Mindfulness Through Jewelry: Jaclyn’s Creative Path to Healing | Part 1

[00:00:06] Hey there, listeners. Welcome to Shit That Goes Under Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health.

[00:00:13] That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, you, Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests.

[00:00:21] Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support.

[00:00:28] Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads.

[00:00:39] 3, 2, 1.

[00:00:47] Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads.

[00:00:50] I'm here with my amazing co-host, Dirty Skittles, and our amazing guest, Jaclyn. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[00:00:56] I'm so excited to have you here.

[00:00:58] Me too.

[00:00:59] Super excited.

[00:01:01] Where are you?

[00:01:02] I'm excited to meet you.

[00:01:04] Damn.

[00:01:05] Yeah, we didn't get to meet on that last call.

[00:01:07] I know.

[00:01:08] I'm walking into this completely blind, by the way.

[00:01:10] So, yeah.

[00:01:11] But, Jim was immediately like, amazing.

[00:01:14] That's going to be amazing.

[00:01:15] That's exactly what we were doing.

[00:01:17] I love that though.

[00:01:18] I love her optimism.

[00:01:20] That's how she is in the morning when she calls me.

[00:01:21] She's like, how are you?

[00:01:22] And I'm like, I'm barely hanging in there, bud.

[00:01:24] She's like, it's going to be a great day.

[00:01:26] And I'm like, eh, all right.

[00:01:28] And silently, it's like, how about a giant cup of go fuck yourself?

[00:01:32] And that's kind of what it is.

[00:01:34] I guess I know.

[00:01:35] I'm just trying to like pump her up for the day.

[00:01:37] I'm like, you're going to be fucking great.

[00:01:39] It's going to be a good day.

[00:01:40] And I can hear it in her voice.

[00:01:42] Fuck you.

[00:01:43] It is not going to be a good day.

[00:01:44] So, you know what?

[00:01:45] I take it for what it is.

[00:01:48] I'm like, it's.

[00:01:50] And then I walk out to wake my kids and they're like, I'm like, and basically then it

[00:01:55] goes downhill.

[00:01:59] So how many for school?

[00:02:00] And then I'm like, okay.

[00:02:02] Yeah.

[00:02:02] I'm going to talk together so that it's not a shit day.

[00:02:06] Basically.

[00:02:07] I have to like reset after they leave because it's such chaos in the morning.

[00:02:11] Yeah.

[00:02:12] How old are you?

[00:02:13] Six and eight.

[00:02:14] Six and eight.

[00:02:15] Okay.

[00:02:16] Eight plus nine.

[00:02:17] Okay.

[00:02:18] All right.

[00:02:19] My son just turned seven.

[00:02:20] So I'm right in between your two and the mornings are just.

[00:02:25] Man.

[00:02:26] That could be tough.

[00:02:27] It could be tough.

[00:02:28] It could be tough.

[00:02:29] I literally will set up my alarm an hour early before he wakes up.

[00:02:33] Just so I can go downstairs and have like a moment of silence while I drink my coffee.

[00:02:38] Got that.

[00:02:39] There was a period where I was doing that like 15 minutes early so I could meditate

[00:02:42] before I went and woke them up.

[00:02:44] But the problem is I'm not good at going to sleep earlier.

[00:02:48] So then I'm just getting less sleep and that's a, that's an issue.

[00:02:52] Yes.

[00:02:53] Yeah.

[00:02:54] So I'm like, I don't go to bed till midnight because I'm like as much time to myself doing

[00:02:59] nothing where no one wants anything from me as possible.

[00:03:01] Yeah.

[00:03:02] And they just go to bed later and later.

[00:03:05] So I get less and less time.

[00:03:07] Yeah.

[00:03:07] That's soft.

[00:03:08] Yeah.

[00:03:09] Yeah.

[00:03:09] Fuck man.

[00:03:11] What do you.

[00:03:13] No, you're good.

[00:03:15] You.

[00:03:15] I was going to ask, what do you, when you get that time to yourself or nobody's asking

[00:03:19] you for anything, what do you do?

[00:03:21] I like watch TV mostly and like doom scroll.

[00:03:25] Yeah.

[00:03:26] Yeah.

[00:03:27] It's not bad.

[00:03:28] Occasionally when I'm like being all boo, I'll be like color or like draw neuro graphs

[00:03:34] or, but a lot of times I binge watch TV and doom scroll like everybody.

[00:03:40] Yeah.

[00:03:41] Tick tock doom scroll.

[00:03:42] Oh, that's me.

[00:03:42] I'm like, it's pretty bad.

[00:03:43] Okay.

