Middle Fingers, Mental Health, and Milestones: Wrapping Season 10 with Love and Laughter

[00:00:06] Hey there, listeners. Welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, G-Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests. Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion.

[00:00:35] Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Three, two, one! Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads. Today I have my amazing co-host, Dirty Skittles, and today is our Season 10 Season Ender.

[00:00:59] Hey dude, sup? Like how the fuck did we get to Season 10? I don't know, but I have to confess. To our listeners, when we do our countdown, when we go three, two, one, the one is a middle finger. And what happens is, what you don't see is G-Rex typically is deep in thought. She's not really watching me on the Zoom. And so this go around, I said like this, I went one, and I did two middle fingers.

[00:01:30] So when you watch the recording back, you're going to see that. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? Yes, I, okay, I admit, I close my eyes when I'm doing the countdown. Because that's just how I kind of keep everything in sync. It's when you decide not to do the middle finger, that one second that I do open my eyes, we have to re-record the intro. Also when it's just you and I, we're like a bunch of children.

[00:01:58] We are a bunch of children. But you know what? We're lovable children. And you know, we're old and we forget things and we have to take a lot of notes. It's kind of weird. How did we get here, man? We're 10 years old. We are 10 years old. 10 years old for season 10 ender. Wow. No, I don't know. I don't know how we got in here.

[00:02:23] But I do feel like at least today was the first time. I know this isn't going to sound shitty, but the first time I saw such a purpose in what we do. Like it's crazy out there, man. The world is crazy. And our little voices are helping carry a conversation that is difficult to have because it's around mental health. You know, there's just so much stigma around it, around that right now.

[00:02:52] But what I'm, what brings me a lot of hope and a lot of joy is that, you know, we have a pretty nice sized audience on LinkedIn. And businesses are starting to take this more seriously. Like in the last two to three years, I've seen a bigger push for mental health than I had seen in the five years prior. And, you know, we've have this amazing community, right? And they're always sharing our stuff out and we're getting brand new listeners like every day.

[00:03:22] We averaged almost 100,000 downloads the last month. Like it's, it gives me a tiny bit of anxiety. And, you know, if you guys don't know us, it's dirty Skittles. She usually gets super anxious, but the tables have turned and now it's me getting super anxious. So season 10, season 10. And it was a good season.

[00:03:52] Like we had so many amazing guests this season. Yeah. And, and just like in season nine, like how, you know, what we talked about kind of reflects real life for us. Yes. It's kind of going the same way. And. I think this is your turn. Like season nine, I feel like. Selfishly was like everything that we were covering with our guests.

[00:04:19] Lined with what I was going through at the moment, my struggles. And then season 10 started to become about. Um. Almost like a vision board for me. Right. Like I was like, Oh wow. These are beliefs or thoughts or practices that I want to put in place or that I'm going to put in place. But as I would, as I was listening to some of the guests, I heard you. You know what I mean? Like I was like, Oh, I've heard you Rex talk about this, or. I know that she's doing these things also.

[00:04:48] So I think this is season 10 is your turn. So yeah. And putting everything into practice. And, you know, now that my company's open and. I've had a whole bunch of different opportunities open up for me that I never thought would be. Attainable. And so. Why it's scary. It's also really cool. And. If this season, you know, I actually created another podcast with our first guest of season

[00:05:16] 10, which was Lisa Sugarman and our podcast. The other podcast that I'm doing is all about suicide awareness. And it comes from a perspective of. A suicide survivor. Three times suicide survivor and me as a suicide attempt survivor. So, you know, taking my pain and putting it to purpose in like different areas and shit that goes on our heads isn't going to go away.

[00:05:43] It's just a different focus type of podcast. But on this podcast, like we love our guests and we love. Everything that we've learned. And. For me, it's free therapy. Yes. I still see my therapist twice a month. But like when we record on Saturdays, this is like a whole mother's. All other tools that I haven't even explored. It's fun. It's fun to record with your friend and meet new friends.

