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Welcome to another profound episode of "Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads," where we dive into the convoluted and emotional mazes within us. Join G-Rex and Dirty Skittles as they welcome Cait Baiit, a guest who's not afraid to get real about the personal turmoil caused by toxic work relationships, the struggle with depression, and the journey toward self-care and boundary setting.
**In This Episode:**
- Cait Baiit bares her soul on how a *toxic work relationship* felt like an emotional breakup and how she chose her well-being over trying to salvage it.
- Lessons in *boundary setting* and overcoming the habit of absorbing others' emotional baggage.
- G-Rex and Dirty Skittles share their personal experiences with *Factor* meal delivery service, proving that healthy eating can be hassle-free.
- Discover how to navigate the space as an *empath in the workplace* and the importance of balancing professionalism with human emotions.
- The transformation from using alcohol as an avoidance tool to facing emotions head-on, featuring Cait's insights on identifying triggers to drink and opting for healthier coping mechanisms.
- Cait's *self-care strategies*: Creating a sanctuary in personal space and finding solace with her faithful pet.
- Candid discussion on *depression* and how it can affect social interactions and personality, with Cait offering a glimpse into her lowest moments and how she copes.
- Insights into Cait's bold move of venturing into a *landscaping business* in pursuit of her values and asserting her strength in a male-dominated industry.
- G-Rex reflects on the importance of self-care, self-love, and the positive changes that come with them.
- Our hosts and guest delve into the crucial topic of support systems and explore various ways to find guidance, whether through therapy or the strength of friendship.
Listen closely as we uncover parallels between personal and work relationships, emphasizing the fine line between committed involvement and over-investment. Cait Baiit's compelling story isn't just about the pitfalls; it's a narrative of *empowerment, growth*, and finding one's rhythm in self-love and career.
Remember to *subscribe, rate, and review* "Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads." Your feedback fuels our passion, and we thrive on your engagement. Share your thoughts, takeaways, and your own stories, because your input is what keeps us going!
**Subscribe and Review:**
Thank you for tuning in! If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our podcast and leave us a review. Your ratings help us reach more listeners and continue delivering valuable content. Join us again next time on "Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads," where we dissect the thoughts and experiences shaping our lives.
#ShitThatGoesOnInOurHeads #ToxicRelationships #BoundarySetting #EmotionalIntelligence #EmpathyAtWork #HealthyEating #MealPrep #FactorMeals #SelfCare #SobrietyJourney #CopingMechanisms #MentalHealthAwareness #Depression #GrowthMindset #Empowerment #StandYourGround #Entrepreneurship #KnowYourWorth #SupportSystem
**Disclaimer:** The views expressed in this podcast are solely those of the hosts and guests and may not reflect the opinions of the sponsors or affiliated parties. Listener discretion is advised.
S02E09 Finding Balance and Setting Boundaries with Guest Host: Cait Bait
Speaker:
So we just finished chatting up with Kate Bate.
Speaker:
What are your initial thoughts?
Speaker:
I love her.
Speaker:
I love the fact that she was able to
Speaker:
kind of figure out that
Speaker:
it's time to set some boundaries. And
Speaker:
you know, you can be a badass bitch. Mhmm.
Speaker:
But, you know, you're still vulnerable.
Speaker:
You're still
Speaker:
people
Speaker:
people take advantage of people
Speaker:
that are super passionate and
Speaker:
high spirited and
Speaker:
really wanna do the right thing.
Speaker:
And I I love the fact that she's gonna
Speaker:
go out on her own. And
Speaker:
figure shit out on her own.
Speaker:
Yeah. This is for me, this episode was, like,
Speaker:
listening in on, like,
Speaker:
a living, breathing journal. Right? Like, I feel like
Speaker:
this was just one chapter
Speaker:
of what we have yet to see.
Speaker:
and I'm really, really, really excited to see in
Speaker:
the future
Speaker:
where she is. Like, I really think we need
Speaker:
to, like, touch back with her to see the
Speaker:
evolution of where she goes next.
Speaker:
Yeah. Because,
Speaker:
like, she took the last 2 weeks and really
Speaker:
self evaluated.
Speaker:
what was important to her.
Speaker:
Yeah.
Speaker:
I can't wait to see what happens next with
Speaker:
Kate Bate.
Speaker:
Welcome to another episode of shit that goes on
Speaker:
in our heads.
Speaker:
Today is season 2 episode 7, and we have
Speaker:
a special guest today
Speaker:
Kate Mate. And that go on dirty skittles introducer.
Speaker:
Welcome,
Speaker:
Kate Bate.
Speaker:
She's laughing because we know each other outside of
Speaker:
this. And so now she has to hear my
Speaker:
podcast voice. It's so seductive.
Speaker:
Oh, we broke we broke your ex. Are you
Speaker:
spitting out whatever you're just saying?
Speaker:
I spit out my beer because it went up
Speaker:
my nose. So you're so you're spitter. what we've
Speaker:
just established.
Speaker:
Hell, just kidding.
Speaker:
This is gonna be fun. I'm so excited. There's
Speaker:
some shit you have to spit it out of
Speaker:
your mouth. Okay?
Speaker:
Thanks. Oh, good. Yeah. Fair enough. True. Okay. I'm
Speaker:
not I'm not drinking anymore. Okay. Go ahead. You
Speaker:
should drink. We're all drinking for those that are
Speaker:
listening. We have beer. What are you did you
Speaker:
say you're having a beer? Yeah. I'm having a
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Sam Adams
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port trucker.
Speaker:
Oh, never had that one. Yeah. But I just
Speaker:
had a whole mouthful of it going in the
Speaker:
trash because it went up my nose instead. Sorry.
Speaker:
Sorry.
Speaker:
So, yeah, we know each other outside of this.
Speaker:
You are Bizzle's sister.
Speaker:
Sorry. Caught me off guard, but yes.
Speaker:
whatever you're comfortable sharing, share, anything we wanna edit
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out, we can edit out.
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I
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since I've known you
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I've definitely seen you grow into the woman you
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are today. So I figured, let's just see where
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the conversation takes us. We'll start with Who if
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if somebody asks you, Kate Bates, the woman you
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are today, how would you define that?
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That's a tough question, though, because I'm a little
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bit of everything. Yeah. And you don't have to
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be one thing. Multifaceted.
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I
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I don't know. I'm a little all over the
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place all of the time. I think that
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You know, we were talking the other night about,
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you know, the conversation that I had with a
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group of friends and we were talking about if
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you could pick one word to describe yourself, what
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would it be? And I went through a plethora
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of things that I thought that would summarize who
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I am, but it all came down to headstrong.
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And
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I am. I am headstrong whether it's good or
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bad. I could be headstrong, and I have no
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reason to be headstrong and why I feel that
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that is why it needs to be and why
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that matters. But I'm also very headstrong and things
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that I do believe in.
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So
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I don't know. I'm just
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I will say you are, like, when we when
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Visal and I first moved to Georgia,
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and
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it was
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little nuggets first time going into a school.
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-- and being in day care and, like, an
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incident had happened where he, like, bumped his head
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or something. I immediately was, like, passionate. Right? Like,
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that's my baby cub. And I was telling Bizzle
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at the time. I'm like, you're lucky your sister
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does not live in Georgia because I would've called
Speaker:
her up and the two of us would've gotten
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arrested. Oh, hell yes. So headstrong, yes, I would
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agree with it a 100%. I think that I'm
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definitely
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I'm also I do know this about myself, and
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I'm very emotional.
