

[00:31:00] Thankfully for me, like when I had my breakdown, you know, the number 988 was around.

[00:31:05] And I did pick up the phone.

[00:31:07] I called 988 and the lady on that end of the line saved my life that day.

[00:31:12] So freaking thankful to be alive today because I get to do this with my best friend and I get to learn.

[00:31:18] But I also want to pass really good information on to like our listeners, right?

[00:31:24] And having people like you, Asha, on the podcast, help us like send that message out, right?

[00:31:29] That there is some hope, right?

[00:31:31] And like you said, like 10 years ago, nobody talked about this.

[00:31:35] Yeah.

[00:31:36] Now it's the time because, you know, there are toxic work environments.

[00:31:41] There are other things that happen on the outside that you don't really think affect you.

[00:31:47] But, you know, like if you're having problems with your children or you need to take care of your parents

[00:31:54] or there's somebody in the household you need to take care of, that all weighs on you.

[00:31:59] And you can't be your best self at work.

[00:32:01] There's just no way.

[00:32:03] Yeah.

[00:32:04] One of the reasons I also believe it's difficult for people to find how they go about taking a leave from work

[00:32:14] is the language will not say leave of absence.

[00:32:20] It will not say take a medical leave from work.

[00:32:23] And so because I'm coming from a clinical perspective, I know what the language is.

[00:32:30] I know what I'm looking for.

[00:32:32] But someone who's in this, right?

[00:32:35] In this space of they're going through maybe their first phase of burnout

[00:32:38] or they're experiencing recurring burnout, they're not going to know what language to define

[00:32:44] what it is that one they're going through and or what available entitlements.

[00:32:50] And I like to present that word seriously to your audience because it's an entitled right for you to access benefits

[00:32:59] that if your company, you know, maybe 50 or more employees your company has

[00:33:04] and you are able to use a federal benefit like family medical leave concurrently

[00:33:10] with also short-term disability to take time away from work.

[00:33:16] That's the kind of information that honestly your human resources professional

[00:33:21] or your people lead can lead you to.

[00:33:24] So at least if you don't have the information readily available to you,

[00:33:30] you don't know the language to look for, speak to your people lead,

[00:33:34] speak to your team lead, speak to your HR representative

[00:33:37] and express to them that you are either having a difficult time managing your workload

[00:33:44] because it's too much work for one person.

[00:33:46] You are finding it hard to concentrate or to understand what the task is.

[00:33:53] And so even if you need some more direction and you've received that,

[00:33:58] but that's not sufficient because you're still producing mistakes

[00:34:01] or you are finding it hard to, quote unquote, push through work every day.

[00:34:08] You know, the terms that we use in our everyday vernacular can also sometimes guide your manager

[00:34:14] to know what it is that you're asking about without saying it directly.

[00:34:18] That person is responsible for directing you to the person who's responsible to express

[00:34:25] and explain what your entitled rights are.

[00:34:28] And so that would be taking a short-term disability leave from work

[00:34:33] so that one, you can protect your job if you also take FMLA at the same time

[00:34:37] with the federal family and medical leave,

[00:34:40] while you also take care of your mental health.

[00:34:43] And so a short-term disability can look like anywhere from a month of time away from work

[00:34:49] to six months of leave from work.

[00:34:53] Paid leave, if your job also has disability coverage for you as an employee,

[00:34:59] the amount of income that you receive on that leave may range from 100% of your salary

[00:35:06] to somewhere like 40% over the course of those four to six months,

[00:35:10] depending on, you know, 24 weeks of leave, maybe short-term disability in your company

[00:35:15] or at max 26 weeks of leave, but it's under short-term disability.

[00:35:21] So because it's a medical condition by which a doctor has to prescribe this leave for you

[00:35:28] or your psychotherapist can prescribe this leave for you,

[00:35:32] it is classified as a medical leave.

[00:35:36] And so you can research this through looking up short-term disability.

[00:35:41] You can discuss this with your human resources professional.

