Part1: Navigating Native Roots: Matt’s Story of Acceptance and Growth with Guest Matt

Dirty Skittles [00:00:00]:
Forget to record. You know? It happens.

Matt [00:00:02]:
Oh, that's happened. Yeah. We've done that before too on our show when when we've gotten rolling and jokes just moving through it and it was hilarious. And I go, oh, I haven't hit record yet. Yeah. I'm just

G-Rex [00:00:11]:
gonna sit there.

Matt [00:00:13]:
That's awesome. There's times where I'm, like, I'm really sad about it where I'm, oh, no. Can we go back? Like, do you guys wanna pretend, like, we didn't see all that funny stuff? Yeah. A gummy and nickels. I never would have thought.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:38]:
That sounds horrible, dude. That sounds

G-Rex [00:00:40]:
I I will Tell you, though, it stopped the coughing.

Matt [00:00:43]:
Oh, yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:44]:
Because you're Oh, yeah. Fucking blacking out.

Matt [00:00:47]:
It also stopped the breathing Yeah. In the heartbeat for a little while.

G-Rex [00:00:58]:
I'm broken. I'm broken.

Matt [00:01:00]:
Well, I love I love having these, like, smartwatches on my wrist all the time because it's hilarious. I keep telling myself I need to get in some kind of shape, some kind of shape that, like, my watch doesn't alert me when I just, like it's either it my watch, it'll it'll suddenly go booping. Like, are you going for a run? And I'm like, no. I just stood up too quick. Or I'll be, like, in the grocery store, and they're like, hey. Getting your steps in? Like, your heart rate's elevated. I was like, no. I just saw a big old of Cheez Its in a sub a pubs a public sub.

Matt [00:01:32]:
And so no. No. Watch. I'm not I'm not getting in shape right now. I'm I'm actually I'm struggling. So

Dirty Skittles [00:01:41]:
And the watch is calling you out.

Matt [00:01:43]:
Yeah. And the watch is like, oh, good job, buddy. I'm like, no. It's not. It's not a good job at all. I'm doing terrible.

G-Rex [00:01:52]:
Yeah. Oh my god.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:56]:
You know Bissell's using this as an intro. That's Oh, yes.

G-Rex [00:01:59]:
This this is gonna be the best intro.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:03]:
Welcome back to another episode of shit that goes on in our heads today. G Rex and I are joined by Matt from Nostalgia Land. Welcome to the show, Matt. I hear you have quite the fun and interesting story. I'll pass it over to you, Matt. However you wanna start sharing with whatever you're comfortable sharing for it.

Matt [00:02:24]:
I, I'll keep you know? And I'll keep it very light. You know? And and just to to start off, I'd love my upbringing. I I'd love my family. I love where I grew up. But it was there's definitely a really, strange and interesting transition for me into becoming, like, an individual for myself and and what I feel and how I believe and what I who I wanna be too. Because I grew up. I was adopted, and there's some success in in this story too with that too. But, So I was adopted, and my adoption was really weird.

Matt [00:03:01]:
It was it was it was difficult. So my parents adopted me. And When when I was adopted, they had me for, like, 2 weeks, I think. It was like or close to a month. And their lawyer called them back and was like, hey. Don't get attached to that baby too much. He might have to go back. God.

Matt [00:03:19]:
And, and they're like, what what are you talking about? I might have to go back. Like, this isn't, like, of this isn't, like, a blockbuster video. Like, you can like, be kind, rewind the baby, and send it back to wherever it came from. What do you mean? And they're like, oh, well, we didn't know. Like, his his his dad, his birth father is part of a Native American tribe. And when the a baby's part of a tribe, there's some really, interesting weird politics that go on that, basically, the tribe gets first dibs. So if you got native enough blood quantum that you would've able to join a tribe, they'd be like, oh, like, all our babies, we get the kind of first dibs. Wow.

Matt [00:03:59]:
We kinda have to say. And they try to keep everyone, like, in the tribe. So It was really, it was it it's it's funny to think of it now because, like, I I never knew this side about my dad. Like, he's a very calm, like, pretty like, very compassionate, very, like, even killed kinda dude. And I heard stories from, like, my family like, oh, no. Your dad was, like, ready to, like, hop in the car and drive to Canada, like, right, like, that afternoon. Like, he heard about that, and and he was, like, making plans. He's like, we can we can get on a plane.

Matt [00:04:27]:
We can go to New York. We can Then drive up from New York to, like, through Buffalo and go straight across the border there. Like, we need this whole thing, and, like, we'll just we'll just you know, we'll make it happen until this all blows over and stuff. And I was just like, And it's really sweet, and it's like, oh, that's that's great. But luckily, you know, he just he hung out, but there were some weird rules that, like, I couldn't stay with them. So, luckily, we had family here in town, and so, they're like, okay. But can we you know? I don't we don't wanna, like, put him in a foster home while this whole thing goes over, where can he stay? And it just it was like a weird technicality. It's like, it just can't be under your roof.

