Music as Therapy: Marco’s Story - Part 1 with Guest Host - Marco Estorino

Marco [00:00:00]:
Let's go.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:01]:
3211. Welcome back to the official season four of shit that Goes On. No, wait, it's only season three.

Marco [00:00:15]:
Rewind it back. Start over, start it again.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:19]:
Take five, lights go down all as.

Marco [00:00:22]:
You'Re on me I spin around like what you see better watch out because you know that I'm jumping like a punk make the big go.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:40]:
Let'S give him another count already. You know this is going to make it, though. This is the intro of season three of Shit That Goes On in our heads. I'm excited. We have our first guest who's using his real name. It is Marco from Sonic Halls.

Marco [00:01:01]:
And everyone's like, who the hell is that?

Dirty Skittles [00:01:05]:
Yeah. So, Marco, you're here with me. Dirty, skittles g Rex. We got our producer Bizzle in the background. Tell us what you want the people to know about. Who's Marco?

Marco [00:01:17]:
Who's Marco? I'm a 21 year old scorpio. Nice. Yeah. I play in an act project thing band kind of called Sonic Halls and Making Music things.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:34]:
Where can people and what what was the last part?

Marco [00:01:37]:
Sorry to cut you a cartoon nerd.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:39]:
Nice. Okay. Where can people find your music?

Marco [00:01:43]:
All the social media stuff is at Sonic Hall's music that's hedgehog, cough drops, music, and then we're on Spotify, Apple SoundCloud, all that.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:02]:
That I love that. Speaking of where to find you, I did after we briefly met, we kind of chatted a bit. I did go and subscribe to your YouTube and I saw that and I literally jammed to the COVID of One Direction.

Marco [00:02:22]:
Let's go.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:23]:
Dude. I sang it, like, the entire night and Bizzle was like, come on, bud, it's time to cut it down.

Marco [00:02:31]:
That's a hard song to sing, though.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:33]:
Well, I mean, I didn't sing it well. You did a much better job, for sure.

Marco [00:02:37]:
Thank you. Do you see how they sing it? It's actually very interesting.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:42]:
Yeah.

Marco [00:02:43]:
If you look at an acoustic version of them, it's like usually they have the main line that whatever that segment of words is at the time is all five of them. And then two, three of them pop out for the next part, for the next word, so they can catch your breath.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:06]:
See, I feel like this is something only the music nerds would notice because to me, I'm singing the whole time. They may take a break, but I'm dedicated. I am in that car.

Marco [00:03:16]:
No, I'm the same. I have a compulsion to harmonize, too, so it freaks.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:22]:
Oh, wow.

Marco [00:03:22]:
Anyone who doesn't do music out because it sounds like I'm singing the wrong melody completely.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:28]:
You know what? Yeah, no. What is harmony? I'm like, I know the right key. I've been practicing for years. I'm just kidding.

Marco [00:03:38]:
I have Charlie Puth syndrome.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:40]:
I have the perfect yeah, yeah.

Marco [00:03:43]:
It helps me out a little bit.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:44]:
I was telling Bizzle about him, actually, because I felt on, I don't know, YouTube or TikTok Hole and people will challenge him what key is, and he'll get it right every single time. And I thought that that was really cool.

Marco [00:03:55]:
Did you see? He's walking down the street, someone says, Charlie, what's this? And taps a got it. At least if the audio and the video is correct, he got it wrong.

Dirty Skittles [00:04:06]:
Oh, he did. Do you think they edited it afterwards?

Marco [00:04:10]:
Maybe. I've seen different people. It's like an iHeartRadio thing where he says a note and then it's like, what's the sound of this horn? And it's like an air horn. That's a completely different note. That's clearly a different thing than what they played him.

Dirty Skittles [00:04:25]:
All those Charlie puth haters. We'll address them in a separate podcast. Don't worry.

Marco [00:04:33]:
This is the catalyst.

Dirty Skittles [00:04:34]:
Right. G. Rex, do you have any idea who we're talking I don't. I don't picture you as a Charlie Puth listener.