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I am emotional about my family, very passionate about
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my family.
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I mean, I may not be around all of
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the time, but It it's exactly what you said.
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Anything happens to him, I am the first one.
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Like, let's go. Let's me in business. Same thing.
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My best friend has 2 kids. It's the same
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way with them. You know?
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And
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I you know, my mom definitely
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a 100%. And even relationships and friendships and all
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of that, And then it also on the professional
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side too, I'm very
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adamant about things. If I believe a certain thing
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or it needs to be this way,
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then I'm going to push that. You know? And
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also being a female,
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you know, I work in a male dominated industry.
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Being a female, I have to assert myself, but
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how do I assert myself without being the bitch?
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Right? You know? And
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I will also say the headstrong and the emotional,
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there's pluses and negatives to both sides. I think
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that there's a lot of
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It's balance.
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You know, making emotional decisions when it comes to
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business is not the best,
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but making emotional decisions in life is not the
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best either. Yeah. So it's just finding the balance
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between the 2 of --
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Yeah. -- do I wanna be a raging bitch
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today, or do I wanna be a nice calm
Speaker:
person?
Speaker:
What are some of, like, the struggles, like, when
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you think of work that maybe emotions has
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led to?
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or any lessons you've learned, like an emotional
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reaction to something?
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I think that it's
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One of the hardest things that I have really
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had to adjust to is
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text and emails,
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All of that can be misconstrued.
Speaker:
Mhmm. And
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so reading an email, someone may not
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mean how it's coming across to me and how
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I interpret it, but being able to work through,
Speaker:
okay, so this is business. And having every little
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thing I mean, I've been before in emails. And
Speaker:
my first response is I want I'm I'm gonna
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address that because you're wrong, and I know that
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you're wrong because I have all the emails approved
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that you're But is that important
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to have the ultimate,
Speaker:
you know, situation be resolved?
Speaker:
I think that
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You know, I've had long conversations with, you know,
Speaker:
close friends of mine and
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the emotional I have to take the emotion out
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of the business.
Speaker:
all the way around. You know, there's one thing
Speaker:
of being there for your guys or being there
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for, you know, your team or people that are
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under you who are working next to you.
Speaker:
But at what point does it become where you
Speaker:
have to stop
Speaker:
the emotional aspect of it? You know, I just
Speaker:
recently went through something where I was personal friends
Speaker:
with, you know, my my counterpart.
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And we also had the business, and at first,
Speaker:
it worked really well.
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And then, you know, he had some vice that
Speaker:
he had to handle, and
Speaker:
I was emotionally still attached because we were friends.
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And
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I suffered at the end of the day.
Speaker:
And he's, you know, still doing whatever he's doing,
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and
Speaker:
that was a big lesson. And then
Speaker:
One of my faults too is once I get
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to that part, I'm done. Like, I don't I
Speaker:
I don't care.
Speaker:
You know? You can do whatever you're gonna do.
Speaker:
So it's finding the balance again of -- Right.
Speaker:
-- where's the compassion
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and where's the understanding and what faults are mine
Speaker:
because I got to emotionally invest -- into that.
Speaker:
Yeah.
Speaker:
Yeah. And, like, since I've
Speaker:
known you in, like, hearing where you are in
Speaker:
life now, especially with work, and personal relationships.
Speaker:
Like, I can see that you
Speaker:
are
Speaker:
still growing into the woman. Mhmm. But you're You're
Speaker:
so like, I feel like there's always, like, a
Speaker:
moment where you're like, okay. I am who I
Speaker:
meant to be, and you are very like you
Speaker:
said, headstrong, and you're slowly evolving into, like, this
Speaker:
force of a woman, which I think is awesome.
Speaker:
And I know it's not easy. Right? Like, especially
Speaker:
in today's day and age, it's, like, not the
Speaker:
easiest to be, not only a female and a
Speaker:
male dominated issue, but
Speaker:
to be a boss. Like, you're, like, you're unapologetically
Speaker:
you. Mhmm. And you're learning how that balance works.
Speaker:
So
Speaker:
I've definitely seen you grow a little bit and
Speaker:
to kind of, like, backtrack
Speaker:
some when I first met you. I remember watching
Speaker:
just how you and your brother interact it and,
Speaker:
you know,
Speaker:
he knows how to push buttons because he thinks
Speaker:
it's funny. It's not always funny to the other
Speaker:
side, but I remember just seeing you at that
Speaker:
age, and I don't even know how young you
Speaker:
are, but your reaction,
Speaker:
it reminded me so much of me in my
Speaker:
early twenties. Like, I was like, I connected with
Speaker:
you and how you felt in that moment. So
Speaker:
and I think throughout, like, your stages of life
Speaker:
that I've gotten to see, I totally understand. Like,
Speaker:
I'm like, ugh.
Speaker:
I know exactly what that feels like. I know
Speaker:
exactly what that is. So I think it's it's
Speaker:
really
Speaker:
important for other listeners who are also females kind
Speaker:
of in this -- I had somebody tell I
Speaker:
had somebody tell me who he he's close to
Speaker:
me. He told me he was, like, used to
Speaker:
get into these little, like, bullshit ass arguments. Right?
Speaker:
And he he looked at me one day, and
Speaker:
he said,
Speaker:
one of these days, this isn't going to matter.
Speaker:
Whatever this situation is, it's not important,
Speaker:
and you're making it this huge important thing because
Speaker:
your head's stronger. You feel passionately about that. And
Speaker:
as I've gotten older, he I hate to admit
Speaker:
it, but he's actually right. You know, he's definitely
Speaker:
like, he had something that was there. you know,
Speaker:
that these little small little things, this lady sending
Speaker:
some email that,
Speaker:
you know, she was having a bad day on
Speaker:
me. You know what I mean? And it like,
Speaker:
it it's not my problem. You know? And I
Speaker:
don't need to waste my time and energy
Speaker:
being upset and being pissed off and thinking all
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day about it. you know, like, respectfully fuck them.
Speaker:
Right? That's your problem. So so, Kate, you sound
Speaker:
so much like me. I mean, I thought I
Speaker:
would grow out of that. I'm close to 60.
Speaker:
I still haven't it.
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One of the things
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one of the things that, like, I find hard
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is that, you know, I have a very high
Speaker:
moral -- Mhmm. -- I have very high morals
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on
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I'm very
Speaker:
have a lot of integrity. Right? Yep. But if
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I know that I'm right,
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I'm gonna push that until
Speaker:
everybody else sees how right I am. Right? And
Speaker:
then when it, like, all falls to shit,
Speaker:
I wanna be the first one to say that,
Speaker:
like, I fucking told you so. Right?
Speaker:
because nothing pisses me off more than men that
Speaker:
don't wanna listen to the ideas that women have.
Speaker:
Right? Like,
Speaker:
we're we're smart. We're intelligent beings. You know? Sometimes
Speaker:
we think a little bit more with our heart
Speaker:
than with our head. But when you're really passionate
Speaker:
about some something, you just want people to listen
Speaker:
to you. Yes. And I I think in this
Speaker:
day and age, especially with email, because people say
Speaker:
shit and email that they would never say to
Speaker:
your face.