[00:35:45] And then they would basically just ask that you speak to your practitioner,

[00:35:50] be it your physician or your psychotherapist,

[00:35:53] as to what they would recommend for the amount of time initially

[00:35:56] they would prescribe you to be away from your job.

[00:35:59] And so that time should be uninterrupted.

[00:36:04] No one from work, your colleagues, your boss, no one should reach out to you.

[00:36:08] You should use that time to rest, go to your appointments,

[00:36:11] take care of your medical and mental health.

[00:36:13] And usually I advise my clients to really sit in not doing anything,

[00:36:20] like really allow your body to recover from the years of work,

[00:36:24] the mental labor, the physical, emotional labor you put into your job,

[00:36:28] your life, et cetera.

[00:36:29] Like people do not know how tired they are until they stop working.

[00:36:35] And I've had people who said,

[00:36:37] oh, Asha, I don't think I'll need more than a month from work,

[00:36:40] you know, more than a month of leave from work.

[00:36:43] Okay, let's see about that, right?

[00:36:46] And then that first three weeks are like,

[00:36:49] oh my God, I just want to sleep all day.

[00:36:51] And I'm like, yeah, and this is why I generally start with my clients

[00:36:55] at least six weeks of time away from work.

[00:36:58] If you can maintain financially,

[00:37:01] depending on what your job offers in terms of your disability coverage,

[00:37:06] six weeks away from work,

[00:37:08] then minimally, I would say that's a good start.

[00:37:11] But I've taken more people on leaves of absence from work

[00:37:15] for at least three to four months and max a year.

[00:37:21] Yeah.

[00:37:23] Yeah.

[00:37:23] And I think that's,

[00:37:25] this is why we were talking about a G-Rex

[00:37:27] because I'm like,

[00:37:28] I feel like I can't imagine,

[00:37:30] first of all,

[00:37:31] if you are feeling burnout symptoms or depression,

[00:37:33] or you're dealing with something that is kind of hidden that,

[00:37:36] you know, like we were saying,

[00:37:36] it's not, you know,

[00:37:37] like a physical thing that people can see.

[00:37:39] And then trying to navigate through some of this language

[00:37:43] that you may not be familiar with.

[00:37:46] It's difficult because it's like,

[00:37:48] you want to go to like a psychotherapist and you're new to it.

[00:37:52] So you don't know exactly,

[00:37:53] like, do I need to ask straight up?

[00:37:55] Like, Hey, I need to be put on leave.

[00:37:57] Or do they just know?

[00:37:59] Or, you know,

[00:38:00] it's like this very hard thing.

[00:38:02] And then on top of it all,

[00:38:03] we were talking about after that leave is done

[00:38:06] and you're returning back to work.

[00:38:08] I think in that moment,

[00:38:09] when you're feeling depressed and burned out,

[00:38:11] like you're probably going to be worried

[00:38:13] to have to go back

[00:38:15] if it's a toxic environment, right?

[00:38:17] So I just really sympathize.

[00:38:19] And I feel for that type of experience

[00:38:22] because it's, it's not easy.

[00:38:24] It's not talked about enough.

[00:38:26] Yeah.

[00:38:26] And it's really hard.

[00:38:27] Like when I did it,

[00:38:29] so like 20 plus years ago,

[00:38:31] like for me,

[00:38:32] it was hard for me to even explain

[00:38:34] to my manager at the time,

[00:38:37] what was going on, right?

[00:38:38] Because it was already toxic as it was.

[00:38:41] And having to have that

[00:38:43] really difficult conversation.

[00:38:45] You know, I was young.

[00:38:47] Okay.

[00:38:47] Like nobody taught me how to do,

[00:38:48] have these conversations.

[00:38:50] Nobody.

[00:38:51] And I finally just said,

[00:38:53] I've got to go.

[00:38:54] And I went and I did my leave.

[00:38:58] And like you said,

[00:38:59] I slept, man,

[00:39:00] I slept for like a week straight.

[00:39:02] It was amazing.

[00:39:03] But then I would wake up

[00:39:04] and I was like,

[00:39:05] fuck, I got to go back to this job.

[00:39:07] And I don't want to go.

[00:39:09] I really don't.