G-Rex [00:04:40]:
I do know who you're talking about.

Dirty Skittles [00:04:42]:
Yes.

G-Rex [00:04:43]:
Not that old.

Dirty Skittles [00:04:44]:
Well, it wasn't so much for that. I don't know what it was.

G-Rex [00:04:50]:
Ashley, what do you think I listen to?

Dirty Skittles [00:04:53]:
That's a good question. I guess.

Marco [00:04:56]:
I don't know.

Dirty Skittles [00:04:57]:
Katy Perry.

G-Rex [00:04:59]:
I do. Listen to Katy.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:00]:
Boom. Nailed it.

G-Rex [00:05:02]:
But I also listened everything from AC DC to ZZ Top. So, like, a little classical, a little pop, a little R and B. Not really into rap. Little bit of punk. I grew up in the 80s.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:19]:
All right. Those are decent band.

G-Rex [00:05:22]:
Depeche Mode. The Cure.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:24]:
Oh, I love the cure.

Marco [00:05:25]:
My uncle just saw the cure recently.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:28]:
What? Jealous?

Marco [00:05:29]:
Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:30]:
That sounds awesome.

Marco [00:05:32]:
Tickets were really expensive.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:34]:
Like Elton John.

G-Rex [00:05:35]:
Ticketmaster is. Ticket master sucks.

Marco [00:05:39]:
Yeah, they're coming for KSWIFT or Live Nation, all that thing. And they've made, like, the tiniest adjustment. Now I forget if it's ticketmaster or Live Nation. We're not changing our prices, but we're going to tell you what the fees are up front. Now you just know how much more you're paying.

Dirty Skittles [00:06:00]:
Yeah, no secrets. Now they're putting their dirty laundry better.

Marco [00:06:04]:
In a way, but it's kind of like just a slap.

Dirty Skittles [00:06:09]:
I love that you're into music. I clearly am a subscriber. How did you find music?

Marco [00:06:18]:
I'm not sure how I found I mean, I always loved musical things as a kid, so I'm very obsessive with the things that I love. And when I was little, the first things were blues clues, and the was all about I wanted to be Anthony. I wanted to play drums. I do play drums now.

Dirty Skittles [00:06:42]:
I know. In the background. Awesome.

Marco [00:06:46]:
Yeah. So I was obsessed with the wiggles. And then in terms of trying to actually I mean, I always pretended to be like, yeah, I'm a rock star, whatever. Making up little songs and stuff. I don't think it's on the Internet anymore. But it was a video I did when I was little called Baby, I'm a Rock Star. My dad just filmed me singing this song, but with no music. And it's before I knew how to sing, so it's not like yeah, but then in terms of actually trying to do it for real, I think the first time I wanted to be like, oh wow, musicians.

Marco [00:07:22]:
Cool. I just watched Rock on Disney Channel and right after actually, that's already cool. But then right after they played the Jonas Brothers hold on the video where they're in like a Windy House, joe Jonas being all like, we don't have time to make men. And I was like, I want to do that.

Dirty Skittles [00:07:48]:
I love that.

Marco [00:07:50]:
And then, as you mentioned, in terms of instruments and stuff, I always strummed on a guitar or whatever, but it was just making noise. I started learning when I was like eleven and I learned One Direction's first two albums as a whole. Nice. I'd still know how to play all their songs.

Dirty Skittles [00:08:16]:
Very cool.

Marco [00:08:18]:
Yeah, and then they always a boy band nerd. As I mentioned, I love harmonies and that kind of thing. Then from them they introduced me to 5 Seconds of Summer, which kind of led me down the kind of pop punk, learning about Blink 182 and all those types of bands. And then I started producing around the time I was like twelve and learning the rest of the instruments I play, trying to record myself and making covers of five Saw songs, which is though they don't sound good now, it was very important because it taught me how to arrange a song like that. When I started making my own songs.

Dirty Skittles [00:08:57]:
Yeah, I mean, kudos to you, my brain doesn't work that way. I'm just always in awe of somebody who's creative and then good at being creative and can piece things together like that. So, I mean, good for you, man.

