Breaking Free from Alcohol: Johnny & Cristy’s Story Begins – Part 1

[00:00:00] Trigger Warning, this episode discusses alcoholism. Please take care of yourself accordingly. Hey there listeners, welcome to Sht That Goes On In Our Heads, the podcast where we normalize conversations around mental health. That's right. I'm Dirty Skittles and alongside my amazing co-host, G-Rex, we are here to share stories and tips from our incredible guests.

[00:00:24] Each episode we deep dive into struggles and triumphs of mental health, offering practical advice and heartfelt support. Because no one should feel alone in their journey. Join us as we break the stigma and build a community of understanding and compassion. Tune in and let's start talking about the Sht That Goes On In Our Heads. Three, two, one. Welcome back to another episode of Sht That Goes On In Our Heads.

[00:00:53] I'm here today with my amazing co-host, Dirty Skittles, and we have two lovely guests here with us today, Johnny and Cristy. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm so happy to have you both here. Thank you. Thank you. We're delighted and happy to be here. Thank you for having us. You look so happy and full of smiles and chipper and ready to go. I'm excited. It's the end of the year. You know, people get excited towards the end of the year. That's true. That's true. Or they don't.

[00:01:23] You know, resolutions come in. That's true. And this recording has been like a year in the making, if not more. Yeah. And it came up. We were like, wow, that went by fast. We thought we were like, wow, that was so far in the future. And then we were like, wow, that came up so fast. And this year really has flown by and it's been such a great year for us. Oh, that's great to hear.

[00:01:53] Yeah. They had good, they had amazing things happen this year. Yeah. Tell us about them. Well, first of all, we got married. I think that was the big thing. We got married June 1st and that was an amazing, crazy day. And man, that was such a blessing of our families together. And just to enjoy that moment. My dad was the one who presided over us and it was just a very touching, cool moment. Yeah.

[00:02:23] We reconnoisse the house too. Yeah. It's Christie's. We're opening a business. There's just a lot of things going on that we're just happy about. And it was a great year. Yeah. Just as long as I have Christie by my side, we're going to be all good. How did you guys meet? We met. Actually, I was going, I just moved down here to Georgia from Chicago and I was about a month

[00:02:50] in and I was going on a walk with my mom around the block. And. His mom is my neighbor. Nice. Next door neighbor. And I didn't know Christie other than just by a couple of times seeing her. And I was like, okay, my mom's got a pretty hot neighbor. I'm okay with that. But I didn't know anything about it.

[00:03:16] So yeah, I was just going on a walk with my mom and she was walking her dog. And we just, she started talking to my mom. How are things going? And just kind of small talk. And my mom introduced us and she's like, do you ever want to go out with me and my friends? I'd love to show you around. I just moved here to Atlanta and never been here before. And it's like, wow, what a nice woman. And beautiful. And that's really how the ball started rolling.

[00:03:45] And I have to ask, did you tell your mom like right away, like, wow, your neighbor's hot. Or does that come out later on? No, I didn't. I was not. I was not good at that. But I think my mom knew. But that happens previous because you told me it was two years before that. Yeah, I did see her the first time I visited my parents down here during COVID the summer of 2020. I think you said July. It was July.

[00:04:14] Yeah, July of 2020. And I visited my parents down here and I saw Christy unloading the groceries next door, kind of creepily through the side window. And I was like, okay, so it made it easier to come down and visit my parents again. That window was opened. Who would have thought it led to this? But it's all part of God's plan, I guess. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I don't know.

[00:04:44] I don't know what my parents do. My mom would probably encourage it, honestly, if I was like, wow, I mean, I'm married now. But in my single day, she would try to set me up with everybody. I think she would have been like, yeah, let me take you over and introduce you to the neighbor. But my dad, on the other hand, very much probably would not have been up for that adventure. Yeah, it was it was a. I think kind of a shock for my parents at first, just because they were like, well, we didn't see that coming.

[00:05:14] Could have done the intro better than it did happen. I wasn't so good at that. Now I need to know how did it happen? How did the intro happen? Well, the intro to our relationship happened really by us just messaging back and forth. Right. And but the thing is, I was not like feel like I want Johnny to be my be dating with him because I was going through finish my divorce.

