Faith, Fatherhood & Forgiveness: Austin Davis Breaks the Cycle

[00:00:06] Hey there listeners, welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, you Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests. Each episode we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads. I'm here with my amazing co-host, Dirty Skittles, and today we have Austin. Welcome Austin, I'm so glad to have you on the show. Hey, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you both for just showing up on a Saturday and making it happen.

[00:01:05] Yeah, you know, same to you. What a way to celebrate the weekend. That is so cool. Well, it's really nice to meet you. Yeah, nice to meet you. You know, we did our pre-interview. You kind of said, you know, you got to start us off. And so the last 24 hours I've just been racking my brain about what story to share or what, you know, what to jump into. And I had one until about two hours ago. I was in my workout in the garage and I was like, that's not the right story.

[00:01:35] I got to share this one. And it's really every single like parent or speaking engagement or podcast, whatever I go on. And people always ask me, what are teenagers really struggling with today? And, you know, it's I think they're looking for what substance, right? Is it heroin? Is it alcohol? Is it mushrooms? And I kind of flip the script on them and I go, you know, I really think they're trying to answer one question. And that's who am I?

[00:02:05] And the story I want to tell today is super personal. I'm just coming right out of the gates with it. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. I had a brother who was three years younger. And then one of the most vivid memories of my life is my dad sitting me on the front porch on a wooden swingy porch thing and said, hey, you're the man of the house now. And at 10 years old, had no idea how to digest that. And the last 30 something years of my life, I've been going, what in the hell does that mean?

[00:02:34] And so it's like that's a worldview or crux of how I live life, really trying to navigate through that and help people navigate through that question. Yeah. So you told me to start off. There it is. I have. I already have questions for you. All right. So 10 year old Austin is told to be the man of the house. You're already like, what the hell does that mean? Do you remember feeling pressure at 10? Like, oh, I've got to I've got to perform to something.

[00:03:03] Never in the moment. I don't think I ever realized it in the moment up and up until probably 10 years ago. Did any of those sort of thoughts emerge or probably emotions, I would say. Right. I was just old kid, oldest kid type a if dinner needed to be made, I made dinner. If the yard needed to be mowed, I made a mower of the yard.

[00:03:26] And then I went and pitched a two hitter, you know, in Little League, you know, like I was that's where all my energy went was just in baseball and later in basketball and things like that. So, yeah, I didn't really register until later in life. Was did your mom like reinforce that you were the man of the house? Not actively. Never put that pressure on me intentionally. Okay. Yeah.

[00:03:55] She had to go to work every day. Yeah. Right. She had to be the man of the house, too. Right. So it was kind of it was a dual role for both of us to parent my brother to keep the house, you know, in shape, you know, those sort of things. So I didn't know any different. Right. Like it was just life to me. And so but as I help people live out that question or bring those answers, who am I? You know, you kind of have to go back and do narrative therapy to like who what are the pillars that hold up this foundation?

[00:04:25] Yeah. What did 10 year old Austin make for dinner? We had a lot of beans and rice. Okay. Beans and rice and beans if you wanted to mix it up. So I can make a mean cornbread in the iron skillet. Okay. And so, you know, we're in Texas. So, you know, you know, if whatever, hot dogs, like meat, a lot of Totino's pizzas. Okay. Very cool.

[00:04:54] I am jealous. My brother kind of similar sort of upbringing, but he was my caretaker for a minute. And I did not get beans and rice or rice and beans. I got spaghetti sauce in between two pieces of bread and he called it a sloppy joe. Nice. And I thought that was my older brother's meals. Hey, my meal for my brothers and sisters was fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. That sounds good. Yeah, we did that a lot, too.

[00:05:22] Those are easy to rip out of the box and put in the oven. Yeah, man. Craft macaroni and cheese. The best. Yeah. Probably not the best for you. But listen, that's what you're getting for dinner. For sure. Okay. So 10 year old man of the house cooking dinner for your younger sibling, taking care of them and still living your life doing sports. Yeah. And just kicking butt. Yeah. Did you resent your dad at all? Like growing up after some time had passed?

[00:05:54] Yeah. How long is the podcast? I mean, it's a huge story that just builds from there. And again, like I own treatment centers that focus 13 to 17 year olds with we started with young men. Now we have a female facility. And the question that kids always ask me, I got long hair and so long, usually a big beard and stuff like that. And the kids just assume, Hey, Mr. Austin, what drugs did you use? You know? And I'm like, I didn't.

