Part 1: A Fluid Path: Navigating Identity, Relationships, and Mental Health

Dirty Skittle [00:00:01]:
Hey. Hello. How's it going?

Jay [00:00:04]:
Good, how are you?

Mr M [00:00:06]:
I am trying to find a good spot to hold this freaking phone.

Mr. T. [00:00:10]:
Your hand?

Mr M [00:00:12]:
No. Curse you, woman.

Dirty Skittle [00:00:23]:
They said bye toodles. He says toodles. So how have you been?

Mr. T. [00:00:30]:
I am awake and not crying.

Dirty Skittle [00:00:36]:
Dude, I say that at work all the time.

Mr. T. [00:00:38]:
I haven't cried now in like, for three days. So I feel like I'm over the hump.

Mr M [00:00:43]:
Good.

Mr. T. [00:00:44]:
Which is good. But I was telling them earlier because I'm bipolar and I was like but I'm literally mid manic mode right now. My house is super clean. I'm getting bored. I'm really just wanting to create some chaos for the plot right now. So I'm like, I need something to do. Otherwise we'll see what happens. All bets are off right now.

Dirty Skittle [00:01:11]:
So we've got you at like the prime time is what I'm hearing.

Mr. T. [00:01:15]:
Yeah.

Mr M [00:01:18]:
I cannot get this thing in a good position. Look at me.

Mr. T. [00:01:21]:
Yeah. Just getting over another recent breakup. Awesome. But otherwise, the more I talk through it with my friends and the more that I talk through it with myself, I'm like, what the fuck were you thinking? Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?

Mr M [00:01:43]:
Bingo. Bingo.

Mr. T. [00:01:44]:
But she told me I was pretty and gave me flowers. Yeah, she was a turf and voted for Trump.

Mr M [00:01:53]:
Right?

Dirty Skittle [00:01:54]:
Love was blind.

Mr M [00:01:56]:
I didn't know she was a turf, too. God, that's trash. Come on, man.

Mr. T. [00:02:02]:
That's not you know, I felt so stunted because we couldn't talk about politics and stuff.

Mr M [00:02:11]:
Loud, bro. That's brutal. Fucking wild.

Mr. T. [00:02:18]:
Yeah. So anyway, luckily I saw the signs early and we broke up. So I was like or I broke up with her, so I was like, okay, cool. Lesbian drama.

Mr M [00:02:32]:
You kept your average.

Mr. T. [00:02:34]:
Yeah.

Dirty Skittle [00:02:35]:
What's the average? What's that mean?

Mr M [00:02:39]:
She's always a dumper.

Dirty Skittle [00:02:42]:
Okay.

Mr M [00:02:43]:
Although I think I think we were.

Mr. T. [00:02:45]:
A mutual yes, we were.

Dirty Skittle [00:02:49]:
You going to go by a stage name?

Mr. T. [00:02:52]:
I guess. I told wife. I was like, if you want, I'll go by wife number two.

Mr M [00:02:56]:
And I told her to shut the hell up about that.

Mr. T. [00:03:03]:
AW, I don't know. I feel like I need a name. Can I be old fashioned, man? Is that something that I can be? Yeah, but I'm a woman. Okay.

Dirty Skittle [00:03:19]:
We can refer to you as the old fashioned man.

Mr. T. [00:03:22]:
Okay, that's cool. Oh, I could do that too. What is it? Oh, Princess Sassy Pants.

Dirty Skittle [00:03:27]:
Princess Sassy pants. Also a possibility. And what about for you, Miss? What will your stage name be?

Jay [00:03:51]:
I don't know. I'm pretty simple and I like continuity. So I'm like he's like Mr. M. So I'm like Mrs. M. Am I like, oh.

Mr. T. [00:04:09]:
Let'S not define her by who she's me. It was me.

Dirty Skittle [00:04:16]:
I fucked up. I'm sorry. All right. So old fashioned man and Miss J, right?

Mr. T. [00:04:21]:
Yes.

Dirty Skittle [00:04:22]:
Okay, cool.

Mr. T. [00:04:23]:
You know what? I changed my mind. Mr. T. Okay.

Dirty Skittle [00:04:27]:
Mr. T and Miss J. Or just J?

