Healing Together: Johnny and Cristy on Codependency, Boundaries & Growth (Part 2)

[00:00:00] Trigger Warning, this episode discusses alcoholism. Please take care of yourself accordingly. Hey there listeners, welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, G-Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests.

[00:00:26] Each episode we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion. Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads.

[00:00:55] Today I'm here with my amazing co-host, Dirty Skittles. And this is the continuation of last week's story with Johnny. Today we have Christy. I'm so excited to have Christy on with us. Welcome, Christy. Thank you so much. Thank you for inviting us and being part of this podcast and I appreciate that. Yeah. I'm excited to hear about your story. Okay. Here's Christy. Yeah.

[00:01:20] So we know that you met Johnny. Your friends are neighbors with his mom. That went over well. I'm just kidding. But before you became neighbors with his mom, who is Christy? How did you get to Georgia?

[00:01:39] Well, I am from Ecuador and I came to United States in 1999. So when I came to United States, my first estate where I used to live, it was New York. My dad lives in New York for probably 45 years already. And I decided that I'm just going to come for vacation. But my vacations ended up being for so many years.

[00:02:07] I'm still here. And I lived in New York for probably nine years. And then I moved back to Georgia. Obviously, my the father of my children. So I met him in New York and he is from the same city that I'm coming from from Ecuador.

[00:02:26] Because we have common friends that they introduced each other and then we ended up married. And we decided to visit some friends in Georgia. We love Georgia. We compare the difference between living in New York versus Georgia. We love Georgia. And we ended up staying here. I mean, I love Georgia. Georgia is amazing. And I miss New York too, probably because of my family, my dad and all of that.

[00:02:53] Yeah, I love Georgia. But yeah, I love Georgia. So I ended up coming here and my first son, he burned in New York and I have my daughter. She's 17. He's from Georgia. So yeah, that's basically how I started my life being in the United States. Okay. All right. So you have two children? Yeah, that is correct. From a previous marriage? Mm-hmm.

[00:03:19] And I mean, I don't even know how to say way into it, but how do we get to, how do we get to Johnny? Okay. So, so basically, um, I being married for 24 years with my ex and he is an alcoholic and, um, we work hard.

[00:03:41] I think when we started our relationship, uh, I think I was probably more successful than him. And both of us, we were working together to have what we have and working hard for, have a business. So, um, he's a mechanic and we built a nice shop in Marietta.

[00:04:04] And, um, I was working hard with him, always working hard with him and, um, ended up to the point where I don't know what alcoholic does or how is alcoholism and all that kind of stuff. But, um, we have, I will say he was a good provider, excellent provider to our house, to our children.

[00:04:28] But I was like, um, I was, when I talked to people about that, I was like a little bird in a gold cage. Okay. Because I have everything that you can imagine, but happiness zero. And I was, uh, frustrated woman, a sad woman, the Christ most every day because, you know, my dad, he used to drink.

[00:04:55] And I remember where he was the kind of person that he drinks every Friday. And sometimes he, he was violent with my mom. So I did see that. And I always, I was thinking, I don't want that for me. And that's the last thing that I want in my life. But I don't know at this point. I don't think, I don't know at this point if my, my dad was an alcoholic.

[00:05:22] He was, like I'm saying, he used to drink every Friday, but I don't know how. Sorry. Okay. It's hard to remember things, you know, in my childhood. And, and by no means do you have to work through that on this podcast.

[00:05:49] So if you want to steer away from the family topic, we totally can. So anyway, that's the last thing that I want in my life. But unfortunately I didn't take the time to know my ex, you know? Yeah. I just, I was the only child and I was overprotect from my parents. And I think I just want to escape from that. I just want like run away and have my own life where I can do anything that I want. Big mistake.

[00:06:16] Because that's what most of people we do. We just being overprotected. We just want to escape to see the real world. And that is when you hit the wall because you're married. There is another stage in your life where you don't have the freedom to do anything you want. So anyways, I married when I was very young. I was 19 when I got married and I just decided I'm just going to get married.

[00:06:46] And that's it. Forget it what my mom or my dad say. So I was living like I'm saying, you know, I have everything, but I don't have happiness. And he was the kind of guy that used to come every day drunk every day, most of the time. And several things happened in my house that he was treating my son bad, you know? And I was always for my son.

[00:07:16] So defending my children. But every time it was getting worse because alcoholism is like that. It's getting progressive more and more and more and more. But I think you get used to it with that, that you don't realize what's happening. Because if I see back, I remember that he was drinking every weekend. Then later on, one day becomes in two days, Saturday and Sunday, and then is progressive.

[00:07:44] So would I get to the point that he was drinking most every day? So we have our business in Marietta. And I figured it out that sometimes my ex, he just disappeared. I used to be in the shop most every day because I do political and everything, you know, papers in the office. And also I have my makeup studio next door. So I was helping him a lot.

[00:08:09] And sometimes I find him or I catch him that he was drinking, you know, hiding upstairs where we have the tires. He was drinking. And I catch him so many times and I'm like, something is going in here. And then I start searching things. So basically and technically he was an alcoholic. I was trying to help him all the time. And he promised us all the time because every time was something different.