Marco [00:09:12]:
For me, my mom just calls me crazy.

Dirty Skittles [00:09:14]:
Why?

Marco [00:09:17]:
I know it. She's right. Like I said, I get very specific as well, so I can be very perfectionist about the things that I do. And also with Sonic Calls, other than a couple of videos we've done, I do everything myself in terms of the visuals and stuff, too. So I don't know, it's just a lot of.

Dirty Skittles [00:09:44]:
I mean, that's awesome. How did you come up with the name?

Marco [00:09:51]:
Okay, I knew because my name, obviously Marco, I assume, was taken by someone and then my full name Marco Esterino. Just like that's kind of long winded. That's right. Full names here.

Dirty Skittles [00:10:13]:
Breaking ground.

Marco [00:10:17]:
But I was originally Halls with a Z for a little while, like a year, but that ended up being either too close or taken by someone else. So the meaning of the name is I'm very much like G. Rex just said similarly, I listen to everything. It's all kind of based in kind of pop music, but everything from rap to rock to electronic, all that kind of stuff. And that all plays a role in the music I make. So around like 2021, I said it like this I feel like music, especially in the popular space, has broadened a lot in what's deemed pop or that kind of thing, or just what people are willing to do. Because there was a time where, especially for rock music and that kind of thing, it's like, what? You're not meant to have electric guitars on the radio or live drums and that kind of thing. I envision that genres as rooms.

Marco [00:11:28]:
So in a house, you have the rock room, the rap room, the EDM room, jazz room, whatever. And we started out with just like walls, no doors. Then in the 2010s, there were doors, so everyone was going into everybody's rooms and then the doors closed. But people started to build hallways. And there are a lot of the artists I love, like, there's bands like Water Parks or know artists like Billie Eilish or people like that that like to ride in those hallways and I would consider myself a hallway dweller.

Dirty Skittles [00:12:10]:
Sonic halls. I like that.

Marco [00:12:14]:
Sonic meaning sound.

Dirty Skittles [00:12:17]:
Yeah, it's funny you mentioned Billie Eilish because as you were talking about it and I was trying to relate in what you were saying, I remember first hearing her stuff and being like, this is so weird. Weird meaning like, I personally wasn't listening to anybody who sounded like that. So it was very different. And I gravitate towards different. So I was like, oh, let's listen to this person, see what they're about. And we're lucky because our little nugget loves Billie Eilish, so can play it.

G-Rex [00:12:45]:
So, Marco, I have a question. When you were learning to play musical instruments and everything, did you play in school or did you just play at home?

Marco [00:12:57]:
So here's the funny thing about it. I've always had and still have a bunch of bunch of health issues. So I was stuck at home a lot. I wasn't in school most of the time. In middle school, I tried to be in band, but I didn't know how to read sheet music. So that was just a struggle. But when I started learning how to play guitar, my parents did put both my brother and I in lessons. My brother is in a band as well, called Flowers Family Shout Out.

Marco [00:13:36]:
But the thing is, I was so sick, I couldn't go to most of them. So he would just have to take up basically both lesson spaces for me. But I still wanted to learn. So I would just go on YouTube or find videos of the first song I learned to play was What Makes You Beautiful. And so there's a video of like, Niall trying to teach people how to play it on the live stream or whatever, or just like random YouTube tutorials or watching how their band plays it, that kind of thing. That kind of thing, especially, was important to how I learned to play drums because there's not really drum sheet music is so confusing to me. So what I would do is I would just watch drum covers of whatever song I was trying to learn and keyboards with the perfect pitch thing, I was able to pick out, okay, here's a chord I learned play on guitar. What are the notes in that chord? And map it out on the keyboard.

Marco [00:14:35]:
And then kind of try to memorize that best I can. And I had help from vocal coaches who played piano that kind of taught me, okay, here's how you don't break your wrist trying to go from one chord to another with your weird positions. Yeah. So basically the Internet and a little help from people here and there.

G-Rex [00:14:58]:
That's pretty awesome. Just to not be able to read sheet music but be able to play those instruments. That's amazing to me.