[00:05:43] And I was going through help myself trying to find myself again. And I don't want to know about nobody. But the point was, I was thinking because I have a friend of mine that she's from Colombia and she's been dating and looking for her love. And I was like, oh, this guy will be good for Catalina. I was like, he's going to be good for her. Yes. And even though I told him and I say one day they were going out that day, I don't feel like going out. And I was asking Johnny if he wants to go.

[00:06:11] So because I want him to introduce Catalina and all of that. But things change totally different the way that I didn't expect that it's going to be. Because first of all, Johnny, it's younger than me, first of all. Second of all, I was going like I'm saying just finish divorce. I have two children and I don't even have that in my mind that I want to be dating another person. Honestly, that was not in my plans. So, yeah.

[00:06:42] Yeah. And I really wasn't trying to date or settle down either. I was just kind of going with the flow. And really, it was kind of like on our first date, we just hit it off. And I had a lot of things to consider. Do I want to be in a relationship with this woman that has kids? And the kids aren't young. They're a little older. So that was a pill to swallow. But at once I was like, OK, I feel confident.

[00:07:11] The kids are amazing kids. Best kids I've ever came into contact with. And they are. It's such a wonderful family now to be a part of. Yeah. But our first date, it was not like a couple date. I will say it was more like friend. Feeling each other out. Like, can I trust this person? Yeah, it was just like friends and we have a great time. And then is when I say, oh, this guy is nice.

[00:07:37] And after that, also, I told Catalina and I say, she is great for you. Yeah. And then I ended up with the candy that I want from my friend. Sorry, Catalina. You're listening. I know Catalina. She's a nice girl, but Christy's way better. Oh, yeah. Sorry again, Catalina. I have a random question. Johnny, we're. How do I say this?

[00:08:05] Do you think that like Johnny, 10 years ago, whatever, have guessed that this is the relationship you would have. Found yourself. Hell no. No. So I asked that because I'm curious if like mentally, did you like go through self-healing yourself? Like where you were genuinely ready for. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:08:29] This whole thing has been a process ever since we met and had that first date to the, to the person I am. Even when I bet G-Rex at the winery, I'm it's I'm a completely different person. Um, totally. It's been a, it's been a big healing process, getting to know myself, getting to know who I am, being comfortable in my own skin.

[00:08:55] That's been a huge process and it hasn't been overnight and I'm still working on it every day. And, but yeah, I had a big problem. I had a lot of problems. I still do, but I had a problem with drinking and relying on that as my kind of day to day thing to get through the day to make myself feel comfortable. It's the feel like I can get along with other people. So yeah, definitely.

[00:09:25] This has been a huge process. Yeah. And I, I remember the day I made the winery and we just hit it off. We were there with my aunt getting her, getting her all liquored up and loosened up. It was a cold day when we were there, but it was such a beautiful winery. And, you know, we just got to talking about the podcast and like just kind of the struggles that you had been going through. And, you know, for the most part, we don't have a lot of men on the podcast.

[00:09:54] And I really wanted to get your perspective on, you know, how you're dealing with your mental health and, you know, and we got to talking about Christine, how excited you were. I remember your eyes just lit up that day. Every time we brought up her name, you just, you had this biggest smile on your face and it just, it warmed my heart. And I will tell you, my aunt still talks about that day. That was probably one of the funnest days for her. And, and the winery is just, it's just absolutely beautiful.

[00:10:23] Dirty Skittles, if you get a chance, you need to make your way out there. I was just thinking not too far. Yeah. We would love to have you. Yeah. I think really this whole journey started to back up even more. So I was raised in a Christian household and I, two of the most loving parents, best parents that you could ever ask for.

[00:10:47] I'm the youngest of six and I have five older sisters and the closest sister in age to me is eight years older than me, maybe nine, eight or nine. And then it ranges up to 18 years older than me. And so really growing up, I was kind of an only child because they all moved out of the house in their late teens, early twenties and went on their way.

[00:11:13] The sister that's was really close with me was the oldest one who was kind of like a second mom to me and she's still close with me. I talked to her as frequently as I can. And she helped me through a lot. And growing up, I was kind of, I always wanted to be, that's the best way to put it, a little more popular than I was.

[00:11:37] And going through high school, I was like, kind of, I wasn't, I was, I guess you could say like a, a husky kid. I was a little more on the chubbier side and then junior year hit of high school, senior year hit. And that all went away and it was emergence. Like I never had girls talk to me or things like that. And it was kind of strange to me. I didn't know really how to handle that.