[00:06:24] I'm a normie. And like, what? How do you own a treatment center? And you don't know what we're going through. And you know, that's BS. I'm like, okay, cool. Tell me about when your parents divorced, right? I've already read their intake file. You know, let's, let's talk about how your dad doesn't show up to things you're adopted, right? Or what? You know, like, I just go through all of their narrative, what I know and their intake paperwork. And they're like, you've been through all that shit too.

[00:06:50] Like, yeah, I just chose a different way of coping than using drugs, you know, to God be the glory, not in my own volition there. So that resentment, you know, my dad, I played a lot of baseball. He coached every game, every season. We saw him, my brother and I, you know, did the hop, skip, jump every other weekend to his house. And then there's a period, you know, where he just disappeared for about a decade.

[00:07:16] And that was the, probably from 32 to about last year. Oh. Um, you know, he hadn't met two of my daughters. And so, so yeah, there, there's a lot of story in there. That's why I asked how long, how long the podcast is, but yeah, you know, he got remarried, had a kid at 50 and things like that. So just a lot of life change. And through the mix, that was more important than me and my family. So. I just have a quick question.

[00:07:46] So with all that, like emotional baggage from your past, now, how do you show up as a dad to your kids? That's a great question. You know, there's this, if we focus on not being something, that's what you generally become. Right. And so I've really fought against that notion of, you know, people say, I don't want to be my mom or I don't want to be my dad. Like, that's not my MO because I really want to honor my dad. And I am the man I am today because of him, right?

[00:08:16] Both, both DNA and, you know, mentally and emotionally. And so how do I show up for my kids? I try to be the most gentle version of myself that I can be. And I, again, I'm super type a always moving Enneagram eight. If you know, you know, anything about that, like, so like big, large and in charge all the time. And so I have to be the most gentle and humble version of myself that I can be with my kids. Yeah. That's patience.

[00:08:45] That's getting down on one knee. That's communicating. I was, I didn't feel like I got that a lot. You know, I don't know. Like I wasn't treated. I try to treat them like adults and not weigh them down with adult things, but speak to them and believe in them that they can bear the weight of the conversation that we're having. Yeah. I love that. I love it a lot. I like you are just like so genuine and like, like full of energy.

[00:09:14] And I want to know, like, how did you go from 10 year old Austin to being owning and operating drug treatment centers for kids? Like, how did that path? Yeah. From I'm the man of the house to like, I want to help these kids. Yeah. At 15, a friend took me to church. Like my, so I played sports and one of my best friends was the guy who carried a brick of weed in his backpack.

[00:09:41] And then my friends playing baseball, they went to church and I was literally at this clear fork in my life of like, do I hang out with that guy? Do I hang out with this guy? I went to church for first time ever at about 15 years old. And that just began something new, finding, finding Christ, finding faith, finding community, sort of value, purpose, and meaning. And then that just kind of snowballed. So I really thought I was going to work in the local church as a youth pastor. Somebody did my undergrad at pastoral ministries, felt super inadequate.

[00:10:10] That, that boy sitting on the porch swing going with, you know, like I have to go work, you know, I'm not ready for that. So I went to seminary, started a MDiv, got 80 hours into the 90 hour program and kind of had this, oh, I don't know, seizure of some sort that said, you know, I don't want to work here in this environment because my skillset, my gifts are asking questions. And so I kind of abandoned that and did a master's in counseling, which led to psych hospitals

[00:10:40] and community mental health work. And then I was introduced to adult inpatient treatment, substance use disorder in about 2010 through one of my mentors. And so he kind of taught me everything about the system and he ended up kind of transitioning out. And I was like, I'm going to do this on my own. So I went home to my wife who is eight months pregnant with our third kid. We had three kids. We ended up having three kids under three.

[00:11:11] And I was like, Hey, I think I'm going to quit my job. And we're going to go start one of these things on our own. And she was like, I know I've been praying about that too. And so, you know, we kind of made a game plan and then we just launched out. And so we 2016 found some property and started just with eight beds. Right. And this, this whole idea of our name words, mean things, theologian and therapist, like, so words, thing words, mean things.

[00:11:40] So clear fork, you know, we just want to stand at the crossroads of these kids' lives. And if we can help them make a one degree of change over time is super impactful. So that's the short story. Yeah. I am so curious how or what made you choose, like when you were at that fork in your road, what made you choose church? I don't think I chose. That sounds weird. Right.

[00:12:06] I think I, my, my responsibility is to put one foot in front of the other. The Bible's real clear. I think to me that God first chose us and not that I don't have an active voice or say or in that, but I don't know, it was just right place, right time. And there was community. There was friendship. Again, who am I that answered that question? I am a child of God. I am, you know, like whatever the I am that you can kind of infer.