Speaker:
And I I can tell your passion about.
Speaker:
So Oh, shit. I can't tell that story. But,
Speaker:
yeah, Gerex is infamous for calling somebody out either
Speaker:
in a email or -- Oh, too. I love
Speaker:
it. Listen. When I you know, so I just
Speaker:
recently branched off on my own
Speaker:
and
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Before, man, I love calling people out. I loved
Speaker:
it. And the, you know, the whole
Speaker:
per my email below -- Yeah. -- was my
Speaker:
favorite.
Speaker:
because it was like, 1st of all, bitch, did
Speaker:
you not read this?
Speaker:
And second, who are you trying to flex on?
Speaker:
You know, it was my favorite, but I agree
Speaker:
with you. I think that, like, proving that point
Speaker:
of because I I'm the same way. My morals,
Speaker:
my values,
Speaker:
you know, my characteristics,
Speaker:
how I want to be seen, how you know,
Speaker:
especially now with my company, like, being a small
Speaker:
business owner, like, how I want my company to
Speaker:
be seen.
Speaker:
I'm not gonna play games with you. It it
Speaker:
you know, it's learning the black and white --
Speaker:
Mhmm. -- as well as the areas of gray.
Speaker:
-- and being able to gracefully do those, but
Speaker:
not being walked all over. Yeah. And I think
Speaker:
that that's one of my things is my first
Speaker:
thing is
Speaker:
Again, who are you talking to, but it's also
Speaker:
how do I professionally say,
Speaker:
you know, it's you can't do that. You but
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I love, I love screen warriors. I love them
Speaker:
with a passion.
Speaker:
Screen warriors.
Speaker:
I do. because it's no, sir. You can come
Speaker:
at me in an email, but when you're face
Speaker:
to face, okay. Yeah. Me. Me. Me. Me. You're
Speaker:
all nice. Yeah. But no. It's it's not like
Speaker:
that. You you're a bitch.
Speaker:
Yeah. So you mentioned venturing off on your own.
Speaker:
What does that mean for the listeners who don't
Speaker:
know you? So I previously was working
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for a commercial landscape company
Speaker:
due to varying reasons
Speaker:
and differing of morals and values and how to
Speaker:
proceed.
Speaker:
I
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To be honest, took
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I I left.
Speaker:
My mental health was suffering greatly because
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of this job.
Speaker:
And,
Speaker:
anyways, so that been trended.
Speaker:
I've been thinking about going out on my own
Speaker:
for a little bit. And it finally got to
Speaker:
the point where I couldn't do that because it
Speaker:
was a direct conflict of interest.
Speaker:
And where I am now is I've left that
Speaker:
company. I wish them the best.
Speaker:
And I have opened my own to
Speaker:
do, again, you know, landscaping.
Speaker:
So but ours is a little bit more we
Speaker:
also do residential as well as commercial.
Speaker:
And
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installation,
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irrigation, all of that. So the business that I
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worked with before was strictly commercial. We didn't do
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any residential homes.
Speaker:
And
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I think that with the landscape industry, it's very
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large, but it's also very tight knit community.
Speaker:
And
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most of the companies that you see again are
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male dominated.
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And
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I have that headstrong that
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I'm a show I'm a show you guys, you
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know, that a that a female can do it.
Speaker:
You know, right before I left, I was running
Speaker:
the company. I was doing operations. I was doing
Speaker:
the straight apart. I was doing sales. I was
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doing all of it. And I'm not I'm not
Speaker:
saying that I know everything,
Speaker:
but I feel like I know enough to make
Speaker:
better judgment calls than what were being made,
Speaker:
and I definitely know
Speaker:
what I want to do. And
Speaker:
-- how I don't want to do things. Yeah.
Speaker:
And, I mean, let it be that blessing. Right?
Speaker:
Like, it may have caused emotional distress, and It
Speaker:
it wasn't obviously what you would have wanted it
Speaker:
to be, but using that to your advantage, like,
Speaker:
you definitely have learned how to do it on
Speaker:
your own. Oh, girl. It was an emotional break
Speaker:
It was the emotional breakup where I cried for
Speaker:
a lot. Really?
Speaker:
Oh, yeah. So the work relationship
Speaker:
you would equate, like, leaving that to a breakup.
Speaker:
Oh, yes. That's very interesting. It was a very
Speaker:
toxic
Speaker:
breakup because there was the emotions of I'm gonna
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keep trying. I'm gonna keep trying. I'm gonna try
Speaker:
and make this work. And then it was the
Speaker:
Fucking. I'm done. I don't wanna do this anymore.
Speaker:
And then it was we'll have this to worry
Speaker:
about, so I'm gonna keep trying. Gonna keep trying.
Speaker:
And then I got super emotional and I Cried
Speaker:
and cried and cried and cried. And then, I
Speaker:
mean,
Speaker:
after the 1st the year, I wasn't gonna come
Speaker:
back.
Speaker:
You know, I wasn't gonna come back from Christmas
Speaker:
break. And I was like, well, let me just
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give it one more
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one more shot so that all of my relationships,
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all of my inner actions.
Speaker:
I am that person that is I'm going to
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give it everything that I possibly have until I
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don't have anything left to give so I can
Speaker:
walk away with no what ifs. What if I
Speaker:
tried this? What if I did this differently?
Speaker:
And I did. And it got to the point
Speaker:
after a couple conversations, couple hiccups, and a couple
Speaker:
of situations.
Speaker:
I said, you know what? This is not worth
Speaker:
it to me. Why am I fighting?
Speaker:
Why am I trying? And why is why am
Speaker:
I missing out on time with my nephew Why
Speaker:
am I missing out on time with my friends?
Speaker:
Why am I only getting 4 hours of sleep
Speaker:
to go try and make this work when it's
Speaker:
everything is against
Speaker:
what I'm trying to do. You know? And I
Speaker:
I I did have some really good help on
Speaker:
my end.
Speaker:
You know, people that stepped up, they didn't have
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to.
Speaker:
and it just got to the point where
Speaker:
enough was enough. You know? And I will say
Speaker:
this too that
Speaker:
I think that, again, this is where the balance
Speaker:
comes in
Speaker:
of
Speaker:
being walked all over and then being, you know,
Speaker:
so head strong
Speaker:
that
Speaker:
I mean, I know that you can't
Speaker:
say that you can't blame your daily life and
Speaker:
how you're -- interactions are based on your zodiac
Speaker:
sign, but I can, and I will, and I
Speaker:
don't care. I'm a Capricorn through and through. And
Speaker:
I
Speaker:
I won't walk away from a situation until
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I know,
Speaker:
and I won't make that mistake again. You know?
Speaker:
But I also
Speaker:
am learning when
Speaker:
when is it calling it too early
Speaker:
versus too late?
Speaker:
Yeah.
Speaker:
You know? And I think that with this situation,
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it was too late because I emotionally suffered
Speaker:
for a long time,
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personally and professionally.
Speaker:
But then it got to the point where if
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I wanna continue knowing what I wanna do with
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my life and my career,
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is my name gonna get tarnished because it's tied
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to this company?
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versus just being able to cut it off and
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start on my own.
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Yeah. Do do you think based on this that
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you've, like, learned to set up some different kinds
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of
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boundaries.
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And
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because, like, with my own personal experience,
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I now have a box. Right?