[00:08:36] He promised us that he's going to change, that he's going to change, that he's going to change. And then after two days, he was like, because the last time I told him and I said, you know what? I'm tired of this. We need to get the divorce. And he promised me. He's like, no, I need, you know, I say you need help. He's like, I already have a place where you can go and they can help him. He's like, okay. After two days, he told me you're crazy. I don't have any problem. You're crazy. I'm okay. I can quit anytime. And I told him, okay, show me.

[00:09:04] So I went and I deal with this every single day. And to be honest, sometimes when he arrives drunk, he did so many things, bad things where I was the one that I have to put my face in the front or he crashed customer cars. And the police was looking for him. And you know what? Being an enabler with him.

[00:09:34] That's what I become. I become a person who don't have cell love. I become a codependent person. And I'm an enabler person. That I figured out all these things after everything happens with me. So, but one of the things that makes me stay in the relationship and the marriage was that I'm not able to pay the house.

[00:10:01] I'm not able to, you know, like have all the responsibilities that we used to have when we have our business. So when I feel like, no, this is done. I want to change my life. I don't want to be with him. I was like, my other hand say, how are you going to pay the house? How are you going to pay this? But, you know, and then when I will say I have 10 steps to the front and I back up 20.

[00:10:31] Because I was, in my mind, I was not able to do everything that I think any woman can do. But it was just my mindset that I was like, no, I'm not going to be able, you know, I've been with him so many years. And, you know, he's the father of my children. No, I should just stay in here. That was my stupid thing. Way too thin in that moment.

[00:10:57] And so, well, to make this long story, sure happens that he was cheating on me. And, well, these things happened previous to so many times. But I was just like, my mom, she was the person that like, you know, we can't judge. Only God can forgive him. And my mom, she always told me, no, you can't do that because you can't raise your children with a stepdad. That's not good.

[00:11:27] And, you know, Christian stuff that sometimes they put in our head. They wash brains and things like that. So anyway. So I was always, always thinking about what my mom told me. And my mom, she passed away already, like probably 12 years ago. And she used to like him a lot. But on the other hand, you know, I was going to get divorced 10 years ago, 12 years ago. But the problem is my mom passed away.

[00:11:55] And he was like my support in that difficult times. And he's like, I'm sorry, because he was cheating on me before too. He likes the cheating thing. He likes long distance. So I find out because he was driving home like late. And it was funny every time. I like to take my story to other people. But you know what? He used to come like he was laid down in bed, you know, with the hair up.

[00:12:25] And I was like, that's weird. Something is going on because if he's going to sleep somewhere, he should at least put some water on his head and fix his hair, you know. But I just prayed God. And I said this time, I told God and I say, this is too much for me. And I don't want to look for something that it will hurt me again. Because I promised myself that I'm not going to look for something else. And I just tell God, this is too much for me. Something is going on. Because we know when.

[00:12:56] Yeah, we know. And I say to God, just I leave your hands and just you do whatever you have to do. That's it. But I was like, something is going on in here. I talked to him and I say, I just need to know what happened. You know, you're coming late. And he was aggressive. He was just like, you know, it was horrible. It was not that guy, you know, like he used to be every day, even though he was drunk.

[00:13:26] And he told me that I'm crazy because, you know, we're crazy when they're doing their stuff. We're always crazy. So to make this long story short, he ended up, we have a fight upstairs. He almost killed me. He was choking me. I was going to slap his face and he grabbed my hand. And, you know, he makes it to the point that he almost choking me. He almost killed me. And I think our relation was over.

[00:13:55] Because I will say probably in that moment, I can accept that he's cheating on me. But now put your hand on top of me. What I've been seeing when I was little from my dad against my mom. No, that's it. So we ended up on divorce. It was a horrible thing because I hate to deal with things about lawyers and this and that. I didn't fall for anything of the business. Nothing. Because we built together.

[00:14:25] Every single thing we built together. But I didn't fall because I want peace. Right. Mental peace. In that moment, I was going through a lot of stuff. Many people, they told me that in that moment, you're stupid because you don't, you know, you being there, you know, you build a business with him. But they don't understand, on the other hand, what I was going through. I was going through a divorce. I was going through that somebody almost killed me. The person that you love him. Your partner.

[00:14:55] You know, I was going through what I'm going to do now. How is it going to be in my life? So it's a bunch of things that other people, they don't understand. So I was like, I told him and I said, you know what? Keep everything because he wants to take the house. And I was like, you're not going to take the house because my children, they're not going to be sleeping under a bridge. I'm not going to give you the house. He's like, yes, let's sell the house. And then because it's not even paid off.

[00:15:25] It was not even paid off. And the equity, we can divide half and half. And I said, sure. OK, you want to do that? Let's do that. So we're going to sell the business and we're going to take half and half. And then is when he don't like it. So, you know, he ended up. Yeah, he ended up. Let me keep the house. Not the house. The loan that I have to pay because it was not even paid off. So it was a bunch of money to pay.

[00:15:52] So he led me basically to death to pay. That's it. So I was like, it's OK. I just don't want to deal with lawyers. There's a bunch of money involved on that. And, you know, my story is very sad because I get to the point where he was not giving me any child support. And I was like, what I'm going to do? You know, I need money. I need to pay this. But you know what?

[00:16:16] At the end of the day, now I'm super brave because I'm thinking, I say, previous time, I should do this years before. But in my head was like, how are you going to do? And I did it. You know, I did it by myself. I did it. And I feel so proud of me. And that's what when I talk to other people that we are in the same situation. And I say, you can do it. It shows your mind. You set your mind in a point where you say, no, I'm not going to be able. Anybody can. If you can work.