Matt [00:05:01]:
Interesting. And so My parents, like, took me over to my to my aunt's house, which is over out on Key Biscayne, way back. This is 89. So, completely different city from then till now. But yeah. So it and and it just it it just was this crazy, hectic, like, nonsense little blip at the beginning of life there, and then it just went away. It just disappeared. And they just said, you know what? They just they said, you know, it's fine.

Matt [00:05:29]:
Keep them. Have them. And, you know, so I grew up, and I grew up here in South Florida in in, South Miami and, in the cables. Feel very lucky, very privileged to have done that. And my dad, my dad and my mom were in ministry. They're pastors down here at a local church, and It was such a wonderful upbringing just filled with a lot of love, a lot of compassion, and it really wasn't until I think I was in middle school, high school. You know, when I started thinking, like, okay. I'm gonna be I I I wanna start figuring out who I am in all of this.

Matt [00:06:03]:
And it was kinda wild how often like, I so I loved art, fell in love with art and photography, and I started doing that. And, pretty quickly, like, when I started getting into, like, high school, like, really early high school, people were like, what do you wanna do with your And I was like, well, I don't know. I might be a photographer. I might, you know, do something with with art and drawing or, you know, all that. And how many people, like, And and it wasn't out of mean, but they're like, oh, you're not gonna, like, go into the ministry or do that. And I was just like, oh, well, you know, that's that's, You know? Because it was it's my grandpa's calling, and and it's my dad's calling, and lots of members of our family's calling and stuff like that. And it's not that I don't have a heart for it. I do love people in ministry, but, and I still love on them, but it's just like, I don't know if that's for me.

Matt [00:06:48]:
Yeah. And I don't know if that's what what I wanna do. So I was trying to discover, like, well, what I want. And The only thing that really hurt in that time was how often, like, when I told people, like, what what I did for for school. You know? They I'd be like they're like, oh, so, you know, where do you go to school? What do you play football, baseball? I'm like, no. No. I I go to a I go to a really artsy artsy fartsy school, in downtown called New World. And they're like, oh, cool.

Matt [00:07:14]:
So, like, do they have a sports team? Like, no. No. We We have step aerobics, on on one of our floors. And and yeah. So I went to a very, well, I guess what they would call, like, liberal arts. But, honestly, it it very liberal high school in downtown Miami here called New World. But I wouldn't say, like, liberal at all. I would just say, like, it's just the fact that it's it's all these wonderful, young, creative people just exploring every, like, you know, avenue of where their talent can and creativity can take them.

Matt [00:07:47]:
And I and it's interesting to me how sometimes when I would tell people that, around my church community, like, just raised eyebrows. Like, oh, really? Because we I mean and and it's it's Certainly, it it is like, woah. That is kind of like that's a big step because in between the summer of 8th grade and 9th grade, before you go to that school, you do what's called an art intensive. And you go for the summer, and you learn figure drawing, and you do nude figure drawing Oh. With live models, like, in all shapes and sizes, everybody. And there's some stories from those. Jeez.

Dirty Skittles [00:08:22]:
Wait. How old were you during this time?

Matt [00:08:26]:
I was 13, 14. Is that right? Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:08:29]:
Can you imagine that age?

Matt [00:08:30]:
Yeah. 13. Yeah. Drawing new models. And so, yeah, that's it's not that's not like a light a light thing. Right? But even in that time, I was like, but, dude, like, it's art. Like, it it's not it's transcending this idea of nudity and vulgarness and, like, shame and stuff like And so I always kinda had, like, this outsider kind of mentality, but I was heavily involved with my group, with my group at church and everything. And I and I still am with a lot of those, loving people, you know, today.

Matt [00:08:58]:
But it it did feel kind of I felt odd and out of place, a lot of the times. And then especially when I would go visit my family out in the Midwest, who I love dearly, but we just often would hit road, like, little snags and stuff where I know mentally, I was like, I shouldn't go down that road. Because I don't wanna, like, I don't wanna push that or ruin that, you know, like or have this opinion that is very clearly not in line with, you know, you know, kind of those core, more traditional conservative values and stuff. And so I just always, felt a little bit of an outsider and but, you know, still felt accepted because I I it's you know, you go you see my parents. You see me. It was always funny Because people would be like, oh, yeah. I totally see the the resemblance. And then I'm like, then I'm adopted.

Matt [00:09:53]:
And, Like, I don't I don't look like my dad at all. But people are like, oh, yeah. You totally look like your dad. I was like, alright. Look closer. But, and then out out west is fairly like and it's funny because, like, I feel like I look very racially ambiguous. And so most places I go, I just I feel like most people assume, like, a really like, I'm a really big Mexican or, you know, or Yeah. Or Hispanic dude.