[00:39:11] So I did,

[00:39:11] during the time,

[00:39:13] I did look at other opportunities

[00:39:15] outside of what my,

[00:39:17] what I was doing at the time.

[00:39:20] And trying to define

[00:39:21] what my next career path

[00:39:23] was going to be

[00:39:23] because I really didn't want to go back.

[00:39:25] I knew that

[00:39:27] it was not going to be healthy.

[00:39:29] It wasn't going to be healthy for me

[00:39:31] because, you know,

[00:39:34] I'm 4'11".

[00:39:35] There's only so much shit

[00:39:36] I can like take into my life

[00:39:38] before it gets horrible.

[00:39:41] So for me,

[00:39:42] I ended up finding another job.

[00:39:44] You know,

[00:39:44] I went back to work

[00:39:45] for like a week

[00:39:46] and then I gave my notice.

[00:39:48] And I was like,

[00:39:48] deuces,

[00:39:49] gotta go.

[00:39:50] And, you know,

[00:39:51] thankfully for me,

[00:39:52] I had my family

[00:39:54] to support me

[00:39:54] in that decision.

[00:39:55] But for other people,

[00:39:57] they don't have

[00:39:58] those support systems

[00:39:59] and it's,

[00:40:01] it makes it really difficult.

[00:40:03] So I,

[00:40:03] this is such an important topic

[00:40:05] these days

[00:40:05] because work environments

[00:40:07] are toxic.

[00:40:09] Yeah.

[00:40:09] Can I just say something about that?

[00:40:11] Yeah.

[00:40:11] I'm really grateful

[00:40:12] that we're talking about this

[00:40:13] because there's a lot of hope

[00:40:15] and I've worked with clients

[00:40:17] who felt very hopeless

[00:40:18] and like you,

[00:40:20] SheRacks,

[00:40:20] people that I've worked with

[00:40:22] in the beginning

[00:40:22] were all people

[00:40:25] who didn't want to go back

[00:40:27] to the same job.

[00:40:29] So one of the things

[00:40:30] that I do

[00:40:31] because I'm an integrative

[00:40:33] psychotherapist

[00:40:33] so that basically means

[00:40:34] that I work

[00:40:36] with the whole person

[00:40:37] and I often work

[00:40:39] comprehensively.

[00:40:40] So I work

[00:40:41] with other disciplines

[00:40:42] even as a private practitioner

[00:40:44] that's just the way

[00:40:44] that I was also trained

[00:40:45] earlier in my career

[00:40:46] as a social worker.

[00:40:47] So I usually work

[00:40:49] with people's

[00:40:49] primary care physicians,

[00:40:50] their psychiatrists

[00:40:52] if we refer them

[00:40:52] to psychiatry.

[00:40:54] I usually recommend

[00:40:55] dieticians

[00:40:56] and so I'll work

[00:40:57] with a dietician

[00:40:58] and every person

[00:41:00] that I can think of

[00:41:02] and we've done

[00:41:03] some radical things

[00:41:04] have not gone back

[00:41:05] to the same job.

[00:41:07] One person

[00:41:07] that I worked with

[00:41:08] in the beginning

[00:41:08] they went back

[00:41:10] they took a month off

[00:41:11] initially

[00:41:12] and then we added

[00:41:13] I think another month

[00:41:14] and then they were ready

[00:41:14] to go back

[00:41:15] and we went back

[00:41:16] with a plan.