[00:16:45] If you're, you know, anybody can. So I did my myself. And I feel proud of that, that I don't need any man to help me with that. So, and then, you know, I was, I was in the point that I have to, somebody recommend me about Al-Anon. And they told me, Al-Anon is not only for alcoholics. Al-Anon, it's for a family or friends of alcoholics. And they told me that I should go.

[00:17:14] And that will help me a lot in the situation that I went through. Because I, as soon as that happens to me, I was crying a lot. I couldn't understand. I couldn't believe. Something horrible happened to me. And it's super hard to talk about that. Because it's still hurting me. The day when he was almost killing me.

[00:17:42] I don't know how he released his arm from my neck. That I could defend myself. Because honestly, I was dying. I don't even have a chance to say, Lord, forgive me. Because when he was shocking me. It was just like. I don't even have, like, I was not thinking. I was just. But he released his arm to the point.

[00:18:12] That I could breathe again. And then is when my. I have my other hand in the back. And I press his balls. He released his arm. And I hit him. And I couldn't run downstairs. So I called the police. I called the police. Because I can't. Expect them. My husband. He will do that to me. The police ended up arrest me. They arrested you?

[00:18:42] Arrested you? He arrested me. Because. He was shocking me. Obviously. I defend myself. But when I defend myself. When I turn around. I hit him in his mouth. He was bleeding. So I was not bleeding. I was just purple in my neck. Just purple in my neck. I have, you know, the marks in my neck. But I don't have blood. So Georgia has this stupidity. Lowsy here. You're not bleeding.

[00:19:12] Then the other person is going to jail. That's fucked up. Yeah. They took me to jail. Because I was defending myself. The good thing about that. It's. I have a family. I mean. Friends. In the house. They were downstairs. When we have the fight. It was upstairs. And I came downstairs. I was running. And I told them what happened. They looked my neck. They see what's going on. They give me some water.

[00:19:43] They told me. Please don't call the police. Because my ex. He has like a two DUIs already. And one of them. She's like. She was telling me. Chris don't call. Because it will hurt him. And blah, blah, blah. I did call the police. And I hung up the phone. But the police. They catch the call. And they show up. In the house.

[00:20:11] Even though that I hung up the phone. Because later on. I was like. Yeah. I shouldn't. So police came. And I. Like. That's what I'm saying. I was enabler. Because I was trying to cover him. So I told them. That we have a kind of fight. And I don't tell them 100% what happened. But I told them. That he was trying to chuck me. I was just defending myself. They don't even read. The. How do you call that? Miranda rights. Yeah. The rights. They don't even read the rights. They just tell me. I have not shoes.

[00:20:41] I was with my pajamas. The police say. Can I talk to you outside? And I was like. Yeah. So I came outside to the door. He's like. Walk a little bit here. I want to tell you something. And then. He just put the handcuffs. And he arrest me. I don't even have my phone. Yeah. They don't even read my rights. Nothing. And I say. I don't have shoes. He don't care. I don't have my phone. He don't care. They took me. It was. One day. After.

[00:21:11] I was given. So. When I was in jail. I was so. Painful. My heart. Hurts a lot. Thinking. I mean. Why he did this to me. Why. I never. Asked God. I was asking myself. But I never. Asked God. What. It's happening. This to me. I just say. I know God. This is on your hands.

[00:21:40] I don't know what you're doing. I don't understand. But I will. I'm going to understand. One day. I never tell like. God. Why. Right now. I just. Asked myself. Why. He's doing this to me. It was. A horrible time. Being in jail. Being in jail. Friday. And I will not be released. Until Monday. That's fucking crazy. Because. He is. So upset right now. Yeah. I was Friday.

[00:22:10] Saturday. Sunday. And. My first time being in jail. It was like. Horrible. I've been seeing people. You know. Inside. But believe it or not. People inside of jail. They were nice to me. The. The. How you call the security. People. They were very nice to me. They. They gave me like. Double mattresses. They gave me. Double covers. Uh. They were nice. It was just.

[00:22:40] It was like. I don't know. It was like. I was thinking. And I say. Maybe. God. They put grace in their hearts. That's the way they were. Being like that with me. I feel special. Even though that I was crying like crazy. With so many questions. I feel special. So. Even though that. It was a horrible time. Being crying. And being thinking about all of this. I met. Nice people in there. The people. The person who wasn't. You know. And. And the place. They put me. And.

[00:23:10] She told me her story. And. I share stories with other people. I. I. Met a beautiful lady. There. She do. Mental. Mental. That's how you call it. Yeah. Yeah. And. But she was so pretty. And. I have a chance to talk to her. And tell her to change her life. You know. Till now. I don't know. Why is there isn't that I was. There.

[00:23:40] I don't know why. God. Wants me to be there. I don't know what I have to learn from there. Or what I have to. But. It's not like. Something. Beautiful. That you say you enjoy it. But. The. Christy. Who enters. On Friday. I. Don't remember. And I. Don't want to remember. The exactly day. It was November. But that. Christina.

[00:24:10] That enters. To the jail. Is still in there. It's not. Out anymore. Because. The new persons. Who get out. Christy. Get out from jail. It was a new person. A new creature. Then. Is when my. I will say. My new life. Start. When I. I was released. On Tuesday. On Tuesday. And.