[00:12:03] So at that time I was dating a girl, not a good relationship at all. Kind of a immature high school relationship, very toxic and just not good. My parents and I had a kind of a falling apart because they just wanted the best for me. I didn't know even what that meant. I didn't know what the best for me even was, but they said, this is not God's plan for you

[00:12:33] at all with the way you're headed. And I just kept my head down, didn't care. So this feels good at the moment. I'm just going to keep on doing what feels good at the moment. And I did not look into the future or anything. So a couple of years later that relationship ended and I moved out of my parents' house

[00:12:55] when I was just about 18 and got a place by myself. It was right downtown of the city that we were living in. And it was like the party house. Like if you could have, I don't think I could have thrown another party there. Like there was a party. It was an ongoing party for a couple of years. Like I don't think it ever stopped.

[00:13:24] And I thought I was all in. I got into doing things that weren't good for me, but I just didn't care at all. I thought I was the coolest guy ever. I was hanging out with all the quote unquote cool kids, had a bunch of money, bunch of cars, bunch of motorcycles, thought I had it all and was doing things right. And that's just how naive I was. But I think so many people and so many kids even right now are doing that.

[00:13:54] Right. And they think, oh, I have the money. I have the cars. I have the girls. I'm getting drunk. I'm smoking weed. I'm doing drugs all the time. This life is awesome. But in hindsight, if you really want to move forward that life, it's not good. And I pretty much carried that life as long as I could until it kind of really phased out.

[00:14:23] And I never really got into a lot of trouble with that, which was the hand of God just like over me. I have no idea how I never got my door kicked in. I have no idea how I never had the cops at my house more than maybe one or two times. But I have no idea how that happened. You must have had better neighbors than I had when I was growing up because they showed up from my parents' house quite a bit.

[00:14:55] Right. And in hindsight, I was like, man, they should have been calling the cops more. So I made it through that phase. I got out of that and moved to a different town. And but what carried with me was me still drinking. And I was working in the restaurant industry. And with working in the restaurant industry, drinking is normal.

[00:15:23] I was running restaurants and I did everything. I worked for a couple Italian restaurants. I absolutely loved what I did. I loved the people that I worked with and I love the people that I worked for. But they didn't know how much I was drinking. I would start to hide it. And things, it just got kind of out of control. And I knew I had like my conscience.

[00:15:52] I call it the Holy Spirit, but I had the conscience telling me like, this is not good. Like, but I just numbed myself so much that I just didn't care. And, but I still had that spirit telling me. Sometimes more than that, this is not the direction that you want to head. This is a mini meditation guided by Bombas. Repeat after me.

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[00:17:48] When did that change for you? When did that change for you? Like, was there a moment? Was there, what was your rock bottom or? Great question. So it was in April 20, just like millions of other people did. I was furloughed and I was at the height of my restaurant career. I was the youngest person that I knew.

[00:18:10] I was 28 and making fantastic money, drinking my butt off, parting my butt off and boom, got laid off. But I got laid off and with the government stimulus and everything, I was making actually like two and a half times more than I would be if I was working.

[00:18:37] So that propelled me even to play even more. So I took that whole summer off of really year off 2020 and traveled with my friend who was more of a drinking buddy, more than anything that I found out later down the road. But yeah, so I kept drinking, hiding it.

[00:19:06] I got really into those seltzers. I was like, oh, if I drink these seltzers, I won't gain weight as I want of them. And just mind games just to like see if you can get ahead of it without killing yourself. Tell them about the Thanksgiving what breaks my heart. The Thanksgiving time when you were alone. Oh, yeah.

[00:19:30] So the last Thanksgiving I spent in Chicago before I moved down here, I was supposed to go to a buddy's house on Thanksgiving. And long story short, he said, you know what, we don't have room for you. And I spent Thanksgiving by myself. And it was horrible. I mean, it was so depressing, so sad.

[00:19:56] And I just basically sat on my couch, drink beer and watch football. Eating the meatballs. Eating the meatballs and the food that I brought that I made for the where I was supposed to go. And I was like, oh my gosh, this sucks. I probably cried 10 times and I was like, I never want another holiday like this again. And I was like, this is horrible. And there were other holidays as well. But that Thanksgiving really hit me hard. Super depressing.