Marco [00:15:08]:
I mentioned I was in band for a little bit and I was sick, so I was never there. I didn't learn how, and I'm still not very good at it. Don't tell my professor, who just helped me with four years of music theory. But especially back then, I didn't know how to read at all. So I was percussion because I know how to read rhythm. I can read rhythm well, or at least well enough for 7th grade level at the time. So I was like, I'll do percussion because that means I don't have to work out actual notes. Little did I remember glockenspiel is a thing.

Dirty Skittles [00:15:50]:
What is Glockenspiel other than but metal? Oh, okay.

Marco [00:15:56]:
Yeah. I have, like, a toy one at home. It's made its way into songs every once in a while. But we had a test where it's like everyone in the band has to play this melody on page 48, whatever, and play this. I was like, Shit, I've been here. I don't even know what we've been studying. But they did the percussion is, like, halfway through so I was able to listen to everyone else do it. I probably still messed it up a little bit, but I was able to just silently be like okay, I know kind of how to play keyboards now, so I know where the notes are.

Marco [00:16:40]:
So listen to everyone else play, and as they're playing, be like, okay, that's this part of you kind of learned it in fragments, right? Like, okay, here's the first part of the melody. Here's the second part. And I probably missed a section because it was like a 32nd thing and it was so rude and mean. But I didn't fail, so I take that as a win credit.

Dirty Skittles [00:17:03]:
Yeah.

Marco [00:17:04]:
And then I joined choir, which was a much better decision.

Dirty Skittles [00:17:10]:
Oh, choir. I was in a choir once. Get her out of here. So you mentioned a couple of times that you've had health issues. Do you think that has influenced your music at all?

Marco [00:17:28]:
Definitely at times in some ways that are even more subconscious. Because through all that, obviously I became very depressed and I'm still very anxious a lot of the time. So just those emotions being heightened plays into the music I made especially kind of early high school time. Really sad. Yeah. But even when I was younger I did write songs about my situation. I kind of lost my train of thought. But essentially, yes, it definitely has affected the music I make.

Marco [00:18:12]:
And if we're looking at a bright side, in a sense because I was sick all that time and wasn't able to go to school, really, all I really had to do was spend that time studying the things I wanted to do. Mostly music. Also I do puppetry, which we talked a little about when we met up before. Or there was a time where I was really into. I still do a little bit, but like drawing and that kind of thing too. Spending all that time, and even now, when I'm at home, it lets me be like, okay, look on YouTube, how to 3d animate, how to edit a music video, all those things. And that leads it to where with all that right now, as a college student who doesn't really have that much disposable income, I have to be pretty reliant on myself for pretty much all those things. I don't want to say thank my situation, but it certainly made it to where I learned at maybe a quicker pace than I would have if I didn't have as much time as I did.

G-Rex [00:19:20]:
So do you think that music helps you? How do I put this? You get your self care and self love through your music.

Marco [00:19:34]:
Yes, but in different ways and sometimes in counterintuitive ways. So for and I guess trigger warning here, I love when I a song that when Sonic Halls first started playing shows a couple of years ago, is a song called Feelings. And I had written that song when I was 15. And the song itself, it's a very therapeutic release and it helps me get those emotions out. But if you listen to the song, the first lyric of the song is let's get to the point I'm depressed as fuck and I'm kind of suicidal. And it goes into this big just myriad of all my insecurities at the time. So in that way it is self care because once again, it helps me get those emotions out. But obviously they're not nice.

Marco [00:20:43]:
And to get in the headspace where you're writing it, it is very much it's like if you let those things out, as if you're going to therapy or something like that, it's like you talk about it, therefore you get very sad and then after the fact now it is very much the two songs I sent you earlier are very much about were written especially Move, which is the next song I have coming out. We're written in spaces where I was feeling very stuck, insecure, all that kind of thing. And Move is more blatant about it where it is very much more about the insecurity side of performing, that kind of thing. But a song about Clunk is like it's all about hyping up. So if I'm down or just jittery but am not well enough to do stuff, the result will usually end up being a really hyper energetic song that makes me really stoked and once I am well enough to do it we haven't played shows in a while, but we're about to start soon. Makes me that much more excited and happy once I'm performing. Especially a song like Clunk because that song is just fun.