[00:24:42] My best friends. Two of my best friends. They were waiting for me. Outside. One of them. She has to leave. But one of my best friends. She was there. And when I. Get out of jail. It started snow. A little bit. So. It's very significant. That day. That I remember. Until now. When I was. Out of jail. So. Since then. I become a new person. A new person. Where I have to go through. I don't know. That I have to figure it out.

[00:25:12] Like I mentioned before. That. I was. I was a person. With not. Self love. I was not a victim. At all. Because a victim. Will keep. With handcuffs. You know. I was not a victim. I was in that relationship. Because I want to be there. Because I was sick. Because you have to be. Wrong. You have to be sick. To be in that relationship. That kind of relationship. Where. Somebody.

[00:25:43] Treating you bad. With somebody. It's. Cheating on you. And. The way that I was. In. In myself. I can say. You know. I have. We have money. But. I don't have. The happiness. You know. So. I'm a. When I. When I. Went through. Every single day. So. Apparently. Somebody told me. You can.

[00:26:13] You know. Access. Al-Anon. And. Zoom. And probably. Can be like. One week. And that will be. Good for you. That week. Ended up being. In one year. And a half. Where I was. I don't know. 24-7. I was in the morning. I was in the afternoon. I was in the night. When I was cleaning the bathroom. When I was doing this. Al-Anon. Al-Anon. Al-Anon. And then I find out. I think after four months. I find out. That. I don't love myself. I was codependent.

[00:26:43] That's why. I always wanted to be with him. In that relationship. And I was an enabler. So. And I started working on that. A lot. I started going to eat. By myself. Because it was something. That I couldn't do. I always need somebody. To be with me. And that was one of the exercises. That I started going to eat. By myself. Having. I will say a drink. I will have a margarita.

[00:27:12] And I will grab a Uber. To take me by home. And I was enjoying myself. Something that I never. My parents never teach me that. So I was. Basically. Being a new person. A new human being. A new Christy. And. Working on myself. I started going to dance classes. So I think that helps a lot. But the other. Side of my.

[00:27:42] My head said no. You're not ready for our relationship. So I was like. That was it. I was walking out. It was. It was crazy. This. And. For me. It's crazy. Because. I walk my dog. Every day. Back in that time. I don't walk my dog anymore. John is the one. Who walks our dog. So. Back days. I was the one. Who walked my dog. And that day. I was so tired.

[00:28:11] Because I went to the gym. I came back in. I was so tired. And I don't want to walk. My dog. So I went to. I went. I lay down in bed. I was going to change myself. I have to take a shower. And we have a door. From. Downstairs to upstairs. With our dog. Is not able to go upstairs. Because it's carpet upstairs. And that day. My dog show up. In my room. And she was so excited. And I say. What are you doing here? So I screamed. My daughter.

[00:28:41] And I say. I called my daughter. And my daughter. She was in the shower. And I was like. That's weird. I came to see. If the door was open. Not. The doors were closed. So my dog is too small. To jump that. That door. To go upstairs. And that was something. Very weird. Then till now. I don't know. How that happens. How the magic happens. And I was like. Okay. She was excited. Because I told her. And I said. Do you want to walk? And she was like. Cuddled with me. And I said. Let's go.

[00:29:11] So. I bring my dog. Out. And then. Is when I. See Johnny's mom. They were walking. And she introduced me. With him. And that's it. I was just like. A normal person. It's not like. Oh. I feel in love. Right away with Johnny. No. You know. And he told me that. He's new. That he don't know. And I say. Oh. You know what. I have a group of friends. They like to go. And be in a bucket. Around there. So I will let you know. That was it. So that's how.

[00:29:40] Stories start. We start talking. Or texting each other. And then. One time. We ended up. That we're going to. Bucket to the city. Because he wants to know. A little bit about Atlanta. And like I'm saying. Our first date. It was not like. A couple date. It was more. Like a friendship date. He was very nice. Since the moment. That I talked to him. And then we were laughing. It was like. We know each other. For a long time ago. But it was just.

[00:30:10] It was our first time. Talking face to face. So. Yeah. There is a story. Yeah. That's. That's how. It happens. That's. I can tell you. A little bit. About my life. And. Now. I will say. Things happen. For a reason. I pray. God. Because like I say. I come for a Christian family. What I've been praying. God. For so many years. To change. My ex.

[00:30:40] Husband. To have a good. A nice. A new creature. You know. But. We have to be. Careful too. When we pray. And the way that you pray. Because. Everything that I ask God. For my ex. God give me. And another person. Another person. Yes. So. I always believe. I never ask God. Why to him. I always accept that. I give him. All my stuff to him. And he will be.

[00:31:10] In charge. And yeah. I mean. I can tell you. That. We're not like. A perfect couple. But. I'm. Myself. I can be myself. I have a. A person. Uh. Uh. I would say that I. He. I see that he loves me. That he respects me. That he is. Open with me. That he's clear with me. He's not the person. That keeps. Password on the phone. Or he's in the.

[00:31:40] Rage. To talk with someone. Or. You know. Yeah. He. He. I would say that he's exactly. A clear person. A nice relationship. A person who. Loves me. Who I love him. And. I'm happy. I. This is the first time in my life. Where I feel that I'm happy. That's awesome. Yeah. That's such a great feeling. Right? Like when you know that you. You're finally like.