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And in that box, drama is not allowed to
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come into that box. If drama approaches the box,
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I'm like, I'm done. Right? I
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when I
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right after I had my emotional breakdown
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and I started therapy, I've that was one of
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my triggers. It's being pulled into everybody else's fucking
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drama.
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You know what? I don't have time for that
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anymore.
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Life was too short, too precious.
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You know, my
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my self my health myself love, my self care.
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I I don't I'm not doing drama anymore. I'm
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just not. I agree. A 100%. I think boundaries
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are absolutely important.
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I'm
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I this goes on the emotional side of Mia.
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I'm a fixer. I want everybody to be happy.
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I want everybody to feel loved, and maybe that
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stems from you know, childhood upbringings
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and, you know, daddy issues and all of those
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other stuff, which I don't wanna downplay those because
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they're very significant and they're very
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pertinent
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to the way that I have lived my life,
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my relationships, and people that I've chosen in my
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life. But I think that boundaries are important.
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I think that
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I have
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been that person that I will take on everybody's
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problems because I feel like I can fix them.
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and I just want to outwardly give that love
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that maybe I didn't receive or whatever the case
Speaker:
may be, but I want people to feel loved.
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I want them to feel important. I want Even
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if it's just a little, like, a little tiny
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treasure, I used to get make fun of all
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the time because anywhere that I went,
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I could go to Daytona
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and I would have to get a treasure for
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that adventure. You know what I mean? Because when
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I looked at it, that was my treasure from
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the day, and I remembered the day.
Speaker:
but I'm that person and I want everybody to
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feel that way.
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But I realize that especially now with this You
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know? I I was with the company for 3
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years. April was 3 years,
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and I realized that I just took on all
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of the vices and all of the things that
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weren't mine to take on,
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but I was the one that suffered from it.
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You know, not to say that they didn't, but
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I'm always the go to is she'll figure it
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out.
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One way or the other, I figured it out,
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which is accolades for me as a person you
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know, professionally and personally, but
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I you know, I'm the one that's sitting at
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home crying.
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You know, I'm the one that feels exhausted where
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I can't
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function, and I spend all week in bed because
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I don't wanna people anymore because I'm peeling out.
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Then you're burnout, and I just from listening to
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you, you sound
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you sound like you're almost an empath. I'm an
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empath myself.
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So, like, when
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Other people are suffering, I take all that shit
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on. Yes.
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I'm getting a lot better with that because I
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that also played a lot into my own depression.
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Mhmm. Agree. You know, not not not taking care
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of myself. You know, no self care, no self
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love.
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Being more concerned about what's happening to other people
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outside of my life,
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But, you know, it it's you you live in
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your word. Right? But I'm I'm glad that you
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made that step
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because doing it now at your age and
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doing it at my age. I'm almost sixty.
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You know, I wish I would have had those
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tools and
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that insight
Speaker:
20 years ago, and I probably wouldn't have gotten
Speaker:
to the point where I did in in December.
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But I'm I'm much happier now. I You know,
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I think that there is
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value in being able
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to admit via depression because,
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I mean,
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It's definitely something that has been an and a
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a key factor in my life. It's been in
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and out. Right? I guess that's kinda how it
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works. But
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You know, I think that
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learning through that and working through it, I mean,
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I spent my birthday in bed. I didn't get
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out of bed, like,
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lights, you know, off
Speaker:
windows clothes, like blinds clothes. And, I mean, it
Speaker:
was it was just a day, but it was
Speaker:
my entire birthday. I didn't get out of bed
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till 4.
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And in, like, that's 4 in the afternoon, and
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everybody's texting me calling me. And I'm
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you know, the the empathetic part of me is
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Man, I just you know, thank you for thinking
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of me, but the other part of me is
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I don't wanna talk to anybody. Yeah. You know?
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And I think that there's, you know, there's
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I'm
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a very
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extrovert person,
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but I've also gotten to the point where I'm
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also very much introverted.
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Mhmm.
Speaker:
I had a friend of mine, you know, tell
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me he was like, you just need to be
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okay with being alone.
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And
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I'm a lover. I wanna be around people. I
Speaker:
thrive off people. But having the people that are
Speaker:
around you, if they are not excited for you,
Speaker:
if they are not, There's one thing, like, working
Speaker:
through, you know, life situations and talking about them.
Speaker:
But
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if they're in a place where they're constantly,
Speaker:
like it's, like, woe's me -- Mhmm. -- all
Speaker:
of the time. Like, what are you doing to
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better yourself?
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Mhmm. You know? And
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I
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I'm recently in a place now where I'm okay.
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I'm okay with just being home. I don't have
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to go out. And
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I don't it's about again, the balance is
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I like being around people, so I pick and
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choose. Like, this month along, I have 2 events.
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I went to my friends moving away party
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and
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sorry.
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You're okay.
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Beer was not the best option. I know. I
Speaker:
know. I only know it. We're letting them
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split out over here.
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So I went to her going away party. It
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was at 9 o'clock at night in Saint Cloud,
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and I'm like, oh my god. It's late.
Speaker:
but I had a good time. But while I'm
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sitting there, I was you know, like, I'm
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I had a good time. I did. but I
Speaker:
just genuinely, it wasn't my scene anymore.
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And
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I have an event that I'm going to tomorrow,
Speaker:
and those are my 2.
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everything else, like, there has been a lot of
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self discovery
Speaker:
and working through, you know, those boundaries like we
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talked about.
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Working through the
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Do I need to respond right away to somebody's
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text message or phone call or email?
Speaker:
Do I need to have a response in general?
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You know?
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So
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I don't know. I know I ramble a lot.
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No. No. No. No. I should've I should've put
Speaker:
the disclaimer ahead of time. You're for sure not
Speaker:
rambling, and and it kind of was gonna lead
Speaker:
to a question of mine where
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you mentioned because I think you're spot on, like,
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defining boundaries. Right? Like, I think that's gonna be
Speaker:
where you really flex into that role that you
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have. So, like, if you could look back on
Speaker:
this tumultuous tumultuous tumultuous?
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Am I saying that right? Whatever. That fucking shit
Speaker:
that happened? The t word. Yeah. Yeah. The t
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word in that in that work
Speaker:
environment that you had,
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looking back on it now,
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is there anything that pops up or pops out
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to you as, like,
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I could have called it then and been fine.
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Like, is there any or are you still completely
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learning
Speaker:
where to draw that line?
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I think I'm still learning to draw the line.
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I think that
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one of the you know, you talk about red
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flags in our relationship because it it in some
Speaker:
way, shape, or form, that was a relationship. Right.
Speaker:
It was a personal and work relationship.
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I think that
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how invested
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I was on the personal side
Speaker:
is a red flag for me. Like, I would
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I would change that.
Speaker:
Gotcha. I mean, at the same time, though, it's
Speaker:
like, how can I sit here? You know, hindsight
Speaker:
is 2020. Right? Right. But how can I sit
Speaker:
here when
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that friendship
Speaker:
served its season because there was a lot of
Speaker:
things that we
Speaker:
were able to speak about and kinda work through
Speaker:
together on a
Speaker:
friendship side.
Speaker:
But when I'm driving down 2 days before Christmas
Speaker:
to have, like, an intervention with you,
Speaker:
that's too much -- Right. -- from
Speaker:
I am your
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as it was made very clear,
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I'm an employee. I need to do my fucking
Speaker:
job. Okay. Great.