Matt [00:10:17]:
Like, I don't have I don't I don't know what I'm what I'm supposed to do to convince people. I'm mostly native to marinate. Is that walk out with, like, a, like, a drum or just emerge from a teepee all the time, like, just to give, like, those visuals to people? Like, oh, there's one. Like, that's That's a like, he's not he's not, like, something else. So when I would go out and visit, like, it was always, like, I was always surrounded by, you know, like, a very different culture, very different culture. And I was always accepted. Like, I my my grandfather, was always just like, that's my grandson. You know? That and I never felt unloved, uncared for, or unaccepted.

Matt [00:10:53]:
It's just Naturally, I noticed I don't look like these people. And naturally and and and I don't know, but I had kind of, like, a, Like, a weird, cultural, like, not culture. Sorry. Dysphoria in in in a way with, like, okay. When I see my family and I see all the people I'm surrounded with, they look like this. I should look like I should look like this. And then I would stare at myself in the mirror and be like, oh, no. I don't look anything like that.

Matt [00:11:22]:
And I had this weird disconnect between between those things, which was it's it's honestly, it's not it's not anyone's fault. It's just kinda it just happens. And I just kinda realized, like, oh, that's that's, like, a part of my identity is to stepped my my native heritage and to be proud of that. And then to also, like, you know, Be okay. Be at peace. Because it struggled for a while there, to be at peace of, like, I don't have to be Just because I'm I'm a pastor's kid, which the term is PK kid. I don't have to be a pastor when I grow up, and I don't have to, like, follow in the steps I can, I'm allowed to. God wants me to.

Matt [00:12:07]:
Like, my family wants me to. They want me to be able to explore and and, you know, and and use my talents or or gifts or interests how I want to. And I don't have to, you know, subscribe just because it's some kind of familial tradition. So, yeah, I mean, that's a I don't know if a message to young people or whoever's out there just like, just follow your dreams.

G-Rex [00:12:30]:
Yeah. Really. Follow your dreams. Because, like, what what well, like, with Dirty Seals and I Like, this podcast was never in our in our wheelhouse. Then some really shitty shit shit happened with me. Yeah. And it just It transformed our, like, morning conversations transformed into this. And, you know, we followed our dream.

G-Rex [00:12:55]:
We followed the laughter. And Yeah. And and wanting to learn.

Matt [00:12:58]:
Yeah. The

G-Rex [00:12:59]:
more I learn about people, the the better I feel about myself And about society.

Matt [00:13:05]:
Yeah. Oh, yeah. And, I mean, and look look what it's doing on on a enormous scale that you're you're 2, you know, table it's tabletop conversations. Now that you're recording them and pushing them out there, like, how much good they're doing.

Dirty Skittles [00:13:20]:
Yeah.

Matt [00:13:20]:
Then it's it's because you followed your passion, you know, just for each other, for your friendship, for your for each other's lives. Now that passion is is growing in in and just I mean, I I feel saving is is a great word. Rescuing other people's lives.

Dirty Skittles [00:13:40]:
Where we just crawl into our shells and play.

Matt [00:13:43]:
Yeah. Good job. Pat on the back.

G-Rex [00:13:45]:
Well, let me go into my turtle shell. Like, she knows you had a cat.

Dirty Skittles [00:13:49]:
So, something you said has I'm very interested to see if you've explored more into it Or about it. When you would be sitting there with your family who's all accepting and loving of you, and you would still feel like, oh, I should look like them or I should fit in to whatever that mold was. Where do you think that came from? Like, what do you think drove that?

Matt [00:14:16]:
I think it was, like I think there's, like, a natural thing, and I I witnessed it with my kids. And and, honestly, this a lot of these things, I I just came to peace about in the last 6 to 7 years, of being a parent. Because I have a I have an 8 year old in there and and a and a 5 year old. And it it's really just been the last couple of years of coming of of of coming to to a piece about it because I noticed how They're always naturally seeing the differences in everything. And it's just kind of a way I think it's a way that we use to to protect ourselves, to understand our environment. And I did have a moment, like, I think in middle school, where I was, like, really kind of, like, upset about how I don't have this immediate familial heritage with my parents. Like, I I don't see my face. I don't see my dad's nose or or on my nose.

Matt [00:15:11]:
I don't see, like, my mom's, like, hands in my hands and or or feed, and and I'm always looking up and down myself and being like, whose toes are these? Like, I know they're connected to generations and generations of people, but where do they come from? And that was, like, one of I think that was the only moment, I think, when I was in middle school or, yeah, late middle school, I think, would be, like, around 8th grade. Right? I kinda had these questions because we did I don't know why, but there was, like, 2 classes in my middle school that did, like, where are we from kind of projects. And I did the same project for both. I literally just, duplicated everything because I don't think the teachers communicated. Because one was for, a an English class and the other was for a history class. And I don't they just never passed each other in the hallway, so I just literally made 2 of everything. And we're talking, like, back in the day when we had to use, like, World book on a, you know, PC. I don't know if you kids remember.

Matt [00:16:03]:
It came on CD ROMs. We had to load them up. And Whatever I found on there, I was just like, okay. Yeah. That's where I'm from, and that's me. That's my stuff. But now we're just I mean, so much of it was bullshit. I'm just gonna tell you.

Dirty Skittles [00:16:16]:
You're you're in a safe place.

Matt [00:16:17]:
It really was. Yeah. I'm sorry, miss Greenberg. And, oh, miss, I think miss Wallace, it was. Sorry if you're ever listening to this again. I turned in the same project twice. And I got a b on both, which was more insulting. I think it didn't even get.

Matt [00:16:37]:
So this was supposed to be about you and your life, and it just like, it's like you give me great, and then they both gave you a b because they just did it so shitty. It's horrible.

Dirty Skittles [00:16:47]:
That is fucked up. That has layers layers of fucked up shit.

Matt [00:16:52]:
I have a lot of guilt and a lot of shame because my ADD wants me to do everything all at once, and but never do it a 100% well. And that's where I that's my growth is to try to do it to the best of my ability, not to what's gonna give me the passing grade.

G-Rex [00:17:10]:
So But

Matt [00:17:13]:
yeah. Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:17:15]:
So that was in middle school. Did you so there's 2 things. 1, random. As you're talking about this, I started to think I was watching, like or listening to a podcast recently that was talking about children who, whose parents have had, like, crazy amounts of plastic surgery where they no longer look like who they once were and how the children are growing up with those Genetics and looking to their parents and not seeing that reflected back. So, like, when you were saying that, I just thought of that and, like, oh, that's I like, I wanna dive On my personal time, I wanna research that a little bit more. But growing up from there, so that's in middle school, did you ever did that linger? Like, did that thought of, like, where did I come from? We're yeah.

Matt [00:18:01]:
It yes. Yeah. It really did. And I always had known what tribe I was part of and and and, well, you know, the area I was from, which is not far from here. But in in late high school, I was the first time I attempted to open up my adoption file, which for some reason and it's like I again, it's like, the the to the stupidity of, like, the bureaucracy around these things. They locked my file, and I don't know exactly what that means. I always imagine, like, it was like a manila folder, and they somehow put a keypad on it. That's my imagery.

Matt [00:18:40]:
I'm a very visual person. And so I was like, well, just get the thing and unlock it, and can we just move on.

Dirty Skittles [00:18:48]:
You're like, give it to me. I'll pick the book. It's gonna be fine.

Matt [00:18:51]:
Yeah. I'll I'll figure it out. Just send it Send it to me. Give me send me the MapQuest. I'll drive up there, and I'll find it.

G-Rex [00:19:00]:
But

Matt [00:19:00]:
then on top of that on top of that, the adoption from agency. The adoption agency I was from burned down.

Dirty Skittles [00:19:08]:
Holy shit.

Matt [00:19:09]:
It was just all the things. Yeah. All the things. And I was like, I think someone's tried to tell me I shouldn't I shouldn't be exploring this. But, yeah, the adoption agency burned down, including all of their records. And so I can't remember exactly who found it or how they found it, but we had, we have a really good lawyer friend, incredible lawyer. I won't mentioned. But, yeah, I mean, he he's just he's a gift, to our family and and to everyone he's involved with because he somehow found his way through into the court documents, you know, like, the the duplicate recordings of, like, those proceedings and found it.

Matt [00:19:47]:
And he's like, okay. He's He's like, here's the deal. I worked with the judge. I can unlock your file, but I can only get you one name. You have to pick. It has to be either your dad's name where it has to be your mother's name. And because of the timing of everything and and going back now, I think I would have done it differently. But because of the timing of everything, and I was applying for colleges soon.

Matt [00:20:11]:
And if I was a member of a tribe, they get some really good scholarships, and I went up I could go to, you know, any school I wanted. I was like, okay. Let's let's do my dad's let's do my dad's name. So I got his name. And it's crazy, how quickly it moved, but I I got his name, and I could go find out where his I found I had his 2 previous addresses. I drove up, tried to find him, went around, no luck. No one was, like either I pulled up and the house wasn't there, like, there was just an empty lot, Or I pulled up and, like, very clearly, another family of a different ethnicity came out. And I was like, I don't think I looked like I don't think I can walk up and be like, hey.