Jay [00:04:31]:
I'm just J.

Dirty Skittle [00:04:32]:
Okay, go on with just like okay.

G-Rex [00:04:35]:
Mr. M. Mr. T and J.

Dirty Skittle [00:04:37]:
All right, we're good.

Mr. T. [00:04:38]:
Yes, I remember g rex, what is your dirty skittles? Dirty skittles?

Jay [00:04:43]:
That's why I don't remember it.

G-Rex [00:04:50]:
Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of shit that goes on in our heads. Today we have the infamous Mr. M back. And we also have.

Mr. T. [00:05:13]:
Go.

G-Rex [00:05:13]:
Okay. Mr. T and J. Okay, hold the fuck on. Okay, ready? One, two, three. Welcome back to another episode of shit that goes on in our heads. Today we have the infamous Mr. M. Back, and we also have two additional guests, mr. T and.

Mr. T. [00:06:08]:
Woohoo.

Dirty Skittle [00:06:10]:
Hey, Mr. M, can you give us an infamous chapter?

Mr M [00:06:13]:
Oh, absolutely. Chapter one.

Dirty Skittle [00:06:19]:
Yes. First of all, I have to say, I can already tell our listeners are going to go crazy because your episode probably was the one I got the most. Like, what the fuck? Where's the rest of the story?

Mr M [00:06:32]:
Really? Okay.

Dirty Skittle [00:06:33]:
And I'm like, Yo, relax. We're trying to plan it. We're getting there. So I think people are just going to be wildly losing the sequel and conclusion. Yes.

G-Rex [00:06:45]:
I got some really nasty texts. They're like, really?

Mr M [00:06:49]:
What the fuck is this?

G-Rex [00:06:51]:
What do you mean? It's a cliffhanger.

Dirty Skittle [00:06:56]:
Okay, nice. Okay, so we're all back. For those that remember the story, let's give a quick little recap. We talked to Mr. M about his evolution from where he had started in his previous relationship and how he evolved into the beautiful, happy, blended family he has now. And as we're recording this, I have to say, Mr. M, you have two guests that are joining you at your house, and you are all together in different rooms, but nonetheless looking gorgeous as ever. So let's introduce Mr. T. Do you want to tell people who you are in that story that we heard of?

Mr. T. [00:07:35]:
Absolutely. So I am female identifying pronoun. She her. Mr. T, I am wife number two from Story. Yes.

Dirty Skittle [00:07:48]:
And Jay, tell the people who you are from Mr. M's story.

Jay [00:07:52]:
Hi. So, yes, I am partner. I am current partner.

Dirty Skittle [00:08:02]:
Mr. M?

Mr M [00:08:03]:
Yes.

Dirty Skittle [00:08:04]:
How are you doing today? All right?

Mr M [00:08:06]:
I'm good.

Dirty Skittle [00:08:07]:
Are you awake and not yeah, I am.

Mr M [00:08:09]:
I am, in fact, although the first person that said that today was Mr. T. So there you go. I guess I rubbed off on her as well.

Mr. T. [00:08:22]:
I literally have been saying that a lot. I'm awake and not crying, and everyone laughs, so I appreciate that.

Dirty Skittle [00:08:30]:
Yeah, I use it at work now, and I'm like.

Mr M [00:08:36]:
I hope this takes off. I don't take credit for it. I heard it somewhere on the Internet over the years, but I hope it takes off.

Mr. T. [00:08:44]:
It you made it.

Dirty Skittle [00:08:46]:
We got a little bit of each of your stories from Mr. M, but I want to kind of open it up and give you guys an opportunity to tell your piece of the puzzle. So let's start with you, Mr. T. What are you comfortable sharing with the world about you and your evolution from where we heard you mr. M's story to where you are now?