[00:20:26] And the bars weren't open either. Right. Yeah. You really left off your own there. Right. But so I can't. You called your mom. Yeah, I called my mom and I was, my mom and dad, they moved down to Georgia five years prior to that. And so I didn't really have a media family up by where I lived. And they're like, you should come down here to Georgia. But they were a little apprehensive.

[00:20:52] I don't blame them because the way I was, the way I act and the way I drank and the uncertainty with all that. And so I came. So I was like, I know I need to make a change. I know I need to do something. And I know it needs to be drastic. So I just, after that, about in December, I said, okay, my lease is up in March.

[00:21:22] I'm going to, I'm going to move down to Georgia. And I had a job lined up down here. I didn't know anyone down here besides my parents were down here. Didn't know really. I've never even been to Georgia other than for a week or two. And didn't know what to expect, but I knew something good was waiting for me down there.

[00:21:49] So I moved down here April 1st of 21. And I said, you know what? I'm not going to drink when I move down here. I said that. That lasted about a month. I was going to ask. Because I didn't have any like backing to it. I didn't have any reason. It was just like a kind of a cold turkey thing that I thought I could do as for myself. Yeah. That lasted a month.

[00:22:17] And then got back into it and just started doing stupid stuff. And I never got pulled over miraculously. I never got a DUI. And the hand of God blessed me with that. I don't know how. And, but I was just always waiting for the next wrong thing to happen.

[00:22:41] I was working a job down here that laying tile and never worked in construction before. I learned a lot of things working that job. And definitely don't regret one minute of it. But hated it. I was like, this is not where I am supposed to be. And what am I going to do? And then, yeah, about a month later, after that, I met Christy.

[00:23:10] And she and I knew her backstory a little bit. Knew that she was going through a divorce. Knew that she was previously with an alcoholic. I didn't even know really what alcoholic is. Like I didn't know what that was. I didn't even know. I didn't want to accept that I had an addiction myself. It was, this is who I am. I'm winging it. And I'm living day to day.

[00:23:36] And if today's good, then hopefully tomorrow will be good. That was kind of how I was. So I was drinking, covering it up from Christy as well, how much I was drinking. And I would hide little bottles of wine or things that just to get me through the evening or the situation that I was in.

[00:24:04] Or I would go into the garage, chug a white claw, come back in, act like nothing happened. And Christy's the smartest woman I know. And she knew it right all over me. And she would say, were you just drinking out there? And I would say, no. She's like, how stupid do you think I am? Yeah. Like I can spell it right on you and I see the can. It's still in your hand. I'm just kidding. Because women are wise. Right.

[00:24:33] Can I ask, when you say like you're drinking, you would have like the white claw just to get you through? What does that mean exactly? Get you through what? Like. I would, to get me through really like the moment. I was, I still am sometimes, but I was always uncomfortable in my own skin. And I just wanted to like numb that. And I wanted to have a good time. I just wanted to have a good time.

[00:25:03] I didn't want to face emotions or I didn't want to face what was going on. If anything hard was going on at the moment, I just wanted to have a good time. That's it. That's all I cared about. And that liquid was a good time, even though all the consequences that came with it. But I said, if I can get to a point of drunkness where we're just having fun, I'm good with that. And let's keep it rolling.

[00:25:32] And at any time, did anybody in your family say anything to you about your drinking or try and help you or anything? Yeah, they did. But they weren't like really pressing on it. I think they were waiting for me to fall down a little bit more because during my heavy drinking, I was making great money.

[00:25:56] And I was to people on the outside that really didn't know me to the day to day. They could see like, oh, this guy's doing great. And it's all a facade. It's all fake. And if someone really knew who I was, they would be like, this guy's a loser. And not a loser, but like this guy, all he does is go to work and get drunk. What kind of life is that? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:26:24] You were functioning to some level of like, you know. Yeah. But I wasn't moving. I wasn't moving forward. I was stagnant thinking that I was successful. So my parents and family, they were concerned, but I would always just make our relationship not close enough to where I could really hear their concern.

[00:26:51] Well, I can say something if I see from outside, just knowing Johnny at that time, I will not think that he was a loser. I will think that he was a hardworking guy because even though that he was doing construction, he was working as a bartender too in a bar. People love him. I mean, he has something that people love it. It's his personality. It's the professionalism, how he works, how he prepares the drinks.