Dirty Skittles [00:21:57]:
So that's interesting. So you're not only writing songs about the emotions you're feeling, but ways to sort of get to emotions you want to feel.

Marco [00:22:08]:
Yeah. And it even helps you access. I write about things and as I'm writing about them, I don't realize as I'm writing what necessarily it even may be about in a way. Yeah, there's definitely element like Move is a good example of that. So the story behind that song and anyone who's seen my TikTok recently will have heard kind of the first verse in the chorus of that song. I just come off a tour, two days of a tour, and I had COVID, so obviously I wasn't allowed to go anywhere for a while. And the way my body responds to recovering if I'm not feeling well is like I don't physically feel well enough to exert energy, but the energy gets built up. So I'm just like, yeah, I need somewhere to go.

Marco [00:23:05]:
Right. If you listen to the song, you obviously hear it's like a million miles a minute. So the song I just started writing, I knew I wanted to write something. Move make me move. But as I started writing the verse I was like, okay, these lyrics are kind of cool, kind of fun, a little different from what I usually do. I was like, oh. By the time I had finished writing the second verse I was like, oh, okay. This is a song about insecurity and trying to hold people's attention.

Marco [00:23:37]:
It's about wanting to literally physically move. But it is very much about trying to hold the attention of, in my case, an audience, but for someone else could be a person or a big job, whatever. So the meanings of songs kind of present themselves over time, even after you've written it. It's like, oh, this at the time was just kind of a lyrical and emotional vibe I was in. But it ended up connecting to a situation I had like two weeks later.

Dirty Skittles [00:24:15]:
Yeah, you're rediscovering new meanings.

Marco [00:24:20]:
Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:24:21]:
That's cool. That's really cool. Are you comfortable sharing any of the health battles that you've had?

Marco [00:24:29]:
Yes.

Dirty Skittles [00:24:32]:
That's a weird segue. I felt like I had no segue because actually I had another question about music, which was me as a listener. There are definite times where an artist songs or like I'm very big on lyrics. I love a good lyrically written song and I know in my personal life there are definite times where without really expecting it, like you put on an artist that you like, you hear a song, you relate to it 100%. And as a listener, it helps you know that you're not alone and that it almost is therapy to get through it. Because while you may not have the right words to express what you're feeling, this artist is doing it for you. So I was going to ask, while you're writing it, from your perspective with whatever's happening in that moment, do you ever think about the listener and how it will affect them or does that come into play at all afterwards?

Marco [00:25:40]:
Like, wow, with darker songs I do, because I have to be careful because for me, I'm singing about my dark thoughts, insecurities, all that kind of stuff. But I don't want it to come off to a listener just being like in the worst headspace sometimes, or even if it is a somewhat more positive song. I have a song that I've been working on that touches on those types of things for me, as an outsider, as a friend of someone experiencing it. So with things like that, otherwise, though, I found and I've heard the best ways that you get to those things where people do relate that much more is if you kind of write selfishly in a way.

Dirty Skittles [00:26:37]:
Right?

Marco [00:26:38]:
It's like get the specificity of everything going on with you and you'll interpret it however it literally was to you. But another person can take your words, even if they're the most specific thing in the world. Once again, I mentioned my favorite band is a band called Water Parks. And for anyone, if anyone who listens knows them, they know that the singer Austin's lyrics are incredibly specific to him. He's name dropping random people and friends that he has and it would make no sense, but it all melds into like you get in the vibe of the emotion of the song still and you can even translate, even if it's not what that person's singing about, you can translate it to your situation. And if it is a specific situation that is that much more relatable to people anyway, obviously they apply it even further. So I never write with the intention of being like, and this has got to be relatable, right? Got to appeal to the kids, but it's got to be like, no, I got to relate to me and then the kids will come later.