Mr. T. [00:09:03]:
Okay, so I'll try and keep it brief, but basically, I grew up in a very Christian household. I was taken to conversion therapy at, like, twelve, was in the closet until clearly Mr. M talked about that in your last episode. I struggled with my sexuality my entire life. And finally, when I met Mr. M, I did absolutely. Like, he is the best person that I have out of cisgendered hetero male persuasion. He's probably the best person that I have ever met of that type. So he really gave me a safe space, and he has become my chosen family, as has Jay, as has their kids. So I am utterly grateful for him being in my life and continuing to be in my life. And, yeah, that's pretty much my story, I'm sure. Probably G. Rex may be able to help me out on this, but I'm basically a baby gay right now because I came out at 35. So I'm basically making all the mistakes a 20 something year old lesbian would, which is really unfortunate because I will be 40 later this month, and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing with myself? Why am I putting myself in these relationships that are bad for me? Oh, yeah, because I'm like a 20 something year old lesbian who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing.

G-Rex [00:10:41]:
Anyway, you can talk to the 60 year old lesbian and I can tell you the mistakes not to make. Believe me, there's a ton.

Mr. T. [00:10:50]:
Oh, yeah, there absolutely is, I'm sure. And I'm just about three weeks post breakup right now with the most recent person I was seeing. And, yeah, I've come to realize more like, hey, what I'm willing to put up with, what I'm not willing to put up with. And honestly, a lot of who I base my partnerships on and how I want my partnerships to be was a lot of who is like, who is as a person, who is caring, who is interested in what I'm doing with my life, who encourages me, and he still does it as a friend. But that's something that I wanted a partner, too. And while I love and he enjoys his meat suit, it's not a meat suit that I like. So I need to find wait, we.

Dirty Skittle [00:11:38]:
Got to interrupt you for a second. We need you to say everything you just said, but don't say Mr. M. Sorry. We need hold up.

Mr. T. [00:11:51]:
The M, he is very much the embodiment of who I want as a partner, just as a woman. Let's face full. Mr. M is the full embodiment of who is an amazing human being who cares about others, who puts others first, but also realizes that he needs a partner that can also help out. And in my opinion, we had a pretty decent marriage. I felt like we were a good match for who we were. And I feel like Mr. M. And I did help each other grow a lot in our relationship because we had just both come out of very toxic relationships when we started dating. So I felt like we were a very safe landing space, I think, for each other and helped each other learn and grow and find out who we really are as individuals. While ultimately our romantic relationship didn't last, that our familial relationship. And I actually just funnily talked to him yesterday about this or the other day. I said, hey, by the know, do you mind if I list you as my emergency contact? I mean, Mr. M. Has always been an emergency contact, but would you mind being my primary emergency contact? And I'll just list you as my brother, and he's yeah, so.

Jay [00:13:22]:
I actually.

Mr M [00:13:23]:
Thought I was already an emergency contact.

Mr. T. [00:13:25]:
You are.

Mr M [00:13:29]:
Okay. I was secondary. And was that like your spouse or something?

Mr. T. [00:13:33]:
It was a spouse. Now you're just brother. Now you're just brother.

Mr M [00:13:37]:
There you go. That works.

Dirty Skittle [00:13:42]:
I have a random question, G. Rex. How long did it take you to evolve from being a baby in this world to now, a well developed woman?

Jay [00:13:53]:
That sounds dirty.

Mr. T. [00:13:56]:
You know what I mean?

Dirty Skittle [00:13:58]:
You know what I mean?

G-Rex [00:13:59]:
It's not dirty at all. But it took a while. I was probably in my late 20s when I kind of figured it all out. But I went for my current wife. We've been together for 28 years, and then I was with somebody for five years prior to that. It might have even been my 30s. Right. It's hard. I'm a player. I like to enjoy women, well developed women. I was looking for something that I couldn't find.

Mr. T. [00:14:38]:
Right.

G-Rex [00:14:38]:
Like, I wanted somebody that was a little intellectual. I liked somebody that wanted to party, but that was my 30s. Go, come here now. And I'm a totally different person. But in my twenty S and thirty S, even in my late teens, I was still trying to figure shit out. It's a hard path, and I'm going to say I think it's a little harder for women now because they don't have the number of bars that we had when I was growing it's. Everything's done through dating apps and things like that. I don't think I am that equipped even now to kind of go through that. So I think that Mr. T has a little harder right. Like, you can't just go to a bar and be like, hey, girl, it's all done through apps and stuff. And so I can totally feel for you.