[00:03:44] Cause on my tick tock, I off like my tick tock and Insta doom scrolling involves a lot

[00:03:48] of like inspirational motivational shit.

[00:03:50] And then I feel good.

[00:03:51] So that's the algorithm knows me now.

[00:03:53] It sends me the stuff I want.

[00:03:55] And I'm like, that was still productive.

[00:03:57] It's fine.

[00:03:58] It's fine.

[00:03:59] We have different algorithms because I get like, actually I get a lot of people playing

[00:04:04] video games.

[00:04:05] Cause if I'm not doom scrolling, I want to play a video game.

[00:04:08] That makes me happy, which is usually like building a house in the Sims.

[00:04:11] Like it's not anything crazy.

[00:04:13] Although I dig into Harry Potter as a game and that's been pretty fun.

[00:04:16] Cause now I'm a wizard.

[00:04:17] So, you know, you're like my kids.

[00:04:20] You're like watching other people play games instead of playing them themselves.

[00:04:23] Cause I'm like, stop, just go play the game.

[00:04:25] Well, I use it as like, do I really want to play this one?

[00:04:28] Do I want to spend the money on this game?

[00:04:29] And then I'm like, yeah, I do.

[00:04:30] And then I'll stop watching them and then I'll do it myself.

[00:04:32] But yeah, that's at least a fair reason you're sussing it up.

[00:04:37] Mine are just watching kids play.

[00:04:39] And I'm like, no, absolutely not.

[00:04:41] That's not okay.

[00:04:42] And my girls are really good at playing because I'm like a bit strict about that, about how

[00:04:49] much TV and what they can watch.

[00:04:52] So they will like this morning was an odd morning.

[00:04:55] Usually they'll wake up and turn it on, but they didn't.

[00:04:57] They were just playing all morning.

[00:05:00] Then they discovered their iPads again and that went to shit, but that's fine.

[00:05:03] They were playing Minecraft.

[00:05:06] I'm a little girl just, yeah.

[00:05:08] I was like, that's sort of okay.

[00:05:10] Yes.

[00:05:10] Like Lego in the digital world.

[00:05:13] Right.

[00:05:15] I love that.

[00:05:17] This is awesome.

[00:05:18] This is the most I've heard you laugh, like, except for the last episode.

[00:05:21] Yeah.

[00:05:22] I know.

[00:05:22] It's been brutal, but you know.

[00:05:23] Did you say it's the most you've heard her laugh since the last episode?

[00:05:27] Yeah.

[00:05:29] Yeah.

[00:05:30] Like, okay.

[00:05:30] That's a low bar.

[00:05:31] That's a low bar.

[00:05:32] Yeah.

[00:05:33] Well, our last episode was hysterical, but like, she hasn't been laughing a

[00:05:38] whole lot lately.

[00:05:39] So, like, she needed this.

[00:05:41] She did.

[00:05:42] And like, we, you know, we're really fortunate we get to do this.

[00:05:46] So, you know, we record one Saturday a month and we record four or five episodes.

[00:05:51] And then we just feel better.

[00:05:53] Yeah.

[00:05:53] It's like therapy, you know?

[00:05:55] Well, that might be a good, like, bird's eye view that maybe it is something you should

[00:06:00] consider trying to do once a week and do an hour, like, one recording once a week,

[00:06:05] because like, instead of going a whole month where you're fucking miserable and like struggling,

[00:06:11] if it actually is bringing, filling your cup.

[00:06:15] Yeah.

[00:06:16] You could have once a week where you're filling a cup, but like, I know that you tried that

[00:06:19] once and it was too much.

[00:06:20] But if you were like one, just one a week, one recording, it might actually be good for

[00:06:25] you.

[00:06:26] Yeah.

[00:06:26] I'm like, at this point, I mean, G-Rex knows about my life intimately at this point, but

[00:06:31] yeah, I think we all can get into ruts, right?

[00:06:35] Like something will be going on in your life that just fucking drains the energy out of you.

[00:06:41] Right.

[00:06:41] So it's been a struggle.

[00:06:44] It's been a struggle to get my shit to find the things that make you happy.

[00:06:49] So this is like free therapy.

[00:06:50] We can just chill and talk and there's no pressure to perform.

[00:06:54] So a metric at like, like what I have at work.

[00:06:57] So it's freeing.

[00:06:58] It's just nice to be able to just be yourself and have a conversation with somebody.

[00:07:03] So.

[00:07:04] And I was so excited for you to hear Jacqueline's story too.

[00:07:07] So.

[00:07:09] Let's hear it.

[00:07:10] Yeah.

[00:07:10] Go ahead and dive in.