Matt [00:20:52]:
I'm your son to these people. I would not be appropriate and would scare the children, I think. But then there's 1 random Internet search, And he's like, okay. Here's here's another adjustment that I saw saw before. So I drove up, and I went to the house. And, actually, the first thing I did was I just, like, confirmed, okay. Like, yeah. I I think this is right.

Matt [00:21:18]:
I think this is it. So I wrote a letter, and I sent the letter. And I just tried to do it as calmly, as peacefully as I could. Like, I was I was at peace about it. I'm still at peace about it, but it was it was still difficult in the moment Because I was you know, you even still as much as you can say, I don't ex I'm not expecting anything. Like, you still have some expectations about how or hopes of how it's gonna go down. So I sent that letter and never got a response. I even included, like, a little picture of myself.

Matt [00:21:44]:
I told him, like, I don't want anything. I'm not asking you to, like, adopt me or, like, let me become your heir or take anything away from other kids Right. Like you might have had. Like, I don't wanna disrupt your life. I just want verification and that I can be a part of the tribe, you know, my birthright, and that I can, you know and that that I can go to college. I wanna go to college and and not have to worry about the finances, which which is ridiculous that we have to worry so much about finances to go to college in this country, but that's a different topic. We can take a deep breath for that. Sorry.

Matt [00:22:15]:
And, So I I waited around, never heard back from him. And so finally, my my girlfriend, who's now my wife, was like, why don't you why why don't we just drive up there? So we did. Drove up, knocked on the door, and my grandmother, who didn't know it at the time and she was very, like kinda, like you know, she's home alone with with my I think it was my my half brother and my half sister at the time or, my cousins, and he she was home with him. So I was I was I was understanding, like, And she was, like, very, like, no. Let's let's stay out here on the porch. Like, who are you, this kid? And then she finally she's like, no. Oh, I remember that. Okay.

Matt [00:22:51]:
Yes. I remember you. And it was this weird interaction. You know, it's just, like, 15 years ago, dude. Like, it wasn't that long. You know, I I and we She said, okay. Well, I'll call him. I'll tell him to come wait around and, like, that you're here.

Matt [00:23:05]:
And so we stayed in the area, and she just never called back. She never talked to me. She never, like, gave me another and so I just, you know, put that baby to bed, and I I just said, you know what? Like, it just seems like he doesn't want to at this time. And so I just, you know, said, it's it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna figure out this whole college thing myself. So and and and I did. I got through it. I did my best with what I could, and got some scholarships even still.

Matt [00:23:30]:
And but, you know, It was, like, 10 years later or something. No. Not 10 years. Sorry. It would have been about 6 or 7 years later. I got a text from my sister, my birth sister, who's like, hey. I found this letter in, like, my dad's drawer. I'm just like, why were you rooting around your dad's drawer, first of all? And she was like, is this you? She, like, found me on Facebook and stuff like that.

Matt [00:23:57]:
And so, yeah, we then you know, we we had a she texted me and and messaged me, and I got connected with her, and then I which I got connected with my uncle and my aunt. And my uncle, actually, he wanted to adopt me. He was the reason that I I was almost taken away from my current parents, because he put in the thing. He wanted to adopt me and and keep me on with, you know, within the family and on the rest and everything. And he was very sweet. He's such a, just just such a big hearted person. And, but it it worked out better because he was he know, when I've talked to him now, I have relation we have a relationship. We talk every now and often.

Matt [00:24:34]:
But when he finally told me a story, he was like, you know, it it's best that you went where you did because I don't think Even if as much as I wanted to keep you in the family and around, I don't think I would have been able to take care of you at the time. Because, you know, he had a lot he had you know, he was saying that he had a lot of turmoil, and kind of chaos going on, in his life. And so he's like, it's probably he's he he meant he was like, it's best that you went where you went, and that now we get to have this relationship. And then a couple of years later, I was in Atlanta working at the Weather Channel. I got a call from, one of the well, the folks at the tribal office. And she's like, I have, I have a email here from your mom. And I was like, why would my mom be sending you an email? Like, I was really confused. I thought she meant my adopted mother.

Matt [00:25:20]:
And I was like, why is she talking to you? What do you do you guys play Yahtzee or, like, That gammon on the weekends? Like, what's an I I don't and she's like, no. No. No. No. Your birth mother. And I was like, who? And, she's like, oh, yeah. So, apparently, like, my birth mother, had sent an email. Her friend was like, why don't you send an email? Try someone's gotta know something.

Matt [00:25:45]:
And, she she sent an email a couple years ago, and it just kinda bounced around from from office to office. No one was really sure what to do about it. And then it finally hit, this 1 woman's desk who I've worked with over the years, and she's like, oh, I know that person. And so within, like, within a couple hours, I had my mother's email And, her phone number and her address and so I just sent her a message. And, I mean, it was weird and wild at first, but it was it was strange to finally see, oh, that's my nose. Oh, those are my feet. Like, oh, we have the same weird knees. And it was really weird and beautiful, and I have, 3 other siblings, who I love.