[00:27:21] It's just amazing to see him. I mean, seeing from the prospect outside, I will not think that you're a loser. I will think that you're a money. You're a guy who makes a lot of money. Yes. No doubt. Because it's one thing to tell you and what another thing to seeing how he was working, how elegant he was shaking those things and making the drinks and see the clients. They're so happy. And he was making a good money too. So I don't think people from outside.

[00:27:51] Because when I work in restaurants and hospitality and things of that nature, I thoroughly enjoy what I do. I enjoy serving people and knowing how to help them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I met you, I mean, very charismatic, you know, very well spoken. Wouldn't have thought two things, right?

[00:28:16] Because I saw you for what you were when you, you know, when you came to us and you greeted us. And like, but you know, we, with like mental illness and like drinking and things like that, like we can hide those things really well. As an extrovert, I had my, I hit my depression extremely well. Like nobody knew, but you know, the same goes for drinking. You can hide that.

[00:28:39] The thing is that, you know, when you're by yourself, that's when the demons all come back to you and you're like, what do I do now? Right. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. That's amen to that. Because when you are by yourself, when Christie's not here next to me, it's like, then I really got to think like what I'm doing. I got to make sure, okay, am I doing things that are right? Am I doing things that are good for me? Yeah.

[00:29:14] But yeah, just to finish up when to get to my rock bottom, really, it came November 19th of 22 and I kept drinks in my car and I would go out to my car pretending to go to my parents' house next door. And I would go quick, chug the drink in my car. And I was probably hammered. I don't even know, but I went back out there and Christie was in there.

[00:29:44] And I was like, oh no. And we were dating for a little while at this time. And she had my sister on the phone. And she basically just told my sister what's going on. And that was the first time that reality set in for anyone else besides Christie or my family members. They didn't really know the extent of it.

[00:30:14] And Christie's very honest. She just laid it all out. And I made a promise to my sister. I made a promise to Christie and I made a promise, most importantly, to myself that this is done. This is going to stop. And I'm tired of this. I don't know how to stop, but I need to figure it out. And I need, and this is not working for my life anymore.

[00:30:40] And Christie has heard this from me and from her ex millions of times. And she has a right to say, oh, right. Okay. We'll see. Of course. And I really wanted to do it. I really wanted to get sober and just move on from this point in my life. And I knew that moving down here to Georgia, I need this.

[00:31:10] This was a calling for me to do something great. And I'm going right back to the same shit that I was doing back then. And it will always come back and bite me. And I don't know what the heck's going to happen, but it's not going to be good. And I was, I really was tired of it. I was overweight. I was, I mean, it was crazy. And believe it or not, I haven't had a drink of alcohol since then.

[00:31:37] And I went immediately, I went to, well, Christie told me about AA. No, Al-Anon. Or Al-Anon, I'm sorry. And cause she did that. And for her ex, and that really helped with the mental shift of her mind to understand alcoholics. And another thing that she did to me that really helped me was she never judged me.

[00:32:05] She never said, I'm done with you because you drink. She never said that at all. She just said, she just separated herself and said, you can go sleep in the other room. If you're going to drink, you can drink all you want, but you can go sleep over there. And that hurt me a lot. Cause I was like, Oh my gosh, this is like, I don't want to sleep over there. And like, like how much of a, and I moved your things out. Yes.

[00:32:34] She moved my things out of the room. And I was like, Oh my gosh, this is horrible. Like, I love this woman, but like, I want, I still want to drink. And, but she showed me that like dynamic of, okay, you can drink. You just can go over there. And if you keep drinking, cause she knew I'm, I wasn't going to hurt her or anything.

[00:32:59] It was just like, I wanted to go have a good time over by myself, but I'm going, I'm going to separate myself from you. And that was a really touching thing that she did. And to not just totally discredit me and just disregard me. And that made me understand a lot about her as well. But yeah, so I started doing like zoom meetings for AA and I would take walks after dinner,

[00:33:29] do a zoom meeting with AA. Listen, I would interact sometimes. And the more I interacted, more healing I got. And then one of Christie's friends said, Hey, I go to an AA meeting down the road here. Maybe you can join me. And, um, I had no idea she was an alcoholic. I was like, Whoa, okay.

[00:33:54] And the first meeting I was there, I was in the beginners meeting and there was probably 10 people there. And we all went around in the circle and introduced ourselves and, and talked a little bit on the topic. And it was the first time I ever like spoke to other humans about my addiction. And that is the best way of healing is to speak it out loud and have others hear it.