[00:41:17] So everyone who works

[00:41:18] with me

[00:41:18] whether they're getting

[00:41:20] coached

[00:41:20] outside of New York

[00:41:21] or they're in New York

[00:41:22] and they're working

[00:41:23] with me as a client

[00:41:24] in my psychotherapy practice

[00:41:25] I strategize with them

[00:41:27] that's one of my strengths

[00:41:28] and so we work

[00:41:29] on what the strategy is

[00:41:30] the strategy could be

[00:41:31] that for the first

[00:41:32] month or two

[00:41:33] you're resting

[00:41:34] you're sleeping

[00:41:34] you're getting sunlight

[00:41:35] you're moving your body

[00:41:36] you're eating better

[00:41:37] you're taking your medicine

[00:41:39] if you're on medicine

[00:41:39] you're coming to therapy

[00:41:40] one or two times a week

[00:41:42] and so those are the first

[00:41:43] like couple of months plan

[00:41:45] and then

[00:41:46] once that feels

[00:41:48] like it's become habitual

[00:41:49] month three

[00:41:51] if we're taking

[00:41:51] let's say four months

[00:41:52] or more

[00:41:53] from leave

[00:41:54] from work

[00:41:55] then month three

[00:41:56] is

[00:41:57] to

[00:41:58] start looking at

[00:41:59] how we can

[00:42:00] integrate other things

[00:42:01] like the nutrition piece

[00:42:03] and then maybe

[00:42:04] around month four

[00:42:05] it is

[00:42:06] okay let's start exploring

[00:42:07] what the plan is

[00:42:08] for return to work

[00:42:09] and so I have to

[00:42:11] on my end

[00:42:11] do an enormous amount

[00:42:12] of paperwork

[00:42:13] because these insurance

[00:42:14] companies want a lot

[00:42:15] of detail

[00:42:15] and I even

[00:42:17] the mouthpiece

[00:42:18] for some of my clients

[00:42:18] because these

[00:42:20] insurance companies

[00:42:21] also kind of harass

[00:42:22] the clients about

[00:42:23] you know

[00:42:24] why are you off

[00:42:25] and are you going

[00:42:26] to your appointments

[00:42:26] and they'll start

[00:42:27] calling them weekly

[00:42:28] so I get my clients

[00:42:29] to sign a release form

[00:42:30] to redirect the people

[00:42:32] from the insurance

[00:42:33] companies to contact me

[00:42:34] I don't mind taking that on

[00:42:35] because I really want

[00:42:36] my clients to rest

[00:42:37] so they'll do that

[00:42:39] and then the insurance

[00:42:39] companies don't harass them

[00:42:41] and so we'll work

[00:42:42] on a plan of action

[00:42:43] for some people

[00:42:44] it is go back to work

[00:42:46] for a limited amount

[00:42:46] of time

[00:42:47] and you're going

[00:42:48] to strategize

[00:42:49] you're going to

[00:42:50] collect a couple

[00:42:50] of paychecks

[00:42:51] and then you're going

[00:42:53] to either

[00:42:54] put that money

[00:42:55] into a portal

[00:42:55] and we're going

[00:42:56] to make that money

[00:42:57] work for you

[00:42:57] over the next couple

[00:42:58] of weeks

[00:42:58] while you take

[00:42:59] you know

[00:42:59] maybe another leave

[00:43:01] of absence

[00:43:01] which sometimes

[00:43:02] people do

[00:43:02] or you're going

[00:43:04] to pivot

[00:43:06] most people have

[00:43:11] the first people

[00:43:11] to do it

[00:43:12] in their circle

[00:43:13] and I've had

[00:43:14] lots of people

[00:43:15] taking the entire

[00:43:16] short-term disability

[00:43:17] which is the four

[00:43:18] to six months

[00:43:18] and rest and sleep