Speaker:
You got it. You know? And so I think
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that having
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taking away from
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-- being in that
Speaker:
personal side of it, I don't wanna do that.
Speaker:
Right? You know, I wanna have compassion for people.
Speaker:
I want to
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be around people, and
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where did she go?
Speaker:
I mean, I know I said I rambled, but,
Speaker:
like, I didn't think you were gonna leave it.
Speaker:
Make sure I have a potty? Uder.
Speaker:
She just left.
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Alright. I'm gonna keep going because I actually do
Speaker:
have another question.
Speaker:
I and, like, I feel like if I wait,
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I'll forget. So
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thinking of work as this relationship, because I agree
Speaker:
with you to to a degree like that is
Speaker:
an actual relationship that we are feeding and fostering
Speaker:
and growing with. Yeah.
Speaker:
If you took it if you look at your
Speaker:
personal life, Do you see actual similarities in terms
Speaker:
of, like, how you are in actual
Speaker:
romantic relationships and work relationships? Yes.
Speaker:
I am
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it's so annoying.
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I am a 100%
Speaker:
all in, or I'm a 100% out.
Speaker:
and that is personally and professionally.
Speaker:
I'm a 100% all in. You're getting all of
Speaker:
my all. Even on the days that you may
Speaker:
and I get a 100%, I'm still invested.
Speaker:
And I am that way in my relationships. I
Speaker:
am in that way in my professional, like, how
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I portrayed myself.
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I think that
Speaker:
you know, in the work setting, you're you know,
Speaker:
if you have a normal 8 to 5 type
Speaker:
job, That's 8 hours a day that you were
Speaker:
spending in the work
Speaker:
field. Mhmm. So those people become your family. They
Speaker:
become your friends. They become the people that you
Speaker:
talk to all of the time.
Speaker:
And
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my problem was is that I had invested
Speaker:
so much into my day to day work stuff.
Speaker:
and trying to make ends meet and or meet.
Speaker:
And then trying to
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tie a knot at the end of this rib
Speaker:
over here to run tie a knot over here
Speaker:
that I was constantly
Speaker:
my 8 hour work relationship
Speaker:
became a full time full time job. -- didn't
Speaker:
have time or energy to hang out with my
Speaker:
friends. I didn't have time or energy to come
Speaker:
see my nephew. I didn't have time or energy
Speaker:
to even have a conversation.
Speaker:
There were a lot of times I came home,
Speaker:
and I just I didn't wanna be bothered. I
Speaker:
didn't wanna answer the phone. Didn't wanna get on
Speaker:
social media. I literally just wanted to sit on
Speaker:
the couch and watch them stupid night mind numbing
Speaker:
TV so that I didn't have to think. Right.
Speaker:
You know? And,
Speaker:
you know, I'm a chronic over thinker.
Speaker:
So
Speaker:
which in of itself is its own separate battle,
Speaker:
but having to think of, okay. Well, what can
Speaker:
I do tomorrow? What can I it was constant.
Speaker:
You know? And I think that
Speaker:
I'm that way in relationships too. Mhmm.
Speaker:
Some beer. We'll have to do mixed drinks next
Speaker:
time. I I'm the same ratio. I'm a chronic
Speaker:
over thinker.
Speaker:
You know, I wear my heart or heart on
Speaker:
my sleeve. I'm very passionate about,
Speaker:
you know, what I do, especially
Speaker:
But when I was working, now I just retired,
Speaker:
and I don't give a crap anymore.
Speaker:
But,
Speaker:
you know, like, in this phase of my life,
Speaker:
though, And I and I hope that you you
Speaker:
get to that phase is that
Speaker:
that phase this phase for me is all about
Speaker:
No. It's transfer. Right? Mhmm. So you take the
Speaker:
shit that's in your head and you give it
Speaker:
to somebody else so you can put additional shit
Speaker:
in there that makes you happy. Right? Right. And
Speaker:
I
Speaker:
it's this is such an important topic for everybody
Speaker:
out there. Man, women, children,
Speaker:
everybody.
Speaker:
Like, you know, set your boundaries.
Speaker:
Find out what what's a what what makes you
Speaker:
tick,
Speaker:
find your passion, and make sure you have some
Speaker:
boundary set up because when you don't have boundary
Speaker:
set up, people just shit over you all day
Speaker:
long.
Speaker:
I had a situation that -- -- take advantage
Speaker:
of you. I had a situation that I I
Speaker:
was told about where, you know, as my best
Speaker:
friend, she was telling me about something that happened,
Speaker:
and somebody did something to her.
Speaker:
And it it was light at like, I don't
Speaker:
wanna go into details, but it was a very
Speaker:
light situation. It wasn't
Speaker:
a big deal on quotations. Right? Mhmm. And
Speaker:
You know, she was like, listen. That's not cool.
Speaker:
And he was like, oh, I was just, you
Speaker:
know, I was just fucking around. I was just
Speaker:
playing or whatever. And she's like, I understand. I
Speaker:
understand that you were playing, and it was,
Speaker:
you know, not comical because it sounds a little
Speaker:
derogatory or -- Mhmm. -- whatever word I'm trying
Speaker:
to use. But, like,
Speaker:
it was a joke to him, but it wasn't
Speaker:
to her. Right. And, you know, god bless her
Speaker:
because she she is very unapologetically
Speaker:
herself.
Speaker:
And she
Speaker:
she gets on me all the time because she's
Speaker:
she's like, k, Bay. You're too you're too nice.
Speaker:
Like, when are you gonna grow a backbone? Like,
Speaker:
you need to, like, you need to stand up
Speaker:
for yourself, and don't tell people that you're sorry
Speaker:
for how they made you feel. Right?
Speaker:
And but she stood up for herself. And, again,
Speaker:
it was something very
Speaker:
what it wasn't, like,
Speaker:
he slashed her tires or something like that. It
Speaker:
was something so little. Yeah. And
Speaker:
she was she was very adamant about this is
Speaker:
not okay. So, again, it's
Speaker:
I'm learning a lot from
Speaker:
other I I don't wanna say from their boundaries,
Speaker:
but where they draw the line
Speaker:
and
Speaker:
being in a place where, again, I don't wanna
Speaker:
be a raging bitch. I love everyone. Apparently, my
Speaker:
face, though, I have RBF
Speaker:
Oh my gosh. It's so bad. It is so
Speaker:
bad. My RBF is so bad. I had a
Speaker:
girl tell me.
Speaker:
Funny story. She
Speaker:
I saw her from across the bar. I had
Speaker:
no idea who she was, but I had seen
Speaker:
her in pictures.
Speaker:
And
Speaker:
finally, at one point, we ended up meeting, you
Speaker:
know, and talking. She was like, You know, it's
Speaker:
telling my boyfriend, you know, like, this girl just
Speaker:
wants to beat my ass, and I don't even
Speaker:
know her. And I was like, I am so
Speaker:
sorry that it's my face.
Speaker:
I don't even know you, first of all, in
Speaker:
second. Like, I'm really sorry. I was just trying
Speaker:
to figure out who you pair it.
Speaker:
You're just showing interest in. Right. But, you know,
Speaker:
I think that boundaries are important So my last
Speaker:
day was Cinco de Mayo.