[00:32:10] Found that one. And that. That one that like. Gives you. Like. Feeds those needs. And lets you smile. And lets you be. Who you are. And. And I. I know that you said that you. You had a little bit of like. Codependency. Do you feel that you still have that. With Johnny? Or. Do you feel a little bit more comfortable. In your own shoes now. Where you can go and do things on your own. And not to have. And not have somebody else there with you. Yeah.

[00:32:39] I don't have that problem anymore. I. I can do things by myself. I can eat by myself. And sometimes Johnny is like. What are you eating by yourself honey? And this and that. And I told him. And I explained before. Because that's part of. Not be. You know. Codependent. I can. I can do things by myself. I don't need nobody to be with me. So. Like I'm saying. I love no for me. Because you know what.

[00:33:08] Unfortunately. When you don't have information. You're going through things. And you. That is when people. They suicide. They kill themselves. Because they don't have. Nobody to talk. Or a program. They can help you. You don't. Imagine. How many times. I was on Google. I was searching somebody. That I can talk with. Because. Those things. It was hard for me. To talk to my friends. We are in this society. With everybody. Judge you.

[00:33:37] If you talk to them. They're like. Oh. She's going through this. No. It's a horrible society. Where. You can open yourself. Right. But. We don't know. Like I'm saying. In that moment. I don't know. That I have an amazing program. As an Al-Anon. They help. And they. You know. Help me to become a new person. Where. I. Can be with. Thousands of people. Everywhere.

[00:34:07] In the world. Going through. The same stuff. That I was going through. And. When I was in Al-Anon. I remember my first section. That I was in Al-Anon. I hear a lady. That she was talking my story. And I was just crying. Crying. Tears were coming out of my. Eyes. Because. I. I was like. That's me. How she knows my life. It was. It was my life. And. Every single day. It was something.

[00:34:37] That I was learning. From somebody. It was a guy. That he say. Alcoholics. They're always going to be. Alcoholics. And. It's two options. In your life. If. If that alcoholics. Accept. Their situation. Good. If not. Run. Run. And I was like. Yeah. You know. So every single. Time that I remember. That I access. Al-Anon. I mean. It helps to heal. Myself.

[00:35:06] My head. My body. Everything. So. How. The question that you say. About codependency. I don't have any more codependency. I'm free of that. And that codependency. It comes. From my. Mom. It's not something. That I learned. During the years. No. That comes. If I see that. Back in my years. When I was. You know. A child. It was. That comes from my mom. Because my mom.

[00:35:36] As that. She has codependency. With my dad. Tell love. From my mom. Because my mom. She was always. Doing. What my. Dad told her to do. Or. Things. No. I can't do that. Because your dad is. So. We. We. Are built. From our parents. From our generations. And that's something. That I'm. Teaching my daughter. To don't have those things.

[00:36:05] In her future. Right. You're breaking the cycle. You're breaking the. That generational. Trauma. Trauma cycle. And. Just to add. On something. To hear. Like. If anybody. Out there. Is having an issue. And they don't know. Where to turn. Call 988. They will. Help you get the. The help. That you need. They're anonymous. They're free. And they saved my life. If you. Feel like you're in crisis.

[00:36:35] Just pick up the phone. You can call them. You can text them. No. They. They don't ask your name. And there are resources. Out there. For. You know. Children. And adults. What's the number? It's 988. Oh. Okay. Okay. See. I don't even know that. And you know what? So many times. I feel like. You know what? When he does things. That. Makes me sad. Or makes me. Like that. I feel just like. I just want to die. You know. I have those thoughts.

[00:37:05] In my head. I just want to die. And probably disappear. And that was it. You know. I don't have to worry. About this anymore. Because you get to the point. That you're like. What am I going to do? You know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Everything happens for a reason. And here I am. And I don't hide my team. I like to speak out. I like to tell people. You know. My situation. My life. Everything that I went through. I like to tell them.

[00:37:33] Because I want them to get out of there. If you are in that relation. Toxic relationship. Just run. There is a big world outside. Waiting for you. Yeah. Amazing opportunities. People who will love you. The way that you are. You know. I am so thankful you are here. And that you took those steps. And that you were able to pick yourself up. By your bootstraps.

[00:38:02] And now you are in this amazing relationship. With Johnny. Right? Yeah. Like. And I love that you were able to like. Help him. Right? Recognize what his issues were. And get him to a better place in his life. I mean. What a blessing. Yeah. That's why. When. You know. So. I was. Learning. That you have to see. Red flags. When you're dating someone. I was not ready for that. But I know.

[00:38:31] And I was learning. About the red flags. One red flag. It's okay. Two red flags. Three red flags. Wrong. So. When I was dating Johnny. Honestly. I see a nice guy. I really like Johnny. And he. He. He's a hardworking guy. And that's what I like him a lot about him too. And. But I started seeing. Because I told him. Where did I come from?

[00:39:01] And. Alcoholic. Ex-husband. And this and that. So he's smart. And he was trying to hide from me. But. He was doing. Right? So. I started seeing. Because. I remember somebody from. All right. I don't say. Be careful. Because if you're coming out. Of alcoholic relationship. That's what you're going to find next. That's what is going to attract you next. And I was always thinking about that. And when I figured it out. That Johnny was drinking.