[00:43:21] and go to appointments

[00:43:21] and see their doctors

[00:43:22] for the first time

[00:43:23] in a long time

[00:43:24] and some of them

[00:43:25] go back to work

[00:43:26] and they're released

[00:43:27] from the company

[00:43:28] or they go back

[00:43:29] to work

[00:43:29] and they leave

[00:43:30] the company

[00:43:30] other people

[00:43:32] have taken longer

[00:43:33] disability

[00:43:33] and it converts

[00:43:34] to long-term

[00:43:35] disability

[00:43:36] after six months

[00:43:37] because they have

[00:43:38] workplace trauma

[00:43:40] that's compounded

[00:43:41] with childhood trauma

[00:43:43] and so they have

[00:43:45] chronic medical conditions

[00:43:46] on top of mental health

[00:43:48] conditions

[00:43:49] that actually

[00:43:49] impairs them

[00:43:50] from working

[00:43:51] and so we just

[00:43:52] spent a year

[00:43:53] working on their

[00:43:53] physical health

[00:43:54] and mental health

[00:43:55] getting their strength

[00:43:56] back

[00:43:56] seeing a lot of specialists

[00:43:57] and getting the

[00:43:59] disability income

[00:44:00] through social security

[00:44:01] and using that

[00:44:03] to support them

[00:44:04] other people

[00:44:04] have completely

[00:44:05] pivoted careers

[00:44:06] I've had people

[00:44:07] go from one industry

[00:44:09] to a completely

[00:44:10] different one

[00:44:11] over the course

[00:44:12] of several months

[00:44:13] time

[00:44:14] just by on that

[00:44:15] leave getting rest

[00:44:16] and sleep

[00:44:17] and having clarity

[00:44:18] to even consider

[00:44:19] what else they could do

[00:44:20] some people have gone

[00:44:21] into becoming

[00:44:22] consultants

[00:44:22] I have a few people

[00:44:24] who've done that

[00:44:25] left their jobs

[00:44:26] left their industries

[00:44:27] after 10-18 years

[00:44:28] etc

[00:44:29] and become

[00:44:30] independent contractors

[00:44:31] and have a

[00:44:32] fulfilling life

[00:44:33] they travel more

[00:44:34] they work less

[00:44:35] they spend more

[00:44:36] time with their

[00:44:36] loved ones

[00:44:37] and so

[00:44:38] lots of

[00:44:39] incredibly good

[00:44:41] wonderful radical

[00:44:42] things

[00:44:42] people have gotten

[00:44:42] married

[00:44:43] they've moved

[00:44:44] across the world

[00:44:45] they've become

[00:44:45] digital nomads

[00:44:47] I mean

[00:44:47] that's the social

[00:44:49] worker

[00:44:49] I always was

[00:44:50] and to be

[00:44:52] that person

[00:44:53] now as a private

[00:44:53] practitioner

[00:44:54] gives me a lot

[00:44:55] of joy

[00:44:55] and so people

[00:44:56] start off really

[00:44:57] scared

[00:44:57] and hopeless

[00:44:59] and they end up

[00:45:00] hopeful

[00:45:01] and excited

[00:45:01] about their life

[00:45:02] and amazed

[00:45:03] at what has

[00:45:04] transformed them

[00:45:05] I love that

[00:45:07] I love that

[00:45:07] would you say

[00:45:08] that's your

[00:45:08] like the most

[00:45:09] rewarding part

[00:45:10] about what you

[00:45:10] get to do

[00:45:10] every day

[00:45:11] yeah

[00:45:12] seeing people

[00:45:12] change

[00:45:13] on their own

[00:45:14] terms

[00:45:14] and live a

[00:45:15] kind of

[00:45:15] life

[00:45:16] that they

[00:45:16] want

[00:45:17] and desire

[00:45:18] and imagine

[00:45:19] and are in

[00:45:20] charge of

[00:45:21] gives me

[00:45:22] great pleasure