Jay [00:15:32]:
Yeah, apps are scary because you don't.

G-Rex [00:15:36]:
Really know the person behind that app, right? Fuck, it could be a serial killer. Troy I know that they do background checks and shit, but fuck, I'd rather just go to a bar and be like, hey, you want to hook up and we'd be good.

Mr. T. [00:15:54]:
I think that's part of my problem is I also identify as demisexual and coming into my being more like Gray Ace. So I've never really been into hookup culture, necessarily, or anything like that. I do want to be in a long term, committed relationship with someone who, like you said, G rex, that you kind of want to party with, but you also want to have those deep intellectual conversations. And to be quite frank, women my age, it is slim, freaking pickens. It is like, oh, you're okay? I'm starting to realize why women at this age in life are single. Don't get me wrong, I've got my shit, too. But at the same time, it's a very hard dating pool as it is, especially at this age.

G-Rex [00:16:52]:
Yeah, I can't imagine, like, if something happened, my wife, right. I don't think I could go back out into the dating world. Number one, I don't want to train anybody new. Okay.

Mr. T. [00:17:02]:
Because.

G-Rex [00:17:05]:
It'S just hard.

Mr M [00:17:06]:
Right.

G-Rex [00:17:06]:
Like, I'm 60. Do I really want a 20 year old? I don't think so. I mean, maybe for a few things, but man, that's a lot of training. No.

Dirty Skittle [00:17:20]:
To go back to your story, Mr. T, you had mentioned that was it when you were twelve that you had to go to conversion?

Mr. T. [00:17:27]:
Yeah, conversion therapy.

Jay [00:17:29]:
Conversion.

Mr. T. [00:17:29]:
Yeah. So my mom caught me looking at dirty magazines when I was a kid. And then I got the whole what are you doing type thing and took me to a Christian therapist a couple of times and told me the horrible pitfalls of being gay and how you'll never have a good life and how God thinks it's wrong. Because I grew up very Christian evangelical, and I kind of felt safe in the identity of being, at the time, bi, because, well, then I can still marry a man. I dated women throughout when I wasn't in relationships with men, but honestly, there was also a lot of biphobia, and there still is in the lesbian community and lesbophobia, but there's a lot of biphobia where lesbians just would not date by women at all. And so you kind of get pigeonholed in. Well, it's harder to find by women in the aesthetic that, you know I believe Mr. M explained that is basically him, but as a butch lesbian, which is 100% the case. The heart one, he can confirm.

Mr M [00:18:55]:
But we had conversations of, like, if only you were a woman. And I was like, Well, I'm not, and I don't really want to be. I meant to kind of go down that rabbit hole a little bit in our last talk, was that during the pandemic, a lot of people's eggs cracked. Right. They found out they were either gay or queer or trans. Right. Two people that they were assigned male at birth. I really related to them as being a very similar energy type people, and they both came out as trans, and I was a little floored by that. Not so much that they were trans, but I looked up to them so much and I said, well, what's the difference between myself and these two individuals who are now identifying and out as women is that I actually like photos of myself. I don't actively shy away from how I appear, but that was very true for them. And now they are constantly taking photos, constantly showing off their outfits. It's awesome to see, but I had that moment as well. Well, do I identify as a different gender? And so I kind of had to kind of go through these steps of figuring out, do I like how I look? Do I want to change anything about my body? And I came to the conclusion of, yeah, I like how I look, and no, I wouldn't change my body in that way. So there you go. So it was a pretty prescient question that Mr. T had for me when we were going through the end of our romantic relationship, and it kind of let me open that door wider later.

Dirty Skittle [00:20:59]:
Yeah, I remember listening to the story in the first one that we recorded together, and it's always hard. Right. I obviously don't know what anybody what either of you have gone through, but I'm always trying to kind of put myself in that position, and I just remember thinking to myself how you both created a safe space for one another. While it may not have been the same, both you felt comfortable and safe enough to just explore who you are and to be yourself. So to get back to Mr. T, you're telling us that beginning experience where you were in conversion therapy, and I'm curious, after the like, how were you able to kind of hide that part of yourself?