Speaker:
And
Speaker:
I,
Speaker:
as of yesterday, have been officially gone from this
Speaker:
job for 2 weeks.
Speaker:
and
Speaker:
I have taken a lot of time to work
Speaker:
through the things that I
Speaker:
-- have maybe identified as issues or areas of
Speaker:
concern -- Mhmm. -- and also worked through
Speaker:
the emotions.
Speaker:
because I want to fully be able to be
Speaker:
invested in the startup of and the projection of
Speaker:
my company and where it goes.
Speaker:
And being able to be you know, I have
Speaker:
a boyfriend and being able to be there with
Speaker:
him and, like, you know, he has 2 boys
Speaker:
and being there with them -- Mhmm. -- and
Speaker:
not making the same mistakes.
Speaker:
My old self and you know this. My old
Speaker:
self would be like, fuck it. Let's party. Like,
Speaker:
I don't have a job. Like, let's let's get
Speaker:
lit. You know? And, like, make up for all
Speaker:
the time
Speaker:
that I've lost out on probably in 6 months.
Speaker:
Mhmm. But where I am now is,
Speaker:
yes, I'm sorry that I have missed out.
Speaker:
Would I probably do it again? Probably.
Speaker:
Because that's who I am. I gave everything that
Speaker:
I could. It didn't work. I realized this wasn't
Speaker:
for me. That's okay. I'm just hopeful that maybe
Speaker:
my boundaries will tell me that it's not for
Speaker:
me earlier
Speaker:
than 3 years later, but, you know, I don't
Speaker:
know. It's what do you
Speaker:
Do are you doing anything now to help you
Speaker:
strengthen that muscle to define boundaries?
Speaker:
So I
Speaker:
I've gotten a lot of books.
Speaker:
Some I like to read, but I am a,
Speaker:
like, book in my hand turning the page kind
Speaker:
of reader. Right. I highlight I underline it put
Speaker:
exclamation points and stars and notes and
Speaker:
tab the shit out of it. But I had
Speaker:
a couple of recommendations.
Speaker:
One was
Speaker:
Forget the name of it off the top of
Speaker:
my head, but I have a very kind of
Speaker:
addictive personality.
Speaker:
And so it was channeling
Speaker:
how to use that addictive personality into,
Speaker:
you know, something that is constructive
Speaker:
for your life.
Speaker:
I also got a book too funny enough
Speaker:
It was, like, really letting go. Mhmm. And funny
Speaker:
enough how that book turned into letting go of
Speaker:
all of the
Speaker:
like, trauma from this job. I got it for
Speaker:
a different reason, but it it
Speaker:
man, if it wasn't spot on within my job.
Speaker:
You know, in dealing with You know, I have
Speaker:
my own
Speaker:
vices -- Mhmm. -- and working through not being
Speaker:
able to do
Speaker:
not not be able to do, but working through
Speaker:
not counting on what has, quote, worked before in
Speaker:
the past.
Speaker:
I love to drink that's not not surprised to
Speaker:
anybody that knows me, but I got to a
Speaker:
point where, like, that was
Speaker:
what I did so I didn't have to think.
Speaker:
I didn't have to feel everything that I was
Speaker:
feeling. Right. Mhmm. And where I am now is
Speaker:
I don't want that to dictate my life. and
Speaker:
working through
Speaker:
being able to feel the emotions -- Mhmm. --
Speaker:
through and through for what they are, deal with
Speaker:
them and move on from them. you know, letting
Speaker:
them sit where they need to sit. Give myself
Speaker:
the grace to feel it and then move on
Speaker:
is is a big thing. So, I mean, just
Speaker:
It's probably the last 2 weeks I've spent more
Speaker:
time
Speaker:
stupidly in my head as always,
Speaker:
but it's been constructive.
Speaker:
It's been constructive thoughts. It's been constructive.
Speaker:
What can I do to change this? What do
Speaker:
I need to dig a little bit deeper on
Speaker:
to find the ticks? Find the things that
Speaker:
make me want to, you know, go drink or
Speaker:
go out and be crazy or whatever. So
Speaker:
yeah. Do you find do you find that are
Speaker:
you writing? Are you just thinking in your head
Speaker:
or how you getting the the shit that's in
Speaker:
your head
Speaker:
out so that you can re examine it? Alright.
Speaker:
I I do
Speaker:
have probably, like, god bless my poor mom.
Speaker:
I probably have, like, 5 million journals laying around,
Speaker:
and -- I bet she has all of them.
Speaker:
Yes. She does.
Speaker:
It's funny if she has all of them.
Speaker:
She had side notes, short story. She has a
Speaker:
notebook that when I was in high school, my
Speaker:
one of the girls that I went to high
Speaker:
school with, shouldn't I used to write, like, letters
Speaker:
to each other. Right? Well, apparently, I decided that
Speaker:
it was cool to put all of those in
Speaker:
page protectors.
Speaker:
Oh. So I have a full forever. I have
Speaker:
a full binder of them.
Speaker:
So, yeah,
Speaker:
this that I read. I'm like, god. You were
Speaker:
so dumb.
Speaker:
We all we all started somewhere.
Speaker:
The level of how many times I said,
Speaker:
Oh. And my letters is obnoxious. How did you
Speaker:
spell it? c u
Speaker:
h. Okay. That's how I would spell it. Yeah.
Speaker:
So I do I do write I do journal,
Speaker:
and it's also the funny thing is too is
Speaker:
that I need to invest in maybe I should
Speaker:
start a side business of investing in smaller journals
Speaker:
that have the fun, but, you know, out outer
Speaker:
parts of it because I switch
Speaker:
what I have one that has a dog on
Speaker:
the front. I'm a dog lover.
Speaker:
And, like, on the front of it, it says
Speaker:
something like positive saw thoughts, but it's PAW.
Speaker:
and caught you. They made that just for you.
Speaker:
They did.
Speaker:
You know? And then I have another one that
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has, like you know, it's just normal. You know?
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But I I do I do journal. I do
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write. And
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I have found that that is the one place
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that
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again, the unapologetic,
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like, I can call somebody in to do next
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Tuesday and not even feel bad about it. Like,
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I I never have to worry about them, like,
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knowing that I feel that way about them. Do
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you find when you write it releases a thought?
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Mhmm. Do you ever go back and reread?
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Yes. You do? It was here. I I do.
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And I make that face because some of the
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shit that he's to write about, like
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you know, again, it goes back to the Was
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I really important to be that upset about? You
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know? But I think
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there's some real life things that I've written about.
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You know?
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You know, when I wrote about, I couldn't have
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kids. I wrote about that extensively.
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And, you know, that's been an ongoing thing. But,
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you know, it's
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there are some value in some of the things
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that I've written, but, like, I will tell you
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that the majority of the stuff that I've written
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probably
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up until, like, maybe 2014
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or so -- Mhmm. -- maybe shortly after 2014,
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All of it was about boys
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minus that one thing. And, you know, minus the
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whole, like, I found out short story, another short
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story. I'm full of them.
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I found out when I was sixteen, fifteen or
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16, then I couldn't have kids. So that was
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a big deal. But, like, that was a topic
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of conversation for me, like, because I wanted a
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big family and all of that.
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And so
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but
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all of it was about boys. And now when
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I read back on some of the things that
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I've written, you know, post that was, you know,
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life, how to move what I'm upset about, things
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that make me happy,
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You know, I've I've dabbled a little bit more.