[00:45:22] it's the best

[00:45:23] thing about

[00:45:23] the work

[00:45:24] that I do

[00:45:24] both as a

[00:45:25] coach

[00:45:25] and a

[00:45:25] therapist

[00:45:27] I love

[00:45:28] this conversation

[00:45:29] I do

[00:45:29] so I do

[00:45:30] have a question

[00:45:31] for you

[00:45:31] what do

[00:45:33] you do

[00:45:33] today

[00:45:34] for self-love

[00:45:35] and self-care

[00:45:35] I spend

[00:45:39] time with

[00:45:39] a select

[00:45:40] number

[00:45:40] of people

[00:45:42] I say

[00:45:43] that very

[00:45:43] intentionally

[00:45:45] because

[00:45:45] I used to

[00:45:47] give my

[00:45:47] time away

[00:45:48] to people

[00:45:48] and I

[00:45:49] don't

[00:45:50] anymore

[00:45:50] I'm very

[00:45:51] intentional

[00:45:51] about

[00:45:52] with the

[00:45:52] exception

[00:45:53] of last

[00:45:53] night

[00:45:54] I did not

[00:45:55] know where

[00:45:55] I was going

[00:45:56] to end

[00:45:56] up last

[00:45:56] night

[00:45:57] but we

[00:45:57] had a good

[00:45:58] time

[00:45:58] it was

[00:45:58] around

[00:45:59] some

[00:45:59] good

[00:45:59] people

[00:45:59] I usually

[00:46:00] am very

[00:46:01] selective

[00:46:01] about where

[00:46:02] I spend

[00:46:02] my time

[00:46:03] and with

[00:46:03] whom

[00:46:03] and that's

[00:46:05] been an

[00:46:05] interesting

[00:46:06] evolution

[00:46:07] too

[00:46:07] because

[00:46:07] I noticed

[00:46:08] the more

[00:46:09] I withdraw

[00:46:09] from people

[00:46:10] the more

[00:46:10] people seem

[00:46:11] to be hungry

[00:46:11] for my

[00:46:12] attention

[00:46:14] I just

[00:46:15] really try

[00:46:15] to you

[00:46:16] know

[00:46:16] cultivate

[00:46:17] a life

[00:46:18] that's

[00:46:18] nourishing

[00:46:18] I have

[00:46:19] a home

[00:46:20] that faces

[00:46:21] the east

[00:46:21] so I get

[00:46:22] a lot of

[00:46:22] natural

[00:46:23] sunlight

[00:46:23] so I come

[00:46:24] into my

[00:46:24] living room

[00:46:25] every morning

[00:46:26] and I raise

[00:46:26] the blinds

[00:46:27] and I get

[00:46:27] a lot of

[00:46:28] sun

[00:46:28] and that

[00:46:29] makes me

[00:46:29] really happy

[00:46:30] I just

[00:46:31] bought a

[00:46:31] bike

[00:46:31] that I

[00:46:32] love

[00:46:32] so I'll

[00:46:33] go out

[00:46:33] and I'll

[00:46:34] ride my

[00:46:34] bike for

[00:46:34] three hours

[00:46:35] and explore

[00:46:36] the community

[00:46:37] and you know

[00:46:38] see things

[00:46:38] and look at

[00:46:39] the architecture

[00:46:39] of the buildings

[00:46:40] and just feel

[00:46:41] really free

[00:46:42] and just

[00:46:42] wonderful

[00:46:43] when I can

[00:46:44] I'll try to

[00:46:45] travel the world

[00:46:46] and even

[00:46:47] sometimes work

[00:46:48] you know

[00:46:49] outside of the

[00:46:49] country

[00:46:49] just so I

[00:46:50] can enjoy

[00:46:51] both

[00:46:51] you know

[00:46:52] this thing

[00:46:53] that I created

[00:46:54] where I always

[00:46:55] wanted to be

[00:46:55] able to be

[00:46:56] a remote

[00:46:57] worker

[00:46:57] before it

[00:46:58] was a

[00:46:58] thing

[00:46:58] I really

[00:47:00] pay attention

[00:47:01] to how

[00:47:02] my body

[00:47:03] metabolizes

[00:47:04] food

[00:47:04] because usually

[00:47:06] my stress

[00:47:06] goes to my

[00:47:07] gut

[00:47:07] and so I'm

[00:47:09] really careful

[00:47:09] about the