Mr. T. [00:21:45]:
I basically just kind my let my Barbie scissor, made as many lesbian sims as I could and just kind of dealt with it and just, you know, clearly, this is not meant to be. I love my family. I don't want to lose I i will identify as bisexual. That's how I will appear. But when it came to serious relationships and I hate to say this because I love you, Mr. M, but men are generally fairly easy creatures. Let's be honest with one another.

Mr M [00:22:22]:
They're fairly not going to refute that, not going to refute that.

Mr. T. [00:22:32]:
It can be easier. But Mr. M was always you're you identify as bi or pansexual. Great. And he wasn't weird about it. He wasn't like you would expect most CIS white men to be like, oh, tell me all about tell me about your ex girlfriends, tell me about the women that you dated. Would you be interested in doing a threesome? And no, it was never like that. It was just that is your identity that's who you are. And I fell in love with Mr. M. I absolutely did, because he's such an amazing person. So has our love evolved over the years? 100%. Absolutely. He is my brother now.

Mr M [00:23:18]:
Right.

G-Rex [00:23:22]:
So I just have a question, Mr. M. So with all the stuff that you've been going through with Mr. M and just yourself, what do you do for self care and self love? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you getting therapy? What are you doing that keeps you grounded?

Mr M [00:23:42]:
Was that for I'm sorry.

G-Rex [00:23:44]:
Oh, Mr. T. Sorry.

Mr. T. [00:23:46]:
Yeah, that's okay. You said Mr. M, and I was okay. Being mentally healthy in this economy, can't afford it right now. So I have done therapy here and there, trying to delve into my mommy issues, as it were. When I did eventually come out, she was still very much practicing evangelical Christian, constantly saying, I love you. I don't like this choice that you're making. But at the same time, this isn't a choice, first of all, clearly, but would you rather have a dead daughter or would you rather have a gay daughter? Tell me which one you'd prefer. So I basically cut her off from my life as well as a lot of my family that did not accept my coming out when I was about five years ago now. But she has subsequently passed away from COVID Surprise, surprise. And I use that as a trauma mechanism. But, yes, I am on medication. I have done therapy. I'm at a place right now where living is expensive, and I just can't afford it right now.

Mr M [00:25:10]:
Well, could you please share with everyone what you tell me about what you're up to lately, as far as what phase of your life you're in? Because it's amazing, and I love it.

Mr. T. [00:25:22]:
The one where I told this afternoon.

Mr M [00:25:26]:
No, if you don't mind your Eggst, teenage poetry period.

Mr. T. [00:25:39]:
This is actually the first time that I've done this, but this most recent breakup that I had was very traumatic to me, and I've been writing, like, really shitty poetry, and I have shared a poem with and he actually, thankfully shared one with me with Mr. T. I'm sorry. I shared a poem with Mr. T that I or.

Mr M [00:26:03]:
Breath. Take a breath. Reset.

Mr. T. [00:26:08]:
Okay, so, yes, I am in my shitty poetry era, and I shared a poem that I wrote with Mr. M, and he shared one that he wrote while we were in the thick of believe, you know, and we both were, we know, experiencing a lot of pain in that moment. And I'm glad that we can come back to that and say, mr. M can say, here, this is what I was feeling when this happened to can't necessarily I can apologize for what he went through at the time of me discovering myself. I'm not unhappy with the way things turned out, just like I'm sure Mr. M is extremely ecstatic about the way.

Mr M [00:26:52]:
Things turned out in his mean, all right? I wouldn't go back and change a thing. Right? Like, I would not go back and go, well, what if we did this? Like, there's none of that, right? Our lives ended up where they are. I'm sorry, Mr. T. That you've gone through a lot of hard breakups and things like that, and I'm glad that you're still around. You're still my life, and you're still a pain in the ass.

Mr. T. [00:27:22]:
Answering my phone calls at 01:00 A.m..

Mr M [00:27:25]:
Yeah, 01:00 A.m. Pacing a parking lot, right? I will do that. Right.

Jay [00:27:32]:
I hover in the background and I'm like, tell her this.

Mr. T. [00:27:36]:
Tell her she needs to I knew that Jay would be awake at the time because Jay and Mr. M. Are very much night. You know, I was like, I know they'll be be they are going to be my emotional support right now, and hopefully I'm not for them know. But, you know, both Mr. M and Jay some know my closest friends, if not my closest friends, along with another friend that we have together.