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I have a strong faith.
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I'm probably a little bit more spiritual than I
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am religious.
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But both of those have their parts, and both
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of them have their equal portions of my life
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and making sure that I
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I guess, maybe feed both of those because they
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make me feel better. Right? You know? And not
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that they're there to make me feel better, but
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it's something that I believe in wholeheartedly
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that
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-- gives me the faith -- Yeah. -- that
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things will work out. You know? Yeah. I totally
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I totally understand.
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I
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what is that? I know.
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Also, where did you go?
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I had to go get somebody from the door.
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we're gonna cut this little bit out. Don't worry
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about it. No.
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What cut it out? We love you. Got a
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nice ass.
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Eels.
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Your sister doesn't think so. Neither does a lesbian,
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but that's okay.
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But
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So k.
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Kate, babe.
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What are you doing now for, like, self care,
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self love, your your mental health because now you
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have a couple of weeks off
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besides writing. Like, what what else are you doing?
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Because
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to me, on the outside,
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looking in. Right? Mhmm. You look very happy. You
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look content. I can see
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Like, your shoulders are relaxed. Your your
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facial expression is relaxed.
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What what are you doing to to kinda help
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you?
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Can I tell you that I spent the last
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2 weeks completely redoing my room? My biggest thing
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was
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having
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-- a me space that was my space that,
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you know, for, you know, for lack of a
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better term, like, crawl into.
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and I got a new bed frame for I
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have a king-size bed, so I got a new
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bed frame. I sanded it. You know, I stained
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it. I painted all of my walls. I
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basically made a space for me. You're happy, please.
Speaker:
It is. And I you know, like, I have
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a I have a £75,
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£75,
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like, dog full of love, and we cuddle and
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we have a good time. I think that besides
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reading and being in that place and just I'll
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be honest with you, my life has been so
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hectic
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for
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probably
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a year or so plus.
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It's been nonstop,
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and
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I've really taken some time to just relax.
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But but you know what? I can totally understand
Speaker:
that. So I semi retired on April 10th. Okay.
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And it's the first time in my life.
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I'm gonna say in 45 years because I've been
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working for about 45 years
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that
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every day is a Saturday now. Yes.
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Can I ask you, do you sleep more?
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Oh,
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well,
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funny.
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I did prior to us going to Europe.
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Mhmm. Now since we came back from Europe, I'm
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waking up at 5:30 every day wondering why in
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the fuck am I up at 5:30? Because retirees
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are supposed to be able to sleep all damn
Speaker:
day long. But according to dirty skittles, what's gonna
Speaker:
happen is when I go back to work in
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July,
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is that is when I'm gonna be able to
Speaker:
sleep until 11, and I have that rude awakening.
Speaker:
I'm gonna have to get up at 7:30 in
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the morning. So -- Yes.
Speaker:
I think that one of the things too is,
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like
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so I
Speaker:
have my my whole life has usually been on
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the fight or flight. Right? And I feel like
Speaker:
I've been in fight mode for so long.
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And
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you know what? I'm with somebody now where I
Speaker:
feel like I can relax. Like, Gosh. Whenever we're
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together, I'm tired. I am tired.
Speaker:
But I feel like I can relax.
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And
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I feel like
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to not having this job
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looming over me every single day. I mean, there's
Speaker:
so little aspects that I'm aware of, but
Speaker:
not having it loom over me. I'm tired.
Speaker:
I'm tired all day. I'll sleep till 10:11.
Speaker:
And then, like, I beat myself up because I'm
Speaker:
like, I wanna go to the gym. I wanna
Speaker:
do but I'll tell you what,
Speaker:
those renovations that I did, I didn't need to
Speaker:
go to the gym.
Speaker:
I was so sore.
Speaker:
But, you know, like, I think the balance of
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grace
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And I think too,
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you know, you ask what I'm doing now besides
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journaling. It's I'm
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being kind mentally to myself.
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Mhmm. And I think that that is a great
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feet of being able to not self inflict pain
Speaker:
or derogatory marks towards yourself or
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you know, when I have mornings where I'm like,
Speaker:
I mean, god bless. You haven't done anything today.
Speaker:
You've been in bed all day. What have you
Speaker:
done? You haven't gone to the gym. You haven't
Speaker:
done this. You haven't done that. You haven't done
Speaker:
laundry. It's a it's, you know, a pile high,
Speaker:
but being able to, like,
Speaker:
be in a place where I can say, you
Speaker:
know what?
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That's okay. The laundry, you can wait till tomorrow.
Speaker:
Yeah. Do you feel good? Do you are you
Speaker:
happy? What what
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have you done today that, you know, give yourself
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the grace to just relax.
Speaker:
And, you know, my self care used to just
Speaker:
be Sundays was my self care Sunday. Right?
Speaker:
So take, you know, the exfoliating,
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like, bath and face mask and, you know, the
Speaker:
under eye patches, but that's all external, I think.
Speaker:
-- Mhmm. -- of the self care. It's one
Speaker:
that, you know, I've been really focusing deep on
Speaker:
the mental conversations
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because
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That has really been my downfall for a lot
Speaker:
of things because I overthink and I overanalyzed.
Speaker:
So instead of getting in a place where somebody
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sends me a text message that
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makes me overthink or overanalyze or they're short,
Speaker:
but they may be in the middle of something.
Speaker:
So that's why I tell myself, they may be
Speaker:
in the middle of something. So They're just responding
Speaker:
to you. You know what I mean? And
Speaker:
I think that that's probably been
Speaker:
a challenge as well as a grace
Speaker:
and as well as the self love of, you
Speaker:
know, self care of
Speaker:
working through and dodging
Speaker:
where that
Speaker:
conversation mentally can go from
Speaker:
good to worse.
Speaker:
Yeah.
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Yeah. I mean,
Speaker:
my last question I have one more. Do you
Speaker:
have any before I jump in? No. I'm good
Speaker:
because Kate Bate answered all my questions. I love
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her.
Speaker:
I I love this conversation.
Speaker:
There's
Speaker:
the last question as you're talking. And and, again,
Speaker:
sadly, it's still reminding me of things that I
Speaker:
can relate to that. I feel like I've gone
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through.
Speaker:
And
Speaker:
it I guess it's not so much a question
Speaker:
as maybe
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something to put in the back of your mind.
Speaker:
if at any point it feels like
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you've reached
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all the corners in your mind that you can
Speaker:
reach,
Speaker:
I'm curious
Speaker:
if you would open it up to talk to
Speaker:
somebody else to see
Speaker:
what other perspective
Speaker:
you're missing because
Speaker:
I I was very much that. I was very
Speaker:
much, like, in my own mind,
Speaker:
always
Speaker:
self analyzing,
Speaker:
figuring out Well, it's gotta be this. Let me
Speaker:
do this a little bit more. Oh, but I
Speaker:
also need and, like, I was always moving like
Speaker:
a chess piece. Right? Mhmm.
Speaker:
And then I started therapy.
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And I honestly
Speaker:
sadly, I feel like this is bad to say,
Speaker:
but I didn't have the highest hopes because I
Speaker:
have tried it before, and it just never really
Speaker:
went anywhere.
Speaker:
but I found a person that, like, it's stuck.
Speaker:
Like, their their feedback was really good. And it
Speaker:
wasn't so much that she challenged me,
Speaker:
I thought I had thought of everything.