[00:47:10] food that I

[00:47:11] select to

[00:47:12] eat

[00:47:12] I've become

[00:47:12] even more

[00:47:13] restrictive

[00:47:14] because I

[00:47:15] have a

[00:47:15] functional

[00:47:15] nutritionist

[00:47:16] now who

[00:47:17] has bridged

[00:47:18] the connection

[00:47:19] between

[00:47:19] histamine

[00:47:20] issues that I

[00:47:21] have that are

[00:47:22] related to

[00:47:22] like allergies

[00:47:23] year-round

[00:47:24] and the

[00:47:25] changes in

[00:47:25] the environment

[00:47:26] which are

[00:47:26] also impacting

[00:47:27] the foods

[00:47:28] that I eat

[00:47:29] so that's

[00:47:30] been really

[00:47:31] wonderful to

[00:47:31] have an

[00:47:31] accountability

[00:47:32] partner that

[00:47:32] helps me to

[00:47:33] take care of

[00:47:33] myself better

[00:47:35] and those are

[00:47:36] the things that

[00:47:37] nourish me

[00:47:37] not working

[00:47:38] every day is

[00:47:38] another part

[00:47:39] I don't work

[00:47:39] every day

[00:47:40] this work is

[00:47:40] great but

[00:47:42] I also need

[00:47:43] time away from

[00:47:44] it to live in

[00:47:45] my life and

[00:47:45] to be a

[00:47:45] person so

[00:47:46] those are

[00:47:47] the things

[00:47:47] that help

[00:47:47] I love

[00:47:48] all that

[00:47:49] love

[00:47:49] do you

[00:47:50] have your

[00:47:51] crazy

[00:47:51] questions

[00:47:52] sure

[00:47:53] okay

[00:47:54] if you

[00:47:55] could go

[00:47:55] back in

[00:47:56] time to

[00:47:56] a younger

[00:47:57] version of

[00:47:57] yourself

[00:47:58] and ask

[00:47:59] your or

[00:48:00] give yourself

[00:48:01] a bit of

[00:48:01] advice

[00:48:03] what would

[00:48:03] you say

[00:48:04] and how

[00:48:05] old are

[00:48:05] you when

[00:48:06] you go

[00:48:06] back

[00:48:06] I would

[00:48:07] go back

[00:48:07] to probably

[00:48:11] 24

[00:48:12] maybe 25

[00:48:13] I'm in

[00:48:15] grad school

[00:48:16] I'm working

[00:48:17] full-time

[00:48:18] I'm traveling

[00:48:20] between what

[00:48:20] we call

[00:48:21] here in

[00:48:21] New York

[00:48:21] boroughs

[00:48:22] so it's

[00:48:23] like going

[00:48:23] almost like

[00:48:24] from one

[00:48:24] city to

[00:48:24] another

[00:48:25] city

[00:48:25] to leave

[00:48:26] my job

[00:48:27] to go

[00:48:27] to my

[00:48:28] internship

[00:48:28] and I

[00:48:29] would say

[00:48:30] pace yourself

[00:48:31] I would say

[00:48:32] pace yourself

[00:48:33] more

[00:48:33] and have

[00:48:34] more fun

[00:48:35] and that

[00:48:35] would probably

[00:48:36] back then

[00:48:36] be hard

[00:48:37] for me

[00:48:37] to match

[00:48:38] it up

[00:48:38] because I

[00:48:39] was so

[00:48:40] hyper

[00:48:40] focused

[00:48:40] on

[00:48:41] performance

[00:48:41] but I

[00:48:42] would definitely

[00:48:43] say pace

[00:48:44] yourself

[00:48:44] and create

[00:48:45] more time

[00:48:46] for fun

[00:48:47] and it

[00:48:48] might be

[00:48:49] the same

[00:48:49] thing

[00:48:49] but what

[00:48:50] has been

[00:48:51] the hardest

[00:48:52] lesson you've

[00:48:52] had to learn

[00:48:53] so far

[00:48:54] in your

[00:48:54] life

[00:48:56] everyone

[00:48:57] has a

[00:48:58] different

[00:48:58] definition

[00:48:59] of love

[00:49:00] and it

[00:49:01] doesn't

[00:49:02] necessarily

[00:49:02] agree with

[00:49:03] mine

[00:49:03] and mine

[00:49:05] trumps all

[00:49:06] of those

[00:49:06] and mine

[00:49:08] is more

[00:49:08] important

[00:49:09] and I

[00:49:10] can teach

[00:49:11] people how

[00:49:12] to love

[00:49:12] me

[00:49:12] but if

[00:49:13] they don't

[00:49:13] reciprocate

[00:49:14] I can also

[00:49:15] let those

[00:49:16] people go

[00:49:16] and I

[00:49:17] will

[00:49:18] that is

[00:49:20] so so

[00:49:21] good

[00:49:21] all right

[00:49:22] I have

[00:49:22] one more

[00:49:23] question

[00:49:23] actually

[00:49:24] it's a

[00:49:24] two-parter

[00:49:24] what is

[00:49:26] your favorite

[00:49:26] word

[00:49:27] my favorite

[00:49:28] word

[00:49:29] your favorite

[00:49:29] word

[00:49:32] pace

[00:49:34] okay

[00:49:35] what is

[00:49:36] your least

[00:49:36] favorite

[00:49:37] word

[00:49:39] push

[00:49:41] like that

[00:49:43] I love

[00:49:45] all of

[00:49:45] this

[00:49:45] so where

[00:49:46] can our

[00:49:47] listeners

[00:49:48] find you

[00:49:50] well as

[00:49:51] you mentioned

[00:49:51] definitely on

[00:49:52] LinkedIn

[00:49:52] I have an

[00:49:53] awesome new

[00:49:54] newsletter

[00:49:54] titled

[00:49:55] adulting

[00:49:56] today

[00:49:57] which is

[00:49:57] on the

[00:49:57] whole brand

[00:49:58] of my

[00:49:58] adulting

[00:49:59] work that

[00:49:59] I've been

[00:49:59] doing for

[00:50:00] years

[00:50:00] I would

[00:50:01] absolutely

[00:50:02] encourage

[00:50:02] people to

[00:50:02] subscribe

[00:50:03] to it

[00:50:03] I'm going

[00:50:04] to go

[00:50:04] into details

[00:50:05] about

[00:50:06] taking

[00:50:06] leaves

[00:50:07] of absence

[00:50:07] from work

[00:50:08] imposter

[00:50:09] syndrome

[00:50:09] how to

[00:50:10] have difficult

[00:50:11] conversations

[00:50:11] at work

[00:50:12] I'll talk

[00:50:14] about

[00:50:14] caregiving

[00:50:15] as an

[00:50:15] employee

[00:50:16] so definitely

[00:50:17] adulting

[00:50:17] today's

[00:50:18] newsletter

[00:50:18] is the

[00:50:18] place to

[00:50:19] go for

[00:50:19] your monthly

[00:50:20] updates

[00:50:21] follow me

[00:50:22] on Instagram

[00:50:22] I'm very

[00:50:23] active

[00:50:24] there talking

[00:50:24] about

[00:50:24] caregiving

[00:50:25] matters

[00:50:25] and mental

[00:50:27] health

[00:50:27] and prevention

[00:50:28] I use

[00:50:29] Instagram

[00:50:29] my account

[00:50:30] is

[00:50:30] Asha

[00:50:31] Tarry

[00:50:32] with an

[00:50:32] A-T-A-R-Y

[00:50:33] Asha

[00:50:34] Tarry

[00:50:34] mental

[00:50:35] on Instagram

[00:50:36] that's

[00:50:37] where a lot

[00:50:37] of people

[00:50:38] find me

[00:50:38] and my

[00:50:39] website

[00:50:39] life

[00:50:40] coach

[00:50:41] Asha

[00:50:41] dot com

[00:50:42] where you

[00:50:43] can get

[00:50:43] more

[00:50:43] information

[00:50:43] about

[00:50:44] either

[00:50:44] working

[00:50:44] with me

[00:50:44] as a

[00:50:45] coach

[00:50:45] right

[00:50:46] now

[00:50:46] I think

[00:50:46] I'm at

[00:50:46] capacity

[00:50:47] for my

[00:50:47] psychotherapy

[00:50:48] practice

[00:50:49] but people

[00:50:50] who are

[00:50:50] outside of

[00:50:50] New York

[00:50:51] can work

[00:50:51] with me

[00:50:51] as a

[00:50:52] coach

[00:50:52] and I

[00:50:52] do

[00:50:52] mental

[00:50:53] fitness

[00:50:53] coaching

[00:50:53] and those

[00:50:54] would be

[00:50:55] the main

[00:50:55] places

[00:50:55] that people

[00:50:56] can

[00:51:24] dirty