Anxiety, Self-Trust, and Joy: A Mental Health Deep Dive with Alyssa

[00:00:06] Hey there listeners, welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, you Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests. Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads. I have my amazing co-host, Dirty Skittles, and we have an incredible guest, Alyssa. Welcome. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here. You're welcome. So, you said it was cold outside. What is the temp?

[00:01:05] It is like 30 degrees, maybe, which I guess is the worst it's been. It definitely went down to about 20, 23 in the past couple of weeks, but it is not. It's not in the 50s or 60s. I will say that. Nice. Okay. Keep him warm. I love that. Staying cozy. Yeah. Yeah. Like, don't go outside. It's gross. Like here, it's 35, but it feels like 28.

[00:01:32] And tomorrow, ooh, yeah, the high tomorrow is going to be four. Ooh. That's brutal. And it just hurts when you're outside. You're like literally in pain and it's like a sharp shooting feeling that I can't deal with. Yeah. It's the absolute worst. Yeah. But it's so cold. You feel it in your bones or like your nose hairs freeze as soon as you walk outside. Too cold. And your eyes hurt. Yes. Your body's shutting down.

[00:02:02] And for me, when we get a lot of snow, you know, I'm short. So when we get like a foot of snow, it's above my ankle, above my knees. And so it takes a long time for my old hips to like walk through the snow. Like, no, that's not fun. You're afraid of falling. I'm afraid of, well, now I'm really afraid of falling because, you know, now that I quit my job, I'm not going to have insurance. So I am like super wary of like, oh, do I want to step on that? Probably not.

[00:02:32] But yeah, I'm super excited. And I'm super excited to hear your story and your journey. And 2025 is going to be a baller year. So I'm excited. Yes. I feel like it's the year of like growth, expansion. I feel like so many people I've spoken to feel that way too. So there's something like collective going on, you know? Yeah. I was just thinking that as you said that I'm like, everybody, we're all on the same page somehow of what 2025 will be for us. So that being said, what makes Alyssa?

[00:03:03] Such a big question, but I love it. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm a licensed therapist. I feel like mental health and therapy was just like very normal in my family growing up, which is really cool. And something I've been looking back on as I got older as something I'm kind of grateful for, you know, at the time felt annoyed by that. But now I'm like, no, that's really cool. So I was kind of always fascinated by why people behave the way they do, how mental health, how trauma affects us.

[00:03:30] And then throughout like my own growth journey and all of that and seeking therapy myself and my own like wellness journey too. I just, I found myself on the path of becoming a therapist and just helping people and learning and growing. And then the more I do, the more I feel like I get better as a therapist and kind of goes from there. So I have my own private practice now, which has been a lot of fun and another like phase of growth and learning of being a business owner. So that's kind of where I'm at right now. Yeah. Is that scary being your own business owner?

[00:04:00] It is. Yes. I feel like at first, so I was working at a group practice and kind of balancing the two of the group and my own, a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety, a lot of just unknown and uncertainty, which of course is not fun for anyone in humans, but especially I can struggle sometimes with anxiety. So just feeling the unknown was really tough. But then as I've made the switch to full-time private practice, it's just like kind of all worked out.

[00:04:27] I have almost a full case load now and it's just like unfolded in the way it's needed to. So I feel really good about it. It's I, there's going to be periods I'm sure where there is more fear and you know, unknown again, but where I'm at right now, I feel really excited. So both. How do you work past the anxiety of it all? Like how do you get past it to do the scary thing? That's such a good question. I feel like for me, I always start with like the foundations of kind of like, I'm going

[00:04:57] to kind of your basics around wellness and everything like sleep. I need to make sure I'm getting eight hours of sleep. I need to make sure that I'm going to the gym. I'm lifting weights. I'm doing things to nourish my nervous system. It's just so I have the, like the foundation of, you know, of my anxiety kind of hardwired. And then it's just kind of the mindset. So anytime I start having fears come up, self doubt, catastrophizing, ruminating, and trying to kind of like reframe that and challenge that just kind of thinking about like, how

[00:05:26] would I talk to my clients in these moments? How can I apply that to myself? Were you like always anxious? Like even as a child? I look back at it and I'm like, yeah, maybe I was more so than I thought. Um, I didn't think so for a while. And I'm like, oh no, I was also my parents have told me when I was younger, I sometimes struggled to speak when I was like really little and I would kind of get quiet and shy. But it's also funny because I was in musical theater. And so I was like performing and singing and on stage.