Speaker:
Mhmm. Yeah. That's what you do. You think that
Speaker:
you have thought of literally everything. There's nothing a
Speaker:
stranger is gonna be able to tell me that
Speaker:
I haven't already thought of. But damn, if she
Speaker:
didn't, like, she
Speaker:
-- was able to explain certain things or not
Speaker:
even explain, but give me a perspective.
Speaker:
That was completely left field. that I would have
Speaker:
never gotten to the point where I'm at now
Speaker:
that I not taken, like, a year and a
Speaker:
half in therapy with this woman -- Mhmm. --
Speaker:
who
Speaker:
For the first time, like, when you it registered
Speaker:
when you said the fight or flight mode because
Speaker:
when I had first started working with her, that
Speaker:
was the one thing she said.
Speaker:
He's like, you don't know any other way to
Speaker:
be. You've been that big.
Speaker:
So even when I thought that I was, in
Speaker:
my mind, fixing things, I was still
Speaker:
operating on this one week because that's what I
Speaker:
knew. Like, how what do you mean there's another
Speaker:
way? Like, this have you lived my life? Like,
Speaker:
you know, like, you don't know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker:
I
Speaker:
I have
Speaker:
I have a very close
Speaker:
net of friends, and I had a conversation the
Speaker:
other day with one of them. And I was
Speaker:
telling him about this situation and how
Speaker:
this guy, like he
Speaker:
he came at me sideways. Like, bro. Again, you
Speaker:
don't know me. I don't know who you think
Speaker:
you're talking to kinda thing, and that was my
Speaker:
first instinct of you know, obviously, I'll say that
Speaker:
amongst friends, but professional, I'm gonna be like, well,
Speaker:
that's not gonna work for me. You know? But,
Speaker:
you know, he and I talked through it, and,
Speaker:
you know, it's
Speaker:
I have my close set of people who know
Speaker:
me -- Mhmm. -- know how I think, know
Speaker:
how I react,
Speaker:
And
Speaker:
they are those people
Speaker:
that will
Speaker:
either call me out when I'm being outrageous and
Speaker:
obnoxious.
Speaker:
Or and they'll call me out in a way
Speaker:
that doesn't make me feel bad about myself. You
Speaker:
know what I mean? They don't call me out,
Speaker:
and they're like, you -- They speak their language.
Speaker:
I know. And
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And then I have it too where they are
Speaker:
they will give me that that piece of well,
Speaker:
have you looked at it from this Mhmm. And
Speaker:
a lot of times being able to have those
Speaker:
people
Speaker:
that can I mean, like, I've I've done therapy
Speaker:
a few times. I agree with you. Sometimes it
Speaker:
just doesn't work. Yeah. You know, at at least
Speaker:
from my experience or you maybe not that it
Speaker:
doesn't work. Maybe I just haven't found that right
Speaker:
person
Speaker:
that can connect with me on that level.
Speaker:
And,
Speaker:
you know, not that my friends are, right, are
Speaker:
therapists and have gone to school and not to
Speaker:
downplay anything that though, you know, therapists have done.
Speaker:
But
Speaker:
I can't tell you how much money I owed
Speaker:
to my friends for my therapy sessions because they
Speaker:
have been there, and they know me, and they
Speaker:
call me out on my bullshit. They call me
Speaker:
out when I'm being a brat. Like, I have
Speaker:
one friend that I'll call,
Speaker:
and I'm like, bro, can you just tell me
Speaker:
if I'm being too much? And he will. He'll
Speaker:
be like, probably, but what's up?
Speaker:
You know what I mean? So we already knows.
Speaker:
You know? And then I have another one who's
Speaker:
I love talking to him because he's very
Speaker:
He's good. You know what I mean? And he
Speaker:
has that
Speaker:
that professional mindset of you have to always strive
Speaker:
to be a better person, whether it's religiously, whether
Speaker:
it's through your friends, whether it's through the people
Speaker:
that you associate with, whether it's, you know, how
Speaker:
you make your money and how you go about
Speaker:
that. You know? So I think that there is
Speaker:
-- a lot to be said for being able
Speaker:
to think about all of those corners. Right? And
Speaker:
then being able to expand on those 2.
Speaker:
How can I approach this situation differently moving forward?
Speaker:
Right. You know, when I left my job, I
Speaker:
went through this whole thing of I was really
Speaker:
sad. I was really upset. I was upset about
Speaker:
My guys that I was leaving because that was
Speaker:
one of the biggest factors that I stayed.
Speaker:
I was also upset because I started thinking about
Speaker:
all the things that I missed out on. I
Speaker:
missed time with my nephew. I missed time with
Speaker:
my friends. I missed time with myself. I missed
Speaker:
time with my, you know, with my mom and
Speaker:
my dog. I missed time with all of that.
Speaker:
Then I start thinking about
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what have I gained?
Speaker:
I've gained knowledge.
Speaker:
I've gained how I want to be perceived.
Speaker:
you know, how I want to structure my own
Speaker:
life personally and professionally. I think that they're again,
Speaker:
I think The only word that I'm really learning
Speaker:
right now at 34 is balance.
Speaker:
You know? Being able to balance the negative. It's
Speaker:
the angel and devil. You know, being able to
Speaker:
quiet the devil,
Speaker:
listen to the angel, but still have that
Speaker:
I feel like my
Speaker:
My light was snuffed for a little bit.
Speaker:
And, you know, I think about I've been through
Speaker:
some shit in my life. I was thinking about
Speaker:
it on the way here. My world has been
Speaker:
turned upside down multiple times.
Speaker:
You know, you know, that my ex had a
Speaker:
really bad motorcycle accident, and that was really hard
Speaker:
for me. mentally emotionally, physically, everything. Mhmm. And,
Speaker:
you know, I was engaged at one point. That
Speaker:
didn't work. You know? So
Speaker:
everything that I have been through in my life
Speaker:
where I am now is I'm able to look
Speaker:
back and be like, you overcame that. You overcame
Speaker:
this.
Speaker:
and you came out on top.
Speaker:
So anything that you're going through right now, yes,
Speaker:
it might suck. Yes. I need to sit and
Speaker:
dwell in it, and
Speaker:
work through my emotions with it, but I have
Speaker:
to pull myself out. And it's getting easier and
Speaker:
easier and easier as I get older to pull
Speaker:
myself out of it. recognize the the bullshit and
Speaker:
the shit -- Mhmm. -- and recognize the growth
Speaker:
and then pull myself out of it
Speaker:
and use all of those lessons
Speaker:
the positive and the negative,
Speaker:
but use all of those for the next.
Speaker:
Yeah.
Speaker:
Yeah. We need to I was thinking
Speaker:
-- almost as a closing thought. You mentioned that
Speaker:
you journaled, and I feel like this is your
Speaker:
talking journal,
Speaker:
and we should, like, revisit who you are in,
Speaker:
like, a year from now. Oh, hell. Yeah. And
Speaker:
see, like
Speaker:
I feel like you're you're in
Speaker:
the start of a journey, and I'm just so
Speaker:
curious to see, like, where will Kate Bay be
Speaker:
in a year? Yeah. Like, what what is the
Speaker:
next lesson you learn in a year? We're gonna
Speaker:
be on top dancing on chairs.
Speaker:
It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure