Breaking Stigmas: Curt’s Mental Health & Fitness Journey

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[00:00:55] Talkspace80.com slash sports, or more. Hey there, listeners. Welcome to Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, you, Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests. Each episode, we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support.

[00:01:25] Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion. Tune in and let's start talking about the shit that goes on in our heads. Two, one. One. One. Welcome back to another episode of Shit That Goes On In Our Heads. Today, I have the amazing Dirty Skittles with me as always. And we have an awesome guest.

[00:01:53] He is somebody I went to high school with. I have loved forever. Welcome to the show, Kurt. I am so excited to have you on. No, thanks for having me. This is a big moment for me to be invited to speak with you guys. It's just amazing to watch this podcast grow and, you know, reach all the countries you've reached. It's just amazing what you've done with this. I'm so proud of you. Thank you.

[00:02:22] Yeah, you're giving Dirty Skittles anxiety again. No, I'm just disassociating. This is all G-Rex's credit. He's the one out here hustling and pushing and getting us where we are. You guys have done a great job together. And I really appreciate the podcast and I appreciate the opportunity to be a part of it. Well, I know nothing about you, Kirk. So tell me, how did you meet G-Rex? Because I feel like that's where we should start. So it was back in the 70s, Columbine High School.

[00:02:51] I mean, we lived in the middle of nowhere. And if you look where Columbine is today, it's downtown. I just moved away from there five years ago to get out of the hustle and bustle. But we could roll kegs out into the mountains just a couple of miles from the high school. No one would ever find us. And funny, right where we landed that keg was where I built a house 20 years ago. And I just sold it five years ago. But that's where we met. And, you know, we had an amazing time in high school.

[00:03:19] And it's funny because, you know, the weaknesses you thought you had growing up, really, as you grow older and, you know, live the life that I've lived, you find out they're really your superpowers. And Columbine is really what made me. I mean, it's where I learned so many life lessons between Columbine and Fort Lewis College. And that's the career I've had has been extremely blessed. Yeah. What are some of your superpowers? So, I mean, it starts from the Columbine days.

[00:03:49] I was the class clown, right? So, but with that builds what confidence, just the ability to do what I do today, shake hands, meet people and, you know, generate business. Yeah. And be an all-around badass. He is. He's an all-around badass. But, like, you know, when we were growing up, you know, look back into, like, the late 70s, right? We were all latchkey kids. Every single one of us.

[00:04:17] We lived in the middle, I swear, in the middle of frickin' nowhere. We were up in the first thing in the morning. We didn't come home till late at night. We used to party in Deer Creek Canyon. And how any of us made it past the age of 60 still boggles my mind. But we formed some really strong friendships.

[00:04:38] And then what happened is after the Columbine shooting, we all really came back together as a community. And it's probably one of the tightest communities I've ever been a part of. I got to reconnect with so many of my friends. And, like, the only good thing about Facebook is that reconnection, right?

[00:05:01] We all started to reconnect with each other and really, like, forge those relationships again that we had back when we were graduating from high school. Like, I graduated in 82. I still have 15 to 20 really good friends that I will talk to on a daily basis. And I'm so fortunate for that. You know, and it's that bond that we have through Columbine. You just don't see when you meet people across the United States. And, obviously, I travel the world with my business.

[00:05:31] Meet around the world. I mean, what we have at Columbine and what we built when we were so young, you just don't see anymore. And, you know, 420, 99, I'll live on forever in all of us. And, you know, for me to be able to step up and produce the first day back to school and then do the Christmas show for the community with 15,000 people there in the parking lot of Columbine. And then I produced the one year anniversary at Clement Park, both the afternoon ringing of the bell and then the candlelight vigil that night.

[00:06:01] I mean, that's a year in my life that I'll never forget. And you always, you know, people ask, you know, why are you placed on this earth? God placed me on this earth for one reason, and that was Columbine. And, you know, extremely proud of that moment. But, you know, back to your original question, what are some of my superpowers? Probably my biggest superpower is the ability to reinvent myself. And, you know, we learned that through Columbine. I mean, we've all grown, we've all reinvented ourselves multiple times.

[00:06:28] And, you know, you call me a badass and, you know, Columbine's probably the top moment. But this last year, the road to nationals doing bodybuilding at the age of 63 has just been a wild ride that took me to a national tournament in Pittsburgh, where I placed 8 out of 24 representing Colorado, you know, as Masters over 60 champion, you know. So it's been a crazy life and extremely blessed.

[00:06:57] Did you ever think you'd be doing that? I don't know. Bodybuilding? Yeah, I was gonna say. How does one just sort of, I mean, were you always into fitness or like, how did you fall into that? I'm an aerospace and defense executive. I'm in consulting and I travel the world helping US companies sell weapons systems into foreign countries. I know that sounds a lot more dramatic than it really is.

[00:07:19] It's a bunch of financial modeling and lots of research on core competencies and just the stability of the countries across the nation. So I've traveled in just about every country in this world and Columbine will always be home. But a really blessed career that's led to this whole bodybuilding thing. Both my kids were D1 athletes and when my daughter started lifting more weights than me, it kind of gets to your head, you know.

[00:07:49] It kind of, it's like, what's wrong with this picture? And my daughter's an amazing athlete. I'll never be the athlete that she is. But it got me back into lifting and with my son being so close playing football at a D1 school here in Colorado, you know, I was able to start lifting with him and his teammates. And the more I got into it, the more fun I had. My career taking me on the road every single week just didn't allow for me to compete.

[00:08:16] But way back in the day, even at Columbine, I always followed Mr. Olympia and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Franco Colombo, and always had this vision of wouldn't it be cool to go on stage? COVID hits, and I'm stuck at home. And I'm not used to that. I'm used to 100 miles an hour living out of a hotel in an airport every single week, not just in the States, but around the world.

[00:08:40] And I'm stuck at home in this office I'm sitting in right now with what am I going to do with myself? And Gretchen knows I can't sit still. I go 100 miles an hour. So I built a home gym in my basement. It's pretty cool. And I hired a trainer and started talking to some people and just decided that I would go on stage as I turned 60.

[00:09:05] It would be kind of my gift to me to prove that I could get out on stage and show myself. And I met a photographer, Casey Cole. She's an amazing person. And she took a few photos of me during COVID, downtown Denver, in an urban shoot. And I just couldn't believe that was me. And it was really Casey that said, Kurt, you should really do this. You should follow through and go on stage. So in October, right after coming out of COVID, turning 60, I went on stage as a one and done.

[00:09:35] And I'm one. And it was just this. It was just an amazing moment. You know, sitting there, they have this thing called the pump room. I didn't even know this. So you're in this room and everybody's pumping up and it's all tense and it's all exciting. And somebody says, oh, my daughter just called to wish me good luck. And I said, oh, funny. I just FaceTimed with my grandson. The whole place cracked up. And that was it from that moment. You have grandkids? Yes, six.

[00:10:04] So after the show, I decided that was it. I was going to do it one time. And a year later, the guy that runs the NPC here in Colorado and the gym I work at, Dylan Armbrus, came back to me and said, you should really come back on stage. And of course, the arrogant person I am said, what's in it for me? And he said, let's make a national run. And I said, I just don't have that size. I can't do it. But he introduced me to my trainer.

[00:10:32] And Sarah and I have been together almost two years now. And what she's done for me, not only physically, but mentally. I mean, neither one of us would have ever guessed the relationship we developed. She's one of my best friends. And she has created my meal plans, my workout plans. She hates that I cardio so much, but cardio is my thing. And when you're trying to gain size and your cardioing, that doesn't work well together.

[00:10:56] But I did five shows last year, three in Colorado, one in North Carolina, and then went to nationals in Pittsburgh and achieved my goal. And it was an amazing moment. I mean, you know, like I said, I've had some big moments in my life. You know, my son kicking a winning field goal against Montana State to give UNC their first Division I win. I've had a movie in Columbine, Columbine, I produced a documentary that was number one on CBS Sports for five years. And now we're with PBS and just an amazing movie.

[00:11:24] And then to hit nationals at 63 and be competitive. It was it's you know, like I said, I'm just constantly reinventing myself. It sounds like you live so many lives. That's what I'm told all the time. Yeah, it sounds like you've lived so many lives. Meanwhile, I'm not only not only has he lived a million lives, but he is also like the bite the bionic man.

[00:11:53] You know, because of all the sports that he played during his high school years, you know, your body breaks down. Okay, I'm just going to tell you dirty skills. Do not look forward to the age of 50 or 60 because stuff that hurt at 49 really hurts at 50. And by the time you hit 59 and you're going on to 60. Dude, like shit just breaks down. Okay, I'm just telling you.

[00:12:20] You know, I tell the kids that in the gym because they're always like, oh, you've got it so easy to get to nationals because of your age. There's very few people. I'm like, you guys don't get it. I have to work twice as hard as you. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, I have to stretch. I have to yoga. I have to, I have to do so much just to get on my bike. And even when I'm on my bike, I have to ride before I can actually work out because I have to get loose. It's a completely different world.

[00:12:47] I can't drink all night like I used to in Columbine and get up and play. I have to actually sleep and eat right and stretch before I can even work out. You know, you're right. Everything hurts. It's, it's, but it's, it's fun. It's a journey. And the gym's my happy place. You know, it's all the stress that I'm under, all the pressure. The gym is where I can be me. I can let go. I can put my headphones in. I can hang out with Sarah. I can, I can, you know, I can just be me.

[00:13:15] And the respect you get in the gym is in that group of people is just, there's nothing like it. And I've lifted all over the world. I've lifted in Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Japan, and it's, you know, down in Costa Rica, we have language barriers, sure. But in the end, everybody's proud of what the other person's doing and willing to help and trying to learn. It's fun. So interesting.

[00:13:40] I just recently saw my cousin compete and she won and all of the things, but I remember walking in and I've seen like, you know, fitness on TV. And I don't know, like, I'm like, yeah, wow. They're really strong. I didn't think anything more than it. But when I actually was there at this competition, just seeing how many people were there, it all of a sudden hit me like, oh, this is like, this is like a lifestyle. Like, this is like, they're, they're an athlete.

[00:14:09] They're, they're training for this competition to do these things. And it's more than just muscles. Like it was just, it was such a crazy, almost like a culture shock to be like, damn, all these people out here really putting in the work and they were all supporting each other. And I thought that's so insane to just be there for each other. Like, so like, I've never seen anything like it before. No, it is. It's the support you get from each other and the push you get from everybody, because you don't know who's going to show up at the show, you know?

[00:14:39] And it was amazing to get to nationals. But really my moment this year was when I got back from nationals, I competed in a Colorado Cup and I compete in what's called men's physique. So I get to wear board shorts. I said to my trainer when we got back, cause we both thought that was it for me for the year. I said, I want to do the cup. And she goes, okay, one stipulation. I said, what's that? She said, you're going to compete in men's physique. And I said, I've never done that. I'm only have three weeks.

[00:15:07] So I had three weeks to learn how to a whole new set of poses. And I had to have a one minute routine. But the kicker to the whole thing was as I'm getting to walk up on stage, my trainer is there to send me out. Right. And here's the big difference between men's physique and classic.

[00:15:24] I looked over at her and I said, Sarah, 18 months ago, if you would have told me I'm going on stage in front of all these people in a speedo, I would have left the gym and I would have been done. But I went out there cracking up laughing in a speedo at 63 and fucking killed it in one. And I mean, you know, and credits to Sarah and, you know, both of my posing coaches, Bailey and Emily. But, you know, it's a team.

[00:15:53] It takes a team. And, you know, Emily put together my minute routine and Bailey helped me with the different poses. And Sarah has just been my rock through this whole thing. And we did it. And yeah, I mean, that day is like one of the greatest days of my life in a speedo on stage in front of 500 people. What color did you choose? Just out of curiosity. It's black. It wasn't racing stripes.

[00:16:22] No, no. My men's physique wore shorts for T.O. But... That's too funny. So during COVID and you started doing the weights, did that help you with your mental health? Because I know that you were going from 100 to zero, right?

[00:16:51] Like 100 miles an hour to actually not doing anything and then being home all the time and having to deal with being home. Did lifting weights help that mindset or help you kind of get out of your head? You know, it absolutely did. And, you know, I've always been big on my bike. And that's always been my happy place is to be outside writing. And whenever I stress and whenever I'm under high pressure, I perform best under high pressure.

[00:17:19] But at the same time, mentally, you know, we all struggle under pressure. And COVID, it almost wrecked me. I mean, I wasn't used to being at home. I wasn't used to working out of this office. Yeah, we designed and built this house five years ago. It's nothing special, but it's our dream house. You know, I've been married 40 years to Kathy and we built this house.

[00:17:41] And but this office and the reason I'm looking straight out has a glass barn door that looks straight into the gray room, which is the kitchen, the dining room and the living room. And so I'm on a zoom call and I throw a squish ball against the room and I've got to hear about it coming out of the office. Are you upset? Are you mad?

[00:18:03] I'm just not used to working in this environment and not being in that hustle of bustle running through an airport, not being in a hotel and trying to figure out where I'm going to eat every night to get all my macros and get all my meal plan in was extremely hard for me. And to be able to go and lift, I don't know that I would have made it through COVID if I didn't have my training and my lifting and, you know, the ability to build a weight room here because we couldn't go to gyms.

[00:18:33] And it more than helped me. And it put me back on a road to reinventing myself again, you know, and took me to nationals. And now I'm, I've actually got a couple opportunities in the fire. I thought I was retired. I thought I could be done, but I've got a couple of large opportunities right now. One is to be president of a college. Another is to start a large practice in the United States with a new consulting firm and be the U.S. leader.

[00:19:02] So, you know, things continue to develop for me with my eyes still set on going back to nationals and seeing if I can win. I'm not going to go back unless I go to win this time. I mean, I thought it'd be a cool experience and it was, but you know me too well. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it 110 and I got to go to win. So, yeah. The training, does it change any now that you're, I'm going to win? It's changed tremendously.

[00:19:28] We're in a grow period and, you know, I don't like to talk about this too much. People don't know this about me, but I can't add size because eating has always been a thing for me. And for me to eat 4,000, 4,400, 5,000 calories a day and then step on the scale, it plays with my head. And for the first time I'm able to wake up in the morning. And the reason I say wake up because throughout the day, you know, I can vary 10 pounds.

[00:19:57] So I can go to bed at 208, 210. But for the first time I'm waking up at 202. So I'm holding 200. And any time in prior in life when I would go over 200 mentally, it just didn't work for me. And then I would stop eating. I would cardio more. I would, you know, get down on my body. You know, the thing I've learned through all this bodybuilding thing is it's really doesn't matter what anybody looks like. It really doesn't matter how everybody, anybody presents themselves.

[00:20:25] It's crazy how many people, you know, tell me I look so much better now, heavier than when I'm cut. You know, they just don't like that cut look. And here I thought I was doing this great job getting all cut. I mean, it really doesn't matter, but it's helped me tremendously, you know. That's what I wonder about. Like when I went and saw everybody that was competing, I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, like they were there to compete to win.

[00:20:54] Like who was the strongest in this category? How like defined is this muscle that? And I just remember seeing how like almost fragile everybody looked despite having all these muscles because you could truly see everything, right? Like it was, there was no cushion. Like you could see every single muscle and that was the point, right? And I just remember being like, wow, this is, I would love, if you ever do another documentary, I would love to watch that. I want to see because it's got to be difficult.

[00:21:24] Like it has to be difficult. Like you just mentioned something that for me would be super triggering, but the mindset is different. Like you have to, you truly are an athlete training for something. How does that happen? And then like, how do you come back off of it? Like how, yeah. It's, I mean, I've got six grandkids, you know, how do you sit at a grandkids birthday party and say, no, Papa can't have cake. Yeah.

[00:21:50] I mean, you know, I mean, how do you walk into an event carrying your own food? I mean, it's, it's a completely different game, you know, and, and I'm an executive. I mean, I'm out to dinner. I'm out, you know, steaks and mashed potatoes and this and that. And, but I'm not, I'm talking to the waiter to talk to the chef to make sure they weigh my meat. I'm just getting asparagus. No, you can't put anything on it. There's no butter. It can't be cooked with butter.

[00:22:19] I mean, it's, but people are used to being with me and being around me, but it's hard. It's hard for my wife. It's hard for the kids. It's hard for the grandkids. And, but it's, you know, it's what I chose and, but it takes a whole support system, you know, because everybody has to be on board to do something like this. You know, everybody thinks this is an individual sport. It's not, it's the trainer. It's the body work person.

[00:22:46] And like I said, my posing people, even the photographer, the guy I buy meat from, everything plays into this game. And, but it's a ride. It's so much fun. And it keeps my head clear. That's so cool. But yeah, to come off it is hard too. Last year, a year ago, it was right at this time. I finished for the year in a show in November and I was on stuff. I'm not going to lie. And I came off cold turkey, which you're not supposed to do.

[00:23:16] And I almost wrecked my whole body. And so through December and January, I lost all that time because I was sick and I couldn't hold any food. I couldn't do anything. We were still training, but I wasn't adding any size. I wasn't adding any strength because I, I didn't purposely, but I did it. I wrecked my body because I did it the wrong way. I mean, you have to know what you're doing. And this time it's completely opposite because I'm actually going into a grow period.

[00:23:47] And so I'm just adding and mentally I'm able to handle it for the first time in my life. Yeah. Is it like, why do you, what do you, why is it driving you? Like, what's the drive behind reaching this goal? Oh, I don't know. Say if it's the speedo, you can tell us. Yeah. I don't know. There's so many things and a lot of it's going to come off air again, but I mean, it's the attention.

[00:24:15] It's the, it's just, you know, my will to push my body to do what I do. And because even when I say I'm going to win, I've never gone to metal. I've never gone. It's always me against me. It's can I better myself with every show? Can I push my body to that next limit? And, you know, you and I haven't met before, so you don't know the story. But from 2010 to 2017, my body decided to grow bone.

[00:24:45] And to this day, nobody can figure out why. So I have a metal plate and six screws in my neck with the tumor they took off. I have a titanium horseshoe, two rods, four screws in my back with the bone spurs they took out of my back that blew a disc. One's come off my shoulder, off my knee. And nobody can figure out why. Then all of a sudden, for some reason during COVID, I wasn't growing bone spurs.

[00:25:10] I have one growing on my left shoulder right now that we've watched for three years, but it hasn't done anything. But to go through a major surgery like that on an annual basis and come back was a story in itself. And so then to be able to hit COVID and try to figure out how am I going to survive this? You know, my wife's a NICU nurse. So what am I doing at home when I'm supposed to be on Zoom calls for work? I'm making masks. Me. Yeah.

[00:25:40] Cutting patterns. I could show and I would make like three a day. She could make like 25. Mentally, you know, I knew I was helping somebody. And really, that's been my life is how can I help the next person get better? How can I help somebody, you know, better their life, better their work situation? And that's one of the reasons I want to go back to work is there's so many people saying, hey, Kurt, can we come work for you? And that's what makes me proudest of myself.

[00:26:09] And even competing, one of the reasons I came back was I'm told I'm the energy at all the events. You know, I'm the one that keeps the kids motivated and moving. And it was so funny. A couple of years ago, we were competing and we're in line to go out on stage. And the guy in front of me is so much bigger. And he's so uptight and he's so tense. And when he hears this, he's going to know I'm talking about him. But I just said to him, I said, kid, calm down.

[00:26:37] And he turns around and gives me this look. And he goes, did you just call me kid? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, no one's called me kid for like 20 years. He got the biggest smile on his face. I said to me, you're just a kid. He goes, I'm 47 years old. I said, I'm 60. I mean, you're just a kid, man. And he went out of stage and he crushed it because he just loosened up. And we're like best of friends now. But that's what it's all about, right? How can we help each other?

[00:27:05] How can you help the next person get better? How can you better yourself? I don't know. This is a tough world to survive in, man. It is. It is. It's such a tough world. And I just, I love, you know, that you're doing that, doing this for you. You're not doing it for anybody else. You're doing it for you, right? And you make your heart smile and you clear your head.

[00:27:29] And taking all that mental energy and focusing, I can't talk, focusing it on the things that like are important to you and that you and your wife have been together for 40 years. Like, I commend you. That is fantastic. And that you, I've known you forever. This is the happiest I've ever seen you.

[00:27:57] Literally the happiest I've ever seen you. And it makes my heart smile. And it's crazy because I get that all the time. And I always thought, you know, here I was this glass cloud, you know, luxurious guy. But I mean, I went through those years of so much tension, so much intensity and, you know, so much drive to do what? To make money for what? I mean, and now it's really, it's changed completely. And, you know, you guys even through the podcast have helped me and just the discussions we've

[00:28:25] had, you know, learning to love yourself is, it's difficult. And, you know, it's sad that it took me 60 years to figure out that it was okay to step back and do something for me. And to take 18 months and focus on nothing but me was, I mean, I am, I'm happier. I'm just a better person. Yeah. You should, you should follow him on Instagram. He is so buff.

[00:28:52] He makes the Christmas gnome look like a gnome. Because I am the Christmas gnome. Oh, okay. I have been stress eating lately and I, I'm going to be that Christmas gnome that sits under the bush and just scares kids when they walk by now. Yeah. Because I'm not tall. I mean, it's, I always try to, I don't always, but when we, when I do talk to my cousin or

[00:29:19] like speaking with you right now and the whole fitness thing, I, I, my brain doesn't work that way yet. Right. Like I know when I think about when I was going to the gym, I missed the way everybody encouraged each other. Right. So I've, I've witnessed that part and I see the value there, but I don't think I've ever challenged myself. Like you're like, I want to see how far I can push myself. I don't think I've ever done that. Like, I'm like, Oh my God, what is that? Maybe I got to try to tap into that.

[00:29:46] Cause that's, it's very interesting to me to be able to challenge yourself because it's not about other people anymore. It's you against you. Well, it is. And you know, I'm a Gemini, so it's always, you know, the happy guy and the devil guy, but now it's completely changed. It's me against me and it's how far can I really push? I mean, when I went to nationals, I was sitting right about 4% body fat, which is where I like to be to compete.

[00:30:16] I came home and did the cup at three and a half percent body fat. I mean, how do you push your body to that limit? You know, people always said, you know, gosh, you must be so healthy. I mean, I want it to be clear to everybody. I'm in great shape, probably the best shape of my life. I'm not going to say I'm the healthiest. What we do is not the healthiest. And people should know that. I mean, but it's my choice. That's why I want that documentary. You know what I'm saying?

[00:30:42] I tell my cousin all the time, like she's been on our podcast before and I'm like, man, I wish they would make a movie out of some of these lives that compete in these because I think it's not necessarily the size of the person or are they winning? For me, what's interesting is the mindset, like what drove you to do this? Because I don't think it's easy at all. Right. Like if anybody looks at it and thinks like, oh, it's easy.

[00:31:06] No, it cannot possibly be easy because you truly are pushing yourself to extremes. Right. Like I find that fascinating. Like I'm like, what is the drive there? Like why, why is that the outlet you choose? You know, like bodybuilding. That seems shit. Seems difficult as hell. And you're playing both mental games, right? Because you're playing, you know, this is my happy place. This is where I escape. This is where I can be me.

[00:31:35] But you're also playing with your mind. You're playing the opposite. You're trying to convince yourself that you're not harming yourself, that this is okay. And that you can go to the next level. You can do one more thing. I mean, who gets up at five o'clock in the morning to walk into the basement to ride a bike just so you can eat your first of six meals by 6 a.m. And then, you know, you're off to stretching and then yoga and then you're lifting, then you're eating.

[00:32:03] And I mean, the whole day is just focused around eating and working out. And the mental is because every morning you wake up, something hurts. Every night you go to bed, something else hurts. I used to hear this guy talk and I thought it was true. As we get older, we have one pain and that pain just moves around our body. Now I have pain all over my body. And I'm like, my pain multiplied. My one guy, he multiplied. I don't know.

[00:32:33] It's a game, but it's a fun game. And it's my game. It's my game. Yeah. I love it. It's kind of like me the day after I called 988, right? I decided to start going to the gym. And the reason I wanted to go to the gym is I just wanted everything in my head to stop. So when I went to the gym, like I was focusing on two things.

[00:33:03] Don't fall off the treadmill. Don't drop a weight under my foot. But I also challenged myself to see if I could make three miles on a treadmill every day. And I did that every day for a month. And that helped me. And it was a game I played, right? I was like, let's just see if we can do this. And you're right, Kurt. At 60, everything fucking hurts. Everything. It does. Everything.

[00:33:26] It's a pain that just moves from, like, your back to your knee to your hips to your head. Everything hurts. But if you can find that one thing to just kind of take you out of that mindset of, like, my body is, it's just not doing the things I want it to do. But find that mindset to make yourself feel better, both mentally and physically, right? I did it for the mental aspect. I just needed my head to stop. Yeah.

[00:33:56] Well, I've learned so much about the body, too. You know, I even struggle. I don't talk a whole lot about it. But, you know, I landed in Frankfurt, Germany on 9-11. And I couldn't get home. Walk up to the United counter and say, hey, is it true what I just heard? And did that really happen? Can I go home? The United States is closed. No, but I just need a flight home. But the United States is closed. No, but can you just give me a flight to Denver? I just told you the United States is closed. What does that mean? Yeah, I don't think. Yeah. Right.

[00:34:27] And that was hard. I spent three weeks in Toulouse, France and, you know, ended up creating a group of friends that I'm still friends with. Ended up taking an opportunity to a three-year account that I ended up in Toulouse for three years with Airbus designing the new A380, which is now retired, which really ages me. But what a moment. I mean, but it's those things that define us, right? And that shape us.

[00:34:55] And I mean, because like, how was I going to survive with the United States closed? How could that happen? I mean, yeah, that doesn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. You figure it out. And like I said, constant, you know, reinvention. But over there where I was going with that was I lifted over there. And after traveling weekly for six months, I went to Lyft one day, came back to the hotel. It was light out. All of a sudden, I wake up. It's dark. I find a light switch.

[00:35:24] There's blood on the curdenza, blood on the carpet. Put my hand on my head's bleeding. Get on a call United. Get on a plane. Come back the next morning home and end up in the emergency room finding out that I'm this close to having a stroke. And I should have never got on a plane. I should have never flown. But luckily for me, the only thing that's messed up still is my left eye. It just doesn't dilate. So, I mean, if you look at me, you don't notice that I've got a pupil that won't dilate.