[00:05:56] So I'm like, wait a second, how am I so confident there? But I do remember feeling so much anxiety, performance anxiety, especially like right before I would go on stage. But I believe like the more I did it, of course, kind of exposure therapy would help kind of decrease it over time. So, and then for me personally, I also, I don't drink alcohol, which honestly helped significantly. I feel like a lot of anxiety was like post drinking or like hangover anxiety. And that just like, you know, made things worse.

[00:06:25] And once I got rid of that, I started feeling way better to still have, you know, moments of anxiety, obviously, but those things have kind of helped. Yeah. Hangover anxiety. I'm like, oh, anxiety. Yeah. Is it, I have, I just, this is random or it's not random, but it's not necessarily in mind was what we were talking about, but is it anxiety because of like, oops, what did I do? Or is it like, it just adds to it? Cause you're feeling horrible.

[00:06:55] And then the next day you're already anxious. I think it's both. So I do a little bit of both for me personally. It was like, yeah, what was, what was I saying? What was I doing? Was that my best self? But then also it was just what I've learned, especially as like kind of researching it more too, is that like, I don't know what it's, maybe it's the not dopamine system, but just, you know, your brain chemistry increases cortisol. So I think just naturally can make you more anxious.

[00:07:22] And then also if you're kind of going into like a mini withdrawal, not in like a severe form, but just, you know, when you're no longer drinking, that could also bring up a lot of anxiety just in the brain. So there's like the neurochemistry thing and then yeah, like what happened? What did I do? So it can be a combination. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Growing up, you've mentioned that this was like your family discussed mental health. Like it was pretty open and embrace. Yeah.

[00:07:50] So did you kind of know from a young age that this was the route you wanted to take in life? At first I thought I was going to do musical theater. Funny enough, my dad is a musician and because I was always performing, I just thought that's what I would do. I look back and I think that maybe I didn't have the full confidence in myself. Like I do wish I pursued it more just for fun even. But I was always like when I was younger, I was a camp counselor and just always like helping people and children and stuff.

[00:08:17] And as I became more fascinated by it, I didn't know what exactly I would do, but I wanted to pursue psychology. And when I would take the classes, I would just be like obsessed. And for me, I'm really like passionate over the top when I love something. So I kind of knew I was on the right path. Then once I got some internships and jobs in the field and really got into it and understood it more and myself, I found that like, okay, this is the right thing for me. And it all kind of clicked. I love this.

[00:08:46] And I love the fact that, you know, you faced all your fears and opened up your own business and, you know, as, you know, older women, you know, that's a scary thing. You know, for me, I quit my day job and no longer working in the corporate world and opening my own business. And I had to face those fears. But you know what? I took a chance on me. And I know that there's going to be good days and bad days, but like I did it for me.

[00:09:15] I didn't do it for anybody else. And, you know, thankfully for me, you know, my wife has been 100. She's been the biggest supporter. You know, the day that she gave me permission to quit my job. I was like, deuces. I'm out. But like, I, you know, I attribute like my therapist to me. I, you know, you have to believe in yourself. And once I stopped like with the negative self-talk and things like that helped me immensely. I'm like, you know what?

[00:09:44] You are a baller and you're going to be fine. And we're just going to roll with it. And, you know, trying to help Dirty Skittles see the same thing in her too. Like, you know, she wants to make these changes in 2025. But you know what? Believe in yourself. Screw everybody else. You know, you're doing this for you, not for anybody else. It's so interesting.

[00:10:06] And I don't know if this is like a woman thing or not, but I guess literally until today, like, I don't know that I had that mentality of do it for yourself. I think to some level, you know, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a daughter, I'm all these things that I think that's part of where the anxiety comes from of doing something for you, something you want to do being self-employed, for example. Like, what if I fail? Do I fail as a wife, as a mom, as a daughter, right?

[00:10:34] Like that's the anxiety, the anxious feelings. But I feel like today, like I'm starting to like, does success look like for me, right? Like, if I do this thing, how is that going to feed my soul first before I'm anything else? So it's interesting. Yeah, that's so important. And I do feel like, and as women and everything, there's so much like pressure and expectation and stuff from society to like thinking about other people first.