[00:12:36] So I think that was it, you know, because, because sports was a means to an end. It was a way to fight and be aggressive. And you can't tell I'm six, four, 215 pounds. So it's like, you know, like assertion and self will. Like those are easy things to come by, I guess. Yeah. I asked because I'm not very religious, but I've, I think I've said this on the podcast in the past when I can think of like the darkest times in my life.

[00:13:04] I strongly believe the thing that got me through that to where I am today is having something to believe in and having faith. And that's exactly, I can literally remember like yesterday. I remember telling a friend who was going to a church who invited me and I was like, yeah, sure, I'll go. And I just remember thinking this had to have been the right place, right time, right people. Otherwise it would not have happened. Right. Like who knows where I would have been. So I can totally relate to that.

[00:13:32] How did your mom take your shift from, you know, going into church and pursuing all of that and then, you know, to where you are today? Yeah, it's kind of, it's kind of weird. I kind of tell everybody I'm kind of the black sheep of my family, but in the other direction. So it was kind of weird. So my brother and I, I mean, we were thick as thieves.

[00:13:54] And so we went together and the youth group was on Wednesday and my dad, we saw my dad from six to eight on every Wednesday. So he'd pick us up from my mom's house. We'd go to dinner. Um, and we'd hang out and do something. And then he just drops back off. But when church entered the picture, we would grab a real quick bite to eat. He would drop us off. He would sit in the parking lot. And then he would sit in the lobby. And then weeks later he would sit in the back row.

[00:14:24] And so like, as we were attending youth group, he was kind of going to the adult service. And so dad started going to church through that, that whole. Crazy story. Right. And then somehow mom kind of started going and, you know, my mom goes to church with me today, like our senior in the morning. And so it's kind of cool. Like, like there was just kind of this. I'm certainly not the one responsible, but like God just kind of drew all of us in and into this relationship with him over the years.

[00:14:52] And it's not been perfect. It's been rocky. My brother passed away in 2003. He was 18. I was 21. Uh, right. So again, like going through that question, who am I? I've always been a big brother. I've always been, you know, the protector. I've always been the one who fixed things and he had diabetes. So it was kind of this, like, you know, he was my buddy. Yeah. Like we worked on cars. We worked, we did sports. He was at the same university I was at.

[00:15:20] So it was like, you know, so faith and Christ have like just been that woven thread through a lot of this. I can really attest to that on that super dark day on Christmas day. It was that glimmer of hope. It was like my, my higher being, right? I'm a recovering Catholic. I'm just going to say that. Amen. Amen.

[00:15:52] Recovering Catholic, but I do have that higher being. And, and, you know, I think that higher being and that small glimmer of help and that call to 988, like I wouldn't be alive today without those three things. But having something to help kind of shape everything that's been going on with me over the last two years has given me a ton of insight. Like when I was writing my book, I was telling Dirty Skills this morning. Like I learned a whole bunch about myself in writing that book.

[00:16:21] It's super cathartic, you know, you learn lessons about yourself, but you also learn about the things that impacted your decisions and yeah, like the trajectory of my life. Yeah. And, you know, if you'd asked us like five years ago, this podcast was going to be here. No, none of it. Right. But I'm, I'm happy that we get to share these journeys and these paths with our listeners and talk to incredible guests like you because like I'm learning even more about you.

[00:16:51] And I'm thinking that as you know, you being this like caregiver and man of the house, that when you go and you talk to your, to the kids at your centers, right, you're a natural caregiver. And like you just want to wrap them in love and let them know that things are going to be okay. You know, and you're just an incredible human being. Wow. Thank you. How, so you open up Clear Fork.

[00:17:22] And now you're a businessman and you're taking in teen boys, right? To start, you said. Yep. What were the age ranges when you first started? 13 to 17. Okay. Why do you focus on that? Well, yeah. Why 13? Yeah. Texas calls a 12 year old a child. Gotcha. And an 18 year old an adult. So we're right there in that teen bracket.

[00:17:48] So that really kind of fit, you know, calling and purpose and all those things for me. And so, and backing up a little bit. So for like five years, I was like a clinical director, kind of COO of this adult treatment facility. And I've got, I'm running group with eight or 10 guys and they're all thirties, forties, fifties. And, you know, whether they're doing math or drinking a handle of vodka every night, we start doing group process. And Johnny's telling a story. I was like, Hey, when did that happen? And he goes, Oh, when I was 14.

[00:18:19] And then Mike jumps in and he's like, no shit. That happened to me when I was 16. And then Billy over here goes, I was 11. I beat you all, you know, like, so I've got these grown men numerically, you know, like in, in my group, but they're all this like very adolescent beings, you know, sitting there processing stuff. And so, you know, that's kind of the vision is like, can we create this clear fork in these kids lives at the age of 10 or 12?

[00:18:45] So when they're 30 or 40 or 50, they're not like recapitulating that, that old story or belief about self. Right. And so that cycle becomes a straight line of some sort. Yeah. What has been the hardest struggle with this so far for you for clear for? Yeah. I mean, it's a hard job. Yeah. It's a very hard job. I mean, you deal with teens and families in the worst part of their life. Yeah.

[00:19:16] And so I guess there's really a couple of sides to that. I mean, like the crisis are hard, right? You know, if a kid runs away, that not knowing is pretty difficult. If a kid, when you break up fights, that's pretty difficult. When, you know, a staff member gets half of her hair ripped out, like, you know, there's just a lot. And that's every day. I mean, it's like, we're firefighters. We know buildings catch on fire. That's what we signed up for.

[00:19:45] I think the hardest part for me, though, is as you call me a businessman, so that's why I'm thinking this, is like, I have this therapist, youth pastor, like heart. But then the other side of that token is I have to make payroll every day. And, you know, I see a lot of operators just have one side. And they know it has scale and due profit margin. And I would never send my kid to treatment there, right? I wouldn't send my enemy's kid to treatment there.

[00:20:15] But so there's that every day of making really hard decisions that either, yeah, they just have to run a business. Like, those are hard decisions. Yeah. How do you take care of yourself? Like, if you've had a really rough day with the stories and all that stuff? Pints and pints of vodka. I'm just kidding. Some irony there. No. So up until about this year has been kind of weird. But for probably the last three or four years, alarm clock goes off at 530.

[00:20:45] I go sit in my little rocky chair and I have a journal. I have my Bible. And I read. I write. I pray. And then I throw those on the ground and go work out in my garage. So like the first 90 minutes to two hours of every morning is just self-care. Like, and if I don't, I know me, I show up. If I don't do that, I show up with way too much energy into every room.

[00:21:13] And so I kind of have to like drain the gas tank early in the morning before I start my day. And it just helps me, you know, it just stays grounded. And then so the rest of the time, I'm in my little studio here. So I've got a wall of guitars over here. So music. And that's about it. When you have kids and you have church and you have business and things like that, you just have little windows at the bookends of each day for me. Gotcha. Well, I have my fun questions for you. If you're ready. Okay.

[00:21:45] Oh my God. If you could rewind time and visit a younger version of yourself to give that younger version a bit of advice. What would you tell yourself? And how old are you when you go back? We're already the kids sitting on the porch, right? We're already there. So if there was one thing that I could, that I would tattoo on my heart, it would be, it's gonna be okay. Right?

[00:22:15] And it comma, God is in control. It may be comma, you don't have to be in control. Right? Like, so kind of that, that, that same framework of like, dude, I got it. Like, and God's just right there saying, I got it. Chill out. I got it. Yeah. My second question. When you think about everything you've gone through so far, what has been the toughest lesson that you've had to learn?

[00:22:44] I don't, I won't say I've learned it. I say I've grown in it. And it's in that same frame. That's in that same framework is, you know, Reinhold Niebuhr did the serenity prayer. Right? Right. And so it, in essence, it says, can control the things that you can control and surrender the things you cannot. And I think that's my journey of just having three kids. Right? Right. So when my daughter starts dating, I'm going to be a basket case. Right?

[00:23:13] Like, like there's going to be some things I can't control. And so what do I do with that? I'm controlling all the things now that I can't control about her self-esteem and about her friend. You know, like doing those sort of things with business. There's some things I can't control, but there are some things that I can. And so I think that's it. Because I know shit gets way out of control. When I take something out of God's hand and put it in my hand, I mean, I just screw it all up. And so I think it's that, that's it.

[00:23:40] That's the, for me, that's kind of essence of life of controlling the things that he's given me to steward. And just letting all the things in his hand be in his hand. I have to ask this question because you've said it a few times and I'm like, dude, like, I'm like struggling with it all. It's like, how do you know what to surrender? Because immediately my gut reaction when you say that is I'm very controlling, right? Like I want to make everything better.

[00:24:09] Like I'm taking it all on. So when I hear the surrendering part, I immediately am like, oh my gosh, could I do that? It almost like triggers like a weakness to me. So I'm like, how do you know when to let things go? Like, how do you know when I can't do that? I've got to surrender that. I think for me, it's the future or the outcome that I have to surrender.

