You Are More Than Your Worst Mistake: Ranae on Childhood Trauma, People-Pleasing, and Accountability — Part 1
Sh!t That Goes On In Our HeadsOctober 20, 2026
7
00:34:0131.16 MB

You Are More Than Your Worst Mistake: Ranae on Childhood Trauma, People-Pleasing, and Accountability — Part 1

Ranae Van Roekel joins G-Rex and Dirty Skittles to share how unresolved childhood trauma, anxiety, shame, and people-pleasing contributed to life-changing decisions that ultimately led to federal prison. In this powerful mental health conversation, Ranae explores breaking the cycle of shame, taking accountability for past mistakes, and finding the courage to begin healing.

What happens when unresolved childhood trauma, decades of people-pleasing, and the fear of being judged lead you down a path you never imagined? In Part 1, Ranae Van Roekel joins G-Rex and Dirty Skittles for a deeply honest conversation about childhood sexual trauma, anxiety, shame, financial fraud, and the life-changing decision to take responsibility for her actions.

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Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads is a 2024 People’s Choice Podcast Award Winner (Best Health), 2024 Women in Podcasting Award Winner (Best Mental Health Podcast), 2026 Podcast Tonight Award Winner (Best Mental Health Podcast), and 2026 NYC Podcast Award Audience Choice Winner (Best Hosts), with over 4.5 million downloads and listened to in over 160 countries.

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Mental Health Quote

“I’m not saying I’m stupid. I’m saying I made a stupid choice.” — Ranae Van Roekel

Trigger Notice + 988 Crisis Reminder

Content Notice: This episode includes discussions of childhood sexual assault, rape, suicidal thoughts, depression, financial fraud, and the emotional impact of incarceration. Please listen with care and take a break if you need one.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis in the United States, call or text 988 or visit: https://988lifeline.org/

For crisis resources outside the United States: https://findahelpline.com/

Episode Description

What happens when the trauma you've spent your entire life hiding starts shaping decisions you never thought you'd make?

In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, G-Rex and Dirty Skittles welcome Ranae Van Roekel, a wife, mother, grandmother, and founder of Connecting to Cope, for an unfiltered discussion about childhood sexual trauma, people-pleasing, shame, and taking accountability when everything falls apart.

As a young girl, Ranae experienced sexual assault and tried to tell trusted adults what happened. Instead of receiving the support she needed, she learned to associate her experience with being "bad." That belief followed her into adulthood, contributing to a pattern of overcommitting, seeking approval, and struggling to face difficult truths.

Years later, what began as a small ticket-reselling business spiraled into fraudulent transactions. Ranae admits she made illegal choices while desperately trying to fix a situation that kept getting worse. The pressure, anxiety, and fear became overwhelming. Eventually, she faced a terrifying crossroads: end her life or come forward and take responsibility.

She chose to tell the truth.

Ranae shares what happened when she voluntarily contacted authorities, confessed to her husband, and began reaching out to the people she had harmed. The conversation also explores the emotional cost of apologizing, the impact of public judgment, and how her family's reactions changed everything.

This isn't a story about using trauma to excuse wrongdoing. It's about understanding how unresolved pain can shape behavior while recognizing that accountability and healing can coexist.

Sometimes, the first step toward changing your life is admitting that you can't keep living the way you have been.

Keywords: Ranae Van Roekel, childhood trauma recovery, people-pleasing, mental health and shame, sexual assault survivor, unresolved trauma, trauma responses, anxiety and depression, accountability and healing, overcoming guilt, mental health crisis, emotional resilience, family support, Connecting to Cope, mental health podcast

Meet Our Guest — Ranae Van Roekel

Ranae Van Roekel founded Connecting to Cope, a platform that helps people navigate trauma, emotional struggles, and personal growth through education, self-care, and community. After serving 36 months in federal prison, Ranae transformed her experiences with unresolved childhood trauma, accountability, and mental health recovery into a mission centered on compassion and second chances. Today, she also advocates for justice reform and a greater understanding of the human experiences behind incarceration.

Connect with Ranae:

Key Takeaways

  • Unresolved trauma can affect choices decades later. Ranae's childhood experience shaped how she saw herself, handled conflict, and sought others' approval.
  • People-pleasing can become a damaging coping pattern. Constantly trying to make everyone happy made it harder for Ranae to acknowledge problems and set boundaries.
  • Trauma explains context, not responsibility. Ranae distinguishes between the experiences that influenced her thinking and the criminal decisions she ultimately made.
  • Shame can keep people trapped in unhealthy cycles. Believing she was inherently "bad" fueled Ranae's fear of judgment and her avoidance of difficult conversations.
  • Taking accountability doesn't guarantee forgiveness. Ranae's apologies were important, even when the people she harmed remained understandably angry.
  • Support can make confronting the truth possible. Her husband's eventual willingness to face the consequences alongside her became a significant source of stability.

Actionable Items

  • Notice your people-pleasing patterns. The next time you're tempted to say yes when you're already overwhelmed, ask yourself whether you're acting from genuine willingness or fear of disappointing someone.
  • Separate your behavior from your identity. When you make a mistake, acknowledge what happened and what needs to change without automatically deciding that you are a terrible person.
  • Tell someone when you're struggling. If shame, anxiety, or an unresolved problem feels too heavy to handle alone, reach out to a trusted person or qualified mental health professional rather than trying to fix everything yourself.

Important Chapters

  • 00:01:08 — Ranae Opens Up About Her Story and Her Mission to Help Others
  • 00:01:38 — The Prison Doors That Changed Everything
  • 00:04:03 — The Decision to Stop Hiding and Come Forward
  • 00:05:45 — Choosing to Tell the Truth During a Mental Health Crisis
  • 00:07:26 — The Federal Fraud Conviction
  • 00:09:27 — Childhood Sexual Trauma and the Shame That Followed
  • 00:11:11 — How a Small Ticket Business Became Financial Fraud
  • 00:14:08 — People-Pleasing, Dissociation, and Trying to Fix Everything
  • 00:18:15 — Telling Her Husband and Family the Truth
  • 00:21:05 — A Husband's Anger, Love, and Decision to Stay
  • 00:22:05 — Apologizing to the People She Harmed
  • 00:23:55 — Federal Sentencing and Justice System Concerns
  • 00:29:27 — The Emotional Toll of Shame and Apologizing
  • 00:30:51 — Community Judgment and Protecting Her Family

Closing CTA

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#MentalHealthPodcast #MentalHealthAwareness #Grex #DirtySkittles #Podmatch #RanaeVanRoekel #ChildhoodTrauma #TraumaRecovery #PeoplePleasing #BreakingTheShameCycle #SexualAssaultSurvivor #AccountabilityAndHealing #MentalHealthRecovery #AnxietyAwareness #OvercomingShame #EmotionalHealing #FamilySupport #ConnectingToCope #SecondChances #HealingFromTrauma

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If You Need Support, Reach Out

If you or someone you know is facing mental health challenges, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline in your area. Remember, it’s OK not to be OK—talking to someone can make all the difference.

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Audio Editing by NJz Audio


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