[00:11:03] And then this is like the core of the work that I do with clients. And for myself, it's like, as you just said, you know, what is it that I need? What is it that nourishes me? What is it that I want? And, you know, with the failure thing, I love the challenging of that of like, well, of course, what if I don't? And how will you feel about yourself either way? And it builds like self-trust and confidence when you do the hard thing for yourself. And you like challenge yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone. It's like so empowering.

[00:11:31] Like, look, I could do anything that I set my mind to. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I've never challenged the like, what if I don't fail? Right? Like the fear of failure has stopped me from doing so many things in life. So it's very interesting. I guess most of what 2025 brings. But you know, we had the same fear of failure with the podcast, right? We never thought anybody would listen to us. We thought we would do like three episodes and like be done. Okay.

[00:12:00] Fast forward to, you know, two years, we've had over a hundred episodes. We've had a million downloads for listening to in 60 countries. And we have that ripple effect, right? And we are the catalyst to, you know, normalize how we talk about mental health. And I think that's really important in this day and age. The next couple of years are going to be really tough on a lot of people. And like, if we can just encourage them to, you know, find your joy. Really just find your joy.

[00:12:30] Because at the end of the day, that's when you're at peace. When you find your joy. Yeah, that's amazing. And then that question too, it's like, what happened if you didn't do that? You know, and now you've found your joy and help so many other people too. And I always asked, like, when you think about failure, it's like, what does that even mean?

[00:12:58] Like, so if you didn't do it, or if you did it and you quote, quote failed, like, what do you believe that means about yourself? Very, so many of just like core beliefs about who we are and what would that mean and what other people would think. But it's so cool to hear that you guys kept going and, you know, look where you are now. It's not really. Yeah, I think we, we kept going for different reasons.

[00:13:21] I think G-Rex to your credit, she's always seen, I guess how shiny and like bright and beautiful this could be, right? I think for me, I did it more as like, who doesn't want to hang out and talk to their friend, right? Like it was, there was no pressure. I think I never put pressure on will it succeed or fail. I think G-Rex always knew, oh, it's gonna, it's gonna succeed because she's going to make it succeed kind of a thing.

[00:13:47] So it's inspiring to kind of learn from me, G-Rex and all the guests that we get to talk to like, what is success? Like what is failure? Like it's challenging these, I don't want to call them like a core belief, but it's something that, you know, comes from somewhere, right? Like I have that fear. So yeah, I mean, this has been already 2025, what are we 18 days in has already been like challenging myself, I think, and those beliefs more so than ever before.

[00:14:16] So like, this is the year we're all going to take back our power. Okay. Literally, we are taking back our power. We're going to find our joy. We're going to make a difference where we can and fight for those that are being, you know, having injustice. I mean, that's how I'm going to kind of tackle the next four years. And that brings me some joy. And, you know, I was telling 30 schools this morning, like, I feel like a huge weighted x-ray blanket has come off my shoulders.

[00:14:45] I slept better last night than I have in two years. And that was, I didn't use any chemicals. I didn't have a melatonin. I didn't have a gummy. I just slept like a rock. And I was excited because this is our first, these are our first recordings for 2025. And I, it always brings me joy because I love meeting interesting people and hearing their stories and their journeys. And I like helping our listeners and giving everybody a voice.

[00:15:14] Sounds like it energizes you guys. But like, you know, nourishes it. And it's like, it's profound, you know, and that's when other people obviously will then connect to it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. There's, I have a question for you, G-Rex. There's, you've said this, I've heard it at least twice. And I'm always like, I want to ask you more about it. When you say that your partner gave you permission to do it. And I, and the reason why it like interests me is because I think to some degree,

[00:15:42] part of like the anxiety I have in pursuing something for myself and like starting my own business is not having the permission to. Whether it's like my partner or my friends or my parents, like people that I care about. And their opinion of me, not giving me that permission. And I'm like, if we can just talk about it a little bit more. Like where, why is that such a big part?

[00:16:05] You know, in all the years of me growing up, you know, I always got kind of dissed for what I wanted to do and decisions that I made for myself. And, you know, I'm farther along in my career, you know, I'm 61 and a half years old. And, you know, you know, my wife, she's been retired for 15 years. So me quitting my job, you know, that was going to put a little bit of a hit on our finances, right?

