Adventurous Tales and Emotional Wisdom with Author Gill Hasson

Dirty Skittles [00:00:00]:
Okay. Ready to do a countdown?

G-Rex [00:00:02]:
I got my Mountain Dew. We're good.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:03]:
Oh my gosh. Mountain Dew code red. That's like godly acid, bud.

G-Rex [00:00:08]:
Whatever. You know what? Like I said, we're all gonna die of something. I'm gonna die happy.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:13]:
Have you had that, Jill? Mountain Dew code red?

Gill [00:00:17]:
No. I've heard of it.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:18]:
It's freaking basically, she's drinking food coloring is what we're saying. That's basically what she's drinking.

Gill [00:00:26]:
With bubbles. With bubbles.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:29]:
Carbonated food coloring.

Gill [00:00:31]:
Yeah. Right.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:32]:
We're never gonna get a brand deal with Mountain Dew.

G-Rex [00:00:35]:
It tastes like cherries. Alright? That's all I care about.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:39]:
Like cherry lozenges, though. Like, not genuine cherries. It's like cherry cough medicine.

G-Rex [00:00:46]:
Alright. Cherry hauls. Alright? Whatever.

Dirty Skittles [00:00:48]:
Yeah. Alright. Enjoy it. Yeah. Are you ready?

G-Rex [00:00:55]:
Ready?

Dirty Skittles [00:00:59]:
3 3, 2, 1.

G-Rex [00:01:03]:
Welcome back to another episode of Shift That Goes On Our Today, we have an amazing guest, Jill from the UK, and my lovely cohost, Dirty schedules. I'm okay. Thank you. You are lovely.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:18]:
That's that's like that sarcastic where, like, I'm gonna get in trouble after her for talking about her Mountain Dew code red.

G-Rex [00:01:24]:
Yeah. You are.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:26]:
So how are you, Jill?

Gill [00:01:28]:
Very good. Thank you. Yeah. Looking forward to the run up to Christmas now. I've started thinking about the holidays and Buying gifts and stuff. So, yeah, that's that's pretty much what I've been doing today is looking at at ideas for gifts for family members.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:45]:
When do you start decorating?

Gill [00:01:47]:
Oh, really late. A week after I've had enough. I I want it all down again.

Dirty Skittles [00:01:52]:
New year. So you take it down before the new year?

Gill [00:01:56]:
Pretty much just immediately after the New Year, but I know it's become a real thing for people to, you know, start Immediately in beginning of December, and and it goes on till mid January. And, yeah, why not? If that's you know, if you enjoy it, that's great.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:13]:
Yeah. I started the day after Halloween. Really? Yes. Wow. But it brings me joy. I love Christmas, and, you know, I was like, why not? I'm just gonna do it now. Yeah.

Gill [00:02:27]:
It's exactly. It's it's knowing you know, this is part of the theme of what we're talking about today, isn't it? It's about knowing what you enjoy and what's good for you, and it's not doing anyone else Any home? So Right.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:38]:
Right. I'm gonna enjoy it. I'm curious to see, though. I I did wonder if by New Year's if I was gonna be tired of looking at it. I don't think so, but you never know. You know?

G-Rex [00:02:48]:
We're putting up our tree the day after Thanksgiving.

Dirty Skittles [00:02:51]:
Which is a big thing for you. Right? Because when we lost Yeah.

G-Rex [00:02:54]:
Yeah. So we in the 28 years that my wife and I have been together, we have never had, like, a communal treat, Mainly because we have 8 freaking cats. Right? And cats are little assholes. But this year, we're gonna have a tree in our piano room. We got a nice fake tree. We're gonna put that up. And then I have a tree that I put every put up in my office. Now I didn't do it last year because I was in such a horrible, Depressors state that the holidays were a blow.

G-Rex [00:03:23]:
But this year, I've already got, like, idea for where the tree is gonna go. We're gonna decorate the front of the house. I have some bull ups that are gonna go out. So it's helping with my mental state, And, I'm really excited.

Gill [00:03:38]:
Yeah. Great. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Again, it it's yeah. Knowing what you enjoy and knowing what's what's Good for you. It's that's yeah.

Gill [00:03:45]:
It's different for all of us.

Dirty Skittles [00:03:47]:
Yeah. I have a question, Jill. How Yeah. When When would you say you started to really pay attention to knowing yourself, and what brought you joy?