[00:39:31] I was like. She was right. And I say. I don't want this. You know what? I say. I don't want. So. He decided. He wants to be my. Roommate. Basically. Basically. So he was coming here. But. My roommate. Ended up being in my room now. And when I started seeing him. That he was drinking. I was like. You know what? I don't want this. You know. I put him on. All the stuff. And his room. Like. His room. Supposed to be his room.

[00:40:01] And I don't want you here. I mean. I already went through this. I hate. The smell. Of somebody. Drinking. And sleeping next to me. I hate it. So. I was like. No. Thank you. And then. I told him. And I say. Hey Johnny. So. You know. I know where I'm coming from. I don't want this for my future. I don't want this for my children either. So I think. Everyone's. Need to take their own. Had their own way. And that's it. You know. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt me. And then. Is when.

[00:40:31] Then later on. He realized. And he's like. No. You know. That's it. No more. I promise you. But I know. Those promise. I used to get the promise. Every time. And I'm like. All right. But see. I feel very proud of Johnny. Because. It's something that is not easy. And I know that. It's not easy. And he did great. And you know. Like I'm saying. You know. He is amazing. I mean. He's very strong.

[00:41:00] I'm very proud of you baby. Because. You know. It's been like. More than two years. Since the day that he says. I'm done. It was it. I love hearing your story. It's. It's. Very beautiful. In that. You learn. Not only. How. You learn boundaries. Right. Like you set that boundary. You're like.

[00:41:29] Hey. You want to do that? That's cool. But it's not going to be a part of my life. Right. And I feel like. Being able to do that. Is such a strong tool. That. You know. You before. Didn't even know. That you had the power. And the strength. To be able to set a boundary. You know. So I think that's just such huge growth. Yeah. I don't know. I love hearing your. Your journey. That was beautiful. So. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. So. Christy. What do you do now?

[00:41:59] Don't you have your own company now too? Yeah. Well. I'm. I'm a makeup artist. For so many years. I learned this in New York. And. I have my. Like I mentioned before. My suite. Next to my ex. So. He. After. When we were. In the divorce. He kicked me out. So. I have all my stuff in here. So. I was trying to do freelance. Instead of to have a studio. I was doing freelance. And I was doing well. It's not something that. It's an everyday thing.

[00:42:29] Because. You know. But. After. You know. When I was doing the makeup. I'm an insurance agent. So. I'm sharing. A insurance agent. For. Probably. 14 years. I'm a freelance. I work from home. And. Also. I was doing the makeup. So. I start seeing my clients. They have a dry skin. And problems in their skin. So. I have a friend. Who has a spa. So.

[00:42:59] I was referring them. To her. So. They can go in. Have their facials. And all that kind of stuff. With her. And. My. My clients. They're like. Yeah. But she's kind of far. Because. You know. It's a long drive. So. Yeah. I'm finding. Oh. I'm looking for someone. Around here. So. One time. I was like. Wait a minute. I should do that. I should do the facials. I should study for that. So.

[00:43:27] When I was in the process of the divorce. That like. I told you guys. It was super hard for me. Because I have. A lot of things. That I have to pay. Then. I found a job. As a. As a. In a restaurant. As a server. So. Thanks. To be working in there. I pay my school. You know. I cover. My expenses. Of the house. I was. Busting. My ass. Working hard. And I pay. Pay them for my school. I graduate.

[00:43:57] I'm an. Esthetician. And. I open my. Spa. So. I was working from home. But. Now. You know. The. The room that I. Specifically. For that. Is too small. And I decide. No. I need something bigger. And now. I'm going to open next week. My. Spa. And Woodstock. Yeah. Very cool. So. I'm super excited. So. I mean. These years. Being. A lot of good for me. As a professional.

[00:44:27] As a person. As a wife. So. Yeah. And. So. Right now. I do. Insurance agent. Makeup. And. Spa. Everything with skin. Wow. Yeah. Good for you. And. And. Also. I'm working at the winery. So. The days that I don't have clients. I'm working at the winery. Which usually is on Saturdays. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for giving your Saturday up to be. On a podcast.

[00:44:57] Both of you. Yeah. Yeah. No problem. I mean. I'm so excited. And like I say. One of the reasons. That. I'm here. Is because there is a lot of people outside. Need. And. They don't know where. To find the help. Or they're screaming. Silently. Yeah. They need help. And. You know. There is a lot of resource outside. That I can't help you. They're not there for judging you.

[00:45:26] They don't want to know. You know. They just want you to learn. Or take the right steps. To find yourself. To get help. So. When Johnny mentioned about this. And I'm like. Yeah. Definitely. I always want. You know. To have a podcast. Or want to do. I never know how to do it. How to start it. Where to start it. Because. I have a lot of friends. And. And. I have. My cousin. Visited me. For Thanksgiving. And when he was here. I have a couple calls.

[00:45:55] Of friends. They're calling me. And telling me their stuff. Their situation. And he was like. Why are they calling you? Why are they telling you this? Things. They're so toxic. And I told him. And I say. Believe it or not. There is a lot of people out there. They need help. They need somebody to talk with. They're not being George. Or they're not being. Because usually. When you have friends. And I learned that. That. When you tell them something. And they start speculating. To other people. And tell. We don't need that. You know.