[00:06:12] And now we've got like this little podcast family happening. And I do want to say, like, when you're talking about your other podcast, that's going to start. I think that is such an important topic that the conversation should continue. You know what I mean? Like, I think that's how you should think of it is the conversation will continue over there. To talk more about that topic. And I think a lot of people find the benefit in it. And like, what a great way to put that information out there.

[00:06:40] And for anybody listening who. Can relate, you know, they've experienced that loss in their personal life or they've gone through something or they're thinking about going through something, God forbid. They can click on that podcast. Yeah. And excuse me, I got a little furball in my throat. But the name of the podcast is the survivors and it's life, death and everything in between. So, yeah, just tune in and we hope that you get something out of it. But for our little podcast, shit goes on in our heads.

[00:07:10] Like it was such an incredible season. We started off with Lisa Sugarman. She is the creator of the help hub.co. And what I found really amazing with her is that she took her pain. And turned it into this amazing thing.

[00:07:33] She found her purpose and her purpose is really about preventing suicide and helping those that are, have that, those ideations in their head. And she talked a lot about grief and like what that felt like for her because she didn't find out that her father had committed suicide until she was 45 years old. Yeah. I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, she's had to grieve her dad's death twice. Yes.

[00:08:02] Isn't that wild? It is wild. And so, and like it's so hard. And she, you know, she's an acclaimed author and a columnist and, but she just pours her heart into everything she does. And, you know, the world's a better place because of her passion and her purpose have helped countless people out there. And, you know, she was just such a gracious guest and I loved having her on. I did too. I did too.

[00:08:30] Another standout guest in my mind is Honey Badger. Yes. Honey Badger was amazing. And, you know, once again, talking about grief. A lot of grief is it. Yeah. You know, grief is kind of generational and it is, it was, things that you learn or things that have happened in your past do creep back up to, you know, catch you when you're not thinking about it. Grief never stops, no matter how old you are or when it happened.

[00:09:01] Yeah. It always kind of sticks with you, but it's how you deal with it. Yeah. That makes you able to like continue on with your life. And make, and I was just about to say, make sure you're dealing with it in a healthy way. But I think coping through grief, like there's not like a blueprint for it. There's not something you can read that'll tell you how to do it.

[00:09:21] I think what I took from her episode was just be mindful of others that are also experiencing that loss and know that their way of getting through that. If you don't agree with it, shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? Like that's their way of doing it. And whatever they need to make that journey, we should be supportive of that. I'm very supportive.

[00:09:48] And, you know, she brought up another really key point is that, you know, have your affairs in order. Yeah. You know, have your wills, know where your legal documentation is. Have that all kind of set up before it happens, because I will tell you there's nothing worse than dealing with it when none of it's set up. Yeah. I don't remember if I brought it up on that episode, but there's a local shop here and they have this book.

[00:10:15] And I've thought so much about getting it for my mom because I feel like my mom would enjoy it. And the book is called So I've Died Now What? And when you open it up, it tells you like everything you need to know about that person's affairs. Like it has it all out there and they fill it out before obviously they get to that point. And then you open. I know it sounds that sounds morbid, right? But no, I think for people who think about those sort of things, what a great place to have it all put together. Yeah.

[00:10:45] I'll document it because there's nothing worse than like going through file cabinets or maybe there's a lockbox and you don't know where the key is. And you don't know what you don't know. Yeah. I see. So hard. And then, you know, the other guests that we had were Johnny and Christy. And man, what a story. You know, we touched a lot on alcoholism and domestic abuse and just how messed up the laws are in Georgia.

[00:11:16] And. Oh, I know. I know. Yeah. Never forget the look on your face when Christy said that she. When they arrested her. Arrested her. Yeah. And she was the one being abused. You know, how does that work? She gets arrested. She gets arrested. But, you know, Johnny just stopping drinking because it was affecting everything that he was, you know, trying to do in his life.