Gill [00:03:59]:
I would say Very early on for from when I was a child, actually. Yeah. Really. I've I think I've I've always Being aware of that. I I like to have fun

Dirty Skittles [00:04:13]:
Yeah.

Gill [00:04:14]:
And adventure. So I I was Where that that was something that was not necessarily what everyone else liked to do. You know? It's not a positive or negative. It's just something I recognized about myself when I was quite young. And anything that was adventure, slightly risk Taking my you know, for a couple years, my dad got involved in something. I'm not sure if it's the same term terminology there, A self fulfilled group. So himself and 9 other guys when we were kids, they built their own houses. Wow.

Gill [00:04:48]:
And I just love climbing. You know, with the other kids, we'd we'd climb up over piles of bricks and make fires and And doing all sorts of things we shouldn't really do. But, yeah, I I think I've yeah. Since I was a child, I've been aware that I like to have fun, and I like adventure and and risk.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:06]:
Wow.

Gill [00:05:07]:
And that hasn't changed. Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:05:09]:
I was gonna ask. Yeah. So from climbing over bricks as a child, what what as, like, a young adult or even an adult now Have you done like, what's the riskiest thing that that you try

Gill [00:05:19]:
to do? In different areas. So I, you know, did the traditional thing of, you know, going to school and going through high school and but I couldn't wait to get out. I wanted to the world. And, actually, I particularly wanted to come to the United States. I wanted to you know, that in here in the UK, it's as in a lot of Europe, the rest of the world, It's part of our culture. We all grew up watching films from the United States, bands. So I was just Really keen to come to the States to travel. So I couldn't wait to get out of school and save up money, and I came to California where I've Got family also to Seattle and spent quite a few months

Dirty Skittles [00:06:06]:
Nice.

Gill [00:06:07]:
Over there. So so travel is always something That's been a priority for me. So, yeah, in that respect, traveling, doing things. Of course, when I was Younger with a friend in Europe, we did things that would be considered risky then and risky now. We hitchhiked a lot. So hit hitchhiking on France and and parts of Europe.

Dirty Skittles [00:06:32]:
And you've learned to tell us about it.

Gill [00:06:34]:
It was great. You know? Of course, we thought, no. Yeah. Well, I mean, of course, we knew that there were risks and that things could go wrong. But I think the other thing is I've always take calculated risks. So we bought The house that we current we've lived in for 30 years, my husband and myself, when we had young kids, and we really Took a risk on can we really afford this, but I'm often very clear about what I want. And then I think about the options and possibilities about how am I gonna get it. But, yeah, I it's calculated risk, so I don't think I've Ever done anything really stupid that hasn't you know, that that's Yeah.

Gill [00:07:13]:
Been disastrous.

Dirty Skittles [00:07:14]:
Wow.

Gill [00:07:16]:
You're lucky. I'm aware of that, but there's there's an element of of luck in all of that. You know, I I've as a teenager, I've, You know, being in a car when, you know, the other drivers are drunk. I've smoked marijuana and driven myself. I've done all the sort of stupid things that Often comes with youth. Yeah. And I've been lucky without a doubt, and and I've seen friends and contemporaries who have not been lucky. So, Yeah.

Gill [00:07:41]:
I agree. I I think there's definitely an element of luck there.

G-Rex [00:07:45]:
Yeah. Definitely. Like, I I can think of things that, you know, I did in my youth that, Yep. It I probably wouldn't do now if I was the same age just because, you know, we all know the risks. Like, for us, the the risky thing for us We moved from South Florida to upstate New York. Didn't know a soul. Did that. That was a very calculated risk.

G-Rex [00:08:06]:
And then leaving my job after 15 years, You know? And not really having a plan. But, like, all those things all worked out for their best. Right? Now we have this tremendous group of friends that We love dearly. Now I have a job and a podcast that I love dearly. Like, you know, you look back, you know, Certain times of your life, shit wasn't in the wheelhouse, and then, you know, it just kinda kinda happens. I'm a tiny bit of a risk taker. I'm a little bit more careful now Because at 60, shit breaks. And then when it breaks, it takes a really long time for it to hit.

G-Rex [00:08:41]:
So I The the risks that I'm gonna take are gonna be, you know, something I probably thought about, but I won't do. Like, the things I did as a kid and Not even have a thought process around it. I just do it.

Gill [00:08:55]:
I still take, but they're very different from the ones I did when I was younger. Yeah. I mean, even today, because it's Full hair as it is with you guys. I was walking down the street. I'm being very careful not to slip on the wet ladies. Just one thing. You know? I I just I mean, you can do that when you're 20 and break your leg, but what what you realize when you get older is, yeah, but it's gonna take a lot longer get better and to heal. So, yeah, just try and avoid that.

Dirty Skittles [00:09:23]:
Yeah. I remember making jokes of, like, when I lived in upstate New York, if I slipped on the ice walking, Like, I thought it was funny. Like, oh, look at me. I'm slipping and falling and hurting myself. How funny. And now I'm like, gonna break something? Could I break an arm, a leg? Like, what will happen? I know. Yeah. Yeah.

Gill [00:09:39]:
Yeah. Okay.

Dirty Skittles [00:09:42]:
So tell us a little bit about what you do today, Jill.

Gill [00:09:45]:
Today, I went into Town, Yeah. Because I thought I'm gonna start maybe thinking about getting Christmas gifts. And, Yeah. I had a look around and got a few ideas. So, yeah, that that was a very, easy morning for me. And then I bumped into a friend, Which was great because you said you got time for coffee, and I did. So that's lovely when, you know, you don't plan something like that and Just both find that you've both got time to spend a bit of time with each other, so that was good. And then I came back, And I've been reading.

Gill [00:10:24]:
Yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:10:25]:
What are you currently reading?

Gill [00:10:26]:
Well, I went to, an area of The UK a few weeks ago well, about 2 weeks ago called Yorkshire, and that's where the Bronte sisters lived 200 years ago. They wrote one of them wrote Pride and Prejudice. 1 of them wrote Jane Eyre. Another one wrote Wuthering Heights. So I thought I've read Wuthering Heights years years years ago. I thought, you know what? I'm gonna read it again. So, yeah, that's what I'm Plowing through. And I say I'm plowing through it because it's not an easy read, but it's, yeah, it's been it's been interesting.

Dirty Skittles [00:11:04]:
And you love it even though it's not an easy read. Man, we Yeah. You don't wanna know what I'm reading. Well, nothing that great. But, I feel like I've just started sort of getting back into it. I I when I was younger, I used to read a lot. I remember reading Pride and Prejudice, and I I don't know. I was just very into, like, strong women characters, and I would read all the time.

Dirty Skittles [00:11:27]:
And then, you know, life happens and you kind of step away from it and find other distractions and other ways to sort of get out of your head. So, yeah, now, now I read adult stories. It's not good.

G-Rex [00:11:41]:
I I can't with you. No. So

Dirty Skittles [00:11:44]:
I know. In addition to to reading, you also write. Correct?

Gill [00:11:49]:
That's right. Yeah. I do. And in fact, that's one reason why I don't read anywhere near as much in terms of novels anymore because because I write books, I also Do a lot of reading or, you know, research around, the subjects that I write about. So, you know, that's great. But, Fortunately, yeah, by the time the sort of end of the day comes and I think, right, I'm gonna pick up a novel and read it, I'm I'm just all read out. So But, yeah, I write. I've written quite a few books in the last, more than 10 years now, yeah.

Dirty Skittles [00:12:25]:
And what do you write about?

Gill [00:12:27]:
So I write about I write along the sub around the subjects of Well-being, personal development, work, careers, mental health, Although, you know, anything and everything that that's around that, so it can be emotional intelligence, assertive communication, mindfulness.

Dirty Skittles [00:12:52]:
How did you fall into that?

Gill [00:12:54]:
As I said earlier, I couldn't wait to leave school and go traveling, and I did that. But by the Time I got married and had children, once they started school, I'd stayed at home with them once they started school well, before they started But once they did, I thought, what am I going to do? I don't have any real employable skills that fit around kids. So I thought, you know what? Maybe I'll go back to School. Now I'm an adult, so I went and did a degree in social anthropology. I figured while the kids are at School, I might as well be at school. So the timing, it all fitted around them. But and that was fascinating. I really enjoyed that.

Gill [00:13:32]:
Social anthropology is about people's Cultures, their values, their beliefs, their traditions, their history. So that sort of really pulled together a lot of What I'd observed and experienced in my travels. But before I did that degree, I had to do a course to help me with to build for All the adults that went on to do it agreed to build their confidence and self esteem and their ability to write essays, And I found that utterly inspiring because I didn't think I'd done well at school and no neither did anyone else on that course. But this really helped us. The 2 guys that were the course leaders really boosted our self esteem, helped us to realize that we've Got potential, all of us. And I thought that actually after degree, that's actually I was so inspired by that. I thought That's what I want to do to be able to help people to realize their potential, whether it's because they're struggling a lot with aspects of their life or they're not struggling, but it just hadn't occurred to them that there's a lot more out there for them. So then I trained to be a tutor in adult education and just got into teaching courses around assertiveness, confidence building.

Gill [00:14:51]:
I went back to the university and was hired to teach study skills, which a huge amount of Study skills is not just knowing how to study, but having the confidence to know that you're doing okay. So, yeah, That's that's how I got into all of that. And then with a colleague, we were very interested in the idea of resilience. So we My my colleague, my friend Sue, she was also had been an English teacher, so she Although she hadn't written a book, English was her thing. English was my favorite subject at school, and we thought, well, maybe we could write a book. I know everybody well, many people think that, but, we were just really fortunate that We approached a publisher and said, look, we've got this idea for a book on how to be more resilient, how to build your resilience. It's based on a lot of the work that we've done Helping people to be more resilient, and they said, yeah. Yes, please.

Gill [00:15:52]:
We were, wow. Really? Yeah. And that was my 1st book with my colleague and friend, Sue.

Dirty Skittles [00:15:59]:
What's it called?

Gill [00:16:00]:
It's called Bounce. Use the power of resilience to live the life you want. And it didn't really sell much, but we were so Thrilled. I, you know, I think anyone Yeah. Would be and is if if they see their book in prints and on a bookshelf in a bookshop. So we were just thrilled with that, but then the our editor said, well, what else do you teach and what do people really respond to? And we said, oh, well, that's an easy one. Assertiveness, assertive Communication people. It's always a very popular course, and she said, well, that's your next book then.

Gill [00:16:40]:
And sure enough, we wrote that together, And that did sell really well.

Dirty Skittles [00:16:44]:
Wow. What's that one called?

Gill [00:16:46]:
That's just called how to be assertive.

G-Rex [00:16:49]:
I like that. I probably should read that. So I'm not very assertive. I mean, I'm more of like I try to be, like, even cute, and I kinda wouldn't what I need to say or do. But, yeah, I I like those ideas.

Gill [00:17:03]:
The thing is with being assertive is it's very often, it's an ideal way communicate and behave, but the we we also all behave in aggressive ways sometimes or Passive ways and also passive aggressive ways, and there's reasons why we do that in different situations. So it's not a case of feeling that we shouldn't communicate and behave in other ways. But it's just very often people don't behave assertively or communicate assertively because they just don't know how. And, actually, there's some very simple straightforward steps, and you have to Be confident, and you also have to know that sometimes other people don't like it if you assert yourself. They, you know, they go, oh, you're You're so assertive and, yeah, not aggressive because aggressive is is, you know, having your own way and barging everyone Aside, but assertive means being very clear about what you want and taking responsibility for Trying to get it while at the same time taking into consideration other people's needs and wants. So it's Quite a skill, but it's something we've all done in the past as well. If you just said to somebody, hey. Could you help me move this pick up this table and move this over here? That's just you being assertive.

Gill [00:18:20]:
That's you saying knowing exactly what you want and asking someone else to do it. Mhmm. If they if they didn't If they said, no, I can't. I've just you know, I've got a hernia or I've I've got no. So, you know, I'm not strong enough. So we are all already assertive In very simple ways, it's just knowing how to do that more in our interactions with other people.

G-Rex [00:18:43]:
I I think that's really interesting because now, like, when I think about My drama box, and it said, I got my boundaries. That's my way of being assertive. Mhmm. You know, taking care of my own needs Yep.

Dirty Skittles [00:18:55]:
Without

G-Rex [00:18:56]:
Without, you know, getting letting drama come in. So Yeah. That's a really good interesting perspective.

Gill [00:19:04]:
Yeah. And actually recognizing again with taking care of your own needs, taking responsibility for that, and recognizing Sometimes other people won't like that. You know? It will get in the way of maybe of what they want to do, but, yeah, you can't please all the people all the time. But as long as you're fair and clear and honest with people, it comes their problem. We can't be responsible for everybody's feelings and reactions.

Dirty Skittles [00:19:30]:
Yeah, I was just thinking. I feel like, like, you know, thinking about myself, I feel like I can be assertive for other people. Like, if I see, like, something is not quite right or, you know, somebody's being mistreated, I can be assertive for them, I think, easier than I could be assertive for myself. So I don't know. I got some work to do. But

Gill [00:19:49]:
I think that's because we feel it's you know, the the, Yeah. We when we recognize a need in somebody else, it's it's easier to see the unfairness or or it being unjust. And, Hey. This is this can't happen for this person. I'm gonna, you know, support them or step in. But then when it comes to ourselves, we often question, yeah, but maybe Maybe I don't deserve it or maybe I shouldn't have this. So we we start you know, doubts start to come in. Mhmm.

G-Rex [00:20:19]:
It was absolutely freeing for me Once I started setting up those boundaries and being assertive for myself, it it's put me in such a better headspace than I was a year ago.

Dirty Skittles [00:20:31]:
Yeah. Yeah.

G-Rex [00:20:33]:
And some people don't like it. And, you know, at the stage in my case, in my life, I don't really fucking care. You know? It's It's my life. It's my happiness. It also helps people realize that, you know, maybe their assertiveness or their Tactics for being assertive are not, like, the most beneficial to not just themselves, but to other people around them.

Gill [00:20:54]:
Yeah. I just think with Other people, when you are clear and honest and direct about what you will or won't do or do or don't need, then, You know, for example, when you do say, yeah. Hey. Great. Yeah. I'll do that, and I'll be involved with that. And, yes, I'm happy to help or or do this, then people know you're being genuine Because they know when you don't want to do something or say, I'm not available for that. So when you say you are there, you obviously mean it.

Gill [00:21:25]:
So I think you you can come across as much more genuine when you can be assertive, and it also means that you can help Other people to be assertive to actually say, okay, guys. This is what I want to do or where I'm at or where I'm not, You know, I'm not prepared to do. But what about you? Come on. Be honest. What how would you like to do this? So, actually, It I think being assertive actually benefits everybody because you're clear about helping other people to be clear and direct and honest about what what they want. And you're you're prepared to take that on. Be open to that.

Dirty Skittles [00:22:05]:
Yeah. And so you don't only write books for adults, but you write books for children as well. Right?

Gill [00:22:11]:
That's right. Yeah. I I I was asked by one of my editors A few years back to write a book about anxiety, overcoming anxiety, not Because I'm an expert on that at all, but because it was sort of in line with a lot of other stuff that I'd written about around emotional intelligence, positive thinking. And so I was interested to do that. So I did a lot of research, talked to a lot of people. It's you know, unfortunately, it's very easy to find people to talk to about anxiety because so many people feel it in in so many different ways. And in fact, I even dedicated the book on overcoming anxiety to a a friend who who just totally opened up to me and Told me so much about how much she'd had to deal with when it came to anxiety over the years. She was a relatively new new friend, so it wasn't like I I she disclosed all this, and I was sort of like, oh my god.

Gill [00:23:12]:
I had no idea. But, you know, this was she was describing her past. But, Anyway, I wrote this book, and I looked at well, I wonder what's out there for children as well. So I looked up some books and just thought, And I don't really feel there's anything that's particularly helpful in a way, and I I had 3 It's myself. I used to be a carer for other people's children, so and I'd I'd done some stuff around child psychology as well. So I thought, you know what? While it was fresh in my mind, I thought I'm I'm gonna write a book for children on Overcoming and managing anxiety and worry. So it was based on what I'd researched and discovered from that and also from my own experience with my own children. And I thought, well, I'm just gonna approach some publishers.

Gill [00:24:04]:
It took a couple of years, But, eventually, one of them said, yeah. We would be interested, but, really, we'd like a series of books. I went, wow. Really? Okay. So we discussed it, and I suggested did a book on managing for children on managing anger, 1 on managing being teased and bullied, Another one on jealousy. So, yeah, a series of 8 books with I was really pleased that the editors suggested that at the back of each book, there would be Notes for parents and carers and educators. So although the the child would read the book or you'd read the book with the child, I was able Put in the back of each book some sort of tips and ideas for how you you know, a parent could support their child with whatever the issue was. And we found a great illustrator.

Gill [00:25:02]:
So they're beautifully illustrated. Yeah. I was I was it really is quite something to Right. And then have someone else actually take all your ideas and literally Illustrate them. I felt like that must be what it's like with, Elton John and Bernie Taupin. You know, Bernie Taupin writes the lyrics, And then now John puts it all to music.

Dirty Skittles [00:25:24]:
I mean, it must be amazing for Bernie talking about that, wasn't it?

G-Rex [00:25:28]:
Yeah. Definitely.

Dirty Skittles [00:25:30]:
That's awesome. I like that you just mentioned you have notes in the back for parents because I have a 6 year old, and we I started getting kind of books around, like, dealing with emotions or just different different types of people, and And I would read it and always kind of be like, am I is this enough? Like, is that, like, all I have to do is read a book and, like, boom, you're, like, brilliant? Like, I don't know. So Yeah. I love that. What's, what is that series called?

Gill [00:25:56]:
It's called kids can cope. You know, you can go on Amazon or or any of the big booksellers and Put either just put my name, Jill Hasson, in into Amazon and or kids can cope and and up will come these books.

Dirty Skittles [00:26:13]:
I am legit getting them. Like, it it is happening. Like, I I cannot wait. Because I think, like, he's just at that stage where he's got a lot of big emotions, and I don't know that he knows how what they mean or why they're there. And and I'm trying, to help him identify that. Like, we started meditating, which that has been hilarious to meditate with a 6 year old. But, yeah, I just want him to kind of understand himself a little bit better. So

G-Rex [00:26:42]:
Yeah. And if you know, our listeners are, like, All different ages. And, you know, they have kids, and they have grandkids, and

Dirty Skittles [00:26:50]:
they

G-Rex [00:26:50]:
have nieces and nephews. I mean, like, I'm interested. I'm not reading the books. Yeah. You know? Because of your as we get older, we regress a tiny bit. You know?

Gill [00:27:00]:
Yeah. Well, yeah, we yeah. We regress, but the other thing is I thought yeah. I I actually gave the manuscript, first of all, To, one of my nieces who has young children herself, and she's 35. And she said, well, I learned a lot from that just from from reading the book with, you know, With with my kids. So, yeah, I think that's another thing that we find when we are with Children, whether yeah. As you say, they're are our kids. They're nieces, nephews.

Gill [00:27:30]:
But when you're discussing and Explaining things and exchanging views with children. You just you just learn so much again. It takes you back to what did I think when I was that age or what was my experience. And, yeah, having to explain things to kids is and discuss things with them is, yeah, it's great for all of us because it, yeah, it touches Just the the child within us as well exactly as you say.

G-Rex [00:27:55]:
And I I think the other great thing too is, like, helps us to normalize that stigma around mental Mental health, right? And dealing with those emotions and bring it to the forefront like when they're young and not feeling So alone or isolated when they're adults and they're feeling those those types of feelings or stuff that's happening to them. You know, Having those books and having being able to go back to them and read them, I think, is is is really cool.

Gill [00:28:26]:
Yeah. The talking about emotions, One one of the other things is we all actually have a very limited vocabulary for emotions, which is what I find interesting. We tend to use the same words, each of us. We have our own sort of words. So I'm happy. I'm Thrilled. I'm really excited or, you know, I'm pissed off or I'm sad or I'm angry, but there's a whole Gamut of stuff in between all of that. So, you know, sometimes you might say to someone, gosh.

Gill [00:29:01]:
You seem really disappointed. And If they're quite emotionally aware, they might say, no. Actually, do you know what? I'm not disappointed. I'm frustrated. That's what I am. So I think that's something else we can do with children that's helpful for ourselves as well is is actually widen our vocabulary because Our emotions are very nuanced. We we have these basic emotions, happiness, sadness, disgust, joy. Can't remember the other.

Gill [00:29:33]:
There's 7 basic emotions. There's such there's such a a load of nuance ones in between that. So so, You know, looking up words for emotions and and discussing what the differences mean. I mean, even something like I I have To let you into a bit of a secret here, I once wrote, I thought I'm gonna write something about managing Jealousy. So I wrote a piece in a book all about jealousy. And then I in a further book, I thought, do you know what? I've written about jealousy, but How does that differ from envy? They're they're the same thing, aren't they? Oh, no. They are not. I discovered that jealousy and envy are 2 different things.

Gill [00:30:23]:
And where I had written in the 1st book all about jealousy, I was actually describing envy.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:29]:
Oh, no. So tell us

Gill [00:30:30]:
No one's ever written to me about that, but quite simply. And and I I often say to people, what do you think the diff well, let me ask you guys. What was difference between jealousy and envy.