[00:46:25] And believe it or not. I have a lot of people around me. They have problems. And the first person they call. Is Christy. All the time. I'm on the phone. Johnny is like. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's laughing on me. Because I'm talking to them. And I say. Probably. My husband. They can see. Oh my gosh. She's all the time in the phone. Probably my daughter. They can be. Oh my mom is the whole day in the phone. But you know what? What I do. Probably to say.

[00:46:55] To my friend. Few things. He can save lives. You know. You don't know. In that moment. What person is going through. And. I'm telling you. I have. Friends. I remember. That I have a friend. That he was going to kill himself. He was with a knife. Saying bye to. To another friend. Where she called me. She said. You need to call him right away. Because he's going to kill himself. That is when I job.

[00:47:25] And I call him. And I say. What are you doing? He's like. I'm desperate. Because of this. And that. And I say no. So. I was like. If you want to. I can go there. He lives in New Jersey. And I say. You know. I talked to him. You know. Just. The few things. That I can tell him. About life. Because. I was there too. Not that I was planning. Kill myself. But I was. Almost. You know. That position. And.

[00:47:54] He has a great life now. He. You know. He said. He shouldn't do that. He came next day. To Georgia. When he was going to kill him. And I say. Just buy a ticket. Come over here. We can talk. We have a chance. Then talk to him. And he's doing great. So. You don't know when somebody needs help. Yeah. You know. And that's what this. This is. This is the part of. The podcast. Is.

[00:48:23] Not only because of phone. No. It's because we want. To inform people. There is. People that can help you outside. We. I'm here for anybody. Who wants to talk to me. I'm here. And every time that I talk to my friends. I tell my story. I don't feel afraid. I'm not hiding anything. When I'm telling you. What I. What you just see. That's. Well yeah. And I can tell you things. That. It may help you. So. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. I love that.

[00:48:52] And you know. All our lived experiences. Right. We can. We can take those. And we can help somebody else out. And. Right. You know. Basically all it comes down to. Is. I don't know. Be fucking kind. All right. Because people have no idea. What's going on. Like we could. We all wear that mask. But you have no idea. What's going on behind you. And or inside that person. And. I'm. I'm so proud of you. For. You know. Finding. Finding that. Gumption. To like. Change your life.

[00:49:22] Right. And. And bring it to fruition. And. Um. I'm so happy for you. Like you and Johnny. Right. Like. Damn. What a great. What a great relationship. And what. You know. And with the things that you guys bring to the world. From both of your shared experiences. And. You know. Johnny. Wanting to. You know. Help people in the restaurant industry. You know. Step away from drinking. And. You. Doing your facials. And talking to your customers. And talking to your friends. Like. That.

[00:49:52] Goes. So far. And. Man. I. I commend you. Way to go. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. And. Exactly. What you just say. Is what it is. A few days ago. Two days ago. I have a client. That I was doing. Her face. And. It was amazing. You know. I say. Things happen for a reason. I always think that happens for a reason. She was going through a divorce. And. We share. You know.

[00:50:21] I told her what happened in my lab. And we shared. And. It was an amazing time. That we have. All of us. Talking about. You know. Our past. And talking about. Our present. And. I mean. Sharing common things. It's just like. It's not only that. You come. Gonna do my hair. And my makeup. She was like. It's amazing time. That I have with you. Yeah. I was imagining that. When you're talking about it. I'm like. I wonder if everybody just comes. And just like.

[00:50:50] It's more of a therapy session. Not only for their skin. But inside as well. Yeah. Yeah. No. And believe it. No. That is a therapy. Because. I have clients. That they just want to come. And relax. Just laid in bed. And they're quiet. So you know. They're kind of just for results. But I have clients. At the beginning. They come. And they're just talking. Talking. So. And I have clients. They said. You are my therapist. It's not only. I have one client. That she said. Christy. Do you think. I just come. Because of the facial.

[00:51:20] She's like. No. You are my therapist. She's like. I have a. A spa in the corner of my house. But no. She's like. You are my therapist. And you don't know nobody of my friends. That's the best thing. Right. An impartial party. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. So yeah. It's nice. Have you had enough time to think about the answers to the questions. We have for you. Our ending questions.

[00:51:51] If you can go back in time. To the younger version of yourself. To give yourself advice. What would you say? And how old are you when you go back? I would say that I would like to go back when I was 18. With the wisdom that I have now. And. To. Not rush. And.

[00:52:21] Get married right away. Live my life. And. That's what I will do. If I have to go back. The only thing that I don't regret. Is that I have beautiful children. So probably because of that. I will not go back. But. But yeah. I mean. Yeah. I was. I think one of the mistakes. That we make in life. It's just. I did.

[00:52:49] I cannot speak for other people. But I did. It's just because the way that my parents were with me. Overprotective. I just decided. Anybody. You know. The first guy who came. Boom. Let's go. So. So I didn't have the time. To know that person. To know very well. You know. And that's. That's. I think what we need to know. It's. If we are trying. Like I mentioned before. To see the red flags. Before you get into a relationship.

[00:53:19] Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. That's. That's true. But like you said. You were. You had mentioned earlier. We are all looking. At some point. To just escape. So you. Jumped into that. That moment. So yeah. I hope. I hope after it all. You're able to give yourself grace. For that stuff. Where you know. You don't know what you don't know. And. You know. You were operating. Through what you learned. And so. I hope you're able to. To give yourself grace. But. Okay.