[00:34:24] And that's the way that us humans can heal. And I started to kind of understand that and right that first meeting, I met someone from Chicago and accepted them as my sponsor. And we started going through the steps and I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but I was just in it. I was just in it, doing it. And that sponsor was fantastic for me to do that. And I did the whole thing.

[00:34:53] And the inventory, and I will continue to do it again. But I did a lot of healing through that. And it was, it's hard. It's really hard. And it's hard to face what is wrong with yourself other than drinking. Drinking is just, it accentuates your human defects.

[00:35:20] And once you can get to know yourself, get to know your emotions, get to know your human defects soberly, then you can really start working on yourself. And that's what that taught me. And that's what I continue. Now my mission is, I just want to help other people, the alcoholics of course, but especially people that are working in restaurants. That's their day-to-day life.

[00:35:50] They drink every day, every shift, and it happens in every restaurant. And that's the toughest part about it. But there's a way to function, even working in a winery, making wine without drinking. And being successful at it. There's a way to do it. And it's going to be okay. Now how long has it been you're not drinking?

[00:36:16] Now it's been, well, it's been like two years and like a month, two years and a month, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Congrats. Yeah, congrats. And Dirty Skittles can totally attest to the restaurant business and drinking because that's her early career. Yeah. I see a lot of parallels there. I mean, I can completely, I saw myself in your story in many different ways because I worked in a restaurant and in Boston, Massachusetts.

[00:36:45] I love that place still to this day, but I have bittersweet memories because working, I was a pastry chef and working there. I, from what I can remember, three months without a day off and you're working hard and I partied hard. Yeah. The harder you work, the harder you party. It was justifiable. It was justifiable. And, and everybody in the kitchen with me was on the same page.

[00:37:12] So it literally is, that is the environment. And I do have bittersweet memories of it because no, I don't want to completely discredit it all being a problem. Like, you know, I made friendships out of that, but it was a problem. You know what I mean? It was a problem. You should not be drinking as much as I was drinking. So yeah, I get that. I get that. And I, and I get the love of the industry too.

[00:37:36] So you're in your element and you're, you can't, if you love serving people and just being there, there's nothing wrong with that. It's the addiction part and, you know, masking what we're feeling by self-medicating on other stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I totally understand that. Oh yeah. Yeah. Being, getting to know who you are as yourself and being comfortable having conversations

[00:38:03] while you're sober and with people in a restaurant or a bar, having long conversations with people that are fun and it's fun, but they're sober conversations and I'll remember it. Maybe he won't, but still you can have a good time. Yeah. And you don't need to be drinking or you don't need to be drunk to have a good time.

[00:38:29] And you can still live a successful life, even more successful, um, with, without that crutch. Yeah. It's like when you start to have those sober conversations in that industry too, it's like there's more value there. Like there's feelings and emotions and like you're invested into what we're talking about and it's not just surface level of let's go party. And you know, who did what last weekend or I don't know. There was just, yeah, no, totally.

[00:38:59] Yeah. There's more to the story when you're sober and you can focus and be present in that moment. So I totally get it. Wow. I mean, congratulations. Here you are today. I would imagine it's, it's not like all of a sudden all that's done and you're, it's still gotta be work every day. And, and you. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:39:21] Cause I still keep, I have things that I need to work on for myself and I have problems with communication. Like I have problems with things that are more normal problems, I guess you could say, but it's things that I need to work on to be a better husband or a better person and be a better to provide for my family.

[00:39:49] And, but now I can really hone in on those things. And it's the more, I feel like the more I help others, the more it helps me. Yeah. There's beauty there. There's beauty in that. Yeah. That's life, right? Like it's, it's, I try to remind myself of that, right? Like if, even if I'm going through something hard and difficult, like I think something you and your ex have said multiple times is by talking about it out loud, getting it out

[00:40:18] there, there's like beauty there because it's painful and it's messy, but you're, you're here and you're able to be alive and do that work. So I think that that's, I commend you for your journey and where you are today, knowing that it's going to take every day to work on something about yourself to improve the quality of the life you have. And there's so many people I hope that are listening.

[00:40:43] And if they're feeling that like, they don't know how to not get out of this cynical cycle that they're in, what, whether it's drinking or any addiction at all, all you have to do is trust that God has a plan for you. And if you know what that, if you just put that trust in his court rather than your court, it will happen.