Dirty Skittle [00:28:08]:
Yeah, I love that. I love that. So, Jay, that's like the perfect segue into who you.

Jay [00:28:19]:
Like. Hard to encapsulate, but I really empathize with a lot of what has been said about like, oh, I'm coming into my own, except I kind of feel like I'm going backwards. I feel like I was fully realized at 18 1920, and then.

Mr. T. [00:28:41]:
Okay, we.

Jay [00:28:41]:
Have to accept I permitted myself to get away from that, and now I am back to who that person is, and now I have all of this extra bonus family. I have two kids and I have Mr. M. And I have Mr. T. And I have a bunch of other people. So I kind of feel like and to me, that is like the full realization of my dream at 19 of living on a hippie commune with all of my friends nearby and just sharing resources and sharing ideas. And my kids adore Mr. T. Especially all the colored hair. That's always like, a big treat. And so I feel like I am coming back to who I was, and that person was like, fiercely and is fiercely independent, fiercely of my own mind, making my own decisions and creative and didn't want to do anything the way that things were said they should be done. I'm a mom, and also I don't want anything to do with the way life is supposed to be.

Dirty Skittle [00:30:15]:
Yeah. Have you guys ever I'm sitting here listening to all of your stories, and I'm like, how lucky to have found each other, right? You all work so well together. And I'm a little jealous, to be quite honest. I'm like, bizzle bud. Just kidding. That's my best friend. But seriously, right? You all are helping each other and getting something from each other as well. So it's such a beautiful dynamic to see, for sure.

Jay [00:30:51]:
Talking about apps. I was in a 17 year relationship, and so when that ended, the world of dating had changed. Right. My kid's dad and I met in high school in 10th grade, and so when I came out of that, the world was very different. I had never used an app for dating, and I was kind of overwhelmed, and it was pretty nervous making, so to speak. So I totally get when they're oh, apps are terrible.

Mr. T. [00:31:38]:
Right?

Jay [00:31:38]:
I didn't know what I was getting myself into. And the fact is that Mr. M and I met through an app.

Dirty Skittle [00:31:46]:
How long after your relationship? What was the time span from then.

Jay [00:31:50]:
To would, like, I would say there was from the official of separating households to meeting Mr. M. Was like, five months. Four months. Five months. But we have been in a process for basically, like, two and a half years leading up to that of really deciding where our future was going to go and were we going to stay together. So I would say it had been altogether it was like, almost three years or so since the end of the relationship to when I was like, yes, I'm going to try this app thing and see what happens.

Dirty Skittle [00:32:43]:
Yeah, I guess. How did Mr. M introduce you to his life? Why are you giggling? Why is everybody giggling?

Mr M [00:32:57]:
Okay.

Dirty Skittle [00:32:57]:
What have I talked?

Mr M [00:33:00]:
One of the first things I said to Jay was, so, I am married. We're trying this open relationship thing, but we're not romantic because she's a lesbian. I'm about to have five cats and a dog in my house.

Dirty Skittle [00:33:26]:
And Jay, you were, like, perfect.

Mr M [00:33:29]:
Sign me up.

Mr. T. [00:33:32]:
Yes.

Jay [00:33:32]:
And also, not only we're open relationship, but I'm polyamorous. I'm going to polyamory meetings. And here I am out of a 17 year long straight relationship. Let's say straight facing relationship with no experience in the dating world. And, yeah, my answer was, okay.

Mr. T. [00:34:08]:
Right.

Jay [00:34:09]:
Which I think many people are like, what? But here's my take, what I heard. Okay, all of those there's lots of words in there that could be real intimidating. But here's what I heard. I care enough about people to put aside my own feelings about what could be a scary situation, which could be a sad situation. I care enough about people to try to hear them through a difficult time. And who would not want that? Who would not think that that was an awesomely, attractive quality? Yeah, I want that also, because for me, my whole life was hearing a lot of, well, you should do this. You should be like this. Why can't you just do this thing? Why can't you be more affectionate? Why can't you say I love you more? Why can't you just be organized? Why can't you just be on time? You should do all of these things. That was early teens, all through my early adulthood, and I did not want any of that. And so to have a person that could say whatever you got.