[00:07:12] We're easy.

[00:07:13] Where do I start?

[00:07:13] I don't remember what I told you.

[00:07:14] Like I don't even know where to start.

[00:07:17] Let's see.

[00:07:18] So.

[00:07:20] Right now I make jewelry.

[00:07:22] I'm a silversmith.

[00:07:23] I trained as a life coach when I was 24.

[00:07:26] So I worked with clients on and off for many years.

[00:07:30] And when I started making jewelry, I was very much in the depths of my own healing and

[00:07:35] healing journey, which I'll give you a little more detail about.

[00:07:38] But so not long after I started, I discovered I was really good at it and I was really artistic

[00:07:43] and good at the design aspect, which was a surprise to me because as a kid, I always loved everything

[00:07:49] with the arts, but I did not get feedback that I was good at it.

[00:07:53] Mm hmm.

[00:07:54] Oh, I kind of just small, like little by little kind of broke, like real thought that just

[00:08:01] couldn't be for me.

[00:08:02] Like clearly that I will add in of the talent.

[00:08:04] And I think it just turns out I never had found the right medium, but pretty quickly

[00:08:10] because I also my coaching background, also the like trauma I'd been through not so long

[00:08:15] ago and was working through.

[00:08:18] I have would have these like really big insights about shit that would shift things for me.

[00:08:24] And I started to kind of have artist brain, right?

[00:08:28] Where I would then envision it in my like, how would I represent this in a piece of jewelry,

[00:08:33] for example, and little by little started to do that.

[00:08:36] So what I do now is that I make transformative inspirational jewelry that helps you improve your

[00:08:43] well-being by practicing mindfulness and coaching tactics to like actually incorporate them in your

[00:08:48] day.

[00:08:49] Wow.

[00:08:51] We wish we remembered to do, right?

[00:08:53] Like we know the things we know, mindfulness works.

[00:08:56] We know they're like CBT works.

[00:08:58] We know those things and like reframing and kind of shifting your mindset.

[00:09:04] All that stuff works.

[00:09:05] However, we're mostly really shit at it because we're in survival mode so much of the time.

[00:09:10] Right.

[00:09:11] It's like we all have been conditioned to look for what's wrong in our lives and our whole

[00:09:16] lives.

[00:09:17] And we're very much just trying to get through the day and like survive it.

[00:09:22] And that's a shitty place to live in.

[00:09:25] Yeah.

[00:09:25] And I think when you can, when you realize how much better it can be, it makes you want

[00:09:30] to do that.

[00:09:32] And I think just mostly we don't remember to like incorporate those things.

[00:09:36] Right.

[00:09:37] We don't want to.

[00:09:38] We just, unless like your coach or your therapist walks around with you all day and is like,

[00:09:43] Hey, you're probably not going to do it.

[00:09:46] Right.

[00:09:47] Can you imagine?

[00:09:48] So the idea was take something where most women anyway will wear anyway and have it

[00:09:55] symbolize, represent, remind you of these different perspectives, these different insights,

[00:10:01] these different actions, these different ways of like looking at things so that you can,

[00:10:07] it really like fosters optimism.

[00:10:09] And honestly, like shit goes so much better.

[00:10:13] Like night and day better.

[00:10:14] I know when I am in a shitty dark place, everything just continues to be dark.

[00:10:18] And when I am looking for the good and practicing gratitude and kind of sifting through that stuff

[00:10:26] to be like, okay, well, if I stay here and obsess about this thing that my ADD brain wants

[00:10:31] to do obsess on, nothing will change.

[00:10:34] Nothing will get better.

[00:10:34] And I'm going to keep having things go badly because it's all I can see.

[00:10:37] Whereas if I look for the good, for example, I will find it.

[00:10:43] That's actually the exact meaning of my sun drop collection.

[00:10:47] Now that I think of how it kind of comes, it was like the things that I would recognize

[00:10:51] those things.

[00:10:52] And then I'd be like, well, how can I represent that in piece of jewelry so that we can all

[00:10:56] remember?

[00:10:57] Like the idea with, I'm actually wearing it.

[00:11:00] I know no one else, but you will be able to see.

[00:11:02] Cause we're not.

[00:11:03] It's really beautiful.

[00:11:03] And the lighting's really bad.

[00:11:05] Yeah.

[00:11:06] I love that.

[00:11:07] I saw it.

[00:11:08] Made it even harder there.

[00:11:09] No, it's beautiful.

[00:11:10] And then the necklace has a little stormy drop too.

[00:11:17] And the idea was that like, you're either adding to the sunshine or the storm in your

[00:11:20] life all the time, no matter what, like every scenario you can find either thing.