Dirty Skittles [00:30:41]:
Yep. When you said the 2 words, the the difference to me, what it means, I feel like if I was jealous, I'm I want what they have. If I'm envious, I appreciate what they have. Like, I don't want it. I'm like, oh, that must be really nice to have that. I don't know.

Gill [00:31:00]:
Yeah. And we yes and no. It's Okay. Failed. Failed. Any more answers? Any more guesses?

G-Rex [00:31:09]:
Mine mine was gonna be similar to what Dirty Skittles is, but, Like, see? This is us learning.

Dirty Skittles [00:31:15]:
Yeah. Sure. Right? Okay. Yeah. Down. Yeah. Write it up.

Gill [00:31:18]:
I'll tell you. And then my, Interpretation. You know, again, I've researched it. I've looked it up in dictionaries and and psychology books. So quite simply, when you're jealous, You're afraid that someone's going to take away something that you've got. Mhmm. So if you're jealous of someone Talking to your partner, for example, that's a classic thing that people go, I'm I'm jealous of that, you know, he or she is talking to my partner. You're concerned that they're going to win over their affections and and and take take your partner away from you.

Gill [00:31:52]:
Whereas When so when you're jealous, you're afraid that someone's going to take away something that you've got through some particular Special powers or abilities or skills that they've got. If you're envious, you want something that someone else has got. So if I envy your envy your house, I might say, wow. I love your house. I'm so envious. I I would really, Not in a nasty way, but I would really like to have a house like you.

Dirty Skittles [00:32:23]:
Yeah. But

Gill [00:32:24]:
I can be jealous of your house because it doesn't Threaten me in any way. So jealous is feeling threatened. Envy is is more benign. It's more like, oh, I'd love to have what you've got.

Dirty Skittles [00:32:35]:
Right. Learning new shit every day.

G-Rex [00:32:39]:
Every day. Right? This is why I love doing the podcast because we learn something new with every episode. And it's you know, it's it's stuff we can carry with us. Right? And, Jill, I love everything you've got Like, the books and yeah. I mean, you've opened my eyes, and now I'm gonna go buy all your books.

Gill [00:33:01]:
Right. I love you for that.

Dirty Skittles [00:33:04]:
Right? So I have 3 fun questions for

G-Rex [00:33:07]:
us

Dirty Skittles [00:33:07]:
to sort of kind of end on. First1, What when you think about your day today, what has inspired you today?

Gill [00:33:16]:
What has inspired me, my the friend that I Bumped into quite by accident. She she's amazing. She's As a mature student herself, she also retrained, and now she works as an occupational therapist In a mental health facility, and she told me today that she's just been offered a new job working with people who are managing quite high end mental health difficulties, Personality disorders and schizophrenia. And she's worked really hard to get there, and she's she's just great at, you know, working with other people. So That inspired me. The fact that she goes well, I live on the coast in the UK. She goes swimming in the sea Every day and every time unless it's really rough and dangerous. But every time I see her, I say, you've been swimming today? She says, yeah.

Gill [00:34:19]:
I think, oh my goodness. How did that happen? I just can't even have a cold shower. I can't bear it. So, Yeah. A couple of things about her today. Her name's Lara, yeah, that that I find in inspiring. She she brought up her Child, you know, from a very young age, she's, yeah, she's she's had it quite tough, but she's just Perseverance. She's being persistent.

Gill [00:34:44]:
And what I know again about persistence, about the different words that we use is with persistence, It doesn't mean you just keep doggedly going, and it you just keep pushing through and Launching everything out the way. Persistence means that when you do come across difficulties and challenges, you are flexible and you find another way around it. So it's looking at moving forward, but looking at well, okay, there's a block. So what's How can I get around that? What are my options? How can I do that? So, yeah, she she inspires me with her ability to do that.

Dirty Skittles [00:35:23]:
Graz, what about you? What inspired you today?

G-Rex [00:35:26]:
The weather. The weather because it's starting to get cooler and get And cold weather reminds me really of the holidays. Mhmm. So it inspired me to, you know, clean my office up a little bit today so I can get everything ready for the holidays and just, some different things, different traditions we're gonna try out to share With her her family and her friends. Uh-huh. I'm like I said, I'm in a much, much, Much better headspace this year than I was last year. And I I wanna try and, do some things that my mom really liked doing around the holidays And and still that kind of intel what we do now for the holidays.

Dirty Skittles [00:36:09]:
I love that. That's awesome. Right.

G-Rex [00:36:11]:
What about you?

Dirty Skittles [00:36:12]:
Being outside, getting out of the house, being in the fresh air, looking at the last bits of leaves as they fall, like, just being outside, it was very calming and relaxing and refreshing. It was all all inspiring. And it also was like, you know, take a minute. Right? Like, take a minute away from the craziness and just kind of get outside. So

G-Rex [00:36:32]:
That's good.

Dirty Skittles [00:36:33]:
Next question. Yeah. Looking at your career so far, what has been the most rewarding thing?

Gill [00:36:40]:
Seeing other people fulfill their potential in so many ways. I I get a I I'm just So fortunate that people keep in touch. They I get immediate feedback. Sometimes people tell me, wow, that was, you know, such a great Book or a lesson or a course that they've been on. Yeah. People email me and tell me about how My books have really helped them to get through difficulty in life or inspired them to do something in life. So, Yeah. That that's just the feedback.

Gill [00:37:15]:
I'm I'm very fortunate that that I get that, that that people let me know how much What I do in my work has helped them.

Dirty Skittles [00:37:25]:
Yeah. I feel like that's us too. Like, we can share that sentiment in the podcast that we have. Like, it's very rewarding to hear that people are listening and enjoy it. So

Gill [00:37:36]:
Yeah. And I think I think it's something The you know, it's important for people to realize that you don't have to write a book, run a course, or or deliver a podcast that we can all contribute Towards each other in in some way. I know it's a cliche, but, you know, it's the little kindnesses that counts. It's just, you know, maybe complimenting somebody in a a a store who works behind the counter or yeah. Just be nice

Dirty Skittles [00:38:03]:
to each other.

Gill [00:38:04]:
Small thing. Yeah. Yeah.

G-Rex [00:38:06]:
Be kind.

Dirty Skittles [00:38:06]:
Be kind. Seriously. Okay. Last one. And, G Rex, you've answered this before, so feel free to skip it if you want. Last 1, Jill. If you can go back to a younger version of yourself, what would you tell yourself, And how old would you be?

Gill [00:38:23]:
Oh, yeah. Gosh. That's interesting. I would I would tell my Young teenage self. So so sort of from, you know, between the ages of 12 to 18, you know what? Things will work out. You will become an adult, and you will be a lot more independent and be able to make your own choices And forge your own path. You're just gonna have to wait it out. You'll find you'll find your, an expression we use here.

Gill [00:38:58]:
I don't know if you do that. You'll find your own tribe. I had friends as a kid, but not People that I really felt that I they understood me, and I understood them. That that happened once I got into my late teens. I found the right sort of People and friends. So that's what I tell myself. Just be patient. And, unfortunately, that was something I just grew up But anyway, my dad used to say to me often, Jill, just be patient.

Gill [00:39:27]:
And he was absolutely right.

Dirty Skittles [00:39:30]:
Yeah. I love that. I love that.

G-Rex [00:39:33]:
I I actually do have 1. So I would have been in my forties.

Dirty Skittles [00:39:38]:
Well

G-Rex [00:39:39]:
And I would have told myself set those boundaries.

Dirty Skittles [00:39:43]:
I think if I had done that

G-Rex [00:39:44]:
in my forties, That things would have been different for me going forward. Like, I probably wouldn't have had a mental breakdown. I probably would have made some better career decisions, things like that. Setting boundaries is super important. It

Dirty Skittles [00:40:03]:
is Yeah.

G-Rex [00:40:03]:
And you have to you have to make it a you've gotta make it a priority.

Gill [00:40:07]:
Yeah. Yeah. If you gotta be assertive with yourself, you gotta say, no. This is what I what I Just how did my limits work? That's it. I agree. Well, this has

Dirty Skittles [00:40:17]:
been wonderful, Jill. Thank you so much for hanging out with us, talking to us about what you do. I'm I swear to you, I'm going to buy the series. I cannot Freaking weight.

Gill [00:40:27]:
It is. As soon as

Dirty Skittles [00:40:28]:
you said Amazon, I was like, yes. Getting it now. Like, it's happening.

Gill [00:40:32]:
Right. I've had a great time chatting with you both. Thank you.

Dirty Skittles [00:40:36]:
Thank you so much. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.