[00:11:40] And once he stopped drinking, the kind of crazy thing about that is now he runs a winery with his family. And it's a beautiful winery. If you're ever in Georgia, go to the Carnes Winery. It is absolutely beautiful. Yeah. The wines are great. And, you know, the thing that Chris that was really kind of cool with Chrissy is like her ex-husband was like a narcissist and an alcoholic and very abusive.

[00:12:07] And she had already been an Al-Anon before she had met Johnny. And she had the tools. She had the tools and she was able to help Johnny figure out what those tools were and making it work. And, you know, anytime you have something between like you and your spouse or you and your partner, the more you talk about it and you try and work through it together, the better it is.

[00:12:34] Like when you like keep it all bottled up to take with yourself, you don't give your partner a chance to help you kind of figure out what's going on. Yeah, I what I took from that that episode was she had the tools. But when I say that it wasn't just for Johnny, right? Like she went through that herself, gave herself the tools to know her worth. Right.

[00:12:58] So that when it happened again in her life, she wasn't lost. She was like, OK, I know my worth. And I really love that she was secure and who she was and what she deserved. And it was up to him to fucking get it together or not. But she wasn't going to force him to do it. And she wasn't going to wait around. Right. Like it was like, OK, you want to do that? That's fine. But I'm not going to be there for it. Yeah.

[00:13:26] Like when she moved all his stuff out of the room, when he started drinking again, I mean, that was a wake up call for him. And, you know, you have to make those choices. And, you know, even for me, you know, hindsight is 20, 20. Like when I was battling my depression, like I didn't open up to anybody, not even my wife. And yes, I regret that now. But now I have different tools and, you know, I make them work for me. And part of that is like opening up when things are not good. Yeah.

[00:14:05] And then we had Kurt and he was so awesome. So Kurt and I had gone to high school together. Actually, I think he graduated way before I did, but I had known of him. Wow. Way before I did. OK, dude, he's like 63 and I'm 61. OK, whatever. Like 100,000 years old. But the thing with Kurt, he took his pain.

[00:14:31] And, you know, when Kobe came around, it just it messed everybody up. Right. Being stuck at home, not being able to work out, not being able to do anything. And what he did is he started working out and ended up becoming a bodybuilder and being on stage and just really like it was his tool to boost his mental health. And he was my bad. Whatever.

[00:15:02] You can do whatever you want to on the show. Yeah. I mean, he what a lovely human being, though. Like, I'm jealous that you got to go to school with him. I wish I had like a little time machine so I could see the two of you in school together. I wasn't any taller than I am now, maybe like an inch. But, you know, we you know, we both graduated from Columbine and he still lives in the area. So when Columbine happened, he was, you know, right in the midst of that.

[00:15:31] And, you know, doing documentaries and, you know, really doing a lot for racial, you know, things that weren't right racially. And, you know, he just he's just super smart and just very humble about what he does. You know, him and his wife hadn't been married for years. And, you know, he did like me. He just decided to not do the corporate thing anymore and went out on his own. And you get to a certain point in your life, you're like, I don't want to work for the man anymore.

[00:16:00] But you still want to work. I don't work because I have to. I work because I want to. And now I get to pick and choose what I want to do. Yeah. And enjoy what you do because you're doing it for you now. I am. And I'm so much more happier. At least that's what everybody tells me. At least now I smile more. Hey, there were a couple months there. I didn't smile for a while. Okay. Listen, you can't hide resting bitch face no matter how hard you try.

[00:16:28] And the older you get, the more it just sticks out. It sticks out like a sore thumb. You're like, yeah, that's too funny. And then we had Alicia. Alicia. Oh, she was so good. She was a ball of energy, man. She was like. We're rushing though, right? Like, so like I remember feeling like, wow, it's like summertime. Like I was able to breathe and take a breath of fresh air and relate to her on the struggles of curly hair and not wanting to embrace my curls.