[00:11:27] So you can find what's working.

[00:11:28] You can find what you appreciate.

[00:11:31] You can find how you can grow.

[00:11:32] You can find the opportunity.

[00:11:33] You can find like how this might help you in some way, or you can find what's missing

[00:11:43] or frustrating or taking too long or not good enough or exhausting.

[00:11:47] Like every scenario has the possibility of finding all of that, but you are always going

[00:11:54] to get what you look for.

[00:11:55] If you are looking for what's working, you will find that.

[00:11:58] And if you are looking for how everything goes wrong for you, you will find that and you're

[00:12:03] always going to keep getting more of it.

[00:12:05] Yeah.

[00:12:06] So the idea was like, the more we can practice.

[00:12:09] So the way I tell people to use it is like, whenever you notice you're judging or criticizing

[00:12:13] or complaining anything yourself, others, people's like other people's opinions, other

[00:12:19] situations, pause, touch it and ask yourself, what am I looking for in this?

[00:12:24] Am I looking for what's working or am I looking for what's missing?

[00:12:28] Because that's what I'm going to find and get more of.

[00:12:31] And I don't want my life to suck.

[00:12:33] Like I want to feel better.

[00:12:35] I want to be happy.

[00:12:37] I want to feel like confident and like I've got shit together, even though none of us do.

[00:12:43] But I want to feel peaceful and I want to feel content in my life.

[00:12:48] And I can't keep choosing to look for shit that causes discontent and ever have that.

[00:12:54] Yeah.

[00:12:55] I like the idea of having it, wearing it.

[00:13:00] Because I don't know, there's something poetic about that.

[00:13:03] Like you're wearing something that you can use.

[00:13:04] Yeah, exactly.

[00:13:06] Like it's very much intentional and you can use it to refocus and remind yourself of like

[00:13:10] your goal.

[00:13:11] You know what I mean?

[00:13:12] And like stay on that track.

[00:13:15] Like if you're going through something shitty, if you're going through something shitty, you

[00:13:18] could like just rub the necklace, right?

[00:13:21] Yeah.

[00:13:21] Like, okay, which one do I want to keep going down the shitty path?

[00:13:25] Or how do I reframe what's going on in my life?

[00:13:29] Yeah.

[00:13:29] And, you know, and so I think that's pretty cool.

[00:13:34] Like we, a good example is we, like a year and a half ago now.

[00:13:40] So we, me and my girl share a house with my parents when my marriage ended very dramatically.

[00:13:45] I was living in South Africa.

[00:13:46] He's South African.

[00:13:48] I backpacked around the world for two years.

[00:13:50] Then I met him midway through my trip.

[00:13:52] We went back and forth in that last year and then I moved there.

[00:13:54] So we got married, we had two kids and then this, I didn't plan to jump into this part

[00:14:01] of that story yet, but whatever.

[00:14:04] Then I guess I may as well just jump there.

[00:14:06] So he, I caught him having an affair basically.

[00:14:11] And that's my, my youngest was one month old.

[00:14:16] I'd just given birth and we tried to work through it for four months with therapy individually

[00:14:21] and together.

[00:14:22] And he was still lying and gaslighting throughout that whole time.

[00:14:25] And I'm always trying to think of how to nutshell this because it's such a long story, but the,

[00:14:31] basically it turned out there was a lot more than that.

[00:14:35] There was a little, like a lot of affairs and a lot of one-off things and a lot of other

[00:14:40] deceptions and it had been going on for years.

[00:14:42] And I had no idea.

[00:14:43] The earliest proof I had was from when my eldest was born, which was two and a half years prior

[00:14:47] to my youngest.

[00:14:49] So it was extremely traumatizing because he was basically living a double life.

[00:14:54] Like no one knew our family, like family didn't know friends and know his best friends that

[00:14:58] nobody knew.

[00:15:00] And I had a one month old and I'm living in the country halfway across the world.

[00:15:03] That's what I'm saying.

[00:15:04] I was thinking, what is that so selfish of somebody to do that to somebody else?

[00:15:10] Right.

[00:15:10] Like you're so far removed from your support system to only have, you know, the world that

[00:15:16] you're starting with somebody else be a lie.

[00:15:20] Yeah.

[00:15:22] Yeah.

[00:15:22] Well, I will say I fucking hated him for a long time.

[00:15:25] I've, I knew at some point that I had to not forgive.

[00:15:29] I don't actually think you have to forgive.

[00:15:31] It's more of a, I accept that happened and it is what it is and I can't change it.

[00:15:37] And that like, I can move on from it because we, we still have kids together.