[00:16:30] But we were sitting in a restaurant in New York City on December 21st. And we were just having this really great, deep conversation. Like we had these amazing conversations when we were in the city. And she's like, I know you hate your job. She's like, just leave. Just leave. Do what makes you happy. Do the podcast. Make your own company. Find that joy.

[00:16:57] And having that permission from her made all the difference in the world. Like I knew it was going to be okay. And so we were sitting on the tarmac trying to come home. And it was cold as balls in Newark. And so they had to de-ice the plane for like an hour and a half. Why does it take an hour and a half to de-ice the plane? I don't know. But I took my resume and threw it into ChatGPT. And I said, make an independent consulting firm out of my resume.

[00:17:27] And it spit out everything I wanted to do. So I get to, you know, not only do my technical stuff, but I get to do my wellness stuff too. And when I told that to my wife, her eyes just lit up. Because she knows that's where my joy is. And all she ever wants to do is see me happy. And, you know, two years ago, I wanted to commit suicide. And today, you know, in 2025, I'm opening my own business.

[00:17:56] What a great, amazing epiphany. And so thankful to be alive that I get to do this, right? I got to reinvent myself. And yeah, I'm going to have some hardships. And, you know, there were some critics out there. I don't care. Listen, I'm 61 now. I don't have to, I don't need your permission to do what makes me happy. And I think for, in your case, Dirty Skittles is find your joy.

[00:18:25] It took me 61 years to do that. But I found my joy. And I'm really happy for the future. But I get to talk to really great guests too. Right? And you guys give us insight to make us think better too. So for us, like this is free therapy. We do this, you know, we release 53 episodes a year.

[00:18:49] And we get to learn from you guys also and share that wisdom with our listeners. And for me, that's what makes me happy. We have a ripple effect. Whatever we do in life, we have a ripple effect. And ignore the critics. We can learn from them. We can take some advice from them. But we don't let it control us. And what our thoughts are. And how we perceive our own joy.

[00:19:19] Does that answer your question? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. Right? Like the way you're... And you also tell people to fuck off. Because you know what? That always works too. I know it made sense because I think I was... Yeah, you know, if you have a dual income house or whatever. And one person stops to pursue something. Yeah, getting the permission of like, is this okay? Like, can you carry this, quote unquote,

[00:19:47] burden of like financial burden on your own while I do this thing? I think in my mind, I'm thinking more metaphorically like... I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right? Like I could do this and it doesn't work out. And then I just go back to what I was doing that was bringing in, you know, money. But I think to some degree, as an individual, you have to give yourself permission to try this and like, see what it's about. So that's what I was gonna say.

[00:20:17] I wonder if like your wife giving you permission is what gave you permission, you know? Like that safety, as you mentioned, like I've got the support, I've got the encouragement. Now I can give myself that push and that encouragement. And like for the first time in, you know, forever, I'm not gonna have insurance. So like, you know, like I said, I now I'm very cognizant of what I do and what I step into. And if I'm gonna go fucking outside, that looks like a cold, not gonna go outside.

[00:20:47] But I think, you know, because you know, I'm a lot older than both of you is, it took me a long time to get here. I spent 45 years in the corporate world. And I just got to a point where I didn't want to do it anymore. But, you know, we also had some really good opportunities come up for the podcast and for my book. And it brings me joy.

[00:21:12] Okay, so 2025 is gonna be all about what brings me joy. And I'd like, Alyssa, I want to find out for 2025, what, what will bring you joy? Love that. I literally, it's funny because I asked my clients that like every single day, session week, and you know, asking myself is so important too.

[00:21:34] For me, it's like, it's letting go of caring what other people think and kind of just refocusing like, what is it that I want to need? For me, as I keep mentioning, for some reason, which means it's important to me, but music, I want to just like let go of caring what people think and do music truly just for fun. Whether I sing, play piano, I want to like, get outside, be with my friends, just do things that aren't only for like wellness or self care purposes.

[00:22:03] That's so important. But doing things that literally just fill the cup and like, bring a smile and make me laugh and everything without any sort of reason for doing it other than it just feels good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Music. Wow. I mean, do you what is it something that you would share with others? Or do you think you would do it just for you? Like, where nobody else is around?

[00:22:27] Just for me for now. But that would be a really cool goal and push me out of my comfort zone just for me for now. But I just I was thinking about all the things that I do. And they are very focused on like, yes, mental health, wellness, self care. And again, those are so important. But I was thinking like, I just need a hobby that isn't, you know, doesn't have to do with any of that. And there's no like productivity or performance or whatever or accomplishment.

[00:22:55] Just things that like occupy my time and make me smile again. So that's kind of like an intention of mine for 2025 to things that yeah, just for fun. True joy.

[00:23:07] Yeah, I've been trying to challenge myself with my 2020 2025 being like I barely say it. I'm so nervous. But 2025 being the year that and I don't know if anybody listening can relate, but there are some times where I envision who I am or who like, who I could be, I guess you could say like, oh, I could do this. I could do that. I could be like this. I could do more of this or whatever.

[00:23:34] And 2025 being the year where I could just be that person instead of, you know, imagining that I'm that person, right? Like I'm like, oh, I could go back to the gym and work out. I could, you know, start this business. I could do these things. And I'm like, I would be so much happier if I just did them instead of thinking about them all the time. Like, like, that's my 2025 is to actually put action into place so that I could have those things and be that person.

[00:24:03] You know what I like asking? Like, what is it that your younger self looking at you now would be proud of? And I find that empowering, like thinking back to the younger you, like would make you feel proud now. And that can help with that push.

[00:24:20] Yeah, I don't. G-Rex, can you answer that for me? Look, my younger version, I don't think thought I would be alive at this age. I'm being honest. I think just being here, being a wife and being a mom would have blown my mind at a younger age.

[00:24:40] For sure. And like for me, I think my younger self would be super proud that I stopped listening to the critics and I did it for myself.

[00:24:56] Like, I took all the naysayers out and I'm like, you know what? Y'all suck. And I'm going to do this. And I may have some hard days. You know, life is all about learning and growing and taking care of yourself. But, you know, I did two really hard years of therapy on me and I've never felt better. And this time around when I got depressed, everybody knew I did not hide it. And to me, that was a huge thing. Right.

[00:25:26] Being an empath, my wife's a little bit of an empath. So when I got really depressed, like it got really dark in this house and she was like, I'm so proud of you for opening up. And letting people know that you were struggling. Yeah. Like when I, you know, try to take my life, I hadn't talked to anybody. So that's growth. And taking that in with my business and that my mindset, you know, yeah, every day is not sunshine and roses.

[00:25:56] Someday is going to be like black clouds and rain, but we can still make something out of that day and out of our lives. And like, I don't know, the stars are aligning. It's kind of, it scares me, but I'm excited to see what happens. And like, I get to like make my day the day that I want to make it. Like if I don't want to roll out of bed until 11 o'clock in the morning, I don't have to roll out of bed until 11 o'clock in the morning.

[00:26:24] And that will probably happen during the winter months because I don't know, it's cold as balls outside and the house is old and we have wood floors. And so when you step on that wood floor in the morning, oh, now you're fucking awake. Okay. What about you, Alyssa? What would your younger self be proud of? You know what? The business, truly. Just like following something that I, for so long, I was like, oh, that's not me. I won't be able to do that. That's not, I just don't see that, you know, whatever.

[00:26:54] But to finally empower myself to do it and to be in a space of like being kinder to myself, I was always very critical of myself, high expectations. And now I feel like I've cultivated a better relationship with myself to be more encouraging. Obviously have days where that's hard, but just kind of like being more gentle with myself to get here. And just like how well it's going so far, like how much I'm loving it too. Being in a space of my career that I'm like excited and I enjoy it and I'm starting to have more freedom.

[00:27:24] So yeah, definitely around business. I feel like that's the reverse of the question I normally ask, isn't it, D-Rex? Like I normally ask, I'll give you the question now. So my go-to question at the end of it is if you could go back in time to a younger version of yourself and ask or and give that younger version a piece of advice, what would you say to your younger self and how old are you when you go back? So what would you do? Okay. Yeah, I can't do it.

[00:27:54] Like, no. It's funny when I always think back on like a younger version for me, it's around 16, 17. That's when I was probably in the most pain. And so I would say like, just like let myself feel what I needed to feel and kind of what was just talked about. Like, just talk about it with someone, like share, you know, you don't have to go through it alone or you don't have to like carry and hold pain forever.

[00:28:21] Whatever, whatever reason, I would just kind of like say things are okay. You know, not if someone, if an adult was trying to talk to me about something, I would just, I would bottle it. So just to like let emotion out, let it be. And then also kind of the self-compassion part again, like just be kind to yourself. No need to criticize. Things will be okay. Just some reassurance, you know.

[00:28:53] What would you say the hardest lesson you've had to learn to date has been? Good question too. These are big questions. I love it. You know what? Like just let people do what they're going to do. I'm always fine. I'm reading the let them theory right now, my Mel Robbins. So I feel like it's on my mind and also like something that I've struggled with, but just like let people be how they're going to be, act how they're going to act, think the way they are.

[00:29:19] And just, and not only like let go, but refocus as we're speaking about, refocus that energy back to yourself because the relationship you have with yourself is most important. I think I spent a lot of time focusing on other people. And then once I did start like building trust in myself, I found that like relationships got so much better too.

[00:29:40] So just kind of, you know, let people be how they're going to be and like refocus that energy on you because the most important person is yourself, you know? Yeah. I love those answers. Those are so awesome.

[00:29:54] So in like, I guess in recent years, have you had like any like major difficulties where you didn't believe in yourself and like where things didn't go the way you planned or anything like that? Yeah. Yeah. I guess I keep referring back to like this journey of my business and going out on my own, but I think that's because, you know, it's been so recent and something so important.

[00:30:23] But also just like having to kind of let go of control has been a big part of this. But yeah, just of course, always a little bit of doubt or like imposter syndrome. I think I struggled with that as a therapist in my earlier on in my career. Not that it's ever like goes away, but going into private practice is like a whole new set of, can I really do this? You know, who am I to do this? Those sort of questions and kind of back to the failure piece too. Like, well, what if I don't get any clients?

[00:30:52] What if I don't, you know, what if I can also financially, it was really scary for a little bit. What if I can't support myself? So those doubts kind of came back in and it kind of just all unfolded luckily. And I mean, I put in that work and everything, but as I shifted away from my group practice, I ended up just naturally getting some new clients. And I feel like, I don't know if it was an energy thing where me letting go and just kind of rolling with it, it all kind of worked out.

[00:31:19] And now I'm really trying to practice just like if those fears come in, I can acknowledge them. I don't want to resist them, but then I can like let them be. I don't have to kind of fuse them in a way or believe them, make meaning out of them, which is something I often do. And I think so many of us, especially with anxiety, it's like, well, what does that mean? And what, you know, what does this thought increase, which meaning, but just like having those thoughts there, let me acknowledge them and then let them go and refocus. Yeah.

[00:31:48] I feel you on that. The meaning, the anxiety, I'm like, oh my God, I do that. I do that a lot. It's crazy. It's crazy how we can get so far into our own head that if you don't stop to like, you know, acknowledge it exists and then let it go. Yeah. And like trying to make meaning out of every, or like trying to intellectualize and rationalize. That's something that I do and I talk about all the time as a therapist.

[00:32:16] It's like, rather than just feel the feeling, even of anxiety, we're so quick to want to like explain it and make it logical and understand it. I'm always trying to come up with a reason. I'm like, wait, let me just notice and realize that this is just anxiety and fear telling me something. Listen to the message of that and let it be the hard one. Yeah. Have you, this is, I feel like I brought this up on a past podcast, but like, have you seen the movie Inside Out 2?

[00:32:44] I have not finished it, which is, I like had started it. I'm dying to finish it. So I bring it up because still today, like I think about this movie anytime I'm feeling anxious because it was the first time for me as an adult watching it with my son, that I got to see anxiety. At least my version of anxiety completely like pictured out in a movie. Like I was like, holy shit, like they nailed, they nailed this emotion.

[00:33:13] And I had brought it up because I thought my son watching it, I'm hoping that when he gets older, if he has anxiety the way his mom does, that he's able to acknowledge it as an emotion. Like what you're saying, when you have these thoughts or when you're kind of getting into your own self, how wonderful would it be to already have that tool as a kid and know that's my anxiety because of this movie. So yeah, I love that. It's so cool that they're like teaching that and making it so accessible.

[00:33:43] And yeah, I'm always like, it's so important to look at like the messaging too. It's like, it's our body system way of keeping us to tell us something. And then rather like, it's so easy to judge it and criticize and like want to hate on it almost and be mad at the fact that we have these challenges or emotions that are hard. But once we like embrace them and get nicer about them, you know, I think that's when they fully actually then process, which is the kind of ironic thing.

[00:34:09] It's like, that is how to truly move through the difficult feelings when you allow them in. Exactly. I have yet to see the movie now. Okay. I get right on that. Okay. I've been a little busy, been a tad bit busy. Wow. God. Okay. Don't be calling me out like that. So what do you like, do you have any insight for our listeners on like how to make,

[00:34:40] how to stop with that self-doubt? Because a lot of us get it. Like for me, you know, when opening up my business, I'm like, oh, you're a fucking imposter and this is not going to happen. But I was able to talk myself out of it just because tools that I have from therapy. But I don't think everybody has that, those tools in their tool set. And so I want to help people out with that. Totally. I always say like, it's so easy to jump to the tools, but I always say backing up first to like,

[00:35:09] what's your inner critic trying to tell you? And like, where did it come from? I really think it's helpful to look at root causes because sometimes this inner critic is actually like, or most of the times, a message we've internalized from either something that's happened, of course, whether it's like a challenge or trauma, or it's the voice of someone in our lives that criticized us, you know, means just whatever. And we've now like taken it on as our own, especially like often, you know, parents and things like that.

[00:35:38] So I always think it's important to start with like, okay, where is this coming from? When did this first develop? What is it trying to tell me? Oftentimes we can like judge the inner critic, of course, but it's like sometimes in a funny way, also just trying to keep you safe or protect you, which sounds a little counterintuitive, but quite interesting. And then I like to bring in like, if reframing works for you, okay, like how can you find a phrase that is more kind and positive and neutral?

[00:36:06] But I like to practice something called mindful self-compassion, where you are like bringing in mindfulness of the fact that you're struggling, you bring in this sense of common humanity, which is like, you know what? I'm not alone in this. Other people struggle with self-doubt and criticism and fears of failure as we're speaking about. And then the self-kindness. I like to do, like, I put one hand on my heart. I check in with myself, felt a little like, you know, weird at first and now it's quite comforting.

[00:36:33] And then some sort of kind phrase, like things will be okay. I'll get through this or something more empowering too. Yeah. I love that. See, these are all good for you, Dirty Skittles. Well, I mean, thank you so much for sharing your story and all your tidbits of advice and like you're very inspirational and like wise. And I'm like, oh, I feel calm.

[00:36:59] I'm like, it's not as bad as I thought it was a couple of minutes ago. And yeah, I don't know. I think our listeners will benefit a lot from hearing this as well. Like we all, though we're different, we are very similar in some of our beliefs. I think this is going to help a lot of people. We're all human. And that's something like as a therapist, it's easy to get clients that, you know, can think, well, therapists must have it together. But I practice in a way of like authenticity.

[00:37:28] We all have challenges. You know, we're all human. And that's what kind of makes us all like imperfectly perfect. And there's a phrase of in this mindful self-compassion, it's called like a compassionate mess. And I kind of love that. It's like we are. We're all human messes and that's okay. I love this. So where can our listeners find you? So I love to post on Instagram lately. I've been posting all the tips and mental health, you know, information and all that.

[00:37:57] I'm Alyssa K Therapy on Instagram. And then I have my own website. It's ak-psychotherapy.com. And that's where I have more on my specialties, some of the things we talked about today. And I offer consultations for new clients there as well. I love this. And I love your posts on Instagram. They've been kind of like getting me through like all the things that I needed to think about for myself and redirect my self-doubt and just do it.

[00:38:26] So opening my business on LinkedIn on 122. Oh, gosh. It's very exciting. Like celebrate this. This is so much where you are. I'm super excited. And like for our listeners, like for criticism, like take it for what it is. You can either learn from it or walk away from it. But in the 61 years that I've been alive, don't hold on to it because at the end of the day,

[00:38:55] if it doesn't bring you joy, you don't need to listen to it. Thank you so much. Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone. Bye.