[00:16:58] And I remember us talking about that for a hot minute on just how long it takes to straighten your hair and her. And her conversation with us, her embracing herself, looking at my little cheat sheet. One note I had is like how important it was for her. And I think I can really in a journey that I've gone through, like having your, your village believe in you. Mm hmm.

[00:17:23] I don't know how far I would have gotten or would even continue to get in life if I didn't have someone that I loved that believed in me. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And, you know, she just really embraces life and, you know, she has her own set of clients and she's all about, you know, building really strong, trusting relationships. And I love that she was, you know, able to, she had a, you know, she had a tough childhood. Mm hmm.

[00:17:53] But she's, you know, done a lot of moving around and she's with her partner and he's very supportive of her and just makes, makes her life so much easier. Right. Because if you have a supportive partner and, you know, you think in your heart that you're making a crazy decision, but, you know, you get buy in from them and you're like, oh, okay, let's do this.

[00:18:15] That's, that for me was kind of like a light bulb moment for me because by the time we had that conversation with her, I had already put in my two weeks and I was like, let's just do it. Isn't that interesting? Hope for the best. How having someone who believes in you is like, makes a world of difference. Yeah, 100%.

[00:18:36] Like, you know, there are certain things I wouldn't do in my life without having like permission or like maybe a nudge to do it. And so like when, you know, my wife's like, quit your job. I'm like, for a minute, I had a little bit of a heart attack. I'm like, really? She quit my job. But she believed in me and she believed in what I was doing. And at that point, you know, I'd been through two years of therapy and I thought I was ready.

[00:19:04] And we're going to see what happens. Yeah. You're on your journey now. I am. And then we had Alyssa and Alyssa reminded us of how important it is to take care of ourselves. Okay. Sleep, exercise. Bye. She really did, though. Like it was she was like the good angel. She was. Right. Like telling us, you know, like if she could see how many Red Bulls I've had today, you know, she'd probably have something to say about it.

[00:19:32] But I loved that like she is being intentional. And I remember towards the end of the conversation, her talking about getting back into music and her love for music. And I think why it was so impactful for me is because I felt like the whole episode, she was very nurturing to us, like giving us that love and that care. And then towards the end, just to see like that little flash of like happiness, like because for her to nurture herself with music, I thought was really cool. Yeah.

[00:20:00] I loved how she reminded me to like get enough sleep and get some exercise and, you know, learn how to manage your anxiety. And a calming voice, right? In a very calming voice. And I was like, you know, this needs to replay for me like 47 times a day. But, you know, like I said, by that time, you know, I like my job and I was trying to figure out what my next step was going to be.

[00:20:27] And now here I am and I have a customer and doing the things that make me happy. And like by just following those simple practices, right? Like now I have a set time that I go to bed and now I have a set time that I get up. The only exercise I get right now is going up and down the stairs because it's been cold and snowy. But like reminding myself like everything to just be in the present, right?

[00:20:56] And take care of your spouse. Yep. And then we had Audley. She was a little spitfire too. I loved it though. And I still like, I really want to set some time aside to just dive more into my thoughts on something that she spoke about because she's the second person that I remember that we've had on the podcast that has specifically called out the alcohol industry and moms. Yes.

[00:21:24] And it's something that I never really noticed until the two individuals who brought it up. And then I'm like, you know, that's right. Mommy sippy cup. I remember talking about that with her. Yeah. And had like a little wine glass inside of it. And the fact that, you know, sobriety doesn't mean that you feel your rock bottom. Right. It means like you take a deep look at yourself and look at how alcohol is affecting you. Right.

[00:21:51] And then what does it look like for you stepping away from that? Yeah. And, you know, it's very brave. Right. Like I, even for myself, like I haven't had a drink in months. Yeah. I can't think of the last time. I went, because now I have other things and that are like, I want to do. And I want to be, I want to be awake and I want to be like feeling that moment and feel excited about it. And I love the fact that she wrote a book about her experience.