[00:41:12] Things will happen. And all you have to do is let go and trust that. Okay. I mean, I can do this. I'm powerful enough to do this, even though it's a lot of points. Maybe, maybe you don't feel like that. Yeah. So you want to, I was going to ask. So Johnny, like, what do you do for yourself now for like, for your mental health? Right.

[00:41:40] Do you, do you perform like self-love and self-care? Have you like set boundaries for yourself? Do you have like a certain routine that you go through each day? Or if you're into it, you kind of find yourself backed into, backed into a corner now. Like, how do you manage that without having to take a drink? Yeah, great question. I'm a very routine oriented guy. And I need a routine. That's just how I am.

[00:42:08] And my routine, I wake up, I drive my daughter with my dad to school. Then my dad and I go work out at the gym. Then after the gym, we come home, eat breakfast and do Bible study. And that, and we get an opportunity to talk. My dad is a amazing father and all he ever wanted was for us to be best friends.

[00:42:38] And that's what we are now. And it's like a beautiful thing. We can talk about things that we're both going through and we have that time together. And, and, and that's how I start my day every day. And I listen to podcasts like this one. I also, I have a reading that I read through my AA app and it's called everything AA.

[00:43:06] And it is more of like encouragement, devotion. And I really just, and then I go to work and then I come home to my wonderful family. And, but that first part of the day is super important to keep me on the right track. That's great. That's great. I love this. I love this. I love this. So I have a question. What is your favorite word?

[00:43:36] Oh, that's a great question. My favorite word. Probably. Love. Love that. And what's your least favorite word? At least favorite word would have to be. Eight. Yeah, that's a good one. I love that. Love this. I'm, I'm so excited. What do you have dirty skittles?

[00:44:05] I was just gonna say you read my mind. Cause I was like, I think we should ask our questions now, even though Christy's going to get like a little, she's going to have some time to prepare her answers. Normally we hit y'all with this, but I'm going to ask my questions. I think it'll just make sense for part one, part two. Okay. Johnny, if you could go back in time to younger version of Johnny and give yourself advice, what would you say to yourself? And how old are you when you go back in time? Oh, great question.

[00:44:34] I would have to go back in time to when I was 16 years old, right before I started dating my first girlfriend. And I would say, don't do it. I would say you're gonna, you're going to have a journey here that is going to be a profound

[00:45:01] journey and you're going to learn a lot, but don't forget who you really are. Don't lose that and don't fall away from the foundation that your parents have given you up to this point. And it's, I'm so glad that the Holy Spirit and God never forgot about me. And I still had that in me to know where I could come back to.

[00:45:31] And that I'm so grateful for a lot of people are never have that they never raised with that. And even if you weren't, that's okay. There's always, you got the rest of your life to figure it out. But what was the rest of your question? You answered it. You totally answered it. It was, it was basically, you know, what's your age when you go back and what would you tell yourself? So you nailed both. Go ahead.

[00:45:59] The last question for you is, what would you say, taking everything into consideration that we talked about today in your life, has been the hardest lesson you've had to learn? Hardest lesson? The hardest lesson, I would say, is that I'm not a normal person. I can't function like a normal person.

[00:46:24] And I need tools in my life to aid me in that. I can't. I have to accept that I can't drink like normal people. And that's a disease that I have. And I never wanted to accept that because I just thought this is what everyone does. But, you know, that's really the band. I learned the lesson of love.

[00:46:55] And the way Christ has shown me and the way Christy has shown me more importantly, she's the real life human angel here on earth. And I wouldn't be the same person without her. Oh, that's a perfect segue for part two, because we're yelling all about Christy. We are. I love the love here. So, guys, you have heard a little bit about my story and you have nothing.

[00:47:24] I got nothing compared to what my wife Christy has in store for you guys. So stay tuned for part two. My beautiful wife, Christy and her amazing journey. And I thank you guys for listening to me today. Thank you, G-Rex. Thank you, Dirty Skittles. You're amazing hosts, great questions, and much love to everyone. Thank you. Hi, all. Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

[00:47:53] I'm G-Rex. And I'm Dirty Skittles. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review this podcast. We'd love to listen to your feedback. We can't do this without you guys. It's okay to be not okay. Just make sure you're talking to someone.