Matt [00:26:24]:
Now I have 5 6, actually, in total because of my adopted sister. 6 siblings in total. So Christmases are a nightmare, and so are birthdays. I which I'm I'm really bad at those. But, Yeah. There's some success in all this, and and there's been some really great some some peace around it too. But, yeah, that first, that that those 1st couple years there were, you know, it was just like this abandonment of not even wanting to engage with me at all was was difficult. And And it was weird.

Matt [00:26:57]:
Like, that was unexpected. That was really unexpected because I I at least thought we could chat. We could be cordial. We could talk. We could Yeah. You know? But then no. It's just nothing. Just a a wall.

Matt [00:27:11]:
So

Dirty Skittles [00:27:11]:
So you you mentioned that your birth sister found The letter, was that the letter you wrote to your dad?

Matt [00:27:17]:
That was the one I had written, and he had kept it.

Dirty Skittles [00:27:19]:
So he yeah. He kept it.

Matt [00:27:21]:
He put

Dirty Skittles [00:27:21]:
it in a drawer.

Matt [00:27:22]:
He had seen it.

G-Rex [00:27:23]:
Interesting.

Matt [00:27:23]:
Kept it and put it away, I think, hit it in his in his drawer. And I don't blame him. He this this dude, he's been through a lot. And it's, you know, the more that I learned I have met him, which was really fun, because I went and I met my uncle. We were hanging out. We're talking. He's like, come meet your dad. I was like, oh, okay.

Matt [00:27:44]:
He's like, just just come on. And so we went, and he's like and we drove over to the house. It's the same house I visited, like, 7 or 8 years before and, or 10 years before. I was 16. I think I was, like, 26 or 25. Yeah. Something like that. And, So we drove over, and he was working in in his backyard just on on something like a shed.

Matt [00:28:08]:
And, you know, my uncle walks in and goes, hey. Like, you know, waves him over, and he comes over. He's like, you know, hey. You can see. He's like, who's this? I I was like, this is your son. He should've seen this dude's eyes. Just, oh, okay.

Dirty Skittles [00:28:23]:
Yeah.

Matt [00:28:24]:
Yeah. He's like, oh, this is it. It was so casual. Like, it was so, like, yeah. This is him. There he goes. He's right here. And I was just like, hey.

Matt [00:28:31]:
It's great great to meet you, man. Like, This is, yeah. I don't know what to say. He was just

G-Rex [00:28:37]:
like, yeah. Cool.

Matt [00:28:39]:
It's good to meet you too. Yeah. Glad you're here. It's not can't bite? Yeah. Deer that had yeah. Totally. He had not just a deer that had like, hit him with a with a like a like a fucking semi, honestly. So But he did alright.

Dirty Skittles [00:28:54]:
He ripped off the Band Aid real quick.

Matt [00:28:55]:
Yeah. Real fast, which was unexpected. But

Dirty Skittles [00:28:59]:
yeah. There's one other thing that you said that I'm, like, wondering. You had mentioned, like, when you drove to the house, you knew that that was the right place. What What about it?

Matt [00:29:11]:
It was a feeling. It was weirdly a feeling. I, I really think that and I believe that we all have 6th senses or 7 8th senses. I don't think anyone should ever doubt their intuition or, when when they think something's wrong and they can't put their finger on it, that they should be dismissed. I think those thoughts and feelings should always be explored. It it it felt And and I I try not to use the word often, but it felt supernatural. When when I drove up to the house, something said, just this is it. This is where he lives.

Matt [00:29:57]:
And, luckily, I was correct because that would've been a really awkward letter to send to some random neighborhood person. I'm your son. And who's and then, like, what if his wife found that? And then he's like, well, we've been together

Dirty Skittles [00:30:10]:
Yeah. For 20

Matt [00:30:11]:
you have a kid out there. Who are you talking about? So yeah. Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:17]:
Is he remarried or

G-Rex [00:30:18]:
Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:19]:
Married to someone?

Matt [00:30:20]:
Oh, yes. So he

Dirty Skittles [00:30:20]:
Did she know that he had, aside.

Matt [00:30:23]:
Yeah. And that was difficult too because, she definitely put a strain up to put it nicely, she put a strain on that relationship and did not really want, him to reconnect with me. She has now since moved on, his his, his wife. But it's it's really what's Sad about it is I feel a lot of compassion for him and a lot of sympathy because I know he has not had an easy an easy life since I was, born in in in in that that Wow. The best years of his life were right before I was born, and A lot of them had just been incredibly difficult, and incredibly difficult also for my my other 2 siblings, from and and so I always keep them in in in mind and and try to reach out to them and connect to them. And they're both very sweet, luckily, and and very decent, very good people. So that's you know, they they came out, I think, very well, from from what was a very toxic, living environment from from their childhood. So they're both, you know, they're both doing their best.