[00:22:22] That's, you know, so that she can pass that on to other readers or other people that are thinking about wanting to quit drinking. And, you know, another example of taking your pain and turning it into purpose. And, you know, the fact that sharing that and, you know, she's active now and she's able to, you know, go out with her friends, even if her friends drink, you know, just being, feeling better inside.

[00:22:51] That to me is what it's all about is feeling good about yourself. Right. No matter what anybody else says, because at the end of the day, you're the person who has to live with you. Yeah. Yeah. You hit it right on the head. You hit it right on the head. I think her episode was the first time I ever heard somebody say anxiety. And I was like, what is that? And then I'm like, oh, that is a thing. Yeah, you're right. You don't have to hit rock bottom. You just choose to step away because it doesn't do any good for you.

[00:23:21] And I've had anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. Right after, right around the time I retired, you know, even though y'all gave me a helmet, didn't seem to help because I ended up going back to New York with a stand-up leaner. Yeah. In retrospect, I think you were pretty heavy for your exit out. Yeah. It was bad. But it was good too. You know, hindsight is 20-20. And then we finished the season with Summer.

[00:23:50] And Summer was so open about her struggles with anxiety and depression and just wanting to break the cycle and doing things that made her feel good. She was so real and raw. Like, I remember thinking like, oh, we found our people because we clicked, right? Like, I was like, I could literally talk to you forever about the fucked up shit that goes on in my head. Yeah. On a daily basis and how it was generational for her too.

[00:24:19] And how, like, in her own, like, family life, it was still kind of going on, but she was still working on herself. So she wasn't feeling that anxious and that depression and, you know, breaking that cycle and just doing things that made her feel better. Yeah. And like truly doing it for herself and not listening to people who are like, why are you doing that? Like, that's crazy. Yeah.

[00:24:43] Like, not having naysayers because, you know, we all have our naysayers and it's usually ourselves telling us, oh, no, we're not, you're not crazy. You're fine. And then, like, in the next breath, like, you're an idiot and you suck. But, you know, just she was our people and she really, like, wanted to, you know, share her message and let people know it's okay. Just like you and I say, you know, it's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to somebody. Yeah.

[00:25:10] You know, and really reiterating, you know, the use of 988 and the other crisis hotlines out there because more, now more than ever, you know, people need to know it's okay to call in and talk to somebody. All right. You brought this up, season 11, one of the episodes we've recorded for season 11, spoiler alert, but you did bring that up. How great it is to see 988 so much more now than ever before. I love that's happening.

[00:25:38] I do too because for anybody that's listening and you're in crisis, right? It doesn't have to be suicide. It doesn't have to be anything. But you're in crisis and you just don't know where to turn, call 988 or go out to thehealthhub.co. And Lisa has a ton of crisis hotlines, resources and crisis hotlines that you can use. And let me tell you, the crisis hotlines are free.

[00:26:03] They're anonymous, like, and they're really compassionate people that just want to help. And it's a clean site. I remember looking at it and not, wasn't sure what to expect, but it was not overwhelming the way she has her links listed out. And like everything grouped together was very like, the last thing you need when you're in crisis is to try to read through a website and figure out where all the shit is. But this was very easy. Right. Or go through Google.

[00:26:29] If you type in mental health in Google and you get back a shit ton of sponsored links that aren't going to help you, right? So I, you know, for season 10, I just want people to really like take a look at yourself. Be kind to yourself. You know, give yourself patience and grace that there's a lot going on in this world.

[00:26:52] And, you know, make sure you're taking time for yourself and checking out of, you know, social media, checking out of the news, you know, spend time, more time with family and friends. Take care of yourself. Yes. Take care of yourself. And I can't wait for you guys to listen to us for season 11. I know. We'll be back. We'll be back. Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles.

[00:27:20] Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.