Dirty Skittles [00:28:02]:
Yeah. No, I get it. I feel like that's kind of a segue. Back to the other question. If you're writing selfishly, right? And I can imagine just the little bit I know about your story and some of the health issues you've experienced. I'm just very curious to know how you were able to, I guess, work through those health issues through music. So maybe sharing what the health issues are. I don't know.

Marco [00:28:27]:
Yeah. So it essentially works as a distraction.

Dirty Skittles [00:28:31]:
Fair enough.

Marco [00:28:33]:
The thing which I talked to you a little bit about before, there's a lot of things I had and have, I guess, but I've always had chronic pain. And specifically one thing I didn't know I had for a long time was this thing. If you see my face gets brighter in the video, it's because I'm going to a Google thing because I want to remember the acronym because I couldn't last time.

Dirty Skittles [00:29:02]:
No worries.

Marco [00:29:03]:
Is I had a thing called mal's median at RQ eight Ligament Syndrome. Definitely knew that.

Dirty Skittles [00:29:17]:
Flows right off the tongue.

Marco [00:29:19]:
Right. Essentially what that means is for those who don't know, you got these things hanging off your diaphragm, which is at the top of your sternum called a ligament. And one of mine was wrapped around a big old artery that was like pulling my diaphragm down. And as anyone who sings knows, you really need your diaphragm. And even just in life, I'm a talkative person, I just move in general. So doing any of that really hurt. It would come in like really sharp waves of pain in random spots. In my son, especially right before I got diagnosed, it had gotten basically to its worst and I was like, I'd be screaming in pain after day.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:08]:
That sucks.

Marco [00:30:10]:
Yeah. So through that music really helped because I actually wrote a paper on this when I was younger. Music sends endorphins and stuff to your brain. And I didn't know what the word endorphins meant when I was nine, so I just thought of dolphins floating to your brain. But it stimulates your brain in a certain way to where it kind of makes you forget. So obviously it was a double edged sword for me because if I sing a song, I'm loving it in the moment, but right after you're in pain. But those types of things, I don't know what it's like?

Dirty Skittles [00:31:01]:
It's like that I mean, it's hard to describe. I would imagine. Yeah.

Marco [00:31:10]:
I'd imagine it's like this. It's like when you see the videos of the babies getting like a vaccine or something and the doctors poking them with a random thing, like not stab them with a needle yet, but just being like playing a little game and then sticks them. It's like the brain version of that. Since you're doing another thing completely, you don't register it as much as maybe you would. Had to have a lot of surgeries and I had that fit. I can get into that if you want.

Dirty Skittles [00:31:54]:
Yeah, go for it.

Marco [00:31:55]:
So firm mouse. Actually, this does play into this because this is actually an interesting there's a parallel that happens not with my music, but with water parks. So I had Mouse my whole life up to the point I got it fixed, which was 2019. And so it's this really rare thing. So no one knows how to diagnose it, when to diagnose it. Kind of, um but when I finally did get um I had to end up going to Connecticut to get the surgery. The same day I found out that was happening, my favorite band ends up releasing this new song. It's like the thing of what ended up being kind of their breakthrough album song called Turbulent.

Marco [00:32:48]:
It didn't relate to my story that much, but I guess, in a way, it kind of did, because the song is all about a toxic ex, the hooks, literally.

Dirty Skittles [00:32:58]:
I don't fuck you if I could.

Marco [00:33:05]:
Which, I guess, in a way, is what I was doing with this disease. But as the milestones of this surgery cycle it's not like an album cycle, but the milestones of it happened. A new droplet would get released. So it's the day before surgery. They leak this random song on Instagram. The day after, drive home. It's like the album gets announced and all this kind of stuff. The first song I cover, and it's never coming out because it's really bad.

Marco [00:33:43]:
But I tried to studio cover was the next song they released. First show I went to was the tour for that. So essentially, it offered little distractions in what ended up being a very traumatic experience because that surgery did not go well for me.

Dirty Skittles [00:34:06]:
That concludes part one with Marco from Sonic Halls featuring Clunk. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.