[00:53:49] What would you say. The hardest lesson. You've had to learn. To date is. The hardest lesson. To defend yourself. Now I know. If somebody kick me. I'm just going to be bleeding. And I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to call the police. And that's it. That shit pisses me off. That is the. That pisses me off. It pisses me off so bad. And I like. Because like. I can get.

[00:54:19] I can get into it. Right. But I'm like. Let's not. Let's not anger. Of the dirty skittles. But dude. What the fuck. Yeah. What the hell man. Yeah. Defending yourself. And you know what. That was funny. When I was in jail. And we were waiting for the judge. Not even. We don't. We're not going to see the judge. Face to face. We have to see him. Through the. Scream. And there was a lot. Of inmates. Next to me. And the girl say. What you did girl. And. I told them. What happened. She's like.

[00:54:49] Let me tell you something. Something. But in Georgia. You cannot. Defend yourself. In Georgia. Is the. Is the state. That you can defend yourself. Especially Cherokee County. Cherokee County. Is the worst. County. And she's like. She told me that. If that happens again. In your life. Just a step back. Call the police. And that said. You can be with your eye. Purple. Bleeding. She say. It's okay.

[00:55:18] Don't move. One finger. That's her. Bye. Wow. Yeah. So. That is horrible. That makes me mad. And. Yeah. Wow. I. I don't even have a comeback for that. Yeah. I'm like. I have to stay quiet. Because I'll get so. I'll get riled up. My blood pressure is rising. Don't get riled up. But I do have. So I have a couple of questions. Sure.

[00:55:48] First one is. What do you do for self-love. And self-care today? Okay. First. Self-love. It's. I. Trying to. See. I set my wrinkles. When I see my wrinkles. I accept that I'm getting old. And. For example. I like to take my time. To go do my hair. I have to take my time.

[00:56:17] To do my facials. I. I. I. Take time. And. If I want to. Have a. A. Bad tub. Yeah. It's okay. I can have it. So I make the time. To love myself. That's one part. Another part. Also. Love. It's.

[00:56:46] If you're not. A good thing for my life. Just. You're out of my life. For example. If I have a friend. That I see. That she's not. Like. Bringing good things to my life. You know what? See you baby. Oh. I don't talk to her. Oh. Hey. Hello. And that's it. So I'm very. How can I say. Selective. The people that I'm around. Yeah.

[00:57:15] That's part of the cell love too. Yeah. And. Like I read. The other. The other day say. If you. Hang out with millionaires. You're going to become one of them. You know. It's something that we have to apply in life. If I want to have. Like bad friends. I'm going to be. Part of them. I'm going to be in their mouth. Talking about me. So. That's part of the cell love. You know. Be. Be selective. Yeah. Yeah. That's. You know.

[00:57:45] Cell love. Means a lot of things. Take care of yourself. Have time. For you. It's. Sometimes you're like. Oh. I'm too busy to being. Having a facial. I'm too busy to. Do my hair. I'm too. No. You always need to have. A time. For you. That's part of the cell love. You love my. You love yourself. You want to see. You sell pretty. You know. I like. I don't like something on my face. Well. A wrinkle.

[00:58:15] I have to accept. That's part of myself. And that's the way that I love myself. I don't care what Johnny thinks. Or other people think. Because I have a wrinkle. I love myself. The way that I am. That doesn't mean. That I'm not going to take care of myself. So. I watch what I eat. If I see that I gain weight. I'm just trying to stop. And see. That's not something that I need. That's part of the cell love too. Yeah. Yeah. Love. Okay.

[00:58:45] Next question. What is your favorite word? Compassion. Compassion. That. And what's your least favorite word? I will. I will. I love this. Love, love, love. I love you guys so much. Johnny. I do have a question for you.

[00:59:13] What is the name of your winery? And where can people locate you guys at? Yes. It is Karen View Winery. Just like saying your best friend Karen. Except without the E. So it's spelled C-A-I-R-N. View Winery. And that is in Jasper, Georgia. We also have a bed and breakfast there. If you want to stay as well.

[00:59:42] We just got voted two years in a row now. Best winery in Georgia. So that's amazing. And then. Perfect. And Christy, where can people find your E. Ispa? Well, my E. Ispa is going to be open next week on Highway 92. The name of the spa. It's Kim Bloom Beauty Spa. And Woodstock, Georgia.

[01:00:12] And if you are the kind of person that is going through a stop. About cell law. A bunch of other stuff. You can come to my spa. With no charge. And we can talk. We can laugh. And you can be relaxed. I love this. So, so, so much. Thank you both. And also, one more thing.

[01:00:37] If you, for me or Christy, especially for me, if you, anyone out there wants someone to talk to you about anything, feel free to add me on Facebook, Johnny Hedrick. And just shoot me a message. And I would love to talk to you. And especially, you know, if you can identify with my story or in a similar industry or not. You know, I just need a friend. Yeah. So I'm here for you. Yeah.

[01:01:07] And thank you guys for the opportunity, too, that we can talk a little bit about our lives, a lot about our everyday, you know. So it's amazing that we can touch other people. And yeah. And then for all the women out there, there is always a solution for everything. It's just you have to find the right way, the right person, right information. And you're not alone.

[01:01:34] We are a lot of women outside that we can help each other. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you both very much. Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.