[00:15:43] He's not, he's still there.

[00:15:44] They video chat and stuff, but like, I, it's still important to me to have a decent relationship

[00:15:52] for their sake.

[00:15:53] Um, and like, I want them to have a good relationship with him.

[00:15:56] That's important for them, for their future relationships.

[00:15:59] Yeah.

[00:16:00] But also not long after I like the final nail in the coffin information came out and I

[00:16:08] kicked him out.

[00:16:09] He then ended up seeing a psychiatrist was diagnosed bipolar too.

[00:16:13] She actually recently re reconfirmed that diagnosis.

[00:16:18] So there was also a lot of just like very unmanaged, undiagnosed mental health issues

[00:16:22] that he kept very secretive.

[00:16:25] No one knew.

[00:16:27] Like severe depression as well, but like, no, no one knew.

[00:16:31] I didn't know.

[00:16:32] Yeah.

[00:16:33] You know, as much the things who did were like Netflix worthy, shocking bad, but yeah,

[00:16:41] like bad, like levels of bad that still blow my mind, even though I've moved on a lot.

[00:16:46] Yeah.

[00:16:47] But yeah, I mean, I try really hard to also for the sake of my kids and that I have to

[00:16:52] have him in my life to be like, he is these weren't been in therapy since he's at least

[00:16:58] like, he does.

[00:17:00] He's not, I always wanted to pin him as a narcissist, but he's not quite cause he can.

[00:17:04] It's not like he doesn't blame me.

[00:17:06] He absolutely takes responsibility for it.

[00:17:08] He hated himself for it and was ashamed.

[00:17:10] And you know, like, yeah, he did the right thing letting me move home.

[00:17:13] Cause that could have been a battle.

[00:17:14] Like I had to have that, that could have been a fight.

[00:17:17] Right.

[00:17:18] So there are things that at least in that process that I know a lot of women who have a much

[00:17:23] harder time with.

[00:17:24] Yeah.

[00:17:25] Men separated from who they have children with, who they are never going to escape their like

[00:17:30] malicious intent.

[00:17:31] Yeah.

[00:17:32] I do at least know that I'm lucky to not have to deal with that.

[00:17:36] So I have a question.

[00:17:37] Was your ex like an extrovert?

[00:17:42] Of both.

[00:17:43] Like he could be really charming and he could definitely, but he was also kind of humble.

[00:17:49] And like, he could sit back in a crowd, but he could also like be like boisterously in

[00:17:55] it.

[00:17:55] So it was kind of, you know, like he could kind of go either.

[00:17:59] I think he was very much putting on an act a lot of times, you know?

[00:18:03] Wow.

[00:18:04] Wow.

[00:18:04] Like he was, he was a masterful liar.

[00:18:07] Like he once termed it when we were trying to work through things at that period that

[00:18:11] like lying became a second language to him.

[00:18:14] And when we, when I like finally left after that, we tried to work through it.

[00:18:19] The veil was lifted on how much he had still been lying about over those four months and

[00:18:23] the way he lied with tears and like devastation was so destabilizing and traumatizing.

[00:18:31] Cause I was like, how am I ever going to trust anyone again?

[00:18:35] Because that's literally like psychotic levels of being able to lie.

[00:18:38] That's not normal.

[00:18:39] Like that's not normal.

[00:18:42] And I already had trust issues because of my own childhood traumas as it was.

[00:18:47] And then this person that I fully trusted and fully like never could have imagined any of

[00:18:55] this happening turned out to be the worst of all.

[00:18:58] Like when, yeah, I had some severe PTSD for a while.

[00:19:02] Yeah.

[00:19:03] I'm like, so how do you move on from that?

[00:19:09] Well, I think people even early on would be like, I don't know how you're still standing.

[00:19:13] And like, you're so strong.

[00:19:14] And I'm like, what, what choice do I have?

[00:19:16] Like two children that are tiny.

[00:19:19] Yeah.

[00:19:19] Like I have a baby and a two and a toddler.

[00:19:21] Like what am I going to do?

[00:19:22] So I very much from the beginning, well, from when I left him, especially, I think the,

[00:19:29] what the thing I identified at that point was the only thing I really cared about working

[00:19:34] on was learning how to love myself because I recognized that was the thing that would allow

[00:19:39] me like not loving myself is what allowed me to choose someone who made me feel like that,

[00:19:46] that put me on a pedestal that, that thought I was better than him really.

[00:19:50] And like that, that put their worth into me being better than them.

[00:19:54] Probably like, I fell in love with their vision of me more and how they saw me more than I did

[00:20:02] with him, I think.