Matt [00:31:28]:
But yeah. Yeah. That was, It it was such a roller coaster. And then when I thought it was dead and buried and I had come to peace with it, all of a sudden that my my sister just Sent me a text, and I was like, oh, we're reopening this whole thing again. Alright. Let's go for it. And, you know, I think there's lessons to be learned where, You know, a lot of people, they always preach about, you know, pursuing joy, pursuing happiness. And I think that can't that can't be dismissed without also knowing knowing pain and sadness.

Matt [00:32:05]:
Yeah. That Your limits of how much joy you can experience, I think, are often often matched by how much, you know, pain and suffering and strife and and stuff that you've gone through. Because, I mean, I think we all agree, like, life's hard. And Yeah. I think A lot of the times, the especially now, the modern idea about it is just just do what makes you happy. Just keep doing what makes makes you happy. And then guess what? They get, you know, further down the line, and they realize they're not happy. And it's like, well, then do the thing that's difficult.

Matt [00:32:38]:
Do what's hard. Do what's gonna push you, it's gonna strive you. Because if something's there, something's if there's a problem, really, I think the the point of it is to help you grow in as a soul, not not as a person. Like, you are a you are not a, you know, when you, I believe when when you die, you're not a human, like a body having a soul experience. You are now a soul having a human experience Mhmm. On this planet. And I think the purpose of it is to see to make you grow. And the only way you grow is through resistance and and and pain and strife.

Matt [00:33:14]:
It's just like working out. Like, you gotta lift the heavy. And and, actually, what's crazy is, like, when when you work out, you're actually tearing muscle fibers And because muscles don't like to be worked out, so you tear muscle fibers to then be able to pick up more. And and I think, You know? We we have kind of a backwards mentality now where we tell people, no. No. No. Just just do just do the things that bring you joy, when I think we're really meant to explore, okay, but why is this difficult? Why is you know, what's this problem? And how do I grow from this? How do I make myself stronger from this? And Yeah. A lot of times, it's it and it's it's really it's hard to say, but it's not meant to be easy.

Matt [00:33:59]:
And I have to remember that a lot myself because I I have, you know, I've been through a lot of tough times, not just with that situation. I've been through hardships too. And after I'm like, why me? Like, why this? And then thinking like, well, years back, I was like, well, now I'm I'm stronger for that. I'm better for that. I I have more peace about it. And and I don't have to be afraid of the next trial as much as I was then because I've hopefully, hopefully, I've learned and grown enough that I'll be able to handle it like a very calm, reasonable adult. So that and that's always That's always my triggers. Like, am I handling this like a calm, reasonable adult, or am I just, like, a big ADHD kid who's just, like, sad and angry that I didn't get to, like, play in 64 enough.

Matt [00:34:44]:
Like, what?

G-Rex [00:34:46]:
I I I have to say though, I really commend you, Matt, for I'm I mean, as hard as it was, you know, you you went out and you tried to, you know, seek your truth. Right? And

Matt [00:34:58]:
Yeah.

G-Rex [00:34:59]:
It's gotta be healing to to some point that, you know, you've found you've found what you were looking for. It may not have been Exactly what you were looking for. But you've had that inner strength to just keep plugging along and and Try and find it. And I think that's really an important message just to our listeners is, like, don't give up. Like, it may not happen right away. And, like, don't be surprised if it does happen. But Yeah. Like, I I commend you for just keeping at it because, you know, you didn't you didn't give up.

Matt [00:35:33]:
Thank you. Yeah. I, and and I I I don't wanna yeah. I'll I'll step off the soap rock, the the the milk box or milk crate in in a moment. But I I do something else. Something Oh, I lost my train of thought. Thank you, ADHD. That just,

G-Rex [00:35:52]:
hit me.

Matt [00:35:54]:
Squirrel. What was that? Okay.

Dirty Skittles [00:35:58]:
It was about being on a milk crate?

Matt [00:36:00]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it was with,

G-Rex [00:36:06]:
Oh, god.

Matt [00:36:07]:
It completely left me. Just like a bird in the night, and this is gone.

Dirty Skittles [00:36:12]:
Like a bird in the night.

Matt [00:36:14]:
Maybe that's yeah. And maybe that's like know

Dirty Skittles [00:36:16]:
why that tickles me so

Matt [00:36:18]:
much, but

G-Rex [00:36:18]:
it does.