Mr. T. [00:35:45]:
Okay.

Jay [00:35:48]:
Yeah, I was really on board for that at that time.

Dirty Skittle [00:35:51]:
Wow, that's cool. I like that that's what you heard through all of that. I'm curious because it sounds like it works so well together. Was there ever any growing pains just figuring out what the dynamic would be?

Mr M [00:36:08]:
So, yes, I can speak to that uniquely because I would get a bunch of like I would still have feelings of anxiety or guilt around Mr. T and what her emotional needs were. Especially at the very beginning of my relationship with a lot. I was feeling a lot of anxiety, a lot of guilt about not being around or spending time with Jay rather than with Mr. T and whatever she had going on at that minute, which was a lot, always. But there was also the pull of from both sides, why does this other person get to pull so much of your attention or so much of your focus? And so that was hard to get through a little bit of that. Luckily, Mr. T had a partner at that time, so that kind of softened that a little bit. And I didn't always feel, like, super guilty about it, but I did. I still did. But eventually everyone got to know each other, and we got more comfortable with that dynamic, and it just kind of mellowed out. I don't think it was ever any romantic jealousy from Jay. I don't believe that in the slightest.

Jay [00:37:32]:
Oh, no.

Mr M [00:37:34]:
But it was definitely like an attention. Again, I don't want to call it jealousy, but needing more of me to be present in that moment, rather than worrying about what was ever going on with we would there were times where Jay would have her kids and I wouldn't see them. I didn't meet the kids for nine months, so we'd have a week on where it was myself and Jay, and there'd be a week off where it was Jay and her kids, and then I would go do whatever. And that was usually, like, the time where I would then be able to focus on other things, other relationships. So that really helped that kind of work itself out, like getting kind of used to that rhythm as well. It's like, oh, it's a kid week, so Matt's going to be around and do this thing. Oh, it's a not kid week, so going to be absent. Mr. M is going to be absent. So that really did help kind of smooth things out in the long run.

Jay [00:38:41]:
I came into it with my own structure. Let's say I'm a very structured person, and when we started seeing each other and anybody that I was talking to on the apps, I knew exactly what I'm willing to share my time. But these are the days that I'm willing to share. The rest of the time, I will be off limits. So if. That is, if I'm with my kids, I'm focused on my kids. I will not answer texts randomly. Most likely, I will be out of contact, and so you have to be okay with that. And I was pretty upfront, just like Mr. M was upfront about what his situation. I was upfront about what I had to give and what I didn't have to give. I wasn't necessarily looking for a long term relationship, but I had done many years of therapy, and I had come to conclusions about who I was on my own and the stuff that made me work. But you have to take the next step and start learning about how you interact with other people right. And what happens when you start interacting with people, because we don't exist in vacuums. And so I was very clear, like, this is what I have. You can text me on all hours, but I won't respond. And if that's a problem for you, then we're not going to. So that was definitely, I think, made some anxiety for Mr. M. Because he was used to different types of relationships yes. That were very emotionally, immediately responsive. And I tried to be clear, that doesn't mean that I don't want to see you, and that doesn't mean that I'm not interested. But this is my reality. And so if you like our time together, and I'm willing to talk about it, like, what's going on for you when you have feelings. But if that gives you anxiety, then maybe take a look at why that is giving you anxiety.

Mr M [00:41:08]:
Right. That's an immediate juxtaposition to Mr. T's style of communication. Right. Literally, she will text me back when we were back then, a couple, she would text me, and I'd, like, think immediately, oh, my God, he's dead. He hasn't responded in 30 seconds.

Mr. T. [00:41:35]:
Let's face it. It wasn't 30 seconds, Mr. M, but okay, fine.

Mr M [00:41:39]:
Probably two to five minutes.

Mr. T. [00:41:42]:
Okay. I know that I am anxiously attached. It's something that I have been trying to work on myself, and I have been actually getting better at it. Thank you very much.

Mr M [00:41:54]:
Right, exactly. No, you've done a lot of I've.