[00:35:53] I mean, it just, but lucky, just completely lucky. You know, I could have died. But it's even now when I'm lifting and when I'm really stressing, my vision will go on me. And I even have a hard time sometimes driving to the gym. I've learned it comes from your back. It's at the base of your neck. There's some muscles back there that are just tightening up. And that comes up through your neck into your, it's just little things like that you learn

[00:36:20] about your body to know that, you know, holistically you can control what's going on inside you. You can heal yourself. You can at least help to, you know, to better yourself without, you know, having all the specialists and doctors looking at you. Yeah. What keeps you from like giving up when you're working out and it's hard? Like I'm equating it to working out because, you know, it's not easy to do these exercises.

[00:36:49] But do you ever like get that voice in your head where like, this is just too hard. Like what keeps you from just giving up on it? I think it's just me. I think it's just who I've decided to be. And because I have, I mean, I've thought about it multiple times. I'm not just giving up on weightlifting, you know, and, you know, very few people know this. You know, there's been times I've thought about even giving up on life, but you find a way, right?

[00:37:16] I mean, so much to live for and you guys hit it on the head. It's finding how to love yourself first. And, you know, now that I've done that through all this, it's, you know, there's nothing but green pasture ahead of me the way I see it right now. But yeah, there's been dark times in my life. I think all of us go through that and it's hard to find ways to work through. Yeah. Got to get on that treadmill upstairs.

[00:37:45] Yeah, I guess you better run. Sorry, I have a question, Kurt. So prior to 2020, we're going to do it in two parts. Prior to 2020, what did you do for self-love and self-care then versus what you do for self-love and self-care now? So prior to 2020, it was chasing the kids, you know, from when they were born.

[00:38:13] All through little league soccer, baseball, football, volleyball, travel, volleyball into college. I mean, even when my son was coaching collegiately, I attended almost every game and people are like, wait, what? You're going to your son's football game yet? He's the coach. But I mean, that's just, that was my outlet. That was my release was to chase the kids. And the stress all came from the job because I was constantly on the road.

[00:38:43] And so trying to balance that, you know, being away for so much and, you know, without Kathy being there to, you know, really race the kids because when I would leave for a week or two weeks at a time. And, but when I came home, it was always, you know, to make sure I was there for a sporting event, to make sure I was there to coach them, to practice with them, to be there for them. And that, that was my outlet and it was a tough balance.

[00:39:09] And then after COVID, it was, you know, it was all my working out. And even when I was chasing the kids, I say, chasing the kids, supporting them, watching them, we always worked out together. Always. My son had a plan one summer and he had to go to the football field and he would run a 40, walk a 40, run a hundred, walk a hundred, run a 200, walk a 200, and then work it backwards. And so I would do it with him and he'd be done sitting over there and I'd still be going, dad, you can stop. We can go home.

[00:39:39] I'm like, no, we can't. I said, I was going to finish. I'm going to finish. Just wait, you know? So he'd start doing it again. And that's the amazing athlete he is because he had to wait for dad to finish. So he'd do it twice, but it's always just been that drive of, um, I can do it and I'm going to do it. And yeah, I might not be the fastest, the strongest, the biggest, but I'm going to compete. And then it's just a part of who I am. And even at work, you know, I've been successful because I want to succeed.

[00:40:08] I want to help other companies, you know, grow their businesses, find ways to cut costs, find ways to, to produce better products. And it's always been a challenge to me, you know? Well, if you could go back in time to a younger version of yourself to give yourself advice, what would you say? And how old are you when you go back in time? I mean, I'd like to say I'd go back, you know, to when I was 17 and used to have the

[00:40:36] best toga parties at Columbine, but I don't think I want to change any of that, but I'd go back into my thirties probably when I was probably drinking the most, probably the heaviest I'd been. I'd quit working out and, you know, I would tell myself then, you know, that forget about what other people think of you. Forget about trying to create an image.

[00:41:03] Find a way to find who you are, find who you want to be, find what makes you happy and do you. Don't do everybody else. Don't try to be somebody else. Be you. Who is you? And do that person. And, you know, I think that's why, you know, people ask me, you know, the thirties was my best.

[00:41:30] No thirties was my worst because I was trying to be somebody that I didn't even know who that was. And it wasn't me. And, you know, you look back and you just wish you could go back and say, find yourself then, you know, who knows what it'd be now, but I wouldn't be me. I mean, it took all those learning experiences, you know, and all those reinventions to get here and I'm happy where I'm at. So I wouldn't change anything.

[00:41:58] But yeah, to answer your question, that's it. Yeah. What would you say the hardest lesson you've learned to date is? That it's okay to be me, that it's okay to love myself, that it's okay that I can put myself first, that it's okay that I can take time for myself, that I really don't have to be there for everybody, even though I always will be. But it's hard. It is. It's hard.