[00:20:03] And I recognize that like, that's how codependent and narcissistic relationships thrive is because

[00:20:10] you seek something from that person.

[00:20:13] Like you feel not enough.

[00:20:14] You feel like something, there's a hole in you that's missing and needs to be filled.

[00:20:17] And when someone comes and feels that it feels like a relief.

[00:20:22] And then it's really hard to come take yourself out of that because it takes away you being enough.

[00:20:28] Right.

[00:20:29] Yeah.

[00:20:29] So I had to learn, like, I recognized really early on that I needed to learn how to fill

[00:20:34] that myself so that I felt home and then didn't ever seek people to like mend.

[00:20:42] Yeah.

[00:20:42] And that's honestly been, was a life changing realization.

[00:20:47] Yeah.

[00:20:47] My life has gotten better by all means.

[00:20:50] Like, you know, I would never ever choose to go through that again or wouldn't have chosen it in the

[00:20:55] first place, but I don't know that I would change it now because I don't know, I don't think I ever would

[00:21:02] have learned the lessons I needed to learn and became who I wanted to be, you know?

[00:21:07] Like I would have never even tried silversmithing.

[00:21:09] I would have never tried making jewelry and I'm good at it.

[00:21:13] I mean, like not to toot my own horn, but like people, even in the first year I was doing

[00:21:18] it, I had people who'd been metal smithing for over a decade, be super impressed with my work

[00:21:24] and be like complimenting it.

[00:21:26] And that's kind of, and my design and like, that's kind of insane when I was getting accepted

[00:21:30] to fine art and craft shows and things already.

[00:21:33] Like it was really an amazing experience.

[00:21:37] But I think all of the things had to go that way.

[00:21:41] Right? Like I left him, I moved back here and with my parents where a lot of my own childhood trauma,

[00:21:46] like my own traumas from my mom was undiagnosed ADD her whole life and

[00:21:52] kind of like benign narcissist, like a very hard time with empathy.

[00:21:57] Right? Like she doesn't understand other people's perspective and can only like, is the victim in most situations and everything is an attack on her.

[00:22:06] And that she's gotten better sort of over the time that we've lived here and us moving into our own space has helped a lot.

[00:22:14] Yeah.

[00:22:15] But it was like, that was like traumatizing in a different way.

[00:22:25] So I'm curious, how does one get into silver smithing?

[00:22:29] Like, did you have to go to school for it?

[00:22:31] Did you have to be an apprentice somewhere?

[00:22:34] No, I'm trying to think of the easiest way to tell you that progression.

[00:22:37] Do you want me to take you through the rest?

[00:22:38] Like as quickly as the story, because it all like feeds into each other.

[00:22:43] Okay. Yeah, go for it.

[00:22:45] So we moved back here.

[00:22:47] That first year was a nightmare.

[00:22:49] And then the second year was even worse because COVID.

[00:22:52] So we moved back in like April, 2019.

[00:22:54] It took me a while to like settle, fix my resume, get a job.

[00:22:58] And then I started a new job in January.

[00:23:00] And by March, COVID hit.

[00:23:02] So I was laid off.

[00:23:04] And then we were all just quarantined together.

[00:23:07] That was hell for everybody for like a year.

[00:23:12] Because my parents are in their 70s.

[00:23:13] So also high risk.

[00:23:14] Yeah, it was dark.

[00:23:15] It was dark days.

[00:23:16] But then in January 2021, I was a short long.

[00:23:22] January 2021, I was like, I need to do something to triage my mental health.

[00:23:26] Because it is just absolutely dumpster fire bad, right?

[00:23:32] And like, I need to do something.

[00:23:34] I decided I was like, I'm gonna like, I don't really have hobbies.

[00:23:37] I'm gonna, I'm gonna like find a hobby.

[00:23:40] So I'd always wanted to learn to either knit or crochet.

[00:23:43] I tried to kind of knit once and it didn't understand what was happening.

[00:23:47] So I was like, I'm gonna try to crochet because all I need is a hook and like a thing of yarn.

[00:23:51] And I watched YouTube videos and I did.

[00:23:53] Like it was for a whole month because ADHD.

[00:23:56] So I perfect fashion.

[00:23:57] And then I kind of done.

[00:24:00] And I had like $250 worth of yarn sitting upstairs.

[00:24:03] I was God knows if it will ever be used.

[00:24:05] But that's how long now?

[00:24:06] Like three years.

[00:24:07] Yeah.

[00:24:08] Yeah.

[00:24:10] But I was very good at it like quickly.

[00:24:12] And it was very satisfying making something with my hands from nothing.