Mr. T. [00:41:57]:
Done a lot of work on that. I really have. And I am generally only like that with my partners. But if it's getting to, like, hey, it's been 4 hours. WTF, my dude.

Mr M [00:42:14]:
Well, also add on to the top of the fact that I'm type one diabetic who is prone to not doing exactly what he needs to do to correct blood sugars one way or the other. And I could be either comatose from low blood sugar or be, like, in some sort of sugar toxic shock from high blood sugar, so right. It's just one or the other. I could have been dead. It's true.

Dirty Skittle [00:42:39]:
Yeah.

Mr. T. [00:42:40]:
Wasn't too far off. I feel like dirty skittles maybe, like, ten years ago or so. Saw you have an episode at work, perhaps? I don't know if you remember that dirty skittles, but where a friend of ours, I think, ended up calling me, and I was at work at the time. Something's wrong with yeah, right. It was Mr. T. Yeah, that's what it was.

Mr M [00:43:06]:
Right? It's true. The old silver fox.

Mr. T. [00:43:12]:
Silver Fox.

Mr M [00:43:15]:
He'd be so mad. He'd be so mad.

Mr. T. [00:43:19]:
The names.

Dirty Skittle [00:43:23]:
So, as a listener, I think it's very interesting that the three of you were going through almost self discovery at the same time, just in different ways. So going back to Mr. T, you're in this healthy relationship with Mr. M, but you are still, at your core, somebody different. So can you talk to us about maybe what it took to give you that courage to say, okay, I can't deny who I am.

Mr. T. [00:43:53]:
Think I think I can hearken back. I think Mr. M did say this, but I was definitely the side chick to someone else who looking back again, baby. Lesbian. Terrible decisions were made, but then I was learning to crawl before you learned to walk. I started talking to someone new, and we hadn't met. We had talked for a couple of weeks, and something happened where they're like, okay, well, I don't really see this going anywhere. And I was absolutely devastated. I was devastated over someone that I had never met, over someone that I felt like I was really into. I felt like we had created this emotional connection because lesbians, after two weeks and that's complete after the second date.

G-Rex [00:44:47]:
No, it's not the second date. That's when the U Haul is usually that's true.

Mr M [00:44:51]:
That's what the U Haul coupon expires.

Mr. T. [00:44:55]:
So we didn't even go on a date. We didn't even go on a date. And I had, like, a really big self reflective moment, and I was thinking to myself, like, why am I so incredibly devastated over this person that I have never even met but felt such a strong connection to on so many different levels? It wasn't physical. It was just emotional to me. That's where I was. I love I love my husband, but I believe he touched on this, or Mr. M touched on this briefly. Our relationship was never super intimacy focused, as it were, which, granted, I am not a super intimately focused person right now, but I actually feel much more enjoyment in the intimacy that I have now with people that I'm dating or with partners. So I don't know where I was going with that, but that's why I eventually came out to Mr. M. Yeah.

Mr M [00:46:03]:
That was the moment. You were like, we need to talk.

Mr. T. [00:46:08]:
Three days before your birthday.

Mr M [00:46:10]:
Right. It was four days. Give yourself some four days.

Mr. T. [00:46:14]:
But to my credit, the chewies that I got for your birthday that year was amazing.

Mr M [00:46:20]:
It was very it was amazing.

Mr. T. [00:46:23]:
I don't know if you were there dirty skittles, I think you might have been there.

Dirty Skittle [00:46:26]:
Dirty Skittles was this single dirty skittles days?

Mr. T. [00:46:29]:
Because I remember.

Mr M [00:46:29]:
No, it was you. I think you and Bizzle were in Georgia the first time. Or were in that process. It may have just been Bizzle. I don't believe dirty skittles ever went to our house in park, so oh.

Dirty Skittle [00:46:46]:
I don't remember what house I went to that you all lived in. It was like a townhome.

Mr M [00:46:52]:
Yeah, so it wasn't. That helps.

Dirty Skittle [00:46:53]:
Okay. I never got to see the other house. You're right.

Mr M [00:46:58]:
Right.

Dirty Skittle [00:47:01]:
Sorry to end on a cliffhanger. Don't worry, though. We'll be back next week with part two. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.