[00:24:37] And it's, you know, I don't know how old you are, but like, what about Bob? I grew up watching that. And so it's just a great analogy for me of baby steps. It's just one foot in front of the other every single day. When I start looking too far over the window or out the window down the road, or that's when I get in trouble. And so almost like a deck of cards, you know, you just, you lay them flat on the table and you turn one over at a time. And that's what he's put in your hand. Not the next one on the deck or the 50th one down.

[00:25:08] It's the one that's in your hand that you're turning over and have to steward that moment. And I think that's what it is as, as just kind of, because tomorrow's tomorrow. I don't have tomorrow. I have today. And if I give my best effort today, it's up to him. He's either true or he's, he's untrue. And after 30 years of this journey, I'm still here, you know? So. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. All right. So now I have a couple of questions.

[00:25:38] And you already, you know, you already spoke to one of them, but here's one that I don't typically ask, but for parents that where they think that their kids are struggling with addiction, what would be like the first step that you would recommend for them? It just depends on what their awareness is. You know, I've talked to moms on the phone. She goes, yeah, I found this gun and these scales in the back of my car with these

[00:26:07] baggies full of stuff, but he's not, I don't think he's dealing drugs. So it just depends on what their awareness is and where they are with that communication every single time, you know, and it's, you have to warm up to those conversations. If you've never talked about it, then going straight for the goal is probably not. You got to start on the one yard line and work your way up and warm up into that relationship and conversation. But, you know, it's never too late. It's never too early, right?

[00:26:37] To begin asking questions. And so, yeah, I think it's just beginning that conversation with a kid. That's it. I like that. I like that a lot. And so now I have another question. If your anxiety had a theme song, what would it be and why? Anxiety had a theme song. Huh. Man. I just worked out to like 90s rock.

[00:27:05] So it's like Smashing Pumpkins, Matchbox 20. What's what? That's a great question. I have no idea. There's just a million songs that go through my head. So I grew up on like old school country, too. And I use this in therapy a lot of times when people try to satiate desires with the wrong thing. Right. Looking for love in all the wrong places.

[00:27:35] Amen. Amen. So if I am anxious, my focus is on things that it should not be on instead of the moment. Yeah. I love that analogy. I love that. And so like one of my other questions that I like to ask is what's your most favorite word? Favorite word.

[00:28:01] Oh, I could be real perspicacious right now and come up with that. Let me get my dictionary out. Why not? I'm just kidding. Favorite word. This is great. These are great questions. There should have been a cheat sheet beforehand or something. We literally were just talking about how we don't like cheat sheets because we were like, no, we need it in the moment. You need the moment. Yeah.

[00:28:28] So maybe paradox for right now in this season of life. Just because there's a lot of duality. There's, you know, I think there's a lot of paradox in life. Up is down is up. Left is right. I don't know. I don't know where that. Yeah. That's where I'm going to stick with. Paradox. Okay, good. Now, what's your least favorite word? Don't worry. It can be a dirty word. No. So, you know, I always tell clients just say what the first thing was that just popped in your head, right? So I got to own that.

[00:28:56] And hate was the first thing that just came into my mind. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, and that's just that. Yeah. I think it explains itself. So. Yeah. This was great. Now, how can our listeners find you? Clearforkacademy.com or Clearfork Academy and all the social channels and things like that. It's I have a book on Amazon. It's called My Kid, My Crisis by Austin Davis.

[00:29:23] And so it just kind of chronicles stories that I've been in the therapy room with over the last kind of decade and a half. So sort of a biography of sorts. I love that. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable with us. You're welcome. This was such a great conversation. Thank you so much for being on and hanging out with us two crazy people. You're fantastic. We are crazy. But I'm so excited.

[00:29:51] And once again, thank you so much for being, you know, very vulnerable and telling us, you know, sharing your truth. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's OK to be not OK. Just make sure you're talking to someone.

[00:34:03] Hey, I'm John Ashton. And I'm Neil Michaels. And we are the hosts of The Approach Shot, the golf-flavored podcast. Golf-flavored? What does that mean? It means we talk with celebrities like athletes, actors and authors about their careers, their passions, and what sets us apart, their golf game. Hence the golf-flavored. Got it. Yeah, we've had terrific guests like baseball all-stars Fred Lynn, Brett Saberhagen, Dale Murphy, Chris Sabo. And football all-pros like Dwight Freeney, Lofa Tatupu, OJ McDuffie, Jeff Garcia.

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