[00:24:16] I hadn't really even like crafted since I was a kid, you know,

[00:24:19] but like with my kids, but they were still little.

[00:24:21] So it wasn't like they could do kind of crafting.

[00:24:27] So after that, like month ish, I, a friend had sent me, had like gifted me a seed bead set.

[00:24:36] And I had, cause I'd wanted those little bracelets with your kids' names on them or whatever.

[00:24:40] And I didn't want to pay $10 bracelet or whatever they were.

[00:24:43] So I was like, I can make that.

[00:24:46] So I was playing with that, got into that.

[00:24:48] And I started making like bracelets for friends and surprising them with them.

[00:24:52] So I'd like put a word on it that I knew was supportive of like what they needed to hear.

[00:24:56] And then I just like mail it to them and surprise them with it.

[00:24:59] And that was like the first thing I was making jewelry, right?

[00:25:03] So one of them actually had said, you should totally consider selling these.

[00:25:08] People sell these for like $10, $15.

[00:25:10] Like you could meet like just on a side thing.

[00:25:13] Like you could make some money.

[00:25:14] And I was like, oh, that's an interesting idea.

[00:25:16] I would never have thought of that.

[00:25:19] And it was one of those ideas that kerplunked.

[00:25:22] And I was like, maybe I will.

[00:25:24] I think I made an Instagram page, a Facebook page at that stage, but it was,

[00:25:28] I wasn't like actively, you know, into it yet.

[00:25:32] But then I kind of got over seed beads cause they suck and they're very tiny and I don't

[00:25:36] have the patience.

[00:25:37] And then they fall apart when you're trying to tie them.

[00:25:39] And then I want to throw things.

[00:25:40] Yes.

[00:25:42] Yeah.

[00:25:43] So I started like playing with chains and findings and charms and putting stuff together instead.

[00:25:49] And then I ended up moving into trying out working with epoxy resin.

[00:25:54] I literally got all the things to work with epoxy resin.

[00:25:57] Yeah.

[00:25:58] Yeah.

[00:25:59] ADD.

[00:25:59] And I liked it at first.

[00:26:00] I was making some really cool shit and I had some really cool ideas that weren't being

[00:26:04] done.

[00:26:04] And I think are still not being done to be honest.

[00:26:07] But then I learned how it's toxic resin is and it freaked me the fuck out.

[00:26:13] Like I'm already an anxious person.

[00:26:14] So I, like I was already using a mask, but the first time I ever did it, I had the wrong

[00:26:20] filters on it, which I didn't know.

[00:26:22] So it was like, not the fume cone, it's not the dust cone.

[00:26:25] And then I was scared of having it inside.

[00:26:26] So I started doing it outside.

[00:26:28] It just wasn't quite working, but already at this point of making,

[00:26:34] making jewelry.

[00:26:35] I was like, I would love to learn how to like metal smith.

[00:26:38] I think that'd be so cool, but I don't want to learn that on YouTube.

[00:26:41] And I don't know how to go about that.

[00:26:43] And then I randomly met someone at like a library story time.

[00:26:47] I took my kids to, and our kids were playing after that.

[00:26:50] We were chatting about this.

[00:26:51] And she said, Oh, you know, I actually did something else, like some screen,

[00:26:55] some kind of different art classes at the visual arts center of New Jersey and

[00:26:59] summit.

[00:26:59] And I, she's like, I feel like jewelry classes.

[00:27:02] Like they might've had metal smith even, even you should look into it.

[00:27:04] I like looked at it.

[00:27:06] And I'm like, so what was that?

[00:27:09] Maybe that was May.

[00:27:10] I signed up for the next session, which started in July for the first, like

[00:27:14] month and a half.

[00:27:15] I went maybe two, two different classes, two times a week.

[00:27:18] And then after that, I mean,

[00:27:19] it went maybe once a week through about November, December,

[00:27:23] but in November was the first craft show I ever did.

[00:27:26] Like I already was like, I'm ready.

[00:27:28] And I had already sold some pieces just through P they're like posting online on

[00:27:31] the page and stuff.

[00:27:35] And yeah, like that's kind of how it progressed.

[00:27:37] It very much felt like following my intuition, pretty much everyone except

[00:27:45] like one or two friends that I had kind of rolled their eyes at me.

[00:27:48] Like when I was like jewelry and like a tie to the tomorrow to make this a

[00:27:52] business and they'd be like, okay, well, maybe you can do it while you do it.

[00:27:57] I'm like, like, I want to like go, like, I want to do it full time and like

[00:28:01] really go.