[00:42:26] I mean, I don't know how many times Kathy said it. If you'd quit giving away our money, you know how rich we would be? That's too funny. All right. I have another question. What is your favorite word? It can be doing what it needs to me. Well, it's always been fucked, right? But I mean, that's just what always comes out of my mouth. And with the grandkids, I'm trying to clean that up. But my favorite word really is me.

[00:42:54] Because people really need to understand who they are. People really need to understand what me means. And me doesn't mean arrogant. Me doesn't mean I'm better than anybody else. Me doesn't mean I'm nasty, you know? Me means, hey, I'm hurting and I need help too. Me means I'm searching where I'm trying to go. Me means it's okay to love yourself.

[00:43:21] Me means so much to me now that I've learned that I can be me, be happy. Me and other people still respect and love me. I love that. Okay. Now, what's your least favorite word? I can't. I know that's two words, but can't. Because everybody can. I mean, can't just... Yeah, I'm not going to say it's not a word in my vocabulary. It is.

[00:43:51] Are there things I can't do probably? But I'm going to try. I mean, I'll try anything once. And I know when I say that, you know, there's a broad spectrum. But why not? I mean, yeah, I've done some crazy things in my life. And I've always said I would never make it to age 50. So I lived hard. And now I'm 63 and I'm still here. And I'm having the best time of my life.

[00:44:21] So good thing I didn't check out at 50. But camp just doesn't work for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming on. We learned so much now, Charlene. I mean, Dirty Skittles would love for you to do a documentary, please. She will come and produce it. I don't know how, but sure. I know, right? Did I pressure you? No, I'm just kidding. No, but it's been talked about. You know, I have produced one documentary. And it's about...

[00:44:50] It's called Born to Lead. And that's the shirt I have. On the back, it says Born to Lead. And, you know, really... And again, it would sound arrogant, except I know who I am now. Really, that's my whole life is I was born to lead. But the documentary is about CU winning the national championship back in the 90s. But it's really about the quarterback. The first... And it's on my sleeve, Sal. Sal Onessi was the first Samoyan Division I quarterback. And he comes to play for CU.

[00:45:18] And he gets the head coach's daughter pregnant. He ends up not playing in the Orange Bowl. You know, CU's biggest moment. And everybody thinks it's because of that. He ends up with terminal stomach cancer. And he dies a year later. And CU goes on to win their first national championship in honor of Sal. And, you know, we show the movie about once a year in Boulder. And a lot of the kids come back. And I say kids. They're in their 50s now. But, you know, they were NFL players after they left CU.

[00:45:49] And we all get a panel together. And we answer questions. And we speak about it. My association with the movie and why I got so involved was because I'm embarrassed as a Colorado native that we had racism in Boulder, Colorado in the 90s. This is bullshit. You know, and the way the police treated those kids and the way the community treated those kids, we wouldn't have CU football today where it is with Coach Prime here. Had those guys had left in the 90s. And they could have left.

[00:46:15] And that's why when we come back and the kids were like in their 50s now, we talk about the movie and I talk about racism. They all thank me because I can say it. Because I'm a white native who's had success in business and can be embarrassed. You know, they can't. And but they appreciate that someone speaks up for them. But, you know, it's that type thing in my life that, you know, it's helped me and it's hurt me.

[00:46:41] But I'm going to say what I want to say and I'm going to be who I want to be. And yeah, sometimes I am outspoken and it's hurt me. And sometimes I am outspoken, but it's helped so many people. But somebody's got to do it. And it's hard. But yeah, this documentary. Yeah, we should think about that. I'm telling you, I got an idea. I'm the ideas lady. I got the perfect subject. If you need one, I got her. She hasn't agreed to it. She has no idea.

[00:47:10] But I'm like, no, but she's got a like, I think everybody, everybody that does this, I think is equally as interesting. There's always a story behind the person. And I think that is why I love doing this podcast, because we get to hear so many people's stories. Yes. And yeah, we get to open up other people's prisons, right? Because sometimes they don't know where to go. Prisons. When we have guests on. Yeah.

[00:47:38] You know, there's a listener out there that didn't know where to turn, didn't know what was going on in their life. And now we've unlocked that door for them. And we've given them our tip or a trick or something to help them get to the next day. So I really, really, really appreciate your time, Kurt. I so appreciate it. No, I appreciate you guys just even having me on the show and considering me. It's been fun. And like I said, I'm proud of you guys. I'm so proud of you guys. I just can't say it enough.

[00:48:06] And, you know, so much love for both of you for what you do. And just thank you. You're welcome. Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.