Matt [00:36:20]:
Maybe that's why like, may and and, honestly, I feel like community is a big thing, and think, like, I'm a positivity of, you know, and I think I have, like everyone's like, oh, ADHD is such a problem. It's like, no. It's not a problem. It's just you gotta know how to use it, and and you gotta know how to, like, leverage it for your abilities. And I will say and this and and maybe this is well, this is another milk crate. I'll step onto that one for a minute. I think we gave we gave, morning people way too much power in this world. Way too much for them to say, well, I'm up at 6 AM.

Matt [00:36:51]:
We should all be at work by 9. And it's like, well, dude, you can't make it past 6 o'clock at night and you're going to bed at 8 When I can go to I can keep going till 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. Why do you get to make these rules? And I think we've come to find that most people, like, most people are like at Earth. They're like, anything past 9, I'm like, I have a really hard time committing to. Anything anything before 9. I'm sorry. Anything before 9 AM. I'm like, you might see me there.

Matt [00:37:19]:
I don't know. Glad to find out. God, no. I totally left handed. I wanted to, Oh, I'm sorry.

Dirty Skittles [00:37:28]:
Ask you a question, or will it okay. No. So I'm curious if And I don't know if this is the right way to ask this question because I've never had a the opportunity to talk about it. But is this Is your family, like your father and your mom and, your siblings, are they still part of the tribe?

Matt [00:37:48]:
Yeah. Yeah. I still have members that are part of the tribe up there, and, you know, on the res in Fort Lauderdale. And for the people who know, they know exactly what I'm talking about. But it's great. I go up. I get to be a part of functions now. I get to know more about my culture.

Matt [00:38:03]:
My kids get to know about more culture. It's really kinda interesting because, like, my daughter looks just like me, and and she has long, beautiful hair, my older one. And my younger one got my mom's jeans. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and it's completely wild. We didn't we didn't know we we like and and it's not to say anything. Not not to dig against my wife. But in order for them to be a part of their tribe, they're actually part of the Cherokee tribe. We had to do a blood quantum in a DNA sample.

Matt [00:38:36]:
And so we know for a fact they're both mine. Because when that baby came out, if I wasn't in the same room as my wife, like, I would've been like, who's good as this? Hold on. We gave I was like, you gave birth to an Olsen twin. This is, like, this is the whitest kid I've ever seen you.

Dirty Skittles [00:38:56]:
So did you know your your birth mom had blonde hair and blue before you saw her, or was that a shock to you as well?

Matt [00:39:02]:
No. We did. We had a random detail, and it's hilarious now. So my my adoptive mother So when my my when I was born, my my birth mom, she helped she saw me for, like, I think, 30 seconds, and she had a really good friend who took a picture of me, before I left. And that's all she had was this little picture. And then while I was still at the hospital, my adopted mother came in. And was like, oh, I'm here to pick up my son and, you know, see him and all this stuff. I had to stay, and I I had a double hernia when I was born.

Matt [00:39:34]:
So I had to have surgery, like, at 4 days old. And the nurses were like, you you can't be here. What are you doing? And she's like, what do you what do you mean I can't be here? I'm I'm I'm his mom. They're like, no. No. You you're not he you gave him up. He's not your son anymore. Because they thought She was Yes.

Matt [00:39:55]:
She was. My birth mother. And it's hilarious now because even though I grew up separate from them, we have we have all agreed I would've probably came out the same person, because my adoptive mother and my birth mother are so similar in, like, their Their temperament, their little, like, quirks, their funny little things they do, and they're both blonde women, with, very light, blue and green eyes. And, I mean, they just I mean, it's so funny how similar they looked back in the eighties, early nineties. And but we're separated by, I think, almost 20 years. And and the nurses at this hospital are, like, thinking that my mom, my birth father, was there to steal me away again. It changed their minds, and it's hilarious to and love getting them together because they're so fun.

G-Rex [00:40:49]:
But

Matt [00:40:50]:
I think, yeah, I think it's been such a graceful it's been such a graceful and amazing period because now, like, my adopted parents love they love my my birth mom and her husband, who's technically my stepdad. And he's such a loving dude too. And and it just it it really blessed that everybody is, you know, fairly you know, I mean, we're all a little weird, but, you know, fairly decent, you know, joyful human beings, adults, you know, that are responsible and caring. And so, yeah, that was, yeah, that was that was a weird we we did know that There was a possibility that one of our kids might come out that way. Now in most cases, though, you know, Native genes are pretty strong. You know? You usually could see them. And so when when my younger one came came out, We're like, oh, she's not gonna keep this. And no.

Matt [00:41:38]:
She because most kids, they come out with very light eyes and, you know, lighter hair. And, yeah. We said, she's not gonna keep this. No. But the months kept going on. Those eyes are still blue, and then here it keeps getting

G-Rex [00:41:48]:
blonder. So alright.

Dirty Skittles [00:41:55]:
It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.