[00:28:01] So, well, you know, like I got so many, so much pushback, so much eye rolls, so

[00:28:06] much like, oh, you're not going to be make, get rich making jewelry.

[00:28:11] I'm like, okay, thanks.

[00:28:13] Well, especially my family and my family were not supportive at first at all.

[00:28:21] My mom actually was the one who came around the first because she was like

[00:28:25] talented.

[00:28:26] I definitely think you could do it once I like was getting better at stuff.

[00:28:30] Everyone else was like, we'll see.

[00:28:31] My dad would be like, we'll see.

[00:28:33] Like what the real, the real thing is if it sells, then like I sold to people who

[00:28:38] knew me and then he's like the real thing is if it sells to strangers and then I

[00:28:41] sold to strangers and then he's like the real thing is if it sells like online.

[00:28:44] I'm like, yeah, they're very supportive now.

[00:28:53] But yeah, that my hardest thing has been figuring out how to get online sales.

[00:28:56] To be honest, I have not figured that out.

[00:28:59] I do, I do really well at craft shows, but I, or vendor events and stuff, but like getting

[00:29:05] people to my website and checking out on it is so difficult.

[00:29:08] And I have not figured out how to do that.

[00:29:11] I know that when people buy my stuff, they're like, that's, again, I love it.

[00:29:14] And it's like such good quality and it makes such a difference in their life.

[00:29:18] I just don't know how to get it in front of the people who want it.

[00:29:21] Yeah, that's gotta be a small business person challenge, I think.

[00:29:24] Yeah, for sure.

[00:29:25] I can only imagine.

[00:29:26] I haven't even started that process, but I'm like, damn, I get overwhelmed with it already.

[00:29:31] I'm like, how do I do this?

[00:29:33] How do I set up a site?

[00:29:34] How do I, and then like, what happens if people like are complaining about something?

[00:29:38] Do I have, like, how do you handle that?

[00:29:39] So it's a lot.

[00:29:40] It's kind of like setting up the podcast.

[00:29:43] I mean, I still struggle with it too.

[00:29:45] Like with getting engagement on our posts and it's hard.

[00:29:49] Like the online world is hard and you have to find your niche and you know, it's a lot

[00:29:55] of praying and cursing and being like, I'm fucking done with this.

[00:29:59] I'm going to try something else.

[00:30:00] And, but like, I love your stuff.

[00:30:02] And so, you know, I love to just like look and I'm like my mother's daughter.

[00:30:07] You know, my mom could never go to a craft show.

[00:30:10] She didn't like, it was kind of funny.

[00:30:14] My mom too.

[00:30:15] It was funny when not funny, but my mom passed away.

[00:30:18] Part of my dad's eulogy was like, she was sorry for all the mom, pa shops that were going

[00:30:23] to go out of business because my mom wasn't there to shop.

[00:30:25] So I'm the same person.

[00:30:29] I love that.

[00:30:31] That's awesome though.

[00:30:33] I mean, I think we forget.

[00:30:36] It's so interesting.

[00:30:37] Like I actually have more support.

[00:30:40] A lot of the times my bigger supporters are people who met me at a craft show than people

[00:30:43] who like friends or family who know me, you know?

[00:30:46] Yeah.

[00:30:47] Don't get me wrong.

[00:30:47] That are like consistently, but a lot of people who know you won't shop.

[00:30:53] I'm not from you because they're like, don't sell to me.

[00:30:55] They're like, okay.

[00:30:57] Do they ask you for like free stuff?

[00:31:00] Like, can you give this to me for free?

[00:31:02] No, no.

[00:31:03] Okay.

[00:31:04] I'm not sure if anyone, maybe they just know I'd be like, are you high?

[00:31:09] Yeah.

[00:31:11] Good.

[00:31:13] But I'm also not that person.

[00:31:15] So I think that it was like, I'm not that.

[00:31:18] I don't think I have the personality that people would be think that I would be okay.

[00:31:22] Okay, good.

[00:31:23] Good.

[00:31:24] I like it, but I'm too blunt.

[00:31:26] Good.

[00:31:26] Good.

[00:31:27] Hey, y'all.

[00:31:28] Thanks for listening to this week's episode.

[00:31:30] This is a two part episode and episode two will air next week.

[00:31:34] Thanks again for listening.

[00:31:37] Hi, y'all.

[00:31:38] Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

[00:31:40] I'm G-Rex.

[00:31:41] And I'm Dirty Skittles.

[00:31:42] Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast.

[00:31:46] We'd love to listen to your feedback.

[00:31:48] We can't do this without you guys.

[00:31:51] It's okay to be not okay.

[00:31:53] Just